Ending the constant searching

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Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Wed Jul 11, 2018 11:39 pm

Hi there Vince
Let's leave the possibility that it might happen in our lifetime, on the table. Even that it might be triggered by Trump's reign. ..or the pendulum might swing to a more humanitarian side, after the current emphasis on economics (at the expense (tic) of humanitarian issues)
Yes , regarding happening in our lifetime, anything is possible, thats true. What do you think about astrology? A load of rubbish? Do you think there are patterns at all?
However, its still different from the actual raw experience, its secondhand.
Certainly it is a different experience. Only story can downplay the value of it. An enjoyable experience is what it is.
Im still confused about memories. Memories are thought based , they are part of THIS, however don't you think people get caught up too much in memories as in past stories and play UP the value of them? And ruminate too much in the past or future?
Technology has shaped the world we live in most definitely.
..you aint seen nothin' yet !
I know! Its going to change a lot!
Would this lead to a boring life with no drama and stories", yep probably
Hmm, i'm not so sure. Boredom is about wanting something different.
Good point, but dont you think this life and its learning is designed around contrast?
Is helplessness about not having control ?
Yes I think thats exactly what helplessness is. But maybe too thats where surrendering comes in
all that needs to be done to unclench is a relaxation,
Would this be preceded by an intention to unclench ?
Well it would certainly help to have the intention. How powerful do you think intentions are? I still get confused with the notions of having no free will or control but yet that people who seems to have intentions in their lives do seem to get results?

Well thats it for today
Love
Diana

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:12 pm

Good morning Diana,
What do you think about astrology?
i cannot fathom any credibility to it. i do have compassion for those who use it to bring some meaning to their lives. i feel the same way about all religions, including the religions of money and power. (actually (temporary) annoyance arises for the latter more easily)
Do you think there are patterns at all?
Hmm, don't know. i'm inclined to think that there are, but don't know if there is any order to those. It belongs in the mystery basket.
however don't you think people get caught up too much in memories as in past stories and play UP the value of them? And ruminate too much in the past or future?
Absolutely. It's when they are used as a form of denial about the NOW, that it is inappropriate behaviour.
dont you think this life and its learning is designed around contrast?
i wouldn't say "designed", but contrast probably does influence desire.
maybe thats where surrendering comes in
Would surrender change victimhood to something practical ?
How powerful do you think intentions are?
Intentions are often one of the conditions necessary for happening to manifest.
In the area of 'personal' health and fitness, i think that they play a big part.
yet that people who seems to have intentions in their lives do seem to get results?
Yes, but the mistake is to believe that the results are solely caused by will power. Ego inflation is often involved here.
Looking at the past 24 hours, how do you think that life would have been different for you if you were awake ?

love

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Thu Jul 19, 2018 7:46 am

Hi Vince,
Life has been busy
I don’t have much for you but wanted to check in
Yes, but the mistake is to believe that the results are solely caused by will power. Ego inflation is often involved here.
Looking at the past 24 hours, how do you think that life would have been different for you if you were awake ?
I know what you mean, it seems to be a mixture of some sort of will , (which is still due to conditioning) and surrender .i see how easily the ego can be inflated.
Looking at the past several days, i feel if i were awake that i wouldn’t be as reactive, i wouldn’t be constantly feeling restless, anxious, somewhat depressed and lost in thought
I know life won’t be a bed of roses buf i would expect more peace, more steadiness
Love
Diana

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Thu Jul 19, 2018 2:20 pm

i feel if i were awake that i wouldn’t be as reactive, i wouldn’t be constantly feeling restless, anxious, somewhat depressed and lost in thought
What if i told you that it would be exactly as it is...
Until it changes.

much love

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Tue Jul 24, 2018 4:32 am

No i don’t get it , it might be the same in circumstances and conditions but something must be different else what’s the point of even talking about this or inquiring?

Something needs to be crack

Love
Diana

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Wed Jul 25, 2018 3:47 am

Hi Diana,
Something needs to be crack
Agreed. Something does need to crack, and that something is the recognition that THIS is it!
How can it be any different ?
You are not looking for what is not. (although you insist that you are)
Hmm, having said that, i guess that what is not, is the acceptance, that THIS is it.
So, i should have said that you are not looking for something outside of yourself (you know what i mean when i say "yourself")
i know (believe) that you hear my words that with the acceptance of the shitty stuff, that it will change. So how do we move from hearing words to the visceral knowing that they are true ?

love

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Fri Jul 27, 2018 5:19 pm

HI Vince, have my brother and wife and stepson coming into town today so wont write again till Monday!

