Hi Stacy,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there is not, not now and not ever. No Michael ever existed apart from as a label in thought.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
Thoughts appear, labelling and adding narrative to the experiences of the five senses, [sight/smell/sensation/taste/hearing]. When we are very young and begin to understand language, we hear others mentioning us by name, and adopt possessive language such as mine, I and so on. From here a collection of thoughts takes on the illusion of an entity, and more so an entity that thinks it makes decisions and controls what happens to it. What we are, ‘awareness’, falls under this illusion and views life from the perspective of the “I/me” thought patterns.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
It feels like a weight has been lifted and life can be viewed from a greater reality without the insecurities of defending a separate self. Although there are still so many possessive thoughts still arising, and I’m having to inspect and dismiss each as they present themselves. There’s still a lot of work to do.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Actually this quote from your signature strip,
"Thought is a garbage can. If you look into the garbage can, all you will get is garbage."
That came to mind when I was driving out of my gate last Thursday morning, and my perspective pulled back and I could see that I wasn’t my thoughts, but what was aware of my thoughts.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decisions just happen, like picking something out of the fridge to eat for lunch. Thoughts follow on saying, “I chose this or that for whatever reason”, just more narrative.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is similar to decision, in that whatever happens, happens. However with intention, there is an emotional element, that can contain things like ‘should’ or ‘motivations’ and it refers to a future event, so in these situations there is a sensation accompanying the thoughts.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
There is an illusion of free will, the imaginary ‘self’ entity in thought thinks it is deciding things as it chooses. However, the human is acting the only way it can, through genetic instinct and the experiences/conditioning it has accumulated since it was born. So in a real sense, free will is another illusion as things can only happen the way they are happening, it’s just life unfolding in one great movement, all inter-related and synchronised.
Every situation, every conversation, every action seems free at the time, but couldn’t happen any other way as all players and the environment will react from the place they are right at that moment.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Again, choice is similar to decision. Like the illusion of choosing apple or orange juice from the fridge to have with breakfast. Whatever internal conditioning dictates what juice will be selected, but thoughts give the illusion of an “I” with internal narrative and a decision process.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
There is no control, just witnessing experience including thoughts. I was driving earlier and thoughts about driving were being witnessed, however then thoughts moved to the music playing. It could be clearly seen that there was no “I” in control of the car. Driving was just happening and thoughts were only overlaying direct experience.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Things just happen, that’s it. Just stuff happening.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Nothing, there is no ‘you’ to be responsible. Just stuff happening, being witnessed in awarness.
6) Anything to add?
It has been incredible to finally ‘see’ from direct experience, and I wish to pass on my sincere gratitude to you Stacy. What has been seen clearly can’t be unseen, and that is helping with weeding out false thought patterns that continue to arise. The ego still fights for identification, and this will take a length of time to work on, however the untruths can be clearly seen now and dismissed. In my naiveté I expected seeing would demolish the ‘self’ in one sweep, and that may be true at a core level, however I hadn’t bargained for the mass of old thought patterns which will need to be slowly exorcised. I will note though, that it’s much easier to do the work from a place of clear seeing. I don’t feel like I’m scrabbling around a dark cave looking for an exit anymore, it’s just going to take as long as it takes to let things settle.
Sent with warmth and love,
Michael
