OK to be OK

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LindyB
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OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Mon Sep 17, 2018 6:38 pm

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
LU is a process for helping people get past the illusion of a separate 'me' which is in control of their lives. The illusion is like a heavy veil behind which most humans live and it keeps us unhappy and small. LU helps pierce the veil through direct pointing to the 'truth' of our existence.

What are you looking for at LU?
Having been a 'seeker' for most of life - most recently following non duality teachings (for about 3 years) - I have discovered LU and am very drawn to the tailored support it offers. I'd also welcome the opportunity to be part of a worldwide group/forum that is serious about finding liberation.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Personalised and supportive direction from someone who's been where I am and help me to break through. I would like to be guided and helped to move past the illusion that has kept me unhappy, anxious and depressed for much of my life. I've had enough of rarely feeling comfortable with myself (or others) and even when I have, it has not lasted long. I'm hoping that I will be supported to find a new way of being, where it's 'OK to be OK' and not dependent on anything or anyone else to make me feel more complete.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I was born into Christian family, dabbled with TM and other similar frameworks in my 20s, spent 12 years working with Buddhism and have been on the 'non dual trail' for almost 3 years. At 57, I'm getting pretty desperate to drop my 'existential depression' and find a real way to be more content and relaxed for the rest of my human life. While I think I have a pretty good intellectual grasp about the nature of liberation (including starting to erode some long held and unhelpful beliefs about life) - and I had a very helpful 24 hour 'witnessing' experience in India last year (for which I'm very grateful) - real liberation remains elusive. I am feeling quite a bit of anxiety while writing this and am aware that although I want freedom from suffering more than anything, there is still quite a lot of resistance in the system....but I will put a 'brave' 10 below anyway....!

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:05 pm

Hi Lindy B
I'd be happy to work with you if you'd like that.

Something that I find important in guiding is the seeker's commitment to engaging regularly - at least once a day, wherever possible. Do you feel that you'd be able to do that? Otherwise the inquiries don't seem to go anywhere.

If you want to pursue this inquiry, ten begin now by read the following aloud three times:
"There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement"

Watch, wait, notice, - what comes up? Is there fear? Is there a doubt? Resistance? Frustration? Something that wants to scream and make a turn away, something that says this is not working? Or maybe there is a feeling of wow, joy, relief?
Notice all that is going on inside.
Then do your best to describe it here.


With best wishes,
Sioned

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LindyB
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Sun Sep 30, 2018 12:12 pm

Hi Sioned
Many thanks for offering to work with me!
I read what you sent three times and am feeling anxious, slightly fearful and there's some resistance. This feels like such a big deal and I don't know if I'm up to it.....
I can however, engage regularly - at least once a day - and if I know I won't be able to for any reason, I will let you know. (I am about to have a very busy and emotional week - starting college and taking my elderly mother (with whom I feel difficulty) away for a few days to attend the funeral of a much loved cousin - and I know it will affect me too. I will however, take my laptop and respond to you in the evenings.)
Thank you again.
Lindy

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:16 pm

Hi Lindy,
Glad to hear back from you.
I read what you sent three times and am feeling anxious, slightly fearful and there's some resistance
Well spotted. Let's start by exploring that.

Fear is a protection mechanism. The fear itself is like a door, it holds you from looking behind the door. But it's just fear. It’s ok for it to be here, it is only doing its job. Just let it be there, acknowledge its presence with respect and gratitude, check where it feels physically in the body.

Ask yourself:
What is fear itself?
What is it protecting?
What needs to be protected?
What is that feels threatened?


Remember that in this inquiry all that you'll be doing is seeing through something that doesn't exist anyway.

I''m happy for you to respond when you can, and brief is fine, also.

Are you in the UK? It's helpful to know if someone is on a different time zone!

Looking forward to reading your responses.
xx Sioned

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Sun Sep 30, 2018 6:28 pm

PS
Lindy, I just want to let you know that fear was a biggie for me, and that I do know what it's like!
xx

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LindyB
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Mon Oct 01, 2018 11:29 am

Thank you Sioned - and for your reassurances which are appreciated!
I'm in Somerset in the UK so we're in the same time zone.
In answer to your questions, I know that fear - which feels like it is mainly in the chest and solar plexus - is just a protection mechanism, but it feels so real and scary.....and when I'm experiencing it, all my attention goes to it and blocks other stuff out. If it's bad it seems to spread to the rest of my body e.g. wobbly legs and 'fizzy' arms....
It feels like it is protecting my sanity and ensuring 'my' survival even though I now know - not least from reading GG, which I am doing at the moment - that the 'me' isn't real. Although I've had a couple of very brief experiences of this, over the last day or two (when watching Ilona and Elena on YouTube), it doesn't stick and I'm soon back at my self protection story and felt sense of safety.
I guess I'm scared of 'losing control' and exposing my vulnerability to others - and scared 'my life' will somehow fall apart..... (Approval of others' and 'doing things right' are big ones for me - and I'm not good with too much 'stress'.)
I guess I also have the belief that when there's fear, it's there for a reason and I need to listen to it, 'just in case' - and if I ignore it, something bad might happen and I'll feel even more bad about myself/guilty.
(I do try to 'sit with it' when I can/remember but it rarely diminishes.)
I hope I've been honest and if this doesn't answer your questions, please let me know.
Thank you.
Lindy

