Relationships

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:55 pm

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
The way I understand it is that the idea of ​​a separate self was born and exists because of my parents. They called me their child, they gave me a name, they told me "you're a girl", "you are", and after a while I thought "I am", "I'm something different from the others". And I began to believe that..

What are you looking for at LU?
I need a different perspective, a different perspective on things, because I've been feeling very "buried" for a while. I want to expand my consciousness, to open it...I feel a little lost in this world

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
My expectations are to receive unexpected questions. I expect to feel different, to review my beliefs and convictions about myself, others and reality. I expect to change my ideas, my attitudes, to see beyond what I know. I expect to remember ...

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I don't have much experience. I have tried yoga, relaxation, meditation. I am a psychologist, I attend psycho drama classes.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

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Jadzia
Posts: 2065
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:12 pm

Hi Kaliva,

I am Jadzia and I am guiding here, if you like we can share part of the path and have a walk through the topics offering themselves and a close look at what this self thingy is or isn't.
I need a different perspective, a different perspective on things, because I've been feeling very "buried" for a while. I want to expand my consciousness, to open it...I feel a little lost in this world
Might sound weird but this actually is quite a good starting point. :-)
I expect to feel different, to review my beliefs and convictions about myself, others and reality. I expect to change my ideas, my attitudes, to see beyond what I know. I expect to remember ...
These are quite realistic expectations, just remind yourself that it might come in a different way than expected.

Love,
Jadzia

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Thu Jul 30, 2020 8:23 am

Hi, Jadzia! Thanks for choosing me! I will be glad if you take me on the way to the Gate.
Love, Kaliva

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Jadzia
Posts: 2065
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Thu Jul 30, 2020 10:08 am

Beautiful.
Then let's start our chatting about this and that.... ;-)
I need a different perspective, a different perspective on things...
That what will certainly change is the perspective/overview.
So tell me, what do you think is wrong with your perspective right now?
What would you like it to be?

Love,
Jadzia

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Thu Jul 30, 2020 3:35 pm

The problem with perspective now is that I only see the tip of my nose, which is unhappy. I am focused on missing things instead of what I have. I feel emptiness in myself when I'm not in an intimate relationship. I'm waiting for someone to make me happy and I don't like that. I don't see how interesting the world is. I imagine the new perspective like this - I am calm, satisfied with what I have, regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not.

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Jadzia
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Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Thu Jul 30, 2020 3:59 pm

Let me see if I get it:
You want to broaden your perspective so that it can encompass more. What exactly should be more of?
There are strong wishes and strong convictions what and how something has to be, like one should be in a relationship or that you are not enough for making yourself happy.
So far, right?

These are sentiments, beliefs, judgements which pop up in thoughts and there seems to be a strong belief into that what thoughts 'say'.
Like when it appears in thought it is like this.
Is it so?

Start to watch/observe your thoughts like an explorer, as if you would know nothing about thoughts and their content at all, never encountered these thingies. Take a completely fresh look and keep in mind that there is nothing carved in stone, permanent, unchangeable.

Share what you find.

Love,
Jadzia

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Thu Jul 30, 2020 4:51 pm

Ok, I will try and share. Thank you.

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:41 am

Hello again! My experience with observing thoughts had an effect. I felt very strange, because I immediately felt relief, lightness. But in the morning I have physical symptoms of anxiety that are harder for me to deal with. I tried the same thing - to observe them impartially and it also works. I try to practice this every time I feel anxious and sad. I will continue to do so in the future. I want to tell you that at times it becomes very funny for me to realize what stupid thoughts I have and that I really do not need them :)))

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Jadzia
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Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:31 am

Well done.
Observing thoughts helps a bit to distance one from them and the story they tell, that can be felt as relief and lightness.
Observing emotions and the whirl of thoughts happening at the same time means allowing. Emotions are acting as sign posts, like a "Stop, here is something. Wanna have a look?" They just need what you did, allowing them to be, noticing them and no judging. We all have learned that some thoughts, some emotions are ok others not, with some of it we simply don't want to deal with, but whatever you shove aside will walk behind you. So just looking at anxiety and allowing it was a very smart thing to do.

Yes, when we observe thoughts we find a lot of them, appearing, disappearing, covering all kind of topics. And we sure find thoughts judging thoughts like, smart thought, daft thought, exciting thought, terrifying thought and many many more judgements, apart from all the judgement of everything else, lol.

In thoughts you will find the Kaliva story with all its different aspects.
For now have a look at the Kaliva story woven by thoughts.
What thoughts are easy to 'listen' to, what thoughts have a strong pull?
Do you get any idea by looking how the story is woven, the story of a separate entity, sort of connected to everything but still different and disconnected.
Do this in the same way you did last time and this time add compassion and again lots of curiosity.

Love,
Jadzia

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:23 pm

Thank you, I will write you soon. Love, Kaliva

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Sat Aug 01, 2020 1:50 pm

I'm sorry, but I'm not sure if I should share the "story of Kaliva" after that? Or should I trace these connections (between thoughts and story) to myself?

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Jadzia
Posts: 2065
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:01 pm

What thoughts are easy to 'listen' to, what thoughts have a strong pull?
You can share examples for thoughts but you can also share the categories of thoughts.
We are a bit in the focus one might have in a literature lesson talking about a book asking questions like: What makes the character believable? How is this done? How did the author build up the tension? and so on.... We are sort of interested in the mechanics of the story.

Love,
Jadzia

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Sat Aug 01, 2020 2:09 pm

Ok, I get it. Thanks.

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Kaliva
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:52 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Kaliva » Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:50 pm

I notice that the strongest and easiest thoughts for me are the anxious thoughts .. As if something is wrong, something is unfinished, something is missing ... Especially when I am alone .. then these thoughts make me sad and I feel like a small child, lost and unloved ... I realize that in reality this is not the case, that I am not a child, that there is nothing bad and scary in my life, but it does not always help. It's like a habit, I think this way so easily, it happens so automatically ...

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Jadzia
Posts: 2065
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Jadzia » Sun Aug 02, 2020 7:49 pm

I realize that in reality this is not the case, that I am not a child, that there is nothing bad and scary in my life, but it does not always help. It's like a habit, I think this way so easily, it happens so automatically ...
You found out some interesting and helpful stuff about thoughts.
They are not always true, meaning they not always depict that what is there in the moment. But still here they are telling how you suposedly feel and again and again they tell what and who you are. They tell you what it is you see, hear and so on.
How credible are thoughts? Does one have to believe each and every thought?
Is that what they tell about the Kaliva character true or merely guessing or an assumption or just an offer/sugestion? Often? Mostly?

And yes, thoughts are habitual, and they simply happen, automatically.
Does one choose thoughts? Can you pick what to think?
How often does the same stuff appear in thoughts?

Let this circle a bit and go on observing how thoughts weave the story. Be on the look out for recurring thoughts, those which feel like being recycled again and again.

Love,
Jadzia


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