Everything is Grist for the Mill

[DeannaMP]

When you think about your family or a pink elephant all there in Direct Experience is thought

.

Ok, so the content of thought is not direct experience. Very helpful!

I'll practice this all day. I will be on airplanes and in airports all day so it should be interesting!

[DeannaMP]

Hi David,

I am home now and I can say that I practiced labeling direct experience all day yesterday while traveling. I’m still doing it when I get the chance. Here's what I see:
While sensing and labeling I went from sense to sense quickly because I didn't want to get caught up in thought.
When I did linger on a sense - hearing - for example I noticed the thoughts but tried not to engage with them.
The few times I was successful in not engaging thoughts I noticed I took things a lot less personal which felt like freedom!

Looking at suitcase = seeing
Hearing airplane engine = hearing
Smelling exhaust = smelling
OMG, the exhaust is going to give me cancer = thought

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

I went from sense to sense quickly because I didn't
want to get caught up in thought.

What do you mean by "caught up" in thought ?

When sensing arrise are you caught up in it or are you witnessing it's presence?

When hearing arrise are you caught up in it or are you witnessing it's presence?

Why do you feel caught up in thinking but not in sensing or perceiving?

###########

There is no need to do anything quickly because you never move from now. There also no need to try to avoid anything because you never move from here. You will never out run thought by moving you attention quickly. You out run thought by seeing what there are. You out run them by understanding that you are that which is everywhere and never moves.

When the need to go quick is present you are already believing the story thinking is presenting you. Because time is thinking. Can you see that time IS thinking?

##############

Tell me more about this "I" that is "caught up" in thought. Where it is? What is this "I" made of?

[DeannaMP]

I went from sense to sense quickly because I didn't
want to get caught up in thought.

What do you mean by "caught up" in thought ?

I'm seeing now that "get caught up in thought" was just a story to explain why it felt like I was going from sense to sense quickly. "I went from sense to sense quickly"was thinking.

When sensing arrise are you caught up in it or are you witnessing its presence?

Neither! There’s no me to get "caught up" or to "witness".

When hearing arrise are you caught up in it or are you witnessing its presence?

There’s no me to get "caught up" or to "witness"

Why do you feel caught up in thinking but not in sensing or perceiving?

I don’t know!

understanding that you are that which is everywhere and never moves.

I don’t understand this.

Can you see that time IS thinking?

Yes, I don’t think I can communicate how I know this.

Tell me more about this "I" that is "caught up" in thought. Where it is? What is this "I" made of?

“I” is a thought. I looked and it’s a thought.

I love how you use my answers to ask questions. It forces me to inquire again and look for what’s real. Also, I’m seeing that thought content is confusing my communication if that makes sense.

[Windaway]

Hello Daenna,

Neither! There’s no me to get "caught up" or to "witness".

When you see that there is no "me" or "witness" how does that feel in your experience?
How does your body react to it?

Can you see that time IS thinking?

Yes, I don’t think I can communicate how I know this.

Great, there is no need to explain.

Also, I’m seeing that thought content is confusing my communication if that makes sense.

You are right. We are in a very peculiar situation where we need to use words and concepts to communicate but those are the source of the confusion. We use thorns to pull out thorns.


Let's keep exploring thoughts, try this exploration:
“I” labelling

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet. If that thought is about the self put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

[DeannaMP]

When you see that there is no "me" or "witness" how does that feel in your experience?
How does your body react to it?

I feel a softening in the eyes and chest. There’s no pressure to be mindful all the time. There’s either mindfulness or there isn’t. What ever appears and is sensed is what is.

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet. If that thought is about the self put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

Mostly “I” thoughts, “I need, I want, I should”. There’s a vagueness like the thoughts are incomplete, jumbled. In between thoughts is the current day’s “ear worm” song. There’s usually a song, music that I heard earlier on the radio or TV, that fills the silence. The song thoughts don’t have an “l” feeling, they feel impersonal. Until the “why is this song in my brain “ “I”-thought.

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

I have to deal with something unexpected in my life at the moment. I answer to you when I can.

Sorry for that!

Take care

David

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

There’s no pressure to be mindful all the time. There’s either mindfulness or there isn’t.

You are always "mindful" in the sense that you are always aware of your experience.

This mindfulness story has its use and purpose. But I suggest strongly that you forget about this concept for this exploration of self.

You are aware of your experience at this moment. Yes or no?

Who is the one to be mindful or mindless?

Mostly “I” thoughts, “I need, I want, I should”. There’s a vagueness like the thoughts are incomplete, jumbled. In between thoughts is the current day’s “ear worm” song. There’s usually a song, music that I heard earlier on the radio or TV, that fills the silence. The song thoughts don’t have an “l” feeling, they feel impersonal. Until the “why is this song in my brain “ “I”-thought.