Yes I know , total acceptance, not trying to change anything, knowing, recognizing that THIS is it!

It is hard to sometimes not to think things could be different, or want things to be different even if futile, so even though I understand intellectually what you say, I am not there yet. There are many choices that I have made in life which I wish I had not. I try to tell myself that everything is just the way it should be, but is it really, or is this a story I tell myself to make myself feel better? Or rationalise things, I just dont know to be honest
You are not looking for what is not. (although you insist that you are)
Hmm, having said that, i guess that what is not, is the acceptance, that THIS is it
Confused as to what you are saying lol, I insist that I am NOT looking for what is not... meaning I dont think I am looking to change the things I dont like about life and focusing on them? I need to accept and surrender?
So, i should have said that you are not looking for something outside of yourself (you know what i mean when i say "yourself")
i know (believe) that you hear my words that with the acceptance of the shitty stuff, that it will change. So how do we move from hearing words to the visceral knowing that they are true ?
Ok, I think its getting a bit clear what you are telling me, actually no I am still confused Vince, are you telling me that I should not be looking for something outside of myself (yes I know what you mean when you say yourself) and that I am, or that I should be looking for something outside of myself? And that Im not?

I think what you are saying is that everything is the way it is, cant be changed, acceptance and surrender to all conditions of my life is what is needed. right?
I dont know how to move from hearing words and understanding it to the visceral knowing, I dont know how to stop seeking, these days I feel a sadness and a confusion some of the time , a lot of the time actually . Like a brain fog. And I had a couple more dreams where the dreams were like daily life and then I am a bit confused as to if something happened or not? Strange..

Anyway, this has been a very confused post hasn't it?

Love
Diana

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Tue Jul 31, 2018 1:51 pm

Good evening Diana,
this has been a very confused post hasn't it?
Hmm, i think that it's not the post that is confused.
This might be a way in. Let's examine confusion.
Is it having two contradictory ideas ?
..in which case, it would be one that is 'right' and one not. How does this 'ring' ?
Is it having ideas that we don't want to be 'right' ?
Is it having ideas that seem 'wrong' ?
Is it a disconnect between ideas and feelings ?
Can you look at your confusion and describe the process.
Yes I know , total acceptance, not trying to change anything, knowing, recognizing that THIS is it!
There doesn't seem to be any confusion here.
It is hard to sometimes not to think things could be different, or want things to be different
Of course. We all do this. An awakened 'person' does this and recognizes it as a wishful story, then lets it go. Those asleep, cling to the possibility that somehow it might magically manifest. ..i might add that the awakened one will always allow the possibility that anything is possible - just not cling to hope.
What happens for you ?
There are many choices that I have made in life which I wish I had not.
Yes, i imagine that this is so for everybody. It certainly is for me. Do we live in regret ? ..or accept that it is past tense ?
I try to tell myself that everything is just the way it should be
It's not a case of "should be", but a case of It is what it IS.
Just like the tree that grew with a lean because of the constant wind. We can lament the idea that it's not symetrical, or revel in the wonder at the beauty in that it survived the conditions.
is this a story I tell myself to make myself feel better?
Probably. ..and recognizing this you can giggle at the amazing power of stories. (the world can't exist without them)
I just dont know to be honest
i think that you do know. Does this meet one of the ideas about confusion above ?
are you telling me that I should not be looking for something...
Yes! Look hard. Look for the rest of your life. Look high or low. You will not find anything that will change THIS.
YOUR SEARCHING DAYS ARE OVER. You are standing in gold up to your knees.
Stop looking for... and start looking AT!
I dont know how to move from hearing words and understanding it to the visceral knowing
There is no movement required. Just a perspective shift.
Just stop right now. Close your eyes and listen to sounds that you normally ignore. Do you hear them ? They were always there. Just not noticed.
Now expand this to your idea of THIS.

LOVE

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Sun Aug 05, 2018 4:03 am

Hi Vince,

Ok, let’s examine confusion
Yes it Wasn’t the post confused, it’s me confused! The thoughts and mind .

