Behind the scenes

[Steve101]

If you bring the attention closer to the feeling what comes up?

That is difficult to answer. It kind of feels wrong to try and manipulate my attention now, it does its own thing. I look and I see shapes and colours, the shapes and colours are seen without labeling.

Is there a separate self or doer?

No separate self is sensed.

Is there any doubt?

Earlier today I had a bunch of thoughts that made me feel a bit down but then I kind of called bullshit on them. Intuitively I knew that they weren’t real and that thoughts will come and go. I think that the current stage I’m at is that thoughts, feelings can still be a bit sticky…perhaps they represent doubt?

Is anything missing?

I have no sense that something is missing

How does this feel now?

It feels grounded, it feels authentic. It feels a bit like no mans land where an evolution is taking place but it has yet to settle before exploring the world in a new light. After more than 500 books and various courses over decades the seeking has stopped and the exploring and allowing is about to begin. I do feel a bit like Ekhardt Tolle sitting on that park bench wondering what to do with this new perspective.

What is different from before our dialogue?

So much is different it is difficult to know where to begin. My mind is slowly receding back into the nothingness from where it came, wow I’’m losing my mind…it’s about time lol. I was confused. I was desperately looking for answers not knowing that the entity asking the questions was an illusion but I am grateful that that same entity was willing to put itself out of a delusional job.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,
Some time to let this recognition, unravel the beliefs that are so tightly held , this is very beautiful.

I would like you to do this exercise and really relax into it.

Nature Exercise

Go out into nature and spend some time watching the movement of the whole. See how clouds move, trees swing, leaves wiggle, grass moves, insects, birds - all move all the time.

Then move focus to sensations and see how they too are in constant motion, thoughts come and go, sounds, colours, sensations come and go.

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself. If yes, where is the boundary?

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance? Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Go out, come back and tell me what you found.

[Steve101]

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

Then close your eyes and see if there is a line between you and out there, between you and life itself. If yes, where is the boundary?

The only boundary seemed to be my eyelids. However, the interesting part of this exercise was that as I observed nature I felt a definite affinity with it. There seemed to be a flow but also a stillness intrinsic to what I was experiencing in nature that i felt was inherent in me. The clouds and branches moved, thoughts come and go, sensations rise and fall, everything was as it should be.

Is there an inside and an outside of Life?

I had a sense that when I was observing nature ‘’I was nature.’ When my eyes were closed I knew nature was still there but my DE was blackness.

Is there something which is not included in the movement of the whole?

I didn’t have a sense of being an observer so I would say that a self who judges and quantifies was not present but that is not the case with everything all the time but I am definitely taking a lot of things in life much less personally as a direct result of this process

Is there a witness that is watching life happening from a distance? Is witnessing part of the one movement too?

During this exercise there was no sense of being the observer just being.

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Whilst in nature there was no sense of something being missing, there was nothing to do and no doer to do it, it did seem effortless.

Before I fell asleep last night I had the strange experience of hearing my thoughts but from a distance. It was as if I was listening to multiple conversations but not being able to make out what they were saying.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,

Before I fell asleep last night I had the strange experience of hearing my thoughts but from a distance. It was as if I was listening to multiple conversations but not being able to make out what they were saying.

Just stories. :)

Is there anything which is not just happening?

Whilst in nature there was no sense of something being missing, there was nothing to do and no doer to do it, it did seem effortless.

Wonderful isn't it when there is only Being and Life is Happening

I had a sense that when I was observing nature ‘’I was nature.’ When my eyes were closed I knew nature was still there but my DE was blackness.

The usual belief that 'I am this body' is usually tied in with the belief that the body as a separate item and responsible or 'DOING' the senses - 'I see', 'I hear', 'I feel' etc, this can be a sticky area so I would like you to Look deeper at this.
Lets begin with 'seeing' - Just that one sense on its own.
Close your eyes.
With eyes closed, you will now experience 'blackness'. There may be other things you can find going on, sure. If you are looking at a bright light, there may be a red glow. There may be sparkly bits or cloudy flecks appearing and disappearing - It really doesn't matter about the specifics.
Just to make things simple, whatever you can see with eyes closed, I'm going to refer to it as 'black' or 'blackness' just for simplicity.

