Being is exhausting

[Thethisist]

Becca,

All is unfolding however it wants to over here. There is resistance that comes up with thoughts about things. I feel it in the body and it moves on. Sometimes I think there needs to be a plan or decision to do something about what is happening, but what knowledge would someone have to have to do that? A person would have to see everything and process all that was happening. No one can do that. Stacey's brain tries to make predictions and it seems very like an AI trying to process all of this sensory information and make it mean something. Being with family is an interesting challenge. There really won't be an end to the situation here but I'll be home tomorrow night if you want to inquire. Thanks for the email. I added it to my contacts.
On the human level, I'm really happy to have your support and I'm trying to receive it with grace but there is resistance to receiving help and support from anyone. I know that's all selfing stuff and we're not doing therapy but I wanted to paint the picture in case it helps.
Thank you
Stacey

[graceabounds]

:)

Yes.

There’s movement, sensation, thought, tenderness, confusion. all unfolding without a center.

I'm trying to receive it with grace but there is resistance to receiving help and support from anyone

How is this resistance known?

Is something missing that could be given?
or received?

[Thethisist]

Becca

There’s movement, sensation, thought, tenderness, confusion. all unfolding without a center.

There is resistance around the word confusion. The experience appears to have a center but it is everywhere. It is funny how it has to defy logic by its nature. So ridiculous.

How is this resistance known?

When an emotion is felt and traced to its source in the body there is a sensation of resistance or contraction.

Is something missing that could be given?
or received?

I can't see how that would be possible. There is nothing separate here that can give things to a separate other one over there.

Goodnight.
Relatively speaking,
Stacey

[graceabounds]

Hi Stacey,

I’m going to offer a series of questions now to uncover any remaining gaps in clear seeing. Look into each and continue to report immediately from the raw experience itself, not a concept or philosophy about it. :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

8) Anything to add?

In gratitude,
Becca

[Thethisist]

Hello,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

Not at all.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Everything is apparently moving because it seems to have a relationship with other separate objects, but when I feel into it there is stillness. There seems to have been someone born into a body with a brain and nervous system that had thoughts and responses that it feels the need to define itself by. There is nothing in the direct experience that has anything to do with a someone. Nothing in my direct experience sees a person at all that existed in time. The person exists in thoughts; she is a story or a dream.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

The direct experience is easier to notice and isn't so covered up with thoughts about it. There is less feeling a need to define things. Feelings like guilt, shame, anger are experienced as part of a story and if there is identification, it passes. I laugh a lot at everything happening.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look? Was there a moment of shift with a distinct before and after?

kind of. More like a bunch of little shifts. I was angry trying to find that there was a difference between myself and the squirrel and not finding anything. I felt like I had to be gaslighting myself but then really just stopped thinking about it and sat with my sensations. It was just still emptiness and this darkness that is also light and it felt soft and creamy and there was a closeness or a fullness. So all of it that was included in the movement was just seeming to be and there was no need to hold onto anything because the stillness can't be moved or changed or be anything or do anything, and when I feel direct experience- this is it, it is always there and it always has been there.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. Consider and describe each if these separately.

Decision- thoughts think they make decisions, but who could do that? It's the movement seeming to make decisions.
Intention- Everything wants to follow desires, there is not a separate person who can have intentions
Free will- thoughts think they have free will. My thoughts wonder if my blood cells conjure their own dramas as they are unconsciously driven around my bloodstream.
choice- who would make choices? I don't know the difference between a choice and a decision
control- just a thought that there is a person. Everything is being controlled by everything else but in experience there is nothing actually happening.

6) What makes things happen? How does it work?

everything apparently moves everything else but there is really no movement here because movement only exists in relation to everything else and that relationship is a thought.

7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

There can't be responsibility because nothing is actually happening.

8) Anything to add?

Nothing can change what is always here and will always be here.

[graceabounds]

Hello Stacey,

Beautiful. I and a few other guides read through your responses to all these and we are collectively satisfied… it appears the Gateless Gate has been crossed… but as you know there is no Gate, no one to cross it, and no end to the journey. ;)

Soon you’ll receive an email notifying you of a PM from the forum, inviting you to join LU's Facebook groups. It also has other information that might be of interest. Your username has already changed from green to blue and this thread will be moved to the ‘Archive’ section of the forum, but you will be able to access it.

The experience these past couple of weeks is just the beginning of exploring. It will also be the beginning of cleaning up of all sorts of old beliefs and habitual patterns of thought as has already been happening. This can be an emotional process and a nonlinear one. If you have any questions or hiccups at all, you are welcome to drop a line here or email me directly any time.

It has been a pleasure to walk beside you here. Of course it is not the end of our conversation. Here to support as things continue to evolve. Will send you a DM.

With gratitude and love,
Becca
🙏

[Thethisist]

Becca,
Yes, I received a DM with all of the resources and will start looking into that. Your guidance was perfect and I feel grateful to have gotten to have you as a guide. I'll be in touch.
Love,
Stacey