This is a pure fantasy, and you are afraid of your own fictionary creation.Sitting here for a few moments, an image of an abyss appeared with nameless at the edge and zero fear===first time ever. thoughts and desires of wanting to jump appear. sensations felt in the body labeled as slight anxiety, then the realization/thought appears: no need to fear, no one is going to push you over the edge; you jump when you're ready. no more sensations in the body. i know i'm telling stories right now, Vivien, but this has been a theme since the late 90's--this terror to fear while on the edge of some type of abyss. still on the edge, but no fear right now. :)
The thing is that this inquiry is not suitable for those who has PTSD or sever anxiety. It can cause more problems. So please investigate if it’s safe for you to continue with this inquiry.thoughts being believed it's scary to think/know NO SELF.
but i'm also aware of those thoughts that continue saying, "Don't go anywhere." meaning, don't disappear, don't go to that place where no self exists, it's dangerous. Typical ptsd symptom, hyper vigilance, head on a swivel. I lived basically my entire childhood, up to age 15 like this, too.
But these fears are definitely holding you back.
It’s about your fearful fantasies.I think the fact that there is no self is not utterly believed or clear as of yet, for whatever reason(s), maybe it's not been enough times, or in a deep enough way--i don't know.