Truth and Freedom

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Fri Jul 31, 2020 9:49 pm

Thanks Ilona.
Sense of being is sense of being, does it need to be called anything? Does sense of being needs an identity? Or can it simply be?
I love this. Yes of course it can simply be. No identity needed, in fact it's freedom from identity.
Then what is that needs an identity? What is that feels naked, unsafe without an identity?
It's the story of Claire.

What is that is holding on to idea “I am in the body”?
This is more difficult. Don't I use all the senses in this body to experience? There is definitely a sense of location - where this body goes, I go. What this body senses I am aware of. If I'm not IN this body then I'm certainly connected to it in some way.
When the body dies, does a story die too?
Hmm, I keep rewriting my answer to this question. My first instinct was to say yes the story of Claire dies. However the story of Claire is a fantasy anyway. Even after the story of Claire is seen to be a fantasy, this body and this sense of being continue. But at some point this body will die, does the sense of being end there too? I have no way of knowing.

Much gratitude x

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:01 pm

Thank you for reply. Let’s explore, how you are connected to the body?
I just released a new video, watch it and take your time to examine how YOU see the body. Write what you notice.
Are you connected to the body?
https://youtu.be/hUZdval8UM4

With love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Tue Aug 04, 2020 10:08 pm

Hi Ilona,

Thanks for your reply and for the link to your videos. I watched 'mind movies' a couple of weeks ago and loved it, but hadn't looked at the 'sense of being' series before now. I've now watched them all through once and am really excited about them. You've got such a lovely energy and a great delivery of this difficult to describe topic! I'm a psychotherapist and believe that the way you have presented this series would be so beneficial to many of my clients.
You've covered so much of what we've explored here and gone into more depth which has been really helpful to me. I particularly liked the video about mind, though have found all of them useful.
I can already see a change in perception about the body, but would like another day or two to explore this further and write my response if that's ok with you?

With much gratitude x

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Sat Aug 08, 2020 6:23 pm

Hi Ilona,

Hope you're well. Well I've had plenty of time to explore my connection to the body. I've written these notes over a few days so they may sound a bit disjointed.

I've explored the sensations of 'the body'. Realised that the sensations don't have an outline. They just spread out endlessly. I can witness the sensations. I am not in the sensations. I am everywhere. I am that which the sensations appear in.

Feelings seem to be held in the body. They fuel a sense of attachment to the body. Beginning to actively look for and put attention on these feelings, without language. Previously unconsciously avoided, resisted these feelings/contractions. Or overanalysed. Have felt a huge release. It feels like if I continue to invest time in releasing these emotions which have been stored in the body over all these years, then my attachment to the body will lessen.

Eyes and looking seems to be a bit of a sticking point. They give me a sense of location. Although also am aware that they are simply a tool for gathering raw data, which is then coloured by the mind. I've looked at the sensations of the eyes and within the head and am clear that I am not in them.

I decided to look again at the 'real me'. I've had several glimpses/experiences of this throughout my whole life, but no understanding what it really was. I've realised that the separate self or the mind has attached images to it. Very subtle images and feelings. It's attempted to make it into form. However, I'm starting to see that this sense of being has no gender or shape. It is impersonal, implying that it is not solely connected to me. I'm starting to really see that it is universal and the one consciousness. That it has been the seed within me all along, that it is present in every experience. And further, that it is present in everyone's experience.

I'm connected to the body because this is the vehicle through which I can experience life. However I'm not physically connected to the body at all. I feel very lucky to be have been blessed with this body, and feel an urge to care for it better and love it more than I have done in the past.

Despite these profound realisations, this knowledge feels like it has not completely sunk in as yet. I have to keep reminding myself of what I've discovered.

Much gratitude x

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Mon Aug 10, 2020 1:24 pm

Wonderful, thank you for describing what you see.
Can you truly believe that you are a separated from life, from the whole entity with its own show, that is independent of what is happening around?
Is there a possibility for something to be separate from life?
And what is not happening on automatic, by itself?

These are some questions for you to explore.

Love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Thu Aug 13, 2020 2:17 pm

Hi Ilona,

The last few days I've experienced strong resistance - distraction, boredom, doubt, fear, confusion, frustration. My perspective seems to be constantly changing. I can go from experiencing peace and contentment to negative emotions in the blink of an eye. Every time I think that I need to write this response I feel lost and like I've gone backwards, that I just don't know what you're talking about anymore, that this is pointless. OR I decide to write about all the negativity I'm feeling and suddenly feel completely different, am totally aware that it was the ego talking and feeling all of this negativity, and that actually I feel wonderful.

Again I feel like I'm missing something vital. I've become aware of expectations concerning enlightenment. I'm expecting/hoping for/needing some tangible shift to occur. NOW! On the other hand I'm aware that this process cannot happen over night. Aargh! Backwards and forwards.
Can you truly believe that you are a separated from life, from the whole entity with its own show, that is independent of what is happening around?
I can see that as a biological organism this body and all bodies are simply part of life, like all the individual birds or trees etc.
Every form is interdependent. My body depends on the sun, the atmosphere, the trees, the whole ecosystem. It is all part of the whole. All made of the same thing. Tiny cells densely or loosely packed together, made of life itself. Interconnected.

Is it fair to say that we all start off as the same thing? The seed of life in each and every one is the same, but dependent on conditioning (genetics, upbringing, etc.) will grow into a unique being?
And what is not happening on automatic, by itself?
Although I can see on one level that we can't choose our thoughts (otherwise we would never choose negative thoughts) it's hard for me to accept that something isn't making the decisions. E.g. sometimes I can start thinking about something, realise that it is not a useful train of thought, so stop myself thinking about it. It's possible that the whole process is just happening without any control by me, but it doesn't feel like it.
Also it leaves me confused about this enlightenment journey. Why is it all happening? If everything happens by itself then why do I need a guide, or to constantly be consumed by the topic?
I've had so many insights over the past few months. Huge potentially life changing experiences, however essentially nothing has changed. I feel disheartened. I'm doubting the experiences. Despite feeling really excited just last week after watching your videos, I've started finding myself slipping back into old habits which I dropped when I first found this subject, such as wasting time playing meaningless games on my phone. It's like I got really close to something but now something in me has given up. The sense of control comes in when I ask myself 'should you not be doing something more useful instead?' It feels like I have to make myself stick with this subject at the moment. I'm feeling bored with it all. I'm thinking very familiar thoughts like 'you're never going to get this anyway' and a sense of despair. I'm tired. If I come from the perspective of 'I have no control' it all seems pointless and I think I'm obviously not supposed to get it anyway.

Why would all of this be happening automatically? Or why would I be choosing these thoughts if it isn't automatic? Neither makes sense to me.

That's just a small insight into the state of my mind at the moment! Hope you can make some sense of it!

With much gratitude x


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