see e run

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Ewoman
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Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: see e run

Postby Ewoman » Sun May 27, 2018 1:34 am

Thank you Tim.

My mom died in December so a lot of grieving has been done and it was really a celebration.

She had a fully alive, conscious and amazing death. It was a great experience for me to go through it with her.

I am back and ready to proceed if you would like to respond to the last email.

Thank you,
Eileen

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gondwana
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:34 pm
Location: Australia

Re: see e run

Postby gondwana » Thu May 31, 2018 8:32 am

So. Is there such a thing as a “self” in there?
Did our last messages deconstruct it it, or was there a sudden realisation that it never actually was?

Has it ever existed, in any way, shape, or form?
Seen in the moment of looking, freed in the moment of seeing.

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Ewoman
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Re: see e run

Postby Ewoman » Fri Jun 01, 2018 6:01 am

Hi Tim,

Sorry I missed this response.

I don't see all my previous responses to you. But that is cool. Those responses seem far away and not so relevant in this moment.

No self. Just consciousness. Feels like the self is just a habit of reference. Referring to this body of awareness as me, I, Eileen.

So the habit seems to be that of 50+ years and when that is taken away - this habit of calling me a me or I - this habit comes and goes - one moment me - the next just open moment to moment awareness.

Liberating no doubt.
Yet it mostly feels like no big deal. No big AH HA.

So from here I'm not sure what to ask or say. No self. Never was but I made one up along with the rest of the selves.
:)

E

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gondwana
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Re: see e run

Postby gondwana » Sun Jun 03, 2018 4:02 pm

I don't see all my previous responses to you.
They get split into pages. At the top & bottom of this page, you should see links like "Page: {1} {2} ..." etc.
Click the page numbers to jump to older posts.

Thank you for the beautiful description.
It seems you are through. Welcome! :)

Not much needed to be said now! Just relax, and enjoy for a while.

How does it feel to be no-one?
How does it feel to have no story?
Seen in the moment of looking, freed in the moment of seeing.

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Ewoman
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: see e run

Postby Ewoman » Mon Jun 04, 2018 2:14 pm

Thanks for technical question solution!
How does it feel to be no-one?
How does it feel to have no story?
vibrant
alive
simple
energetic

makes me laugh how much is put into protecting no one.
So yeah. This too...funny, fun, humorous.

no story feels...

flat

the word flat could sound negative. Like boring does. Both feel free to me. Body markers for peaceful, serene, grounded, both feet flat on ground, body heavy, facing reality...simple, timeless, present.

Charlotte Joko Beck comes to mind - every moment is the guru.

Open awareness needs no guru to talk it up or fill it in.

Thank you for this conversation and where it leads.
Thank you for more than mere momentary glimpses behind ego, personality and run on thoughts.

Warm regards,
Eileen

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gondwana
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Location: Australia

Re: see e run

Postby gondwana » Mon Jun 04, 2018 4:14 pm

No, thank you, Eileen!
This brought such pleasure to read :)
makes me laugh how much is put into protecting no one
Quite perfectly put!!

Take a couple of days to let this all settle in. Relax, and enjoy the show :)
You may write in here as often as you feel like or not during this time, to journal whatever comes up or new realisations arise, sometimes this can be nice.

After that, I will send you our traditional 6 final questions, and provide you with links to the ongoing support & investigation resources.

Warm regards,
Tim
Seen in the moment of looking, freed in the moment of seeing.

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gondwana
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:34 pm
Location: Australia

Re: see e run

Postby gondwana » Fri Jun 08, 2018 1:36 pm

How’s it going? Anything new to report?
Do you feel ready for the final questions?
Seen in the moment of looking, freed in the moment of seeing.

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Ewoman
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: see e run

Postby Ewoman » Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:07 am

Hello,

It has been a while. I have been sitting with this deeper level of what I can now only refer to as open embodied presence/awareness.

AS I have been coming out of more silence. A fair amount of solitude and stillness - my only goal if I can even call it a goal -was to put this heart/body in the center of every experience. And just be with it. No embellishment.

It is still easy and flowing in nature. It is possible in community.

It is easiest, of all, with babies. Resonating with where they naturally dwell is - behind and beyond what thinking mind creates.

I wanted to experience more of this and would love to see the final questions now.

Thank you,
Eileen

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gondwana
Posts: 498
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:34 pm
Location: Australia

Re: see e run

Postby gondwana » Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:14 am

Sounds beautiful and serene! :)

So, here are the final questions:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything else to add?
Seen in the moment of looking, freed in the moment of seeing.

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Ewoman
Posts: 13
Joined: Thu May 10, 2018 9:38 pm

Re: see e run

Postby Ewoman » Sat Jul 14, 2018 7:13 am

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Nope and nope.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Although I don't remember exactly it started in childhood. Makes sense that it is when language and thinking starts and the construction of self. Pre illusion of separate self is the embodied infant baby. Open moment to moment awareness.
I watched my mother lose the self. Lose all separation from energy and the source of energy - It gave me a window into pure energy and no ego, no personality. I said out loud one night - I want to experience this in life. She was - post self, without an I or a me for a few weeks before she died. It looked just like birth. A few months later a friend told me about this site. I saw here what I saw when I looked into her dying eyes. Pure energy. No her. No mother. Vast infinite energetic space and freedom in joy. The closest earthly word - stunning. Perhaps even gorgeous form of beauty.

As I see and experience it now. it is with greater ease alone in nature with animals and intermittently in relationships of close friends. I am practicing this no separation, simply being - when I sing at a Kirtan. The music and chanting have a real energetic presence in the bones. It is enlivening, exhilarating and complete joy whole body experience.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
enlivening, powerful, freeing, timeless, boundless, beautiful - Before I started this conversation I could touch this place intermittently in meditation. Or in synesthesia experiences during and after making love.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Great question. Looked at this one for a long long time. I didn't feel pushed over - something inside felt pulled toward. What made me look? The eagerness of curiosity keeps me looking under any and all garden rocks :) .
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision - thinking process. outcome oriented and leads to some discernment of good or bad. A value judgment.
intention - A form of energy, can feel like pure energy with a movement behind, going forward and towards.
Choice - feels like a decision. Thought based brain going for this or that - moving this way or that way.
Control - almost complete dilution or illusion. In reality - a complete construct of the thinking mind.
The above words are definitely ideas that serve the made up idea of self. I'm actually laughing out loud and just woke up the dog.

But - for the direct experience of intention. What I feel as intention is an energetic movement of what I closely refer to as "intention". Intention is linked to root chakra and maybe hara energy in this body, so it is less a made up thing of the mind that is linked back to the false idea of "me" or "I" or this human named Eileen. Intention is an embodied experience for me. It feels like an energetic exchange with the earth, the physical environment and other energies this alive body comes into contact with. In pre self - in child - it is referred to as will force. So intention and will are energetically linked in the root of me.

What am I responsible for? the energy in this own body and the consequences of what I do in the world. Some would then go as far as to call that - me. I am responsible for only me, myself and I - but since that is made up, no.

But taking responsibility for this energy - yes. Energy exchange with environment, universe, others - that's what.

6) Anything else to add? - Does this make any sense at all to you?

Thanks again for your generosity of guiding and time spent.

Warmly,
Eileen


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