Rohit and Gill

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Rohit
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Rohit and Gill

Postby Rohit » Sat Nov 17, 2012 9:47 am

Gill Good morning Rohit I was thinking about you about half an hour ago :) I will now go and write and then copy and paste to avoid possibility of losing the text mid flow. Back soon - thank you. :)
October 21 at 5:07pm · Unlike · 1


Gill I have been on the ‘path’ (on and off it actually) since the 1970s when I was given a book called ‘In Tune with the Infinite’. Then in the 80’s following an acrimonious marriage breakup ‘A Course in Miracles’ found me and I experienced some wonderfully transcendent moments. Since then I have searched in all the usual ways ad nauseam), and the last 10 months have been very intense - hours of you tube, hours of self- inquiry – every morning, every night sometimes all night etc There have been some startling insights at times but I have come to realise that the ‘mind’ (the small ‘me’) is unable to grasp the big picture and can only break it down into fragments, try to make sense of it and then release it. So it seems there are bits of solved puzzle and bits of unsolved which are unknowable until they present themselves to be looked at.
I keep a journal of all realizations/revelations, out of body experiences, recently I was aware of having an itchy nose which I could have scratched anywhere in the room!! That was funny. I have dug into all my ‘life’ stuff. As an EFT Practitioner, I know that feelings and beliefs and thoughts are unreal – just look at them and poof they,re gone! I look for ‘me’ and its not there - I know that life is just happening, that there is only now, that each moment is dying to the next one. I know what I know because living it is a testimony to its truth every moment. However I still continue to question and search and this morning going through the process of self looking again, (I continue to do this process out of habit now perhaps or in case I have missed something) - again I did not find a ‘me’ but an infinite number of ‘me’s …… potentials possibly.
Then the neighbour starts banging again (6 weeks now of house renovations) I am mildly irritated by the noise but I keep forgiving him and myself). I get out of bed and the day starts and everything is unfolding beautifully – and I am here – but I am here drawn to you and I am not sure if there is something missing or if the habit of searching cannot be put down or if I am looking for a reflection. I sort of know that ‘this is it’ but I cannot say I am awake because how can something that doesn’t exist be awake or asleep? Thank you Rohit – if there is something to be dug out I trust you will dig with a sharp spade.
October 21 at 5:54pm · Like


Rohit "However I still continue to question and search and this morning going through the process of self looking again..."
Ok, if i tell you to find unicorn in the room, would you? No. Because you know it does not exist. so why YOU KEEP LOOKING for self???
" I sort of know that ‘this is it’ but I cannot say I am awake because how can something that doesn’t exist be awake or asleep? "
So what happened? What are you seeing now that you didn't see before?
October 21 at 6:26pm · Like


Gill Of course the searching is insane. Nothing happened - just a sort of fluctuation of certainty and uncertainty - like life testing itself - I know that thoughts will continue to arise (and feelings too) but they dont stick ...............
October 21 at 6:50pm · Like


Rohit you are very clear to me. :) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way,
shape or form? Was there ever?
October 21 at 7:05pm via mobile · Like


Gill No 'me' - just the concept of me - however I still have to fill out my tax form :) oh - and permission to to stop searching has arisen :) Very good <3
October 21 at 7:18pm · Like


Rohit Explain in detail what the illusion of
separate self is, when it starts and how it
works.
How does it feel to see this? describe in
detail. How would you describe it to somebody
who has never heard about this illusion but is
curious about it.
What was the last bit that pushed you over,
made you look? was there a specific moment
when seeing happened or was it gradual?
what exactly happened?
October 21 at 7:41pm via mobile · Like


Gill Just taking dogs out now - back presently to continue - thank you
October 21 at 7:46pm · Unlike · 1


Gill Explain in detail what the illusion of
separate self is, when it starts and how it works.