Yes i think There are ideas in me that i feel some are 'right' and some are 'wrong', or more like i think some are clear and aligned with truth and some are muddied .
Yes there Is a disconnect between ideas and feelings, i think so in some instances

I don’t know if i can describe my confusion, do you mean in daily life, or in this inquiry or are they one and the Same?

As you know, life is very challenging right now, and it’s getting so more by the day, this brings up confusion in my mind and psyche trying to handle it all. Arguing with reality and feeling somewhat hopeless . In terms of this inquiry , i don’t know what can take me from the intellectual understanding of all this to the visceral knowing. I don’t know what is blocking me and this is confusing . Some contradictory ideas would be at some level having the idea that everything will work out in life and that being a basically good person trying to be myself and caring about life should mean that it shouldn’t have to be hard on the one hand, and yet being able to see that this is really ridiculous when you think of how most of the world lives. As you know i am tormented by every system around me being broken and seeing so much greed and corruption, even though i know there is so much good around too. These are all conflicts and cause confusion. I don’t want things to be random and chaotic at some fundamental level, but 'GOOD'

We all do this. An awakened 'person' does this and recognizes it as a wishful story, then lets it go. Those asleep, cling to the possibility that somehow it might magically manifest. ..i might add that the awakened one will always allow the possibility that anything is possible - just not cling to hope.
What happens for you ?
This relates to what i was just saying, yes there Is part of me, the idealist part that really wants things to be different and good and peaceful. I think i do cling to the possibility that it might magically manifest, hmmm. I think i cling to hope Vince , i do!
Yes, i imagine that this is so for everybody. It certainly is for me. Do we live in regret ? ..or accept that it is past tense ?
I think i don’t live in regret really. For the most part i accept the past tense, there is a tiny regret but not much! I kind of avoid the last, i don’t like looking at old pics, makes me nostalgic, so i guess this is regret?
It's not a case of "should be", but a case of It is what it IS.
Just like the tree that grew with a lean because of the constant wind. We can lament the idea that it's not symetrical, or revel in the wonder at the beauty in that it survived the conditions

This is beautiful how you put this Vince, i cried when i read it ! I like the reveling instead of the lamenting. What IS can be devastating like the loss of my ex's son, it’s hard not to lament the big things, but yes i do Understand what you say, it just IS

Ok, i know that i tell myself stories to feel better , yes it does for me as you asked meet one of the ideas about confusion . You’re right, without stories the world can’t exist but at one level, it seems so pointless if they are all just stories and not what IS


Your post made me cry again when you said i am standing in gold up to my knees. It’s like at some level i know this but i am veiled. SEEKING TO STOP SEEKING....

I am looking FOR instead of looking AT, you nailed it!

Every day i try to start my day with gratitude and acceptance and many days it gets even worse than i can imagine, it’s so strange, it’s like test after test!
But i know i am blessed Vince , even amongst it all.
There is no movement required. Just a perspective shift.
Just stop right now. Close your eyes and listen to sounds that you normally ignore. Do you hear them ? They were always there. Just not noticed.
Now expand this to your idea of THIS.
Yes like The fridge always running, that you don’t notice, of if you live near an airport you don’t notice the planes flying by anymore , or do the fish know they are in water, so much unnoticed, why is the human condition this way, i know it’s a mystery and how to shift the persepecive, i know I’ve asked yo this a million times....

Funnily enough as i was writing to you, a song came one that i didn’t know and it caught my attention, guess what the name is, SURRENDer, these are some of the lyrics as far as i could make out..

Can there be synchronicity without being in magical thinking? What do you think?


'Raise the white flag and surrender to this life, don’t question how or why, pour the whiskey , smell the roses, tell some jokes, laugh before you die

It is all BS, life is too short, always think that we’ll get it done just in time to go , somewhere who knows where, maybe some place better, but surrender, when it’s time to question how or why, lay your arms down and surrender, you will feel amazing,

Amazing,what is fiction what is real, we been programmed what to feel by the tv by the pen. Let your heart open your eyes again, your eyes again

You know life’s too short to live it in fear, only thing you will regret is what you do not do at all even more than that stupid things you do. LOST IT HERE