Thoughts have an infinite range of qualities even though they appear in a spectrum.

A sound that you are not hearing RIGHT NOW in your direct experience is a thought. Because is a memory.
An image that you are not seeing RIGHT NOW in your direct experience is a thought. Because is a memory.

You get caught up in thoughts because you are still confused between what is your Direct Experience and what is memory and imagination.


Try this exploration:
Finding the Gap
This exercise has a dual purpose. Firstly, to become aware of each and every though as they appear. Secondly, the careful looking for the gap is an example of how carefully to look when looking for the ‘separate self’.

Here is a step-by-step description of how to look at thoughts. First thing is to sit for at least 10-15 minutes quietly somewhere, several times throughout your day. Close your eyes and just notice thoughts. Don’t engage with any thought, just notice them.

1. Notice the current thought that is present.
Like when you sit observing the body, a thought might arise “this is my feet” or “here is a pain” or “my breathing is too quick” or “I am bored with this exercise” or “I have better things to do” or any sorts of thoughts.

2. This thought will pass and another thought will come. So just observe this thought passing.

3. Then wait for the next thought to come.

4. When the next thought is present, just notice it, and see how it passes.

5. Then wait for the next thought to come.

6. Repeat #4 and #5 many-many times.

Between the 2 thoughts there is a gap. It can be very short or subtle, just a second or a few seconds before the next thought come in.

This is how to look at thoughts:-
Looking how they come and go, and
Observing the short gap between them.
Noticing how the current thought is passing.
And waiting for the next thought to come.

Please do the following exercise:
Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.

Let me know how you go.

[DeannaMP]

You are aware of your experience at this moment. Yes or no?

No “I” being aware there's just awareness, in every moment.

Who is the one to be mindful or mindless?

Ha! There is no one! Now I don’t even know what “mindful” means - to be aware? There’s no one to be.

Here is a step-by-step description of how to look at thoughts. First thing is to sit for at least 10-15 minutes quietly somewhere, several times throughout your day. Close your eyes and just notice thoughts. Don’t engage with any thought, just notice them.
Please do the following exercise:
Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.

I did these exercises in earnest. I have done these many times before over the years but now in the context of “no-self” and your guidance there is something different present. Maybe curiosity? Instead of the old story of it being a chore. Anyway…

Same old thoughts and stories. When there is waiting for the next thought there is the gap. Sometimes when I notice there is a body sensation “associated “ with a thought I can’t tell what came first, the thought or the internal sensation. What if there’s internal proprioception then thought interpretation? It doesn’t matter, it’s happening on its own, just interesting.

Thought content is different right after waking in the middle of the night and morning. Mostly doom and gloom. Old habituated thinking - been happening since I was a child. However, I’ve noticed that the uncomfortable physical sensations associated with the thoughts are diminished. Not confusing these thoughts with reality anymore. It’s funny that as a child I would wake up afraid of ghosts and Dracula and now I wake up afraid of WWIII and another American civil war which are just as unreal as ghosts and Dracula! It’s hard to describe, I know there’s no “I” doing any of this.

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

It doesn’t matter, it’s happening on its own, just interesting.

See that it is not interesting in the sense to get something or to understand.
Is interesting in the sense of experiential discovery and wonder. Which is a huge difference.

Thought content is different

Thinking is always different. Even an "old thoughts pattern" is not an old one. Is simply a thought that says so.
Thinking is like a river, is always here but always fresh and new. Every leaf that passe can seem the same but is always new.

I’ve noticed that the uncomfortable physical sensations associated with the thoughts are diminished

That is a good sign. Keep following this relaxation.

Not confusing these thoughts with reality anymore. It’s funny that as a child I would wake up afraid of ghosts and Dracula and now I wake up afraid of WWIII and another American civil war which are just as unreal as ghosts and Dracula!

That is very good. As you see more and more the illusion of thought you can be more aware of the emotion and sensation dimension "below" thinking. Great!
What motivates us to go to thinking is the uncomfortable emotion and sensation we feel in the body. So when we "step out" of thinking we often face that emotion. That is good. The story of Dracula and WWIII are illusion BUT the reactive sensation (aka emotion) ABOUT the story is real. Feel it.

Do you understand the importance of feeling the emotion?
Are you able to let the stories go and feel the emotion that is present?

Let's keep exploring thoughts:
Observing thoughts

Here is a thought exercise. Sit quietly for about 30 minutes and notice the arising thoughts. Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are they coming from and going to?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?
Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

[DeannaMP]

Do you understand the importance of feeling the emotion?

