Shadowless Musings

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Thu Nov 07, 2019 2:42 am

Hi again,

Let's try something a little different. You are going to have to take a walk for this so if it is cold there bundle up. You are going to have to use imagination here, which I generally disapprove of, but it might be justified here. What you are going to do is simply walk while imagining that YOU ARE everything in experience-sky, trees, dogs cats, whatever. You are the totality of experience. What or who you are is not contained within a body. Your skin is not the separation point between "inside" and "outside." You are the totality of what is happening in the present moment. Write what comes up.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Fri Nov 08, 2019 1:45 am

Hello,
Okay, this was a very difficult exercise for me. I am not good at imagining anything that does not seem real to the mind. I do not read or write fiction, when I was a kid I couldn't even watch musicals because it just seemed too unrealistic to me!! I am afflicted with the disease of "realism".
But I did my best, and I think I managed to do enough to get a sense of what you were wanting me to experience. Since it was difficult to just imagine that I was something that seems to be apart or away from "me" (although I was able to get a little sense of this for very brief moments), I went with a little variation that seemed more "real" and more readily accepted by my mind. I concentrated on the fact that ---everything was within my awareness, which seems more real to me, it is pretty obvious that everything including my physical body is within my conscious awareness, so in a way it is within me, so it is not separate from me.
I went to a spot where I have a good view of another part of the city and I could see the sky and there were trees around too and a river and a damn with water gushing through... It was difficult to hold on to being aware that all of this is actually part of my awareness (inside of me, in a sense), so not separate from me, but I was able for brief moments. What happened was a sense of spaciousness grew within me and the natural fear that is felt from believing that I am a small separate person in a big scary world faded quickly, there was a sense of peace and security,it was obvious that from this view point there is no more need to protect myself from anything, because there is nothing outside of me to hurt or threaten me. But as I said, it was very fleeting, it stayed at most for 2-3 seconds at a time before the old belief of a separate me took over again.
It's interesting that something that obviously makes no sense at all is what is now natural and normal through years of being programmed that way, living in a society that lives according to that paradigm!! I mean if I take a moment and look, it is obvious that I am not a physical body, yet that is how my mind automatically operates on a day to day basis. It is never even questioned, even though it is so obviously nonsensical.
How can I become more aware of this, are there any methods that don't involve imagination?

Monique

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:31 am

Hi again,

O.K. This was a good first try and I'm glad you at least got a taste of reality. Now, reread my directions to you and then your response, and notice what you did. You took a direct experience exercise of not being bound by the false belief of inner and outer, and turned it into a conceptual model that you could "understand" or chew on intellectually by once again internalizing all of experience. This is what you and others do every day, although you seemed to have some limited taste of what is being pointed to. The idea is not to internalize the world but externalize awareness. This does not take much imagination. It is as simple as repeatedly saying to yourself, "I am ALL of THIS" repeatedly as you look around. Now try it again.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:18 am

Okay,
I think I see what you mean. There is no inside or outside. I was seeing everything inside "my" awareness, so inside of me, but just a bigger more spacious all-encompassing me. I was still sensing a me.
If I am all of this, then there is no "me". Fear comes up when I do that. And I can't hold on to it for more than a second, it dissipates very quickly, the mind cannot accept it. But even though it feels scary, there's a curiosity about it...hmmm

Monique

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:45 pm

Hi again,

"On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11"

If you had answered any less than ten I wouldn't have picked up the thread. 10 or 11 shows that you either have no fear or are willing to face it and even embrace it.

The fear you are describing is common. However, it is an irrational fear because it is a fear of losing something which never existed as anything other than a belief. It a fear of a coiled rope appearing as a snake in a semi-dark room and which dissipates when the light comes on. But you have to stay with the fear long enough to get to the light switch. Stay with it when it shows up.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Sat Nov 09, 2019 12:29 am

Hello,
Yes of course I understand that. However it's not a fear that I absolutely want to avoid, it's actually fascinating and I like to feel it in a way because I know that something is happening. I'm just observing that it comes up and it's like a natural automatic response to retreat and go back into concepts and explanations when it does, that's what feels more comfortable. But I definitely am not wanting to avoid it, I actually wish I could stay with it longer, but it seems so automatic.

So my understanding is that you want me to continue with this exercise until I can stay with it longer. I figured as much and if so I am actually kind of glad, because I got a sense yesterday that the I-thought was going into "performance/getting things done" mode, like "Okay, saying I am all this, check, now what?!!" Ha ha ha!! But the whole idea is to get back to knowing that there isn't anything to ever "get done", past, future and getting things done all belong to the illusory world of thinking.

Tomorrow I am going to Montreal all day with my daughter so I will not be able to practice most likely, I will pick-up again on Sunday hopefully.

Thank you for your guidance,

Monique

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Sat Nov 09, 2019 1:15 am

Hi again,


Because no one ever got enlightened in Montreal? :) Practice in any spare moment.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Sat Nov 09, 2019 2:11 am

Got it! I will.

Monique

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Sat Nov 09, 2019 2:35 am

Ok, first impressions...
Just practising it here sitting at the table in my apartment.
Looking at the walls, floor, chair, fridge, etc.. and saying I am this. Most of the time it just feels like I'm saying nonsense. Once in a while I seem to actually get the sense of it (mostly when I first start, but then it just isn't felt anymore) and it just feels like I'm losing my identity, there's some low grade fear, but nothing much, it just becomes nonsensical after a while and it's like I don't really buy into it as actually being real or possible.
Funny thing though, I tried it with parts of the body and that feels totally normal. When I look at my hands or my legs and say I am this, it feels true and normal, even thought intellectually I say that I know that I cannot be my body because I am aware of it; sensations don't lie: I still believe that i am a body!
I'll explore it further tomorrow and get back to you.