OK THATS IT

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:34 pm

Good evening Diana,
The thoughts and mind
Is there a difference between thoughts and mind ?
'right' and some are 'wrong'
Is there confusion about which are which ?
i think some are clear and aligned with truth and some are muddied
So is there conflict between these ? ..or are the muddied ones promising to become clear and displace the currently clear ones ? (or something else?)
there Is a disconnect between ideas and feelings,
Does one of these have more credibility ?
I don’t know if i can describe my confusion, do you mean in daily life, or in this inquiry or are they one and the Same?
They are the same.
life is very challenging
..meaning that something is asked of you that you find difficult to deliver ?
trying to handle it all.
Do you mean, just cope or be productive in spite of it ?
Arguing with reality
i thought that you could recognize what is concept and what is actual (reality) ?
Arguing with reality and feeling somewhat hopeless .
Does this mean that you want what is actual to be different and suffer when it doesn't accomodate ?
I don’t know what is blocking me
Don't think of it as something that is blocking you. Just imagine that it is something that you haven't recognized. (it is only a blink away)
having the idea that everything will work out in life and that being a basically good person trying to be myself and caring about life should mean that it shouldn’t have to be hard on the one hand,
Hmm, i guess most fairy stories end with everybody living happily ever after.
The irony is that when you stop believing in fairy stories, then they become true.
I don’t want things to be random and chaotic at some fundamental level, but 'GOOD'
i wonder if random and chaotic is the basis for diversity - which nature relies on for stability.
I think i cling to hope
Hope is good. We just need to accept that it may not happen (or may)
it seems so pointless if they are all just stories and not what IS
The story IS.
The product of the story IS.
Every day i try to start my day with gratitude and acceptance
This, like positive thinking, just gives you a temporary bounce. Stop it. Make the practice to FEEL gratitude and acceptance in the midst of the shit that occurs.
how to shift the persepecive
It's not something that you can DO. If the intention to notice what perspective exists and wonder if an alternative one exists, when shit happens, then brain might begin to rewire.
Can there be synchronicity without being in magical thinking? What do you think?
i often wonder if something is synchronicity. i would never categorically say that it is, but the possibility that it is, is there. (ah, the mystery...)
"Raise the white flag and surrender to this life..."
Wow, it certainly is apt.

love

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:59 pm

HI Vince, sorry for the delay in my reply
The thoughts and mind
Is there a difference between thoughts and mind ?
Not really, no! More a phrase of speech, mind is like the abstract noun to describe a collection of thoughts that seem to be contained in a unit of 'Diana' but this is really nonsense upon examination. Is there one big collective mind?

[quote
]'right' and some are 'wrong'
Is there confusion about which are which ?[/quote]

I dont know if there is confusion, I think not, really, but there is criticism of thoughts by other thoughts, again this sounds stupid when writing it out like this ....
i think some are clear and aligned with truth and some are muddied
So is there conflict between these ? ..or are the muddied ones promising to become clear and displace the currently clear ones ? (or something else?)
It seems like there is conflict at times, but the muddied ones are not promising to become clear to displace the current clear ones, but just to become clear and join them. I dont know, this does sound silly writing it
there Is a disconnect between ideas and feelings,
Does one of these have more credibility ?
I dont think one of them has more credibility, but feelings are more real and in your face and not easily ignored whereas ideas can be ignored
I don’t know if i can describe my confusion, do you mean in daily life, or in this inquiry or are they one and the Same?
They are the same
.
Agreed
life is very challenging
..meaning that something is asked of you that you find difficult to deliver ?
Yes , thats how it feels, exactly!
trying to handle it all.
Do you mean, just cope or be productive in spite of it ?
I feel like I am barely coping and I would like to be productive in spite of it, I feel I should be able to be
Arguing with reality
i thought that you could recognize what is concept and what is actual (reality) ?
I usually can, but forget and get caught up in concepts. Its hard in practice to recognize all the time
Arguing with reality and feeling somewhat hopeless .
Does this mean that you want what is actual to be different and suffer when it doesn't accomodate ?
Yes thats exactly what I mean, YES !
I don’t know what is blocking me
Don't think of it as something that is blocking you. Just imagine that it is something that you haven't recognized. (it is only a blink away)
A blink away, but still not recognized. A shift in perception, so close, and yet so far.......
Hmm, i guess most fairy stories end with everybody living happily ever after.
The irony is that when you stop believing in fairy stories, then they become true.
Make sense what you are saying, yet it feels like for me to stop believing in fairy stories like good always eventually prevailing would somehow make me jaded, hopless, cynical even?!
I don’t want things to be random and chaotic at some fundamental level, but 'GOOD'
i wonder if random and chaotic is the basis for diversity - which nature relies on for stability.
Im fine with diversity and some of the total randomness and chaos necessary for it, I just want to believe that there is some fundamental intelligence underlying all this , a beautiful Wonder-full mystery, you know?
Hope is good. We just need to accept that it may not happen (or may)
I know, you're right...
The story IS.
The product of the story IS.
Well then.. if stories are real and important, why cant i want a different story, somewhat different anyway? Even while accepting the current story??
Make the practice to FEEL gratitude and acceptance in the midst of the shit that occurs.
this is hard to do, I am trying. It works sometimes , sometimes, but can feel contrived at times too
If the intention to notice what perspective exists and wonder if an alternative one exists, when shit happens, then brain might begin to rewire.
Ok, this might be easier to do than the acceptance and feeling of gratitude amidst the shit


