I love that. Why did'nt I think of that yet. It is a little bit embarassing, as this is exactly the quality that I have, when shifted. But yet, I did not look for the quality, but pressed for the shift. Maybe that did unintentionally stabilize the shifted-notshifted dichotomy.and treating them afresh, as if they were somewhat a mystery
I had that topic with Sioned before, as he asked me if I "dispise" the "normal". I must have given an intellectual answer without realizing it: like, no no it is the same - normal and shifted. But that did not come from direct experience, but from thought (currently I do not reread my posts - must be totally embarassing the flip flop and fervor of conviction).
hmm... This is a strange topic to look at and think through. Disorienting and full of thought. Doing it in such a way, it quickly gets much too complicated with normal and shifted perspectives and watchers and immersion and filters and whatnot.
Had a interesting Visual:
Like if you are on one side of a bridge you look to the other side. You want to go over the bridge to the promising other side, everything is different and new on the other side. So you go over. You look back and have a moment of finally being on the other side, yeah cool. Then you realize, shit the other side is over the bridge, I am stuck again on this side. But it is the other side which is promising and fresh and new. So you go over the bridge to the other side. Yeah, made it to the other side, then you realize, shit, I am again here on this side, the other side is over there ...
At some point somebody says: "wow, seen you walking over the bridge, I also enjoy bridgewalking a lot, what a fun it is."
You: "Huh? What? Wait a minute. Damn you are right."
You both do some bridgewalking, later you sit down to do some fishing, then you jump in the fresh river for a swim.
So the exercise:
First time doing the exercise was yesterday, before I read your post. Was at exactly the time you were writing the post (strange). My partner came into the bathroom and I was looking at her talking to me and asking me about something. First it was quite distanced, separated, like looking through an invisible bubble. It was fresh, or better: different, yes. But a bit uncomfortable. Not connected. Her words did not make much sense. Then there was a bit of wondering, positive emotion and I liked what I saw. Then she realized that I am different and asked me what it is, that brought "Me" back.
Then I read your post and it was a bit a heureca moment. Immediately I realized that this quality is everywhere. Looking for that quality (fresh and wonderous) it is easy to glimpse and very relaxing. Like: [looking] ahhhhh, no need to stress out, the quality is there. [Looking again] Yep still there. [looking again] Ok still there, ok ok. [looking] well, still there, seems to be trustworthy [relax a bit] etc. etc.
Today I was shifting much more often, than in the last 2-3 weeks. Each time I remembered to look for the quality, it shifted.
Had a good home schooling (corona) morning with my daughter. She also realized "it" (that I am looking) and reciprocated with fun laughter and joy. Was quite fun really.
Third exercise was with my partner today. I tried to look for the quality. But it was quite unstable/not easy. In other words, I felt like being caught on certain habitual tracks. Like a train. Even though looking for the fresh and miraculous quality, triggers kept me down on track. Habitual thought-emotion patterns (hurt feelings, feeling misunderstood: the usual stuff) played out. But, there was some freshness, lightness. She also realized I am a bit different. Biggest take away was: that emotion-trigger thing happening is really all on this side. I knew it before, but knowing is not the same as knowing, if that makes any sense.
To do it with the partner allowed for quite a harsh contrast. Nobody else (maybe parents as well) triggers such deeply ingrained thought-emotion patterns. That is why I chose her in the first place, by the way.