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:50 pm

Hi
I posted a reply a little while ago and now it seems to have disappeared! Drat. Will need to do so this evening now.
Just keep noticing, and try to drop any analysing, as far as you can. Come back to base sensations, and ask yourself "What am I afraid of?". Keep asking. You may not always get the same answer!
Xx

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:50 pm

Basic not base

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Mon Oct 01, 2018 7:42 pm

Hi
More pointers to explore around fear...
Ask it to reveal why it’s here, what it is trying to tell you, ask the fear to share its wisdom.
If there is no self, then there is nothing that needs to be protected, right?
Honor the feeling. Bow to it, thank it for doing its job. Notice, it is here to protect, it's a friend. Fer is really love in disguise. It is only showing you where to look, the dark areas.

Now, look behind it.
Is there anything behind the fear?
if so, what? And what is behind that?

xx

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LindyB
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Mon Oct 01, 2018 8:46 pm

Tired this evening and start new college course tomorrow, so am aware of potential overload (old pattern). Fear at the moment relates to my life falling apart....nothing left to cling on to....fear of the unknown....
Not getting any clear answers around asking fear why it's here....clutching feeling in my stomach when I re-read this...seem to be switching off.....not sure how to 'look behind' fear....want to switch off rather than 'fail' at this...feeling a bit dense & stupid.....scared of humiliation if I don't 'get it'.....really scared of failing & missing this opportunity....really want freedom but shying away from it too.....feels such a 'big deal'....
Not sure I'll get much further tonight but will try to remember to keep asking....

On a positive note, I definitely experienced less of 'me' today and things felt less 'sticky' somehow...
All for now I think. Scared now that I'll 'overthink' it...fluttery tummy....
Thanks S. x

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Mon Oct 01, 2018 8:51 pm

Avoiding overthinking is definitely recommended. Well done for spring it. And for realising that you've had enough for today. You've made an excellent start.
Rest well.
Xx

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LindyB
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Mon Oct 01, 2018 10:27 pm

Thank you. You too. I'll have a look at my emails again tomorrow evening. x

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Tue Oct 02, 2018 9:34 am

Hi Lindy
Hope your new college course gets off to a good start today.
I hope I can reassure you that no special talent is needed to"get it" - just an open desire and willingness to explore, there's no special ability or talent required - just consistency. There si really nothing to fear, either -just the falling away of an illusion.

When you're ready, let's move on to exploring your expectations:

What do you expect that liberation is going to be like?
What do you want from it?
How do you imagine a liberated human behaves?
What should it be like?
What will it give you, what do you hope for?
What don't you want it to be like?

xx

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LindyB
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby LindyB » Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:37 pm

Hello again.
Well, I'm hoping that liberation will be a bit like what I partly experienced yesterday and the day before i.e. more relaxation and less sticky thoughts. Even a continued small reduction in negative mind talk and taking things less personally would be welcome. I've had glimpses but realise the bigger ones were just 'experiences'. Of course it'd be great to have some more but am not expecting them and know that this can be a slower, more gentle process which would be better for me anyway, than a dramatic awakening...…
I hope - and would like to be less defensive and generally more relaxed and open with people rather than always on the defensive.... Don't think there are any 'shoulds' - it'd just be nice to 'flow' better and lighten up a bit... And I guess that however my behaviour may or may change will just feel more OK than I usually feel now. Even when I've done nothing 'wrong' I look for problems and continually monitor myself - exhausting! Just to be 'OK with feeling OK' would be the best gift of all. Basically, I'm fed up with more of the same - anxiety and 'on guard' at some level all the time, and now I know it can be different from that, it is such a relief - just want more of it!

College went well thanks - really enjoyed it! (Horticulture.) x

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Seamist
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Re: OK to be OK

Postby Seamist » Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:53 pm

Hi Lindy
Glad to hear college went well.
And some nice reflections there regarding hopes and expectations.
Here's a quote from Ilona that I think pertinent:
All expectations, no matter what you expect is not what it is going to be like. Anytime you feel stuck, come back to expectations, if there is something that you think that should be happening, but it isn't- there is an expectation behind it. They are not useful but in the way.

It is all much simpler than you might expect, in the end, much more straightforward and easy.

Move on to this next exercise now:
Imagine that you are holding a spoon. Imagine form, size, weight, temperature, keep it there, close your eyes, and feel the imaginary spoon.
Open your eyes; is there a spoon here, in real life?
So how did you see that there is no spoon?
What happened to the spoon?
Did it disappear or it never existed?

xx
Sioned


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