Hope you're having a good Sunday, or maybe its already Monday for you

Take care
xoxo

Diana

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vinceschubert
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Sun Aug 19, 2018 2:48 pm

Good evening Diana,
sorry for the delay in my reply
No worries. i am really busy these days too.
Is there one big collective mind?
i wouldn't know. What does make sense is that the collective emotions generated by like thinking minds, do create an atmosphere.
this sounds stupid when writing it out like this
Yes, it does sound stupid, but also very real and really common. Do you think that it produces stress ?
Does it result in feelings and behaviour to attempt to alleviate the situation ?
the muddied ones are not promising to become clear to displace the current clear ones, but just to become clear and join them.
So, if we were to anchor our thoughts to something (apparently) external to them, say what is seen to be actual (reality), do you think that they might 'fight' less ?
feelings are more real and in your face and not easily ignored whereas ideas can be ignored
..and if ideas generate feelings ?
meaning that something is asked of you that you find difficult to deliver ?
Yes , thats how it feels, exactly!
So if you were to assess the request and find that it would be difficult or impossible to deliver, immediately, would you feel guilty in refusing to action it ?
yet it feels like for me to stop believing in fairy stories like good always eventually prevailing would somehow make me jaded, hopless, cynical even?!
i experience compassion mixed with respect for those around me that are lost their fairy tales. i don't feel cynical, but relieved that i'm no longer trapped.
I just want to believe that there is some fundamental intelligence underlying all this , a beautiful Wonder-full mystery, you know?
Then believe. The possibility that there is, is just as great as any other. Knowing that this is a good story can have positive benefits.
if stories are real and important, why cant i want a different story, somewhat different anyway? Even while accepting the current story??
You can. Write a new chapter into the story of Diana. It has just as much validity as the current chapters.
Don't write it as a hoped for version, but as an actual one.
but can feel contrived at times too
That is fine. A great story about a placebo trial is that when the participants were told that they were taking a sugar pill, it still worked.
Hope you're having a good Sunday,
that Sunday was good and this one is too.

love

vince

Trinidiana
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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Fri Sep 07, 2018 5:24 pm

