That was a clear seeing yesterday, and not just an intellectual one. It’s normal that seeing flip-flops. It’s seen in one moment, and in the next it seems to be lost. Don’t worry about this. Just keep looking. You are doing very well.
And that’s all right. Why would it occur again and again? It’s not about having the same emotional response again and again every time when you look. After the initial surprise when discovered that you were born on Mars, would that surprise be a continuous thing for the rest of your life when you think about that discovery, or would that fade and become the new normal? Don’t expect for the emotion to say.
Thankyou Vivien. This has been good to hear. :)
Please spend your whole day looking if the me-character is the creator of thought.
Please repeat the: ‘now’….
Can you observe a ‘me’ instigating the thought ‘now’?
It 'feels' like a 'me' WITH the thought, not instigating it. This is one of the few times lately that I've had the me-feeling. And it was alarming – most times now there's no me-feeling - I find the 'I' INSIDE a narrative thought-sentence, but not a me-feeling. I question it -it's just a thought-feeling, there's no REAL me anywhere, but the thought-feeling is still there. And I've only just realised, again, whilst writing this, that that's ok - to not expect the me-feeling to go away. phew.
Also, with subsequent lookings, it's getting more difficult to find the me-feeling.
Yes, with further lookings, the 'now....' decision is just there. No me. No me-feeling.
Is the me-character the creator or the created?
The me-feeling was not the creator. It was created in the instant of the thought 'now'. And I'm unclear about a me-character - it was a me-feeling, not a character.
Subsequent lookings - there's no me or me-feeling or me-character at all that can be found when asking the 'now' question.
Is the character in the story creating what happens in the story or the story about the character creates itself, one thought at a time?
When not asking the 'now' question and watching thoughts, stories/scenes/memories with the character in them just create themselves. And there are narrative sentences that have the word 'I' in them - as in "Now, I'm
going to think about...". There's no-one creating them and they're just words.
Is the me character thinking?
No, with the 'now' question it was just a me-feeling, which in the first lookings, had a sensation with it as well. In the throat. It was just a sensation - which was investigated. After a few lookings, the me-feeling and sensation wasn't there.
Or are thoughts coming up by themselves, including thoughts about the ‘me’?
No 'me' thoughts after the first lookings, except in the content of a narrative thought. Just the 'now...'I'm going to think of' decision and then loads of thoughts about 'what' to think of - usually a tree as that was what was first seen.