This is simply a case of mistaken identity. I say ‘simply’ - but to the mind that tries to perceive/comprehend it, it is very complex. Depending on which perception we look from – this separation either began millions of years ago or is happening in this very moment because every moment there is the opportunity to perceive differently or look again. The illusion of separate self is like an onion layered with conditioning as a result of the influence from others, parents, teachers, society, media etc. Somewhere in the dim and distant past (or a moment ago) we forgot who we are and we play the part of the unique character that we seem (inevitably) to become. This false self strengthens over time and develops highly ingrained personality traits. It experiences thoughts and feelings as if it/they were real. There appears to be a ‘person’ (ality) who ‘thinks’ they control their experience by reacting to these thoughts and feelings and acts out what seems like a very serious performance. The power of this separate self cannot be underestimated – it cannot be fought or reasoned with and it keeps you place by dangling a carrot and waving a stick (and that’s putting it very mildly) The good news is that when (like an onion) you peel away the layers – poof! – Nothing. At first this might not seem like good news but bit by bit there is realization that this is indeed good news When we look to see where this false self (aka ‘me’) is located and who and what it actually is – we are dumbfounded to realize that it cannot be found, that it does not have any inherent existence and it never did.
How does it feel to see this? describe in
detail.
My first experience of seeing through the illusion of the separate self was probably about 36yrs ago when I woke up one morning and could not find anything - no me – just a blank. However I didn’t realize what this was until very recently. I had a few experiences like this and I didn’t find it very pleasant to be honest. Prior to this when I was pregnant with my son (now 39) I had an experience in the dentist chair where I had a vision that the whole of life was a joke. I was not happy about it at the time – it felt very cruel.
That was then – this is now and the feeling upon seeing that there is no ‘me’ is simply relief. There are moments of joy but right now it is plain relief - oh and gratitude.
How would you describe it to somebody
who has never heard about this illusion but is
curious about it.

It is probably easier to describe what it isn’t rather than what it is but here goes.
My experience is that it is the most difficult and most rewarding thing one could ever embark upon but that there is nothing else worth looking into. I now see things as they are and not the way I thought they were. There are no bells and whistles, my head hasn’t blown off, I havn’t merged with the wardrobe – I have simply stopped arguing with what is and making judgements Its not all been plain sailing there have been times like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky when I have shouted for ‘tech support’ in the middle of the night ( I can laugh now)
I now see that everything is as it is and its all unfolding exactly as it ‘should’ be. By saying ‘yes’ to it all and by allowing everything to be as it is you cease to be an individual or personality so you kind of ‘disappear’ into the flow. Rather than being a victim of circumstance you become part of the unfolding – like taking your place in the scheme of things.

What was the last bit that pushed you over,
made you look? was there a specific moment
when seeing happened or was it gradual?
what exactly happened?
My ‘story’ is that I always felt a failure at everything. Never good enough, always having to prove something. This, inspite of having a degree and master practitioner in this and that. Always trying to find my place in life and yet when I came close to being accepted I would kick against it. Wasn’t it Groucho Marx who said ‘I wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member’? Well that was me. Lots of rejection and pointless approval seeking.
I wouldn’t say there was a specific moment – it’s been a painful and yet wonderful peeling away of the onion for many years. The first time I saw that there was no me it was like a bit of cold air passing over my left eye (weird I know) then for a split second I thought ‘shit’ – then I thought wow thank you!
Deep down inside there has always been this feeling that the world is ridiculous – it just doesn’t make sense at all. The more effort I put into things the more I failed . I would put more and more effort into trying to find my place in the world until about 9 months ago when I walked away from a well paid teaching job and decided to stop trying. So perhaps this was the tipping point. I stopped trying to fit in and started putting all my effort into seeking for myself instead. During this time I have had ‘information’ come to me – really simple answers to questions that popped up in the middle of the night telling me in no uncertain terms ‘This is IT’ and ‘The very thing you are trying to escape is IT’ and ‘It doesn’t matter what your mind does, the only truth is what is happening’ This was a conformation that I was on the right track. I stopped arguing with what is and I started ignoring my ridiculous thoughts and feelings and saying yes to everything and guess what – no suffering.
This feels like the start now not the end – stopping seeking and just allowing the life experience to unfold without interference from thoughts and feelings which now flow through without getting snarled up – gosh I knew this but I didn’t know I knew it. Thank you
October 21 at 10:29pm · Like · 1


Rohit some more questions:how can you be certain that seeking stopped happening and why?
How sure are you now that this is true?
How do you know there's no you?
So if the I/self doesn't exist, what is that thing that you call I that's saying it doesn't exist? What is it that knows I doesn't exist?
October 22 at 4:53pm · Like