Yes, when a strong emotion happens I get curious about how it feels in the body and I try to stay with that body sense.

Are you able to let the stories go and feel the emotion that is present?

Sometimes I get caught up in the stories but I remember most of the time to practice “being in the body” and feeling.

Where are they coming from and going to?

I don’t know. I can’t feel or see from where they come. Neuroscience would say the subconscious but so far there’s no direct experiencing of it.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?
Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?
Can you predict your next thought?
Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

A big NOPE to all of the above.

I notice thoughts upon thoughts and thoughts about thoughts and the noticing is a thought. And, I am noticing the gaps between thoughts until the gap is labeled “a gap” which is thought. And, I look at what’s noticing the thoughts and there are just more thoughts. There is nothing “behind” thoughts.

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

You seems to see clearly the nature illusory of thinking.

Let's keep diving into the rabbit hole:

Word “I”

Let’s look at thought and the content of thought a little more,

Write the word "I" on a piece of paper. Look at the word, is that YOU?

Speak the word “I” silently; be aware of any sensations or responses to this word. Are any of these reactions in your body or mind by themselves YOU?

Now say the word “I” aloud. Is that sound YOU?

Is the combination of any of these, the word, the sound, the thought YOU?”

Is the thought, "I exist" you?

Is the thought "I" you?

Is the world Deanna you?

[DeannaMP]

Is the thought "I" you?

There is no inherent “me” in the word, thought, or sound of “I”. I see it as a useful tool to communicate with. It could have just as easily been yo, je, or ich, all just words, sounds, thoughts, tools.

Is the world Deanna you?

Now, that word felt “sticky” and a little “heavy” in the body when first contemplated. As I looked longer I realized it’s just another word, sound, thought, like “l”, “yo”, “je”, “ich “. I know of “other” Deannas, am “I” those other Deannas? Of course not! I’ve had 3 different last names in my lifetime. Am “l” the last name given at my birth or the last name I used the longest, or my current last name? Did “l” change when my last name changed? All the names are just words, sounds, thoughts. In the past, when someone mispronounced my name (which happened often) I would get slightly annoyed. “How dare they disrespect ‘me’!” Ha, how silly that seems now!

[Windaway]

Hello Deanna,

You seem to see clearly the illusion of the separate self.

For this exploration, read one phrase at a time. For each phrase, follow this procedure:

1 - Read the statement, then close your eyes.
2 - Repeat the statement aloud (or in your mind) three times.
3 -Then let go of thought.
4 - Notice your body's reaction.
5 - Stay in that space as long as it feels right.
6 - Move to the next sentence.

Tip: It's not about how long you can explore. Whether it's one minute or two hours, it really does not matter. What matters is the quality of your observation and your curiosity. Remember, more is not always better.
Please answer each sentence individually.


Here are the sentences :

* HERE is the only place in space that I experience.



* NOW is the only moment in time that I experience.



* What is it that I am seeking that is not here and now?



* What is it that is here and now that I don't want?



*What do I expect to happen as a result of this guidance?




Write down your insights (or the absence of them) and describe your sensations during this exploration.

[DeannaMP]

I spent all day contemplating and also right before I fell asleep.

* HERE is the only place in space that I experience.

A softening in the chest and around the eyes. Then thoughts of needing to “escape” from HERE into fantasy. Back to the body after the thought “no escape” and there’s some tightening and a little heaviness in the stomach. Eventually it loosens and there’s a feeling of neutrality.

* NOW is the only moment in time that I experience.

Very similar body sensations and thoughts as the first statement . I also have the thought “what if there’s physical pain?” I repeat the statement, “NOW is the only moment…” and back to the body. When the thoughts are let go, there’s nothing, neutrality.

* What is it that I am seeking that is not here and now?
* What is it that is here and now that I don't want?

Lots of sticky thoughts! Because it’s a question. Fun to contemplate while my 3 yr old grandson is screaming in my ear. When the thoughts are let go there’s no seeking because the seeking is only in thought content. Back and forth from body to thought there’s more confirmation that seeking is a thought thing. The screaming in my ear isn’t being done to “me”, it’s just sound that’s here and now like everything else. When I feel in the body something “might be wrong “ I can look at what’s actually happening here and now and either take action or let go of thought and feel the body sensations.

*

What do I expect to happen as a result of this guidance?

I’ll suffer less and therefore cause less suffering for others (I see those are thoughts). When letting go of thoughts, no expectations. Expectations are thought contents! (Slaps forehead and says, “duh!”). I was worried about my expectations not being met. Expectations and worry = thoughts!