Inquiry of No OneI

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Pedroso
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Pedroso » Fri Mar 01, 2019 7:34 pm

Like a man who won't look at his house burning on for fear that he left the stove on unattended.

To look without self hate, blame, recrimination, punishment etc.

Thank you.

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Pedroso
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Pedroso » Fri Mar 01, 2019 8:31 pm

I see patterns that repeat, patterns that seem to be dysfunctional. Like getting ready to leave and go out to do anything. Shopping, eating, errand but much more when I am meeting someone. It's like I'm delaying the actuality of leaving. I find many things that have to be done, delaying the leaving and making me late.

I look for what is happening. Who delays? I cannot find anyone directly. Why do I keep doing this pattern? What am I avoiding... what is avoiding? I cannot find it, but this pattern continues. Is it the body that does this. This is the mind? What is this mind?
Some say it is neurological patterns in the brain- yet supposedly when I die the mind goes with... (was going to say with me but it's not doing that since there is no me). Still confuses how this works.

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Ilona
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 02, 2019 7:06 am

Welcome the reaction, feel it fully and openly. That’s the way through. It only wants to be seen.
You can say to that energy:
I see you. You are here. It is safe for you to be here. Welcome here. Thank you for coming, old friend.
I agree. Thank you....

The resistance is here because it wants to help, to protect something precious. Allow it to be here. Don’t try to run away or deny it. Meet it. Welcome it. See what happens. It’s a friend. See that.

Don’t ask questions who is doing that, that’s a wrong question to ask. You don’t ask- who is raining or who is moving clouds- that makes no sense, right? Instead meet the energy, welcome it and see what gifts it has brought. None of it wants to harm you, it only shows you where to look.

Write what happens.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Pedroso
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Pedroso » Thu Mar 14, 2019 4:13 pm

Welcome the reaction, feel it fully and openly. That’s the way through. It only wants to be seen.
I feel so entirely conditioned. The reaction, automatic. Then there is space. Back and forth. At times very painful. Feeling stuck. This is not an easy process. At the same time there is something changing.
Don’t try to run away or deny it.
I feel like I'm standing in a fire. Every where I turn away is only because of the idea that I cannot take the heat. Yet there is no where else to go.
This is a big lesson, and taking time to get through. I have been running away my whole imaginary life.
Sometimes there is a brief moment there is clarity- only quickly to be covered up again. The talking labelling "I" machine, merry-go-round.

Don’t ask questions who is doing that, that’s a wrong question to ask. You don’t ask- who is raining or who is moving clouds- that makes no sense, right? Instead meet the energy, welcome it and see what gifts it has brought. None of it wants to harm you, it only shows you where to look.
This is sooo difficult. Not who is raining or who is moving the clouds- but who would take his own life. ( I am not suicidal- but have been years ago) I don't understand why to not ask such questions.
That there is no one here- at time seems so clear. And yes, no doubt it is the mind that comes in asking, wondering.
Sometimes people jump off of very high places- How does no one do that?

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Ilona
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Ilona » Fri Mar 15, 2019 2:23 pm

Notice that feeling stuck is a sensation. Nothing is really stuck, there is a contraction that is called “being Stuck”
What is this sensation stuck to? Is there a feeler of sensation or just a sensation being felt?
Examine this.

And it’s great to recognise that you are standing in the fire. Beautiful. Now allow that fire to burn it all. Burn all that is not true, not helpful, not needed, all lies, all bullshit, all that no longer makes sense. Put everything you no longer need into that fire, so it burns and clears. It’s your best ally. And allow it to do the cleaning work for you. Just let it burn.
It will burn until there is fuel.

Who is raining- does this question make sense?
Who is living life of a human? Is there something that is outside the nature? Outside of life itself?
Is there a who? That’s the point of the question.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Pedroso
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Pedroso » Sat Mar 16, 2019 4:55 am

Notice that feeling stuck is a sensation. Nothing is really stuck, there is a contraction that is called “being Stuck”
What is this sensation stuck to? Is there a feeler of sensation or just a sensation being felt?
Examine this.
Examine this. Ok. And when I do, it's true. This is the fire. It triggers more feeling... of free falling, a rush of panic, how can this be... utter despair at the thought, oh, it's thinking again. This is the fire. Oh, no... very strong emotion I feel it's going to crush me, oh, just a feeling. I hate it. I'm squirming. NOOOOO! This is frying my brain. My brain.
It is staring me right in the face and yet part of IT won't let go. I'm in a corner having created a suffering being who is not there, what a mind fuck.
There is some kind of letting go happening. It is very, very subtle. FEAR, FEAR. I am letting that happen.. it happens when it happens anyway.
There is the fire. Every day. Almost all day.

You are very... kind and relentless. I keep asking my "who done it" questions and you stay with the rain. Who jumps off the bridge? And you reply "Who is ringing- does this question make sense?" I want you to tell me what you're never going to say. It's confounding. Brings up other questions. You may not answer, but with more rain, but here goes...

What is Jesus Christ? What does it mean?
What is the SATAN...
What is God?
Are these just labels and its all just life? What about the "end times" and the Apocalypse?

There appears to be so much evil in this world it makes me crazy and it's all thought. I want to tear my hair out. In your book you mention war, so war happens- but there is no one here doing it? What about the DEMONIC DEAMONS? Evil bankers?
There is no murderer? Murder just happens?
I don't know how to hold all of this.
What about all the evil plans to depopulate the world? Is this just rain falling?

