Hi again :) my delay was due to wanting to consider the questions more deeply. I have remained very focused. Plus life has been busy, which caused me some annoyance as I seem to get 'swept away' into the all the movement and activity. Tell you what, I have been really enjoying the guitar lately too.
You’re hopeless, then. :). There’s no “one day”.
You have to see it now, without any hope for something to come later. That hope brings expectations, which hinder the clear view of what is here and now. Be hopeless, be more desperate, please.
This is like a paradox to me. However I understand what you are saying - the imagined future obstructs the here and now. Kind of like staring at map instead of noticing the surroundings. Your reply made me focus more on what is unfolding here and now. That is kind of what you said in the first line that you wrote to me, which was along the lines of "what others say is not so much important as what you see".
Is there anything that’s really lifting the arm?
Can the lifter of the arm directly experienced?
Something must be lifting the arm. If its not me, then maybe it is the same thing that is making the whole world happen. Maybe it is the same thing that is making everything manifest.
I can't directly experience the lifter of the arm, and I can't seem to directly experience what is making the world happen. All I can find is a thought (through imagination) that there must be something lifting the arm. I've tried to directly experience the "I" that seems to be here, but its the one thing that can't be experienced through the senses. Yet I appear to be looking 'from it'. Experiencing 'from it'.
And what makes it happen, including your own actions?
I have no idea what makes the world happen. Or my own actions. This is what I want answered. This is what I have wanted answered for the past 30+ years. If I sit here now at my desk, I see a world happening. I can see that my own actions are also happening within it, though. Whenever I look, the world is here.
Ok, so really tell me what mind is. You just answered when it appears, but not what it is. What exactly is it?
Again, I have no idea. I can tell you all about how it appears to work and that it seems to be needed to navigate the world, but I can't answer what it is. Especially without going into theories and thoughts.
Keep observing. How is it felt? What is it that’s perceiving it? Where is it felt?
I have been observing the feeling of aliveness, the feeling of 'being', or more simply 'me', almost non-stop for hours and days. I don't understand how to go deeper with it. Even if I am not looking for an 'answer', nothing changes. It is just like a pure 'knowingness' that's always here and now.
How is it felt? Not through the senses. It is more like an intuition. When I try to go deeper into how it is felt, it just feels like a dead end. There's no 'deeper'.
What is it that is perceiving it? Again, this feels like the same question in another form - being the question that I can't answer. It just IS, and its looking, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, experiencing. I can't see it, I can only see from it. However, this is what I want answered, if that is possible.
Where is it felt? That's a good one - I can't find an answer to that. Apart from 'everywhere'. In my totality of experience.
I apologise if I am rehashing the same answers. I just can't seem to go deeper, though I find the 'observing' relaxing and I wish I could do it all day every day at this point.
Thanks for your honesty and sincerety. You’re doing a great job. :). Keep up the good work!
Thanks - told you I would be a good grasshopper :)