Gill Good morning Rohit
how can you be certain that seeking stopped happening and why?
Seeking has given way to exploring. By this I mean staying with silence and allowing it to expand in awareness of itself.
There has been a consolidation during the last 24hrs during which the seeking was not present. Between 3am and 4am in the morning there was a kind psychic shower which seemed to be trying to destabilize the new found peace. There was also some physical pain with this. This all passed eventually. There is no certainty in anything so in answer to that question there is only certainty that there is no certainty. However there is ‘sense’ of certainty that deepens.
How sure are you now that this is true?
There is no seeking in the experience right now – that is all I can know to be true
How do you know there's no you?
I have searched for me and there is no me to be found. When something isnt there that is how it is known that it cannot be found
So if the I/self doesn't exist, what is that thing that you call I that's saying it doesn't exist?
There is no need of the word ‘I’ ( but there is confusion in verbal exchange if it is not used to describe experience or to communicate). Thoughts arise and personality is still present but these do not define ‘me’ because the me that was mistaken for something is actually nothing as in non-existent
What is it that knows I doesn't exist
Something knows – there is a knowing but nothing to know it – it could be consciousness or awareness or God or presence – just something and nothing ……..
And experience – life flows through without an ‘I’ concept absolutely perfectly – no interference from anything – a deepening and a falling away – this typing could go on……………..
October 22 at 5:45pm · Like


Rohit "there was a kind psychic shower which seemed to be trying to destabilize the new found peace."
Could you share a little more around that. What was kind in the seeming destabilizing? are you looking for peace?
why did you think there was a self? What thought there was a self?
October 23 at 5:00pm · Like · 1

Gill I am going to be working with Rohit on a one to one away

CONTD FROM via PM:

Rohit
see, there is a difference between believing into a belief of no self and to see if it really is true. You identify yourself with experiences. Look, if there is an experiencer separate from experience? Don't answer from your beliefs but answer what is really true.
8:46pm

Gill
there is an observable affect from experience - but I cant find an experiencer.......
8:51pm

Gill
who observes the affect? No one but its still seen......felt?
10:49pm

Gill
Ok - I just went to the supermarket - life is happening - what is called life is happening. Its happening without me telling it how to happen. Shopping is happening, cars are being driven. I was driving but not a 'me' becasue the driving was happening spontaneously. I did not think I must change gear now. No me driving - just happening moment by moment. Just come home - looked again for me - there is no me there is just life happening - I am part of life happening. Everything is sitting here just being life including me. I will be with this till you come back.
October 24
9:24am

Rohit
so, how is it going now?
October 24
3:02pm

Gill
Hello - not much sleep but all is good. I cannot and I or me - life is happening, banging next door is happening, the world is just as it is - meaningless actually. Thoughts still arising, movements happening without a control from a me. I am a puppet. This is a shift in perception and almost too simple. No identification with the fiction of me as a motherm or a daughter etc. Meaningless life just experiencing itself. Space where before there was identity. The shift was so small ?
3:03pm

Gill
2nd line should say 'find' not 'and'
4:25pm

Rohit
also see, what happens in the morning?
"I wake up"
is that true? Check your experience(that is
what is meant by LOOKING)
is there an I that
wakes up, then the recognition or thought of
an I happens a few seconds afterwards?
Which comes first? Why?
5:09pm

Gill
sleep state transitions to waking state - awareness of being - then thoughts arise from nowhere because awarenss preceeds thought. Thought arises in awareness not the other way round
October 25
3:29pm

Rohit

yes. Too conceptual. Ever considered that your logic can possibly be wrong? Drop all that, and simply look at how life operates to see if it happens with a you or not. Logically proving that there's no monster in a closet is worlds apart from opening the door and seeing that the closet is empty.
5:11pm

Gill

‘yes. Too conceptual. Ever considered that your logic can possibly be wrong?’
YES
Drop all that, and simply look at how life operates to see if it happens with a you or not. Logically proving that there's no monster in a closet is worlds apart from opening the door and seeing that the closet is empty.

