Yes, not such a far fetched idea ☺Could it be that the silence is the "right" answer? :)
It is not entirely clear to me. Maybe it’s gotten a bit weaker when I think about seeking in general. I'm not as excited anymore about a Rupert Spira retreat I've booked for August. When it comes to the LU process, there is still a lot of curiosity and drive to continue.Would you say the pull to seek is getting weaker? Although you're still trying to make life easier for yourself?
Seeing what is here now without a specific question that I need to focus on does not require effort. I trust the sensations, feelings and thoughts to be real. Conclusions about whether I am the doer, the witness, or whether I don’t exist at all feel a lot less certain.Do you still believe effort is necessary to see what is here now? Do you trust what you see or does it seem this can't be it?
Is in your experience the idea that there is no self, and no doer and no witness as real or true as the fact that there are sensations, feelings and thoughts?
Even before I started the process the notions of free will and the existence of a self seemed suspect of philosophical and neuroscientific grounds. Now I’ve had some experiences that support the idea that there is no self and no control on a more embodied level. But overall it doesn’t feel like the belief in “no self” is a whole lot different from other beliefs I have. It feels more like that given what I’ve seen and thought “no self” seems to be more likely than “self”. It doesn’t feel like 100% certainty and doesn’t feel that different from other beliefs I have. It also doesn’t feel like some non-conceptual understanding of a deep truth that is beyond thought. Maybe the only part that feels a little bit like beyond thought is that thought itself isn’t taken as serious than before. When thoughts that start with “I” come up in my mind, I question the “I” and see whether feelings and thoughts have to be taken personal and usually they don’t and not many “I” thoughts have been coming up recently. It feels like I’ve acquired a few new habits in the last two weeks.
I can’t with certainty deny that this isn’t it. It could be it.
It doesn’t feel like such a big deal yet and there is the hope that there’s more to it. I can’t quite get away from over 20 dialogues I read in Ilona’s book where people seemed to have strong reactions. One guy said – “no big deal - I wouldn’t recommend it.” Maybe I’m that guy. Or I haven’t seen it yet. Even though I’d still recommend what I’ve seen so far.
“Life is just happening. There is nobody doing anything. There is no separation with life and others” doesn’t seem to be a description of how I experience most of my days.Do you expect *this* to become a different kind of *THIS*? More than it is now? Better, more spiritual, lighter, more enlightened, blissful?
Generally it feels like I am doing things and like I’m the author of my life and like there are other people that are separate from me.
In a looking session I might have periods where it feels like my body is doing things by itself or where it feels clear that thoughts arise by themselves or where it feels like perceiving something is just perceiving without perceiver or perceived object. I guess I expect these points of view to be more readily available in daily life or quickly accessible when I look for them.
If I had to describe my hopes at the moment it would be an end of seeking and a sense that life is happening and that it is ok to “choose” one path or another as ultimately there is no choice and life will happen as it has to happen. That there is no “I” that needs to achieve great things, or find the one perfect path – there are many enjoyable games in life to be played.
I believe something has already happened here. There is some lightness writing it down. The hope is that this can be seen more fully.
To have the hope list complete there is some hope to feel more of the lightness or joy that sometimes arose in the looking process over the last two weeks. This may not happen and is not the benchmark I use at the moment when I’m thinking: “I’m not there yet”.
Writing these hopes down they seem bigger than I expected them to be - good to have them in front of me. I know they may not come true.