HI Vince,

Just checking in, another long delay I know, but I am just taking one challenging day at a time. My mind is going crazy with a lot of the challenges of life right now, also a couple health issues.
this sounds stupid when writing it out like this
Yes, it does sound stupid, but also very real and really common. Do you think that it produces stress ?
Does it result in feelings and behaviour to attempt to alleviate the situation ?
Yes , a lot of stress and feelings and behaviour to attempt to alleviate the situation I feel I am in crisis mode and am very unhappy a lot of the time, not all the time but a lot.
So, if we were to anchor our thoughts to something (apparently) external to them, say what is seen to be actual (reality), do you think that they might 'fight' less ?
Not sure about this question, I think in reality a thought can't anchor to another one, nor fight less. Yet in a way, this is exactly what it feels like, the anxieties and worries are real, they clamor , I can bring some presence to them and it helps by meditating or coming into body. It's fear attracting the racing thoughts, and the constant tension is real. To get through it requires real mindfulness.
feelings are more real and in your face and not easily ignored whereas ideas can be ignored
..and if ideas generate feelings ?
Yes this is true, the idea or thoughts do connect to feelings, feelings and emotions are where the suffering is, the thoughts are just thoughts until the anxiety and fear comes in, the feelings. Feelings are powerful.
meaning that something is asked of you that you find difficult to deliver ?
Yes , thats how it feels, exactly!
So if you were to assess the request and find that it would be difficult or impossible to deliver, immediately, would you feel guilty in refusing to action it ?
Yes feelings of guilt come often
yet it feels like for me to stop believing in fairy stories like good always eventually prevailing would somehow make me jaded, hopless, cynical even?!
i experience compassion mixed with respect for those around me that are lost their fairy tales. i don't feel cynical, but relieved that i'm no longer trapped.
I too experience compassion and can clearly see when people around me are trapped in fairy tale, however I too am trapped. I realise more and more that what is, just is , yet this leads to me feeling somewhat nihilistic, like how brutal life can be. Like watching a nature documentary and its all so beautiful, yet very very brutal. Although that doesnt bother me nearly as much as when its us humans being brutal, like when they just found around 60-70 elephants poached, thats brutal and savage. Whats happening to my Dad and Mum with his losing his mind is brutal. How do I get out of these traps?
]I just want to believe that there is some fundamental intelligence underlying all this , a beautiful Wonder-full mystery, you know?
Then believe. The possibility that there is, is just as great as any other. Knowing that this is a good story can have positive benefits.
Yes , for me , it's all there is for me to hang onto. That there's somehow reasons for things happening, or some underlying intelligence that is benevolent. But not in a religious way!
]if stories are real and important, why cant i want a different story, somewhat different anyway? Even while accepting the current story??
You can. Write a new chapter into the story of Diana. It has just as much validity as the current chapters.
Don't write it as a hoped for version, but as an actual one.
I really want to do this Vince, can you help and guide me in how I should go about this? Every day just seems to bring another challenge, I am lost as to how to write a new story. Like, do you mean to literally write it? Are we getting into manifestation and positivity here ?

Take care, hope all is well, I know this has been a very heavy post.

Love
Diana

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Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby vinceschubert » Sun Sep 09, 2018 1:23 pm

Hello Diana,
another long delay
No problem. Just don't quit.
i had a heavy heart after reading your post. Sometimes life sucks. Is this just part of the pendulum swinging ?
behaviour to attempt to alleviate the situation
Does the behaviour work ? If it is successful and doesn't have negatives, then keep it up. If it doesn't work, let's look for something that does.
Yes this is true, the idea or thoughts do connect to feelings,... Feelings are powerful.
So the thoughts that generate the feelings are powerful too ?
Yes feelings of guilt come often
..and these feelings come after a story about how it should have been ?
I realise more and more that what is, just is , yet this leads to me feeling somewhat nihilistic,
Yes, this nihilism is the result of incomplete seeing. The consequence of not seeing the freedom that surrender brings.
...is brutal. How do I get out of these traps?
Again, the trap is only apparent because your perspective is too narrow. You are only seeing the local event, the brutality. If you widen your perspective then it takes in the good news too. This balances.
It doesn't make the brutality any less brutal, but certainly softens the pain of it.
I really want to do this Vince, can you help and guide me in how I should go about this?
Yes
do you mean to literally write it?
Yes
Are we getting into manifestation and positivity here ?
Those are corrupted concepts. Best not to use them.
Let's title it "Introducing a New possibility then converting that possibility into a probability, then introducing some necessary circumstances or conditions to convert that probability into actuality."
So, let's start with that possibility.
Have you ever been happy ? (rhetorical question)
Call the possibility "Life-ing with more happiness than unhappiness"
Write a paragraph on this. Do it quickly without editing, then ponder what you have written. Then polish it.
Include reasons why it is possible. eg a period in your past where it happened spontaneously.
As you include reasons for it being possible, keep an 'eye out' for any tendrils of feeling that reach out towards possible becoming a little bit probable. Even if they fade on examination.
Make your next post this.

love

vince

Trinidiana
Posts: 239
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2017 10:22 am

Re: Ending the constant searching

Postby Trinidiana » Mon Sep 10, 2018 6:32 am

Hi Vince,

Before i begin, i want to thank you, that post post made me smile so much, you are so kind and really care, and this touches me immensely.