This morning I woke up and the first thought that came was: so what IS real? What is the definition of real? If there is real then there must be unreal but nothing unreal can exist. So when the ‘I’ (which is unreal) starts looking for the ‘I’ that is unreal – then what is happening? Nothing – Who is looking? – no one. But I could still say I am. This shut the mind up for a bit.
Life is operating by itself. It doesn’t need me to operate – I look and see that. I don’t premeditate action by my body – it just does what it does.
5:12pm


Gill
There doesnt seem to be a monster or even a closet - or even a gate for that matter - what am I missing?
October 27
11:25am

Rohit
what happens when bad feelings arise? What are bad feelings ? Is there such a thing as awareness in which things appear? Does awareness actually exist?
October 27
9:45pm

Gill
what happens when bad feelings arise? What are bad feelings ? Is there such a thing as awareness in which things appear? Does awareness actually exist?
A thought arises in the awareness and attaches to something which we call a feeling and can seem to cause a bodily sensation. But it is an object with no substance and to look directly at it and allow it to be as it, it disappears back into nothing from whence it came. Things appear in the experience/awareness but this is not a personal awareness even though it might feel like it at first. Does awareness actually exist? Well there is a sense that I exist and when I look for ‘me’ I see that awareness is not something I possess but rather something that I am. Beyond that – right now……..???
October 28
4:04pm

Rohit
awareness is not something you are but something that is always there. What happens when you are sleeping?
October 28
8:13pm

Gill
ah yes - when I am sleeping I have no sense that I exist - I am not aware of being asleep only having been asleep. There have been times however when I seem to fall between sleep and waking states and experience floating about without a body - also a state where I seem able to control the dream experience
October 29
4:53pm

Rohit
what is aware of your dream experiences? sleep or awake, awareness is always there.Is there a self there which causes them, which experiences them? Or are they triggered automatically and happen to nothing?
7:19pm

Gill
lol - that last sentence made me smile :) Just looking back at your previous post where you said 'Awareness is not something you are but something that is always there' this seems to imply that I am separate from awareness - is this what you mean?
7:31pm

Rohit
there is nothing separate, what is this I separate from awareness?
8:22pm

Gill
Ha ha - :)
8:36pm

Rohit
so, what is true?
8:54pm

Gill
Truth is the absence of illusion - perhaps that sounds conceptual. The 'self' is not real - I cannot find the self and thoughts about the self are not the self so thoughts about everything else are unreal too. However mind continues to function in the awareness of no self. Mind is not showing any signs of shutting up or down right now but that is not a problem. Withdrawing attention from the mind and not feeding it, it recedes and I notice that life happens more smoothly without interference. All there is is what my senses perceive in the moment and even those are just perception - so actually nothing is true. It seems there is a background of truth with a foreground of habitual mind. There is definitely an 'emptying out' of self but and it is happening as it is happening - it is taking its own sweet course. I wrote a poem about it this morning - perhaps I will be moved to share it at some point :)
November 1
3:54pm

Rohit
Great. The 'I' thought will remain, it's just that there is no 'I' this corresponds to. Just check if there is an 'I' left somewhere. Check this in all your experiences. Challenge the 'I' each time it pops, look to see if it corresponds to something real.
4:22pm

Gill
Yes will do - I am checking contunually actually. Thank you :)
November 3
2:22pm

Rohit
so, how is it going?
November 3
8:53pm


Gill
Hi Rohit – it’s good. Noticing how the ‘I’ likes to pop up when I am around my mother (on-going work there). Being mindful and vigilant at all times and noticing when ego wants to jump in. Below is the rhyme I mentioned.
November 7
4:22pm

Rohit
What withdraws the attention from the mind?
5:41pm

Gill
Thats a good one - let me see - if my mind is running stories say about my mother - another thought arises that says it doesnt have to be like this and the story changes to no story - so mmmm something is drawing the attention away from the fiction.....

the attention is just food for the mind

.....the awareness comes and shines the light...... sorry this is clumsy but I wanted to do it now as it comes up

November 8
4:24pm

Rohit
Thoughts may arise- is there any thinker causing the thoughts to occur, anyone who is thinking the thoughts?
Sensations may arise- is there any sensor sensing these sensations, or just sensations arising?
Emotions may arise- is there a feeler feeling them, or just feelings arising?
Actions may be done- is there an actor doing these, or just actions being done?
4:50pm

