Newbie

[KDJ]

What is memory exactly?

Just a thought

What is the memory ‘made of’?

images in my minds eye

WHEN does the memory appear?

spontaneously or when i am trying to remember something. Even then i can't pick exactly when the specific memory i am trying to recall will appear.

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘memory’ thought?

they both seem to be the same.

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘memory’ thought refers to something that has happened?

I can't say. The image in the mind shows up and you just have some recognition some how.

What is the future thought ‘made of’?

it is just made of images in the mind

WHEN does the future thought appear?

spontaneously or if trying to imagine myself doing something

What is the exact difference between a ‘general’ thought and a ‘future’ thought?

the same. just images and words in the mind

How is it known EXACTLY that a ‘future’ thought refers to something that will happen?

it isn't known. its just make believe. a fantasy.

What is the EXACT difference between the thoughts about past and future?

there just seems to be a knowing of the difference. I have had past thoughts that I sometimes question as to if it was an actual experience or maybe just a photo I looked at. I have recalled memories and then stop and think, was that real or was that in a dream I had last night. But purely from the actual direct difference, there is none.

If there is difference and how is that difference is known exactly?

I cannot say exactly how. Just that it is known somehow.

Thanks Kerry

[Seamist]

That's great, Kerry, well done
next:
Find a comfortable place to sit or lie.
Take in a few deep breaths to settle the dust and then relax for a bit.

Spend only 30 to 60 seconds on each component of this exercise.
Bring your awareness to your entire body - sense it fully, head to toe.
Run your hands down over your torso. Feel the solidity of it.
Now bring your awareness to your feet. Again, feel them. Move them a bit.
Then bring your awareness to your hands. Open and close them.
Bring your awareness to your face - all of it. Touch it with your hand.
Now point your index finger to where "Kerry" is located.
Touch the exact location of "Kerry".

Answer these questions:

Were you able to find and feel "Kerry" in a direct way like the other parts of your body?
Where is it?
What did you find? Something? Anything? Nothing?
What sensations did you feel in your body that identified "Kerry” (If any).

Tell me what you experienced and found, by way of direct experience.

xxx

[KDJ]

Hi Sioned,

Were you able to find and feel "Kerry" in a direct way like the other parts of your body?

No i was not.

Where is it?

it is no where. it is just a thought. if i had to choose a location, it would be the mind.

What did you find? Something? Anything? Nothing?

i found nothing. kerry is just a label referring to the totality of it all

What sensations did you feel in your body that identified "Kerry” (If any).

none of the sensations identified as 'Kerry".

Tell me what you experienced and found, by way of direct experience.

i just experienced different sensations, but i found nothing.

Thanks

[Seamist]

Great, Kerry!

Thought points to the feet being ‘down there’, so presumably you are above your feet. Where are you?
Sit quietly, take in a few deep breaths and then close your eyes.
Locate where you feel yourself to be. Locate yourself vertically in the body, horizontally to the left or right, and depth, how far in. Feel how big you are, where you reside. Then point with a finger to ‘you’. Open your eyes, where is your finger pointing?

xx

[KDJ]

Locate where you feel yourself to be. Locate yourself vertically in the body, horizontally to the left or right, and depth, how far in. Feel how big you are, where you reside. Then point with a finger to ‘you’. Open your eyes, where is your finger pointing?

If I had to pick, I would have to say behind my eyes in the center of my brain.

Thanks

[Seamist]

Look carefully.
Can that be found in your actual direct experience?
Xx

[KDJ]

Can that be found in your actual direct experience?

My attention flows to the various sensations of my body. I cannot say that any individual sensation is "Kerry". Nothing feels to be a "Kerry" unless I take all the sensations as a cohesive whole. It is only thought that says there is a "Kerry".

[Seamist]

Excellent: yes!

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken. This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.
Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it.
Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:-
Does the sense of self have a location?
Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?
Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?
If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?
Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?
What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

xx

[KDJ]

Does the sense of self have a location?

there is no specific location. just the sense through out the body/mind.

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

no specific shape or size. just the body as a whole.

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

it is silent. just aware.

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

no. there is just a silent aware/knowing of my senses.

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

I can't find that it's made of anything. And I can't sense anything behind it. It's just always there.

[Seamist]

Hi Kerry
I'm puzzled by this sense of a self that's always there. How do you know it exists?
Xx

[KDJ]

Hi Sioned,

Maybe my definition of self is different. I am not referring to the "Kerry" self, but just the overall awareness. That awareness that notices the thoughts, sensations, etc. The "Kerry" self is all just thoughts.

Thanks

[KDJ]

How do you know it exists?

it's no thing to know exists, but something seems conscious with no thought. Maybe that sense that there is a conscious/aware/knowing with no thought is just a thought.

[Seamist]

This is interesting!
Yes, it seems to be about language, doesn't it? So... So that we can be clear, for our purposes here, then, when I refer to the "self" I'm talking about the notion of an individual personal self. It seems your first that that is just thoughts. Great!
I agree that there is knowing or awareness (or whatever similar word gets used), but it's not personal. Not mine. Not yours. Just is. But it's not a "thing". Well done for seeing though that that can just be yet another thought.
You're doing swimmingly! Well done!
Do you see that yourself? ( I have to revert to this sort of language to communicate!)
Xx

[KDJ]

Thanks Sioned,

I feel I have a good intellectual understanding and even some experiential knowing. Can I say I have an indisputable recognition...yes and no. I can't dispute the direct experience, but I don't feel that I have had that inner embodiment shift. Perhaps my little ah ha moment I had a year or so ago was it and/or the recognition is just very subtle for me. Regardless, my sense is that I have not had the true realization.

Kerry

[Seamist]

Interesting again... Are you prone to doubt, would you say?
Let's continue, anyway .. But I just want to add that "the gate" is only a stage in the way. There is further to go after that, should you choose to pursue it.
Have a look around you. You can see colours of the room, of your "feet, of your "knees", of your "chest" and perhaps of your "hands".
Now point a finger towards the place where others see your head and face.
What do you see? Do you see your face? Do you see your head?
Do you see anything at all there - any colours, shapes, or any movement?
Looking into the place where others see your face, do you see colours or shapes there?
What do you find?
Xx