Grateful for any help

[Elad]

Good you are open to keep looking for unquestionable clarity.

Just one tip: Keep it simple.

What thinks/believes that there is or isn't awareness?

[SharMen]

Who is seeing? Feeling of in here but I try to find it back here. There is nothing. A belief that I am in the body. Who is noticing these thoughts? I am asking this over and over. Who/what is aware of these thoughts? Is there someone noticing this sound? There is no one. who is noticing that thought? The thought is there. the sound is there. These feet are in front of me. Who is this me? What is this thought that says I have a body? There is a belief. Who/what notices that thought there is a belief? Thoughts and more thoughts in answer to the thoughts. Who/what is aware? Just more thoughts. Thinking is happening. Sound is happening. Seeing feet (thought) is happening.
Is there awareness? Who/what would be aware?
Please ask me some more questions. I can't explain what is happening now but there is an opening. Not right word but I have been laying here for a long time going round and round with the same questions. Who is noticing? there is nothing but thoughts. But who is noticing. LOL this is so silly 🤣🤣
🙏

[Elad]

Good!

What is looking? What says there are only thoughts?

For any "mind answer" that comes, no matter how correct and convincing it seems, don't stop with a mind answer. What is convinced? What is doubting?

Keep looking/inquiring until it's settled beyond any possible doubt.

[SharMen]

Hi Elad,
I think there is too much efforting to try to get back to the opening I had yesterday. There is thought that I don't know what to do now. I am devoting so much time to just sitting here and looking but no shift today. I will just relax and let it go for now.
Sharon

[Elad]

Hi Elad,
I think there is too much efforting to try to get back to the opening I had yesterday. There is thought that I don't know what to do now. I am devoting so much time to just sitting here and looking but no shift today. I will just relax and let it go for now.
Sharon

Hi Sharon! Sounds good, let it go and when ready return to this:

1) Can you describe in more detail the opening that was there yesterday, without trying to recreate it, just describe?

2) What is able to do a right effort(-lessness) or alternatively to fail and do too much effort?

[SharMen]

Hi Elad,

1) Can you describe in more detail the opening that was there yesterday, without trying to recreate it, just describe?

I was staring at shelf in my room. Investigating the sense of a looker. Could not find and then something shifted where the I/looker was not here. There were just the questions/thoughts and around and around the thoughts kept going. I knew this was not a big shift because there wasn’t a Oh this is it. But it was different. The I was not there but I couldn’t grasp what was noticing all of this. It was clearly just thoughts. Like a house of mirrors, the thoughts just kept bouncing back with each new thought. And I kept asking What is noticing this? It was very light, curious and funny.

But the next day there was such heaviness and contraction. There was such irritability and restlessness as this sense of I was strong and trying to recreate the same situation as the day before. So much efforting to get back to the lightness. There was awareness of a struggle but not being able to get past it.

2) What is able to do a right effort(-lessness) or alternatively to fail and do too much effort?

I guess the "efforting" is a story the mind creates bc the feelings of contraction, restlessness were felt. It's like the doubt sucked me in. The story that has appeared many times has once again grabbed my attention. I know there's no me but the thought train goes so fast, it is hard to notice there is just thoughts.
I keep coming back to What notices? And I don't have an answer to this. It feels like being stuck. What notices any of this? It's all just happening in awareness. There is no awareness of it, it is just awareness/life.

I don't know what question to ask right now. We'll see what happens next. 😊
Sharon

[Elad]

"I know there's no me but the thought train goes so fast, it is hard to notice there is just thoughts."

How do you know you know? And that it is not just a belief? As in NOW?




It's good you are aware the experience the other days with no I there was significant like a "signpost", but not the end of the inquiry.



Keep it simple. Keep looking for what seems to know/be aware/etc etc.

[Elad]

the experience the other *day* with no I there

[Elad]

Hi Sharon, it's been a while, I feel like checking in. How are you, how is experience unfolding?