Gill
No there is no one. Thoughts and sensations arise – they just arise – there is no one causing them – no thinker – and as pure thought they have no meaning - somehow meaning is given – this feels like a choice – but how is the choice made – there is no one to make it?
Actions are done yes but not by a doer – it’s just spontaneous action.
With the continual arising of thoughts comes the continual ‘need’ to reaffirm the above. If the small mind is finite then surely the opposite must be Mind as Infinite which can have no opposite since it is all there is. So is it a continual plugging away and emptying out/ignoring of the finite mind? There can be no sudden disappearance of the universe because the thing that craves the ‘enlightenment’ can never taste it – this has to die – but where are the lines drawn? If nothing exists and the thought is the same as the manifest – who decides what goes and what stays? – unless the body drops too.
4:51pm

Gill
and who is there to ignore it? No one mmmmm
5:04pm


Gill
And actually I don’t know anything – because there is no me to know it – there is only a mish mash of thoughts, feelings and sensations that arise ad nauseam. And thinking about the questions is just perpetuating the very thing I am trying to dissolve and thinking isn’t going to stop anytime soon. And who is the one trying to dissolve it anyway.
5:04pm


Gill
Not much peace in this :)
November 10
2:50am

Gill
Last night I read a fair bit of the Gateless Gatecrashers book and found it very helpful. I can see where confusion comes from past study of other teachers, methods etc. I had a quite profound seeing at around 4am in the morning - felt very good - but like an elastic band springing back into place there wasnt much left of it this morning although I have felt a definate movement but cant define it. I have started to watch the videos on you tube of the enlightenment quotes by LU. So I have gone right back to basics with this - a fresh looking :) Away on a training course for work tomorrow so will probably miss you - will report back Sunday probably. Thank you for your patience :)
Sunday
12:28pm


Rohit
do you see that there is "no-self"?
Sunday
4:48pm

Gill
Good morning Rohit - I see that there is no self - actually I cant see there is no self because there is nothing to see. I pretended that someone filled a fish tank with water and put no fish in it then asked me to go and find the fish. I stupidly went to look for the fish knowing full well there was no fish there and then it made me laugh because thats exactly what I have been doing all along. There is a tempatation to keep looking just in case the a fish appeared from nowhere - no fish - no spoon - no batman - no santa clause - no I - never was and never will be. I already knew but I had to just keep checking in case the fish was hiding lol
Monday
9:45pm


Rohit
Before/after.
What is self?
Where has it gone?
What is true?
Even when the frustration arises, is i still true.
9:52pm

Gill
self is a construct, not real - illusion. It hasnt gone anywhere because it never was in the first place. As for what is true - well only what the senses indicate (but other teaching would suggest that nothing is true and I cant prove that a chair is a chair anymore than a school is a school or I is an I.) Even when frustration arises it is still not true - it is only a thought and thought is not true.
Tuesday
10:23am

Rohit
you already see that thoughts follow each other in a string to get something done. Now is there an I directing that thought or is "I" just another thought that seems to have extra importance to it?

Take a deep breath, exhale. Relax. Sit back. And just look at what is real. Look at your surroundings. The sights and sounds, the smells, the feelings and sensations and the thoughts. Watch as they all do their thing. And see how there is nothing there making any of that happen. How too, there is nothing creating the thoughts and the feelings and the sensations; doing the seeing, hearing the sounds, beating the heart and pumping the blood, breathing in and out, scratching a nose, registering hunger or thirst. It all just happens.

Just as it always has. It actually is that simple. All that's necessary is to see that the belief "I am doing this" is just a thought, which itself is not being done by anything, but is just a product of a lifetime of conditioning and instruction.

An assumption. But the actual truth is that when you look at life, there is no discernible, identifiable 'thing' that does it.

