Looking for Guidance with the Fetters

[Anastacia42]

Yes, exactly.

Now let's look a little deeper into that tightness & relaxation.

yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[tdwicksy]

Do you see that?

Yes I do. I said ‘this table is a chair’ and ‘This phone is a book’. Saying these lies resulted in a very similar constriction in the throat and chest as the feeling I got when I was doing the ‘I’ writing exercise. There is also a heavyness in the hands and stomach.

[Anastacia42]

Good!

Now try this:

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what ​ chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

[tdwicksy]

How is the movement controlled?

Looking as closely as I can, repeating it many, many times… I have no idea.

Does a thought control it?

No, definitely not.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No, can’t find one anywhere.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

The decision isn’t being made, it just seems to be happening spontaneously.

Who or what ​chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Nothing and nobody chose to use the left hand for the exercise, it just seemed to happen.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No, I can’t find anyone or anything that is choosing.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, good. Nobody there!

Now try this:


Don't you remember the apple exercise?
How is "self" any different?

This one:

Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple (or any fruit you like.) If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise. Google for a picture of an apple.



When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought.

Actual experience is sound, thought, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thought arising, but not its content.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by "looking in actual experience." What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.


Loving,

[tdwicksy]

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Thoughts when looking at an apple: That’s an apple. It’s red. It looks delicious. I love apples. It looks crunchy. Vivid sensory memory of crunching into a fresh apple. Thought about what apples taste like. Thought about what apples look like inside the apple. Thought about what it feels like to hold an apple.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

There is only colour and thoughts about the ‘apple’.

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

Only colour and thought can be found in actual experience. There is also the experience of salivating and an experience of mild ‘hunger’ (aware this is a label for a sensation directly felt in the area of the stomach.)

However, is an apple actually known?

An apple is only actually known by referring to it in thought. I only know it as ‘apple’ as this was learnt from others who taught me that this configuration of sense data is called ‘apple’.

How is "self" any different?

I guess that the ‘self’ isn’t any different. There is a particular configuration of sense data that I’ve learnt from other people refers to a labeled entity called a ‘me’ or a ‘Tom’. When I look in a mirror, the only data there is colour. I’ve learned to identify ‘myself’ inside the thoughts about ‘myself’.

[Anastacia42]

Yes, good.

Can you find a "self" in Direct Experience anywhere?

How does it FEEL to see this?

Loving,

[tdwicksy]

Can you find a "self" in Direct Experience anywhere?

I’ve looked everywhere in direct experience. After quite a few lengthy sessions of looking today, I can confirm that a ‘self’ cannot be found anywhere in direct experience, not in sensation anywhere in the body, visual field, taste or sound.

How does it FEEL to see this?

Whilst looking there is a feeling of mild trepidation and confusion, a general feeling of contraction. There is a tightness and mild nausea/fear from the top of the stomach up to the throat during the search when nothing is found.

Also, during the investigation, particularly when attention is around the head area, there are sometimes energetic twitches and spasms (think they are called kriyas?). These are a normal side effect of inquiry for me now and have been going on for some time. They often come with a mild sense of vertigo.

[Anastacia42]

Okay, Tom. Spend some time with this video and see if it helps. Chances are that you are having some untrue thought that is causing the contractions. See if you can notice that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKX1llYtlKE

Loving,

[tdwicksy]

Thank you so much for sending this video Stacy.

I say with it this morning and it was an emotional experience. There is a fear present in my stomach that I have been aware of for some time now, so I explored the process outlined in the video with that. It was really lovely to send it love and see what it was hiding, there is some very young feeling grief underneath it all which was allowed to come up.

It is feeling a bit better now, I haven't had a chance to go through the process again as I'm in the office today, but will try and find the time to have another look later.

Chances are that you are having some untrue thought that is causing the contractions. See if you can notice that.

So since running through the video I have sat down and looked for the self again. I noticed that while I'm doing it there are thoughts coming up such as 'Right, now I am looking for the self' and 'I can't find anything' There