1) With eyes closed, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'blackness' as I mentioned?
2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'blackness'?
3) Can what is witnessing the blackness be found?
4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a person be found that is witnessing the blackness? Or is there just 'blackness' to be found?
What do you find?

Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

[Steve101]

Thank you Paul, you’re an amazing guy, as ever I’m so grateful for all your help. I will look into your suggestions and get back to you.

[Steve101]

1) With eyes closed, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'blackness' as I mentioned?

Yes, there was just blackness experienced directly and the occasional thought passing through.

2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'blackness'?

No I don’t think so.

3) Can what is witnessing the blackness be found?

There was just the experience of blackness. There no sense of looking or seeing being done. I think that if I was to do this exercise a few weeks ago I might be looking at shapes and tones and maybe thinking ‘oh that shape looks like a…’ but now there is just being in darkness and not seeing or looking being done, kind of like passively just being in darkness.

4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a person be found that is witnessing the blackness? Or is there just 'blackness' to be found? What do you find?

There is a gradually growing sense of peace found although I did sense my eyes sometimes and my rumbling belly as somehow separate from the direct experience of the darkness.

Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

It doesn’t feel like there is a seer or a witnessing presence despite the eyes thing, thoughts do float by but soon move on. Can I ask, what did you mean in an earlier post, ‘ question everything’?


Thank you Paul for hanging in there with me. I am so grateful for you.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,
It's a pleasure to guide you Steve, you are very welcome.

I'm going to lead with your question, and if you ever have questions or confused about something please feel free to ask.

Can I ask, what did you mean in an earlier post, ‘ question everything’?

Question everything.
Ask is this TRUE?
You have now recognized through your own Direct Experience(DE) that thoughts are an illusion, stories with no truth or reality, and the belief in those thoughts created the illusion of 'I'. You knew this from reading and watching youtube and various forms of content (intellectually this was understood) but there wasn't a DE. Now there is a DE and how has this changed you? I'll leave you to answer that. This was seen through by questioning, is what you thought to be you, true?

Your conditioning from birth has built beliefs and concepts which you live by and believe to be true, but are they true? These beliefs and concepts create identities, just look, How many Steves are there? There is the Steve that is one way with his partner and then there is the Steve that is at work, and the Steve with friends etc. and each Steve will behave in different ways to suit the environment he is in. So which Steve are you? Identities, beliefs, concepts, question them all, are they true?
If you had to sit down and write out each Steve, listing the way you behave in each environment, I don't think it would be hard to easily come up with 10 Steves maybe more, all with different beliefs and concepts about how things should be.

The problem is that this would take 5 lifetimes to work through every conditioned pattern and belief, so in Non Duality we go straight to the source - Non Duality means Not Two, we don't look at what we are, all the different Steves, we look at what we are not. Not The Self, and then all of the Steve's are gone. Conditioning still remains but the beliefs and concepts are seen through, in that you let them go and don't hang on to them. Even thou the thoughts still come up and emotions, all you do is question is this True, and go and look, most of the thoughts and emotions will go straight away as soon as they are exposed. Sometimes deep conditioning creates a stickiness and same just ask is this true and Look.

Beliefs and concepts are just thought, attachment to these narratives. I will give you an example, I have a friend and He is a hardcore Flat Earther and he loses friends all the time, because of his beliefs, I play with him and challenge him to question these beliefs, some times his wife gets worried that his beliefs will scare us away, I just explain to her that it really doesn't matter if the earth is round or flat, both are just concepts. Time is another concept that the world believes so heavily in. No space for anything else to be true.

Have you noticed that most of what I communicate to you are questions (pointing) and you are doing all the work, these questions create a little space and in that space there is an opportunity to Look and see what is true.
The mind can't destroy the mind or the self cant destroy the self, what ever the reference we make to the 'I', how can it, none of them exist. We need to ask the questions and then look without thought (thought will cloud any truth).

In the space that the question opens up, you look and there is no 'I or mind or self in that space, so it allows for the seeing to take place or rather the experiencing without filters. All you are doing is Being what you already are, nothing more.(see bottom of page)

That is my very simplistic explanation, I'm sure you could find many more eloquent and profound descriptions, but that's all I have haha.