It lives. Just like the 'it' in 'it rains'. There is no 'it'. Just living.
Tuesday
10:04pm

Gill
Yes it all makes sense (mind over-complicates). Everything is happening by itself - it doesnt need an 'I' or a 'me' to direct or make it function. A sound arises and then mind labels it - 'bell' then thoughts pour in and adds to the story based on memories - bicycle bell etc etc but really sound is just a sound without a title - until mind kicks in. 'I' is not causing the body to function - body functions are happening without an 'I' to direct them. It is not 'my' body - its only when 'I' arises that the sense of self kicks in. Seeing this does not stop 'I' arising nor feelings appearing in the awareness so vigilance is necessary and continual checking.
10:08pm

Gill
A movement happens - like scratching of head, shuffling in chair etc - and it just happens. When the process is watched carefully - movement happens - and there is a slight space - then mind comes in and labels it - same with waste basket - waste basket is seen - then mind kicks in - 'my wastebasket', my black wastebasket, bought from such a shop etc - until then it is just seeing - mind jumps in and claims it for 'me' and it is is then 'mine' etc etc
10:09pm

Gill
coreection - waste basket is just seen not seeing
The illusion of 'I' doesnt disappear - it is just seen through
Wednesday
9:26am


Rohit
" Seeing
this does not stop 'I' arising nor feelings
appearing in the awareness so vigilance is
necessary and continual checking." even when you are not vigilant and forget to keep checking, is it still true that there is no I?
Wednesday
4:15pm

Gill
Absolutely :) 'I' is not real - only a thought like any other
Wednesday
8:47pm

Gill

Hi Rohit - is there a way to move more quickly with this now?
Thursday
1:55am

Gill
Looking back over how this has gone I’m beginning to see where there has been confusion over the meanings of certain things. I deliberately didn’t read Gateless Gate or hardly any of the enquiries on the forum because I didn’t want to be influenced – I wanted to do it cold so to speak. Now having looked at the book and listened to the vids I see where the confusion lies. I think I mentioned back in the beginning that I came from ‘A Course in Miracles’ since 1986. The course teaches that ‘Nothing Real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God’.
From the perspective of this enquiry what is perceived in direct experience is classed as ‘Real’ and this is where the confusion has been. Ilona herself says ‘We just need to be clear at this stage and make sure that a hand is a hand and not on the same page as the unicorn’. This feels to be the fundamental flaw in this exchange? All the stuff about perception and conditioning I studied in NLP many years ago so it all makes perfect sense – its all just plain logical that we are only a story – I have been teaching this in my own workshops for a long time. Previously in our conversation I said ‘Am, I missing something’? Well this is what I have been missing. Ilona also says ‘With pure intention it takes a couple of days’. It stands to reason that there is no separate self – I have seen this all along – it was just the clarification of what you were calling ‘Real’ and my understanding of it that was the problem. So where do we go from here – do you want me to go through the questions again?
Thursday
8:55am

Rohit

Yes...I would ask you to answer the following questions. Thank you :)
1) Is there a 'me', at all, anywhere, in any way,
shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of
separate self is, when it starts and how it
works.
3) How does it feel to see this? describe in
detail.
4) How would you describe it to somebody
who has never heard about this illusion but is
curious about it
5) What was the last bit that pushed you over,
made you look? was there a specific moment
when seeing happened or was it gradual?
what exactly happened?
6) When you say "I", what are you referring
to?
7) Is there an experiencer experiencing, or is
there only experience?
Actually look. Does experience belong to the
body, or does the body belong to experience?
8 ) What did you experience at the moment
you awoke?
9) Describe your experience in the hours and
days following awakening

Thursday
2:54pm
Gill Lucas

Before I do I just want to say that this has caused confusion: on the LU video no 03 the voice says: ‘Thoughts are real – the thinker is not real’ then at 11.00: ‘The thoughts are just thinking’ – then at 15.53 ‘Thoughts cannot think’
If the thinker is a thought and ‘I’ is a thought how can thoughts be true?
Surely its ‘thinking’ that is real – not thoughts. ??