Monique

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:36 am

Hi again,

Re-read my original instructions. Do not do this inside a man-made structure. Go out in nature, even if that is the yard. Take a walk. Have the sky in view day or night.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Sat Nov 09, 2019 4:51 am

Please explain why?

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Sat Nov 09, 2019 1:54 pm

Hi again,

Because there needs to be a huge space for the sense of expansion to be noticed. Four walls and a ceiling tend to reenforce the sense of containment, at least it does for me.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Sun Nov 10, 2019 4:45 pm

Hello,

This is not working for me.
Because there needs to be a huge space for the sense of expansion to be noticed. Four walls and a ceiling tend to reinforce the sense of containment, at least it does for me.
= your perceived limitations and conditions.
And...
Tomorrow I am going to Montreal all day with my daughter so I will not be able to practice most likely.
=my perceived limitations and conditions.
Because no one ever got enlightened in Montreal? :)
True, enlightenment can be experienced at any moment at any place.

I have felt expansion and oneness for brief moments in my life and they were all inside a man-made structure with four walls and a ceiling. You are never really "inside" anything, those are just illusions, so illusions cannot prevent one from seeing beyond illusions.

Just as one cannot get true unconditional love from outside of oneself, one cannot receive true guidance from outside oneself. There is no act of becoming enlightened and no prescriptive method for making it happen, because one is never "unlenlightened". There are just thoughts that say that that is so. Everyone is always and already enlightened. No trying or efforting ever led anyone to enlightenment. "Enlightenment" is just another concept. If you ever have thought that you were not enlightened or that others are not presently enlightened, those are just intellectual conceptualizations, judgments of sorts. There is never anything to attain, that is the realization that we are all after, that there isn't and never was any reason to become enlightened, because there is nothing more then what we already are to become, there is nothing more to know or to do; everything is already and always okay/enough/perfect exactly as it is, including not "knowing" (on an intellectual conceptual level) that everything is already and always perfect, and the actual being of it cannot ever be lost or not be, it is the very essence of being. True beingness has no judgment, no should be's and no needs for everything is always and already there. True being knows that everything and everyone is already and always perfect and okay exactly as they are (because it has no desire or need for anything specific- in an intellectual and/or physical sense- to happen. Therefore it has no need to guide anyone to anything specific for it knows that unknowing or illusion or ignorance are all perfect and accepted. If you were to call something enlightenment, that would be it, but then it cannot ever be named for the very act of naming it makes it become yet another illusory concept that is compared to the opposite which is non-enlightenment and there you have it duality has just been created again! Amazing right. True being cannot be named or found or attained, for the very act of doing so makes it disappear, yet it is still always and already present, it is just impossible to know or name or explain on an intellectual conceptual level.
And THAT is the beautiful mystery of life. And I thank you deeply for being, once again, another messenger showing me what I already and always know is true- even when it is not seen or thought, it is always and already known, it cannot not be so.
Thank you so very much,

Monique
Nothing has gone wrong, nothing needs to happen or be avoided, all is just as it is, perfectly perfect.

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Hopefulness
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Hopefulness » Mon Nov 11, 2019 12:28 am

Hi again,

Just so you know, I don't feel limited by walls and ceilings. It is just that in the beginning when the belief in separation is seen through, the sense of expansion is much more noticeable outside with a lot of space.

After reading the rest of your post (which I agree with, even though it poses a paradox) I am wondering why you are here, if what you write is your actual experience.

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Shadowless
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Re: Shadowless Musings

Postby Shadowless » Mon Nov 11, 2019 3:08 am

Hello,

I agree, I'm wondering the same thing! You see the thing is before, even though it had been seen for brief and sometimes not so brief moments, I still had this sense that I had to attain being in that knowing permanently. But now I'm coming to see that there is nothing that needs to be permanent or even seen, because when I do come back to the knowing of it, I instantly know that nothing was ever required in the first place and there's nothing that needs to be done or attained. And yes I know it's a kind of a paradox, and that's exactly what life is; an eternal paradox that can never be known as something, it is the unknowable, that also paradoxically can be known.
And so yeah, this seeking, this guidance has brought me to question why I'm here, for you keep pointing me to things that have already been seen and since they have I know them and I remember them more and more and it's perfectly okay for them not to be permanent right now, everything is happening in its own time. I actually realized that I'm wanting to take my time with it, I'm so so enjoying the journey, especially now that I know that it is all for fun, there's nowhere to get to ultimately, I am always and already here. I just want to have fun with it now, take my time and see how it will unfold. And I know more and more that I can always get back to it eventually even when I think that it is completely lost forever. It can never be lost, it is what I am.
So I thank you for being one of the catalysts that has brought me to this realization on a deeper level than ever before. It keeps getting better and better, life gets more and more interesting the more I let it flow and allow things to be and trust myself instead of looking to others for the things that are within. I can't expect you to guide me to what I know, that is my own personal perspective, you can only guide to what you know, which is essentially all the same knowing, just seen in different ways through different perspectives.
I was just being lazy, wanting someone else to tell me what to do so that I could have your approval, but I don't want that anymore, I love discovering things for myself and everything that leads to those discoveries. Life is the most amazing adventure one can experience when we choose to experience it fully! Depression, fear, sadness, excitement, happiness included. Maybe next week I will fall back into total oblivion again, it's a coming and going at this point, but eventually I will come back around one way or another and I'm learning to trust that process more and more and that is why it is more and more delicious.
Thanks again Paul, know that you have been very helpful.

Monique


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