I'll leave you with that, if it's not clear then please let me know and I will come at it from another angle, but sit with it and see how it goes, there is a lot there, so don't get overwhelmed.

A simple exercise (my favorite):
Hold out your hand in front of you.
Look at it and have a thought to move the hand to the right, don't act on this thought, what happens?
Now do the same but don't have a thought and have an impulse to move the hand to the right ( no thought) what happens?
repeat as often as you like. In this exercise there is so much to see, relax and notice. report back please

Have a happy holidays, I am away for a few days , back on Tuesday so have a nice break and keep looking :)

[Steve101]

Thank you Paul. Enjoy your time away!

[Steve101]

Now there is a DE and how has this changed you? I'll leave you to answer that. This was seen through by questioning, is what you thought to be you, true?

I can see that the me I thought I was doesn’t exist and is just a thought created illusion, I don’t see it yet in a way that permeates my life completely but maybe that will come in time. A few nights ago I completed a reply to one of your questions you had set for me. I spent quite some time formulating my answer and typing out my answers and then clicked on review and lost it all because I wasn’t connected to the internet. I knew instantly what had happened but there was almost no irritation or negative reaction to what I had done, perhaps this is so because there is very little of the original me left to get annoyed. I’m not saying that I’ll never get annoyed or frustrated ever again to events in my life but there has definitely been a change in the way things flow through me now rather than hit me and create an ego based reaction.

Because of what I now know I have noticed that I am ‘in my head’ a lot and this shows that I am still interacting with the illusion to a certain extent and not in DE but how do I stay in DE more? Do I stay in DE more by seeing more and more through the illusion....I can see this as being my biggest challenge. Perhaps my way forward in this regard is do as you said and ask more and more…’is this true’

A simple exercise (my favorite):
Hold out your hand in front of you.
Look at it and have a thought to move the hand to the right, don't act on this thought, what happens?
Now do the same but don't have a thought and have an impulse to move the hand to the right ( no thought) what happens?
repeat as often as you like. In this exercise there is so much to see, relax and notice. report back please

Did this exercise and what I got from it was that the level of thought below conscious, labeling thought is the true mover of our personal physical world.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,

Now there is a DE and how has this changed you? I'll leave you to answer that. This was seen through by questioning, is what you thought to be you, true?

I can see that the me I thought I was doesn’t exist and is just a thought created illusion, I don’t see it yet in a way that permeates my life completely but maybe that will come in time. A few nights ago I completed a reply to one of your questions you had set for me. I spent quite some time formulating my answer and typing out my answers and then clicked on review and lost it all because I wasn’t connected to the internet. I knew instantly what had happened but there was almost no irritation or negative reaction to what I had done, perhaps this is so because there is very little of the original me left to get annoyed. I’m not saying that I’ll never get annoyed or frustrated ever again to events in my life but there has definitely been a change in the way things flow through me now rather than hit me and create an ego based reaction.

Because of what I now know I have noticed that I am ‘in my head’ a lot and this shows that I am still interacting with the illusion to a certain extent and not in DE but how do I stay in DE more? Do I stay in DE more by seeing more and more through the illusion....I can see this as being my biggest challenge. Perhaps my way forward in this regard is do as you said and ask more and more…’is this true’

The noticing of being in the head a lot, is thought. Is there an expectation that thought will disappear just because you have seen through the illusion of it?

That's not going to be the case and that is a losing battle, you will be fighting millions of years of evolution. What you have recognized is that the identity of "I" that is created around thought stories has fallen away, but there is a lifetime of conditioning that is going to take time to work through.

Thoughts will continue to arise and pass away that is real (thought is experienced), it is the content that you are seeing through, this belief in the storyline, the attachment to it.

And as you notice these thought stories look and ask is it true or simply notice your breath, there are many ways just to put the gap in between thought stories, there is no dogma at LU. Eventually you won't need to ask because it will just be the moment of looking.

A simple exercise (my favorite):
Hold out your hand in front of you.
Look at it and have a thought to move the hand to the right, don't act on this thought, what happens?
Now do the same but don't have a thought and have an impulse to move the hand to the right ( no thought) what happens?
repeat as often as you like. In this exercise there is so much to see, relax and notice. report back please

Did this exercise and what I got from it was that the level of thought below conscious, labeling thought is the true mover of our personal physical world.