2:55pm
Gill

Sorry its number 04 Direct Experience

4:02pm
Gill

Explain in detail what the illusion of
separate self is, when it starts and how it works.
As human babies we are born without a sense of self. We experience only through the senses, seeing, hearing, touching etc, and we respond to bodily sensations, crying for food or drink or when in pain or discomfort. Through the way we are taught to interact by our parents we develop a sense of separate ‘I’ and ‘other’. Thoughts arise and label objects – then bottle becomes ‘my’ bottle, ‘my’ mother and so on. Thoughts give rise to feelings and emotions which serve as a lens of perception through which stories about the objects are fabricated. This perspective remains unchallenged and corroborated by significant others and the ‘outside world’ thus perpetuating the myth of the ‘separate self’ – the illusiory ‘I’

How does it feel to see this? describe in
detail.
It feels good to see this, to cease asserting an identity which when looked for is seen to be total fabrication. There is an inherent peace in this seeing and a feeling of spaciousness which is hard to define.
How would you describe it to somebody
who has never heard about this illusion but is
curious about it.

Anyone curious about deconstructing the separate self needs to be more than curious if they want to do this LOOKING. Anyone determined to find out the truth must look within and into the direct experience ( with the help of a guide perhaps). Drop all previous concepts and beliefs about what this might lead to and be persistent and specific. Do you really want to know or do you just want to be in a seeking process?. Be prepared to do whatever it takes. It can be a rough journey.

What was the last bit that pushed you over,
made you look? was there a specific moment
when seeing happened or was it gradual?
what exactly happened?

Working with LU has brought everything together but not before I had to do some serious dropping of unexamined beliefs about what ‘I thought’ I understood about some of the terminology (see previous)
The determining point came with a trip to the supermarket, just driving and noticing life happening by itself, driving happening, gear changing just happening, shopping happening. An opening up happening.
Going back to basics and doing the enquiry in all its aspects thoroughly, questioning everything looking, looking, looking and being vigilant for been drawn into mindless fiction. Looking at direct experience for proof that corroborates the truth rather than the lie. This is an ongoing process.
When you say "I", what are you referring
to?

Saying ‘I’ is just a word – it points to nothing but still can be used.

Is there an experiencer experiencing, or is
there only experience?
There is no experiencer just experience. No doer, no thinker, no seer – just what is happening.

Actually look. Does experience belong to the
body, or does the body belong to experience?

There is no experiencer – this means the body does not experience anything. Experience does not belong to the body, it belongs to experience – even then experience only is.

What did you experience at the moment
you awoke?

There was not a specific moment as such (see previous)

Describe your experience in the hours and
days following awakening

This is more a clarity in seeing than what I would call awakening. I feel I am waking up in stages – there is always further to go. I have seen through the illusion of the false self and this changes the perspective from which I live now. There is a spaciousness opening up like a flower or the sun rising somehow. I look at what is and know that I am not bound by the rules anymore even though the rules are still the same. Things unfold perfectly and there is no good or bad – its just the way it is.
Life is happening without ‘me’ and this absence of me spreads out and deepens. Even though ‘I’ can still arise, it does not swamp me – the spaceousness is bigger than the little me. Feelings and emotions still arise but they dissipate more quickly, they do not stay and stick and no longer cause problems and projections and stories.
I do not feel the need to push myself forward anymore and there is no need for anxiety because now I know that everything is working exactly as it is – and that is perfect.

Friday
9:20am
Rohit

Thoughts, feelings and sensations are real but what about its content? Does it point to something real?

9:27am
Rohit

It seems to boil down to one simple but
crucial mistake: we believe what we call “I” to
be real.
In reality it is only a moment-to-moment
identification with the body-mind
construction. One thinks a thought, and that
thought immediately resounds through the
body as a feeling. It doesn’t matter what
thought that might be.
Thoughts that occur that are harmless,
passive as it were and do not create this
illusionary “I” could be:
I am thirsty, I am hungry, I want a walk, I like
the sun, I am conscious.
Damaging thoughts that do create the sense
of “I” could be:
I am unworthy, I am the contents of my mind,
The world is a dangerous place.
Automatically on thinking these thought there
will arise a feeling that will give these thought
a greater reality: a reality that you feel. There
are composite thoughts and root beliefs, but
it all comes to the same thing: Thoughts
depicting and creating who you believe and
feel yourself to be.
Now who are you when you are not
thinking? Obviously the same as when you
are thinking. So what happens? Simple: you
believe that what has arisen in the body as
thought and feeling to be who you are. This is
also a thought and it of course validates itself
merely because you believe it to be true. This
is the process of identification that creates
the illusion of “I”.

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