I can't quite get "there"

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cummins55
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I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Sun Sep 30, 2012 6:53 am

I meditate and meditate. Read and Read. Listen and listen. My meditations as of late have been as tho I'm "there" but it doesn't last. Can you help? Can you help awaken me from the dream of separation. Show me I'm really not here. Show me I'm seamless.
thank you

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Oct 01, 2012 7:53 pm

Hey Linda,

Nice chatting with you the other night. I can help if you'd like.

I see you have also posted in 3 on 1. If you want that we can go there and I can call someone else to the thread.

If you would like 1 on 1, we can do that here. You just can't do both though.

If you accept me as your guide, I only ask that you post everyday, and stop reading spiritual material including other threads on this board, watching videos, reading spiritual books, etc. Just until inquiry is finished. I also require 100% honesty and detailed answers. We ask the questions, you answer them. Sound ok? :)

If accepted, will you please list your expectations for this process in some detail?

Love,
Jeff

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:01 pm

THANK YOU!
I been following the idea of "no one home", in my head anyway. I've been observing it as if. "Fake it till you make"
I am fearful, to be honest. I been hiding for so long and NEVER have I been honest, which is survival for some level of unaware existence. But I don't know nothing really!!
O.k. Let's do one on one and only because I have co-dependent issues, haha.. I saw some of the three on one posts and I might be overwhelmed. ok, no reading or watching.
I expect: Silence, to be ok with silence and calmness. Not to be driven anymore for the spiritual awakening. To notice life flow thru me and around me and make peace with what is. I have problems with my mother, I would expect with awakening I would have more compassion with her. I want to love her. Or be free from the desire to love her. I expect that. I expect freedom from desire. Freedom from boredom. To be at peace with people and all there insanity. I expect to not be afraid. I expect to be REALLY able to help someone when needed. And I expect things will change. Ok that's it, I think I got it all. Thank-you so much Jeff.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:23 pm

Sounds good. ;)

So if I said, that which you think you are is just a ghost that a meat computer creates, and actually not a real, tangible thing, what would you say?


Please answer in detail.

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 12:08 am

That would make me empty. Void, I'm not here. I would be watching the body move, and everything else, with another force moving it. I wouldn't know where I am. I wouldn't understand why I'm here. It would be like Twilight Zone. Like I was a ghost and God doesn't know about me. I'm alone. I feel suspended. Eternal. There's no starting or ending. It's like a dream I can't wake up from. I can't connect with anyone. No emotion. What will be next. It's pointless.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:43 am

Great sharing! Let us start with simple exercises:

Look at your cup, is it a your cup or is it a cup? What makes it a my cup?

Look at your computer screen. Where does seeing end and screen begin?

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cummins55
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the cup

Postby cummins55 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:46 am

It's just a cup. It becomes my cup because it serves me. There's fluid in it that is for me, my cup holds my fluid.
When cup is empty it is just a cup and no longer serves me it is just a cup.
Looking at the computer screen and wondering where seeing ends and screen begins makes me feel like I'm being pulled into a vacumn....The screen in one dimensional....begins with me and ends with me.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:06 am

So when you wait on customers, are there points when you feel completely on automatic? As if life is moving through you? Have you noticed that what is wanted is only what is difficult? Have you had points where you couldn't remember extended periods of time, like while you were busy waiting on many people at once for a period? Have you noticed that very few mistakes, if any are made during these periods of the business, running you?

Please explain in detail.

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 6:06 pm

VERY INTERESTING. The only thing that come's up is a "knee jerk" reaction to things, a sense of urgency, that I take pride in BTW. So being on automatic I can't say I notice. Unless the days where time goes by quickly. But now that you mention it, the days when I don't think about doing a real good job, things go well. But the days I think "today will be a good day" it never fails something goes horribly wrong. When that happens I always think I got too proud and the Universe is proving me wrong, prideful, willful. I never considered when business running me. I will now! I never notice life moving through me. I always feel like life is happening to me. That's where I have to work hard on making peace with what is. And I fail. What I want is most difficult. Being at peace with customers, co-workers....and mother. I'm going to school at night. Whenever I think I'll ace a test, I never do. School is difficult. I'm never on automatic at school. I consider the job a "no brainer" cause I been doing it for so long. School I have to come up with new synapsis's's's.

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Wed Oct 03, 2012 7:43 pm

This is a simple exercise. Try to be aware of your walking, breathing, and movement today. Notice how it becomes automatic, when attention leaves it. Notice how there is no *me* required in walking. Also, the next shift you work, notice how words flow effortlessly, as if it is not *you* who is saying them, but rather, the words are flowing almost without your permission. See if there is a *me* required in talking, breathing, talking, working. These *knee jerk* reactions..Look at them, try to control them. While you are at it, try not to imagine a tiger's face.

Do not visualize a tiger's face.

Please respond to all of this content.

Order in.

:)

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Wed Oct 03, 2012 10:24 pm

ha ha ha
When you said "try not to imagine a tiger's face" I went to, if I look grouchy at work. You know grrrrr. Or I'd be concentrating so much I'd be making a tiger's face. Anyway I work again on Friday. And I will do that. I have school tonight so I will be noticing things I do automatically. This is a tough one. I've heard all my favorite spiritual authors speak of these things. But I did'nt think I could ever get the concept unless I was awakened, like that was part of the deal. ok here goes.....(will my hand hit the sub

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:49 am

I don't know what to say about noticing I'm on automation. Cause I'm on automation. I am more aware of my movements just moving without me at all. I'm being breathed. I guess if I really get into it I just surrender. Cause it's the meat suit. It's all impersonal. So, and I mean no disrespect, can I pray to the meat suit? It was just something I thought of as the meat suit drove me home after class. I feel vibrations with these exersises, it's like I'm moving very fast, only breifly. Anyway the meat suit is going to put me to bed now and I'll meditate 1st and then sleep, hopefully the meat suit will see fit to give me a good nights sleep.
good night Mr. Dilbeck's meat suit

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jeffdilbeck
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby jeffdilbeck » Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:21 am

When it is sleepy time here, laying down happens and seeing stops for a time.

The meat computer decides what you think you decided to think. (re read if needed)

It is a mind/body. That which is called Linda.

The thought *I* comes through this.

You are right, it is completely impersonal. :)

Look at the device which you are communicating with me on. Where does *you* end, and it begin in feeling. Not in thinking.

In direct experience, try to feel the edge between perception of self, and perception of screen this is being read on.

Is there one?

Tell me, like I am in elementary school, what is felt.

:)

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:26 pm

The only thing is eye's looking. It begins with my eyes and ends with what I'm looking at. Perception of self is all the stuff I named, my dresser, my closet, my room. If I was in a coffee shop, perception of self would be the coffee shop I chose. If I is a body/mind named Linda and linda is being programed by meat suit than why am I seeking after this? I'm seeking after the truth and all I am is carbon? I feel dizzy. I feel empty. I feel like I got allot of space. I don't feel anything.

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cummins55
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Re: I can't quite get "there"

Postby cummins55 » Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:28 pm

So I'm driving around with my daughter and got kind of an anxiety or panic attack cause I'm vapor. And then I got to wondering if the meat computer/suit is loving. Does it love me? Cause if the meat computer programed my life, he\she wasn't too kind. And it's been consistant.


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