This exercise is a very simple looking with DE - you have answered this with to much thinking.
Try it again and leave aside any labeling ie. levels of thought and consciousness and true mover of our personal physical world etc.
What is your DE when you take these words away?
Remember it is PURE
Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)
We are depending totally on DE to LOOK.


Is there a controller in a command center controlling the hand movement, and if so where is this controller located?

Is there a controller in charge of controlling anything?

Can you control anything, the amount of thoughts you have , the DE you have with sensations?

Which comes first sensations or thoughts?

Now sit for 5 minutes looking out the window or in nature and notice is there anything in control, don't answer immediately, sit with it and only answer when you are 100% sure?
Report what you notice please.

[Steve101]

Is there an expectation that thought will disappear just because you have seen through the illusion of it?

No, no expectation that thought would disappear. I did expect thoughts in relation to the false self to begin to fall away and to a certain degree they have. Thoughts will come and go and that’s ok, they are just stories to me now.

This exercise is a very simple looking with DE - you have answered this with to much thinking.
Try it again and leave aside any labeling ie. levels of thought and consciousness and true mover of our personal physical world etc.
What is your DE when you take these words away?
Remember it is PURE
Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)
We are depending totally on DE to LOOK.

Redoing the exercise….I just see ‘’hand’…..no matter what the instructions were for the exercise I now seem to be aware of the sight of my hand…some sensations and my hand hand doesn’t move at all. The story that was the exercise didn’t move it, the story didn’t matter, I saw through it to my hand as it were. Interesting. ‘Thoughts arising (but not their content)? ….is this sensations?

Is there a controller in a command center controlling the hand movement, and if so where is this controller located?

This was the weird part of this exercise: there was no sense of control in fact there was no real sense of anything apart from the sight of my hand.

Is there a controller in charge of controlling anything?

There’s a problem/challenge here: if there is no self, there are only illusory thoughts referencing a self that would inevitably crave control and partly define itself by its ability to be in control. It’s a scary thing to admit to not having or being in control. I feel the illusory self trying to call bollocks on this, resisting it. It says you can move your hand if I tell it to therefore I have control. I’m the one moving the body, who else is doing it or is it just happening by itself without an intelligence behind it. If there is no control over bodily movements what is there? How do I move at all then? The questions keep coming and coming or should I say the stories keep coming and coming. I see my hand and look at my hand and suddenly it picks up my phone, what made it pick up my phone? The thought to pickup my phone must have arisen because of the thought without content to pick it up and if so then I’ve answered my previous question about thought without content.

Can you control anything, the amount of thoughts you have , the DE you have with sensations?

I certainly can’t control the amount of thoughts I have. I cannot control DE in any meaningful way apart from where to maybe point the camera lol. I caught a brief glimpse just then of ‘of course an entity that doesn’t really exist’ has no control, why would it? It would just create suffering to believe it did. So what then? No free will since ‘will’ seems to be the domain of the false self. So if I decide to go on a diet, it’s the false self that has decided this because it wants to improve its own self-image? What is there then beyond content filled thought? I feel that I am maybe now entering or moving toward an existence of contentless thought and if that is the case then would it be true to say that, seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling are the true representatives of the contentless thought council. I can see this, yes I think I see this now. What about sensations, physical sensations, such as hunger and thirst, emotions….these too must be thought without the content.

Which comes first sensations or thoughts?

Following on from my previous answer: are sensations not just thoughts without the content?

Now sit for 5 minutes looking out the window or in nature and notice is there anything in control, don't answer immediately, sit with it and only answer when you are 100% sure?
Report what you notice please.

During this exercise it occurred to me, as I looked at nature, that one of the wonderful things about it is that it doesn’t have a story, it never needed one, it just is and this ‘isness’ allows everyone to just be with it and enjoy it. I think I’d really hate to be a botanist…all that labeling lol.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,
Love this questioning and looking, it creates space.

‘Thoughts arising (but not their content)? ….is this sensations?

Thoughts are experienced sensations are experienced, otherwise its just a label.

Is there a controller in a command center controlling the hand movement, and if so where is this controller located?

This was the weird part of this exercise: there was no sense of control in fact there was no real sense of anything apart from the sight of my hand.

