Hi Catherine,
Yes, I like the cooler weather :)
I often get to this point of disillusionment with seeking and I hate sounding like a complaining child - that's why I didn't post yesterday.
Well, seeing and not seeing, feeling that I've lost it, is very much part of this journey, and I think it happens to most of us. So don't feel good bad about that :)
Today the sensation in my torso and head and legs and hands feels a lot like a me. I am trying to see that I am not a sensation, I am the awareness of that sensation....
Now, let's do a very targeted investigation with this.
Isolate a feeling/sensation, only one at a time.
Like focus on the sensations of the legs that feels like a me.
Keep the focus on the sensation itself and ask:
Is this sensation aware?
Is this sensation aware of me? Or, I am aware of it?
Does this sensation know anything?
Does it know whatever is seen?
Does this sensation perceives the sounds in the room?
Does this sensation aware of thoughts?
Do this until the sensation doesn't feel like a me any more, until it's just a sensation perceived/known/'awared'.
When you are done with one sensation, go to the next. Like to the hands.
When that is done, go to the torso.
It's better to approach it from the feet up, investigating the sensations of the head the last.
When you are done with the body/sensations, do the same with mental images/memories, and also with thoughts.
If the 'feeling of me' is back, and it feels like a solid, real me, then this again.
The more you do it, the less these sensations be sticky, and the quicker the shift in perception happens.
Let me know how it goes.
About a session: If you want to talk, zoom would be better for me, and you wouldn't have to travel. But at this point probably it's not necessary yet. Unless, you feel that you really need it. We are still at the beginning of our inquiry. We don't have to rush. Patience... I know, you've done this for a long time... but let perceive it as a new beginning. :)