[SharMen]

hello Elad! I have been thinking of checking in but I come up blank with any questions to ask. When I stop to think about it, i see that life is just happening. I don't have a need to talk about things that are happening. I am noticing where my attention is = on sensations, sounds, when there is realization that I have been absorbed in thought. I am asking "Am I aware?" How is this known? When I go for walks, I ask Where am I? I notice there is a belief that I am in this body. I look for evidence that there is an I in a body. I look for evidence that sensation of wind is really being felt on my face. There is just sensation, no evidence that it is felt in a certain place I call face. Most of my questions are just met with a cessation of thought (no answer) and there is just this and the questioning stops for now.
I do believe that I get lost in experiences of my day at work. I will suddenly stop and just notice this. At these times It feels that maybe I have been unconscious for the previous hour but I am not bothered because I am at that time now noticing. And life happened and there was no complaints or suffering and life was happening and everything is being handled without story in the head or drama.
I have been drawn to meditating a little, which is not something I have wanted to do before. I am just going with it.
Thank you for checking in. I am always open to pointers and questions that may be helpful for me to see more clearly.
blessings.
Sharon 🙏❤️

[Elad]

hello Elad! I have been thinking of checking in but I come up blank with any questions to ask.

Good to hear Sharon. No need to have questions when you check in. It's more then fine to just write whats going on, short or long, and it's fine too if its repetitive, nothing new, nothing insightful etc. In fact the seeing happens through seeing what is and unfolds by itself. So just looking and sharing is perfect and we need not and cannot control this.

When I stop to think about it, i see that life is just happening.

What stops and thinks about it? Does seeing "just happening" need thinking to be seen?

I don't have a need to talk about things that are happening. I am noticing where my attention is = on sensations, sounds, when there is realization that I have been absorbed in thought. I am asking "Am I aware?" How is this known? When I go for walks, I ask Where am I? I notice there is a belief that I am in this body. I look for evidence that there is an I in a body. I look for evidence that sensation of wind is really being felt on my face. There is just sensation, no evidence that it is felt in a certain place I call face. Most of my questions are just met with a cessation of thought (no answer) and there is just this and the questioning stops for now.

Great. When you experience the sesation of thought stay in that "gap" and look. What is there and what is not there.

I do believe that I get lost in experiences of my day at work.

Me too. What we are aiming for here is not extraordinary mindfulness and concentration, all thought these qualities do tend to increase.

I will suddenly stop and just notice this. At these times It feels that maybe I have been unconscious for the previous hour but I am not bothered because I am at that time now noticing.

What is it that is noticing or not noticing?

And life happened and there was no complaints or suffering and life was happening and everything is being handled without story in the head or drama.

Wonderful. Certainly sounds like the inquiring has yelded beneficial fruits.

I have been drawn to meditating a little, which is not something I have wanted to do before. I am just going with it.

Great yes just go with it. And while meditating, keep looking, as if looking to discover a rare animal: What is the hidden animal that does the meditating? Is it there at all?

Thank you for checking in. I am always open to pointers and questions that may be helpful for me to see more clearly.
blessings.

Beautiful attitude.

[Elad]

Me too. What we are aiming for here is not extraordinary mindfulness and concentration, *all though* these qualities do tend to increase.

[SharMen]

Thank you Elad! Such wonderful questions to help me. I smile upon reading them bc they seem so perfect for me, esp the idea of finding the rare hidden animal. 😊
And thank you for the permission/clarification to report what is just happening. This last exchange has shown how helpful this can be.
❤🙏
Sharon

[Elad]

Lovely!

The image with the rare animal specifically comes from Christiane Michelbergrs new book "How to See Through the Self-Illusion: Instruction Manual". It's great, if you feel inspired for some reading and more inputs.

[SharMen]

Hi Elad,
I’m going through a difficult time which I’d like your guidance as I feel this situation could help me see through self more deeply. I don’t want to give too many personal details on this public space but something happened Tues night and more intense yesterday afternoon that has brought up a lot of anger and sadness. It involves someone I live with, so it is in my face every day. The situation is not going away any time soon. I would like to use it to help in my process and would appreciate your guidance.
What is arising: Strong sense of self. Lots of thoughts arising about the situation and what is going to happen in the future bc of this person’s actions. Lots of thoughts about how I’m feeling i.e. “I’m so angry”. I notice there is an I blaming another person, who is also just a made up self.
Many times I am able to ask who is angry?, Where is this I? and sometimes I can even see that she is not an identity either and that life is just happening.
When the intense emotions of sadness and anger arise, I try to let them be here and allow to feel them. Last night I wrote down my beliefs that are here about her or the situation.
I wonder if I truly knew there was no self, what would this look like? This is how I know I am selfing bc I can’t even imagine this. No thoughts about what this would be like.

How to inquire when there is bombardment of thoughts and emotions?

🙏Sharon