Exactly and is there a controller telling your heart to beat, or you lungs to expand and contract to breath, or your white blood cells to defend your body. or is it just happening, without any input from you. So why isn't it possible that the hand just moves with impulse, and then a thought happens that says i just told the hand to move claiming do-ership over the body, thought is the last one to the party .

If there is no control over bodily movements what is there? How do I move at all then? The questions keep coming and coming or should I say the stories keep coming and coming. I see my hand and look at my hand and suddenly it picks up my phone, what made it pick up my phone? The thought to pickup my phone must have arisen because of the thought without content to pick it up and if so then I’ve answered my previous question about thought without content.

Look and see. Your stomach grumbles or contracts isn't this a sensation, what is the next thought that appears something related to that sensation, get a glass of water or something to eat or lunch is an hour away or any million variants. But the sensation was there right then thought, but it all happens so quickly that thought is believed to be in control and running the show.

So what then? No free will since ‘will’ seems to be the domain of the false self. So if I decide to go on a diet, it’s the false self that has decided this because it wants to improve its own self-image? What is there then beyond content filled thought? I feel that I am maybe now entering or moving toward an existence of contentless thought and if that is the case then would it be true to say that, seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling are the true representatives of the contentless thought council. I can see this, yes I think I see this now. What about sensations, physical sensations, such as hunger and thirst, emotions….these too must be thought without the content.

Yes DE is there anything other than what is happening now?
what are you experiencing now?
Is there free will?

[Steve101]

Yes DE is there anything other than what is happening now?

I look, I see shapes, colours, shades, tones, I hear, I feel, I taste. Thoughts come and go. There ‘is’ more space now but what is this space; space between thoughts, the space that allows more authentic life experience unpoluted by labels, analysis that would feed the fading spectre of who I and everyone else thought I was. I hear myself asking, ‘is this all there is?’ but then I know that the question comes from someone I have known for years and suddenly seeing in the cold light of day for the first time that he is selfish, needy, insecure, manipulative. He convinced himself that he was a nice guy via the same thought and belief system that made him not so nice. In direct experience none of that matters because none of that exists. My garden is pretty big and I’ve been working on it for years and it’s finished and it looks great. I see the garden now but there isn’t one iota of pride or satisfaction felt because there’s no one to feel it, no one to see it but to experience it directly it’s even more alive now than it ever was, a million shades of green, amazing shapes and movement in the wind. I sigh, involuntarily, I didn’t make myself sigh, it just happened, seeing just happens, feeling just happens.

what are you experiencing now?

An indescribable live feed to life that has no operator and no commentator.

Is there free will?

I think that my ‘self’ was convinced that in order to get what it wanted from life it could make choices that would steer life in a direction where it could derive the most satisfaction and then tell a story that would feed its self-importance and justify it’s continued existence. In other words it assumed it had free will to do what it wanted. Life unfolds and flows in direct experience, there’s no need for a director of this film, this for me is liberation. I suppose the self might ask; well how then do you propose to navigate this existence and deal effectively with life? What about the plan? There is a careless feeling in me know, a feeling that doesn’t give a toss what the self asks. Life flowing is good health, my being already knows how to do that, life flowing is seeing dangers and dealing with them, I already know how to do that…a phantom self only ever got in the way of experience of life as it should be….directly.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Steve,
A beautiful recognition that life is now and is happening all by itself. Life is verbing in this present moment.
Thank you for sharing this opportunity to guide you, I am so grateful for this.

There are some final questions that are reviewed by other guides at LU, just to see if there are any areas that need clarification, are you ready for those questions?

[Steve101]

I was sitting in the lounge this morning completely in the moment, enjoying a depth of serenity and joy for which there were no words, no description, just a smile on my face. My girlfriend asked what was going on with me and I simply said, ‘I’m at peace’, she replied with, ‘That’s just weird’ and I laughed and loved her for it. I know that this is just the beginning as I continue on this journey down the rabbit hole but it’s true: ‘Once it’s seen, it cannot be unseen.’

What an amazing and powerful thing it is to help someone change their life for the better and by extension the lives of all those around them and ask for nothing in return. This is what you have done Paul and from the depths of my soul…thank you, you’re incredible.

Yes, I am ready for the final questions.