Ok ...I’m going to do the task you asked me to do , then go back and comment on some of your other questions/statements.

“Life-ing with more happiness than unhappiness”

Both are part of life but everyone wants more happiness, yet the whole pursuit of happiness leaves a bad taste, feels corrupted. Is it possible to be 'content', or accepting even in the ups and downs of life, so that one can be happy even as the pendulum swings, i think it’s so for some people , but not for many. To strive for happiness seems a paradox. My intuition says that there can be life -ing with more happiness than unhappiness, and it’s done by saying yes to whatever life brings up. That when the thoughts get crazy which lead to crazy feelings, that the 'pause', and feeling the aliveness in the body at least temporarily halts the unhappiness and leads to more peace, and peace is happiness in its purest form.

(Ok that’s my first initial pass)

I only now see you said to include reasons so this i have done next:

The reason why i believe it is possible to life with more happiness is because clearly there are happy and content humans and i am human, and i feel that we are not meant to be unhappy, that rather, it’s a bug , not a feature to live in constant restlessness, seeking, fear and anxiety. I don’t live constantly like this though... not at all, there are many moments of happiness in my life, actually i have had a pretty blessed life all told. Beauty makes me happy, the beauty of those around me by which i mean their spirit, their life force , and nature and animals. These are external, so what is it about these externalities that make me happy? Somehow they help bring out my inner peace that’s already there, the connection i feel to these externalities, the appreciation and attention to the (to use your word )wonder-fullness of life. When i can see the wonder and appreciate life i feel happy and content and peaceful and that life is ok...

So i wrote all that on the fly, not going to change anything except i will reread and just check for typos , so i know i didn’t do it exactly the way you asked , i didn’t polish it, dull, let’s call the second paragraph kind of like the polishing since i had to think of the reasons, the first one was just quick.

In terms of tendrils of feeling that i think make possible become more probable, it’s the appreciation or attention or pausing, seeing the story and then coming back to the moment. I feel that if i reread some of your suggestions that i have copied and pasted into my notes, i will find that you have suggested this to me. The laughing for example, the recognizing of the stories, it’s all a pause, isn’t it??

Now ...to finish with your post to me, i absolutely grinned from ear to ear with how you said that manifestation and positivity are corrupted concepts, and your title of 'Introducing a New possibility then converting that possibility into a probability, then introducing some necessary circumstances or conditions to convert that probability into actuality."

Omg Vince, i love this, it’s so brilliant. I really love it. So that’s the start i guess.....

I’m not going to quote anything from your post, just can say that yes , sometimes life does suck and it is part of the pendulum swinging, my mind tells me that the six years since leaving my country have been hard, but it is what it is. I always felt that everything lined up pretty perfectly to get us here, there has been fear from the beginning though, maybe this has been part of the cause of why it’s been challenging, i don’t know . That’s probably just story again, but jeez, when is it going to give. Brings to mind a song i love by my favorite singer Jewel .. “I’ve been down so looooong, that the end must be drawing near “

So , to reply to some of your comments, no, the behavior is not helping., yes the thoughts are powerful too, except they’re really not i think, because they are stories, but they’re tricky, and sticky . Many thoughts and feelings, am i giving them their power, somehow?

Thank you for your take on my perspective being too narrow, i understand ....it’s like i need to see things from the 30k view , don’t know yet what it is but i recognize that knowing this or thinking this is a better story.

Ok, you asked if the feelings of guilt come after a story about how it should have been.

I will give you an anecdote that perfectly illustrates this. I started this email in the morning , it’s now 1246 in the night and i am finishing it now

Here’s a little rant, after starting my email to you, Around lunch time, i decided to go and relax by the pool and read a couple magazines and just take it easy.

So , far the last a little over two years, we have had a bearded dragon, an Australian desert animal and i have grown to love this lizard . Because the last two years we have had hurricanes and had no power, i had to take her outside everyday when we lost power for a week and she loved it so much so it became a routine, so that nearly every day I take her out for a bit, I put her on a table and set a timer to check on her every fifteen minutes, she’s doesn’t move much, so she could easily go sometimes two hours before jumping off the table and she might go and laze in a bush or whatever. So today was the normal routine of taking her out, putting her on the table etc. She seemed perfectly fine. She WAS perfectly fine.

After about an hour, she did her normal jump off the table and i watched her as i let her walk a bit and then put her back on the little table in a different spot, shortly, she jumped again, but this time just kind of stayed in one spot on the floor. Then my son woke up and his friend cam over and i went inside maybe ten mins, i then glanced out at her and immediately saw that something looked wrong, because her head was collapsed on the ground, her whole body position looked weird, and i kind of freaked out and screamed at my son to please go look because something was definitely wrong with Nessie. I went out and her whole beard which is her neck was black , i mean black and i knew that wasn’t a good sign.

The next thirty minutes were a blur as we googled stuff to try to figure what to do, it said maybe she had ingested something poisonous, i tried to call every emergency vet in the area , all were closed or didn’t have an exotic animal vet, ....we had her back in her terrarium but she was clearly not doing well, and i couldn’t bear to look at her, so i had my sone keep spraying her with water and giving her a dropper of water, she did drink a bit, but she vomited and had a bowel movement and half her body turned black. But then , just as i finally got a vet 25 miles away that would see her, she lifted her head a bit, so we grabbed a box , put her in it,and left to take her to the vet. But, After about ten mins and before we got on the highway, i was looking at her in the back in the box and she seemed like she wasn’t moving, we looked at her at a traffic light and couldn’t determine if she alive,still wasn’t moving. i had an intuition that she had died. Before we got on the highway, i said to my son , let’s stop and see if she has already died, because if so , it wouldn’t make sense to drive all the way to the vet. I was very upset with how she looked with the black beard , it just look so horrible. So we pulled up in a gas station and kind of tipped the box to see if she would move any of her limbs, nothing, looked to see if she was breathing, nothing, nothing nothing nothing, we questioned ourselves, is she dead and determined that it appeared she definitely was. I resigned myself to the fact that she was dead, i was very upset and cried, but told Jess let’s go and put her in a bush or something since there was some empty land around. We walked a bit and eventually ended up throwing her in a small pond, seemed somehow better than leaving her just in the bush. Jesse asked if i wanted to take her home to bury her but somehow i didn’t want to, i just wanted it all ended .

It was all so shocking , and i felt sad for her passing and just prayed she hadn’t suffered too much, the only we coul think of is she ingested something poisonous , she was having seizures etc. but the truth is i will never know what happened to her.

Now for the guilt part, well about two hours ago, i decided to google about how she could have died, because there was just this little guilty tug inside screaming out to me, what if she wasn’t dead, what if, and then of course, i find something where someone was saying that they could possibly go into shock , they are bruminating animals, which of course she wasn’t bruminating, which is like hibernating, but my mind started to and it’s still playing tricks on me about whether she had gone into a coma, why didn’t i drive thirty mins, that i was wrong, and selfish for not doing so, that she might have been alive and it just really had me so bummed out, and my family tried to tell me that it was not so, that she WAS dead . But why didn’t i bring her home to bury her, why didni just decide she was dead and to dispose of her, why didn’t i give it more time, did i make a terrible choice, and on and on it goes right now Vince. I am racked with regret and what ifs and guilt and i can’t believe she’s not here with me anymore, and i know it’s a bloody LIZARD!?!??

Anyway, it’s just a great example of how the mind can produce the thoughts which produce the feelings of guilt. We have had her for two years and i was really attached to this docile creature , i tried for her to be happy every day by taking her out of her jail terrarium and letting her be like a wild animal, Strangely , in the last couple months, i have had several dreams that she died and just yesterday i was thinking about how long she might live , since they have quite a long span and how upset i would be if she died, and on an on an on, and , she’s gone, my lizard is gone, just like that!

I will miss her, and there is a part of Me that wants to blame myself somehow, go through the what if’s and feel guilty. Maybe i could have save her, maybe if i just did go to that vet 25 miles away. I know you might say that everything played out just as it would, as in the only way that it could, every condition lined up and trying to change it is so pointless. But the truth is, i wish she was here, in our home, her home..

So i am observing all this , i will b e fine,she is fine, but .... it still sucks and hurts. Well yeah, so i wanted to share this with you, i had started off the day off kind of good because i was so happy at your post, and then , it’s like here goes again, another challenge.

Well, that’s it, there is no more to say

Lots of love

Diana


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