How can I live this way. I'm in a coffee shop. Someone picks up my laptop, I say HEY! That's MINE!!!!! But, now, er, you're saying its NOT MINE. I know you didn't say this- I'm imagining you saying this. Or someone asks you "can I take your computer" and you say "Oh, it's not mine, there is no me, sure just take it." How can we do this? How can we live this? There are no possessions. I can just take Jim Newmans wallet and he won't say a thing, he'll just say "nothing ever happened".

I know, I'm throwing a tantrum. I hope you know what I'm getting at. Can you just give my mind something to work with? Practical approach?
How far does it go? Will Jim Newman really let me walk away with his car keys because "no one is here"? No one owns a car.

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Ilona
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:11 pm

examine this. Ok. And when I do, it's true. This is the fire. It triggers more feeling... of free falling, a rush of panic, how can this be... utter despair at the thought, oh, it's thinking again. This is the fire. Oh, no... very strong emotion I feel it's going to crush me, oh, just a feeling. I hate it. I'm squirming. NOOOOO! This is frying my brain. My brain.
It is staring me right in the face and yet part of IT won't let go. I'm in a corner having created a suffering being who is not there, what a mind fuck.
There is some kind of letting go happening. It is very, very subtle. FEAR, FEAR. I am letting that happen.. it happens when it happens anyway.
There is the fire. Every day. Almost all day.
I hear you, this is very strong emotion. It only wants to be felt. It only wants to be felt fully. It’s a sensation. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Is intensity not ok? Can you let the intensity to be ok just for a minute. Say so be it. Feel it. Notice that this is very powerful, strong energy. You can ask it gently, what was it before it became this energy. Tell me what answer comes up.

Let’s put all the other questions aside for now, you will answer them yourself later. Now the first thing is to get into feeling that fire and asking it to burn all that is not true, all the lies and bullshit, all that you believed was true, all that no longer serves, no longer helpful, not necessary. It is the fire if purification and it burns until there is stuff to burn, so set all the lies on fire and hold on to nothing. Notice, that you are in this process and it is not up to you to step out. It’s a ride. You are here, fire is here. So allow it to do its job. And ask it gently to burn all that crap, that you don’t need anyway.

This fire is here for you.
So allow it to burn.
I’m here, holding your hand.
Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com

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Pedroso
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Pedroso » Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:07 pm

I hear you, this is very strong emotion. It only wants to be felt. It only wants to be felt fully. It’s a sensation. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Is intensity not ok? Can you let the intensity to be ok just for a minute. Say so be it. Feel it. Notice that this is very powerful, strong energy. You can ask it gently, what was it before it became this energy. Tell me what answer comes up.
This strong energy. Ask it gently- what was it before it became this energy? What comes up is the recognition from long ago, a negative association with LOOKING AT, FEELING difficult, fearful energy. I can't look at it because there is something in it that says I'm BAD, or I have been BAD, connecting to worthlessness. It's some kind of denial.

I created a BAD, guilty persona. I never actually knew what it was that was so BAD. It's not as if I acted outwardly unloving to others. It's inherent SHAME so I don't want to look at it or feel it.

This is really hitting home here. I have memory about where it started- in a very young body. It's the ME thing. I am BAD, unloveable, not able, flawed, ugly, undeserving etc. etc. A piece of shit.

It's a sensation, you say. Yes. It is. But then linked to the "I thought" of "ME" and how bad I feel being me (story). Very old stuff. Very old.
I'm my own judge and finally executioner. All for mistaking identity. The mind is so strong and it wants to know- something it can't really know in the way it likes to.

Please tell me, what this means: "It only wants to be felt fully." Why? What is this doing? It's what I avoid as I indicated, at all cost. I've seen the same pattern in my mother. Shut down. And then when something exposes this darkness it is like a vast cauldron of pain.

There is such a feeling of distaste of self associated with this "feeling it fully".

I do see that without judgement it is just a sensation. But over the years it became an "avoid at all cost" kind of thing. It feels like dying or threat of death.
Let’s put all the other questions aside for now, you will answer them yourself later. Now the first thing is to get into feeling that fire and asking it to burn all that is not true, all the lies and bullshit, all that you believed was true, all that no longer serves, no longer helpful, not necessary. It is the fire if purification and it burns until there is stuff to burn, so set all the lies on fire and hold on to nothing. Notice, that you are in this process and it is not up to you to step out. It’s a ride. You are here, fire is here. So allow it to do its job. And ask it gently to burn all that crap, that you don’t need anyway.
Ok. Well let the other questions go for now. "Notice, that you are in this process and it is not up to you to step out." Not up to me because there really is no me? Is that it?
The choice or no choice thing is another one of those areas the mind cannot wrap around.
At the same time I have had a LIFETIME of trying to improve, make better, and heal without success. I keep on trying to improve something that isn't there. Sure feels like it. I act like it, but can't find it.

I deeply appreciate your help Ilona. I feel so vulnerable and shaky. Free-falling. Actually thats not completely true. If I were free falling that would mean there is no resistance. I think. you know what I mean.
Thank you.

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Ilona
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Re: Inquiry of No OneI

Postby Ilona » Sun Mar 17, 2019 6:22 pm

The key is here:
This is really hitting home here. I have memory about where it started- in a very young body. It's the ME thing. I am BAD, unloveable, not able, flawed, ugly, undeserving etc. etc. A piece of shit
Who was that made you feel like this the first time?
What was the situation?
Can you see how you innocently took someone else’s opinion and made it yours?
It’s like an unwanted gift that you have been carrying all your life. You can give it back to whoever passed it on to you.

Try this. Close eyes and see that little boy, in that situation. See how innocent he is. See how someone tells something and he believes that.
Now look that person in the eye and tell them- thank you very much. But I no longer want this gift. Take it back. And see how you give it back. The see what they have to tell you.
Write to me about what happens.

Love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com


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