Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:22 pm

These may be unreasonable

* To gain a shift in perspective, to be a bit less afraid of death, to be a bit less concerned about little, petty, egoistic things
* To have more patience and understanding for people around me
* To have a feeling of being at rest, to not need to look anymore more, to be able to call off the search

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 11, 2020 10:21 am

Hi Alex
The first one seems reasonable to me..
But that said, can you put all your expectations aside for the time being?

Let's explore some more...
Is there a self in the form of a chooser? Think of 3 cities and repeat this 5 times. Watch what happens. Is there a ‘me’ who is the chooser? Report back on your experience of this and not just a yes or no answer please.
xx

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:19 am

The three cities come to me without conscious choosing. In direct experience there is no chooser. When I see 10 different pieces of cake in front of me, I can watch thoughts thinking about which to pick, but in this case it is not a picking from all possible cities. Just three cities appear. There is a thought about it: these are the three cities now I repeat them. Then I say then three times, and there is a thought about it, asking where did they come from? The answer comes: I don't know. There is a thought did I choose them? The answer is no, I don't remember choosing, I remember them just appearing. Then a thought: but it must be me who choose them, that's the only conclusion. More thoughts: how does this work? What does this mean? And more: this is stupid, I do all these explorations and then I don't get it.

On another note: I will be leaving for a one week silent retreat this Saturday and I am not allowed to access the internet or use my phone. I hope you understand that I want to honor this commitment and will be offline. Anything I need to keep in mind regarding bout work here?

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Wed Feb 12, 2020 9:56 am

Great, Alex,
In direct experience there is no chooser.
exactly - as you said, they just appear.

But then you moved away from direct experience and into thought...
Then a thought: but it must be me who choose them, that's the only conclusion. More thoughts: how does this work? What does this mean?
ok, and then you got caught up in trying to think it through - but that doesn't help - it just gives you the same old answers.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN? that's a great question! What do you actually find in direct experience?

It's no problem about next week - thanks for letting me know.
While you're away - keep looking - can a self be found anywhere?
xx

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Thu Feb 13, 2020 10:55 pm

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? that's a great question! What do you actually find in direct experience?
I don't know. The interesting thing is, sometimes, when I get very relaxed and turned inward, when it gets very quiet, it feels like I am contacting something. I do not know what it is. It feels like it is a response to the question what am I or what does it mean. But it is not an answer in words, not a concept. I don't know maybe I am making it up :)

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Fri Feb 14, 2020 7:37 pm

Hi
It feels like it is a response to the question what am I or what does it mean. But it is not an answer in words, not a concept.
That makes sense to me. Don't push it, but let it be there during your time on retreat.
xx

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Fri Feb 14, 2020 11:32 pm

Hey Sioned

Thanks, I do that.

I will check in when I am back. And if you don't hear from me by next Monday, please check.

I also want to takes to again say thank you! I really do appreciate your kindness and support and sticking with me

With metta
Alex

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Sat Feb 15, 2020 11:14 am

ok xx

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:12 pm

Hey Sioned, I haven't forgotten to check in. Just that life is very demanding right now and so I postponed. I''l be moving sone and all my plans have been crossed and I need to improvise from moment to moment, while also taking care of someone dear who needs me.

Retreat was awesome, I worked a lot with emotions, acceptance and just experiencing the present moment and seeing what my mind adds.

All that what I mentioned above puts a lot of sensations, emotions, thoughts into my experience. Sometimes strong sensations in the body that the minds interprets as fear and panic, even despair. But there is this thing, I can't explain it, a knowledge deep inside that know all that, what is happening, that is not me. It gives trust and comfort. And when the mind starts racing and paints the devil on the wall and things about bad, bad things that may happen, this thing stops it a bit, calms it and gives comfort: even if it will happen like this, it will be ok. Alex may suffer, but Alex is just a construct. A construct that suffers by its own creation. But that is not what I am. Thats the best I can come up with now. I know you didn't ask for this wall of text, so no need to comment. I am ok, really, the situation is already turning around so please don't worry.

How have you been?

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:14 am

Hi Alex
Nice to hear from you! And glad the retreat was good for you.
I'm very well myself, thanks.

It sounds like things are unfolding nicely for you. Shall we just let this happen for the time being? It doesn't sound like you need any further prompts from me right now.

I'd suggest you check in with a couple of times a week whilst this is happening - how does that sound? Obviously I'm here if things change.
xxx

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Seeker2019
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seeker2019 » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:41 am

Yeah, sounds reasonable. The desire to find something, to have an experience and have it be a certain way or have it confirmed has dropped. I mean there is still this thought that wants to know what this is now, that has doubt and all that. I don't care much for it except that it is ok it's there and I feel love for it. I realized it may never be satisfied anyway. And it's not me ... It's just appearing and more importantly I don't feel I need to solve the problem it's projecting and it's not even a problem anymore.

But enough about that. Thank you for your kindness a d support. I will see what unfolds and I like the idea of checking in.

Love to you my friend
Alex

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Seamist
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Re: Looking for guidance - am tired of the cycle of becoming

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 25, 2020 12:30 pm

Great
Love to you too
xx


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