No controller, but is that it?

[Anastacia42]

Sure, whenever.

Byron Katie's The Work is great for stressful situations. www.thework.com

Loving,

[has0i]

Hi Stacy,

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There is no 'self', 'I', 'me'. There never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

Things just flow automatically in experience in the now always. But somehow an assumption of I automatically happens in thoughts. Thoughts start speaking of an I. Then facial sensations, mental images of face, body sensations are taken to be I. Thoughts start speaking of what "I" should do, what future needs to happen etc. But all of this is just automatically happening here.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

There was a deep relaxation in the chest. Less push|revulsion against elements in experience. Feels right. Compared to before, it's much more "in the moment". Feels like what is happening here is all there is. They happen automatically. But there was no mind-shattering big bang or something. Thoughts do talk about an I, but there is no one thinking them.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

The major issue was doubts. Based on a question from Stacy, I started looking into assumptions. "What would it take to say there is no self 100%". There were hidden expectations such as "Never feel bad", "never get caught up in self again", "Feel no revulsion towards mental image of face", "Facial sensations and mental image of face shouldn't appear again", "Always see the automaticity of experience all the time, especially in stressful interactions" etc.

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

There is nobody making a decision. Things just happen. Sometimes there can be a thought prediction of what is going to happen.
Eg:
Sometimes there is a nonverbal knowing/ thought that the mouse is about to be picked up, followed by the picking up of it. Whereas some other times, there is just the picking up of it.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Thoughts appear intending to do something. Things happen and later that action is taken.
Eg:
Thought: "I will pick up the bottle in 10 seconds". Thoughts count down from 10 to 0. Bottle gets picked up.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

No such thing. There is no one who has free will. Things just happen.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Choices just happen.
Eg:
Thought: "Either turn head left or turn it right". Head moves right.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

Nobody controlling. Things just happen.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

Not sure. Seems just happening here now. It's like a flow.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Thoughts immediately came up saying "I am responsible for my family and my career to support myself and family". But they are thoughts. Gone. There is nobody responsible for anything. Still there is the wish/need that things should go a certain way.

6) Anything to add?

This seeing of the way things really are, that it's just a flow happening automatically here without anyone controlling it, does get clouded every now and then. During stressful situations especially, thought storms about the "I" appear, and there is still the tendency to get caught up in it, assuming the I, then searching to see no-self, trying to "get it back". It did happen some number of times after there was the conclusion that there is really no self.
But even that is happening automatically without a self, in hindsight, but not so obvious when caught up in it. I guess it has to play out till it doesn't. "Falling", as you would say.
Initially when there was the admitting that there was no self, it was a wonderful relaxation. But after going through some stress and anxiety, I'm sure suffering still hasn't ended. Probably more work to be done. :)

Thanks :)

[Anastacia42]

Excellent work. Your replies will be shared with other guides who may have questions. Stay tuned!

Loving

[Anastacia42]

There were no questions. Watch this space for an email about some groups and things you can join, if you live, These can be good to help you sort through how all of this applies, now that you can see clearly.

Much love,

[Anastacia42]

Here are some more resources:

An admin will contact you with an invite to the LU FB group.

It's good to keep inquiring and clarifying this, as this is just the beginning.

If you ever have any questions, you can always ask anyone on the FB group, or reach out to me.

Below are some excellent resources for further exploration. It is not meant for you to explore all of these. Simply notice what resonates and go with that.

Simply Awake app - Free app for your phone that contains dozens of meditations that will help you keep looking deeper.
Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/deta ... roid.awake
Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/simply-awake/id1544382796

https://perfectlyokay.org/ - A free, supportive community that has many different modalities and meetings.

Oscillation group - PerfectlyOkay.org also has an oscillation group for if you feel like you are going in and out of seeing. You can find information on it if you go to perfectlyokay.org -> Weekly Meetups -> scroll down half-way to Tuesdays and it should be there. You can also do a search on the page for 'oscillation' in the browser. The time right now says 10am PT on Tuesdays but please confirm this as it may change.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X_Xpd10pV0 - A great video from Angelo Dilullo on this process and how it deepens on its own, if not resisted.

https://simplytheseen.com/ - If you're interested in the fetters.

Then you have regular meetings. There are 3 groups you can attend:

Vince Shubert has one or two per week. Email vinceschubert@gmail.com for more information.

Luchana and Lubo have a group on Thursdays. Email Luchana at luchanauzunova@gmail.com

Ilona holds a monthly meeting. Write admin@ilonaciunaite.com for more.

And of course PerfectlyOkay.org community has dozens of meetings.

Loving,

[has0i]

Thank you very much Stacy for all the help.I’m checking out the resources. Thanks again and much love!

[Anastacia42]

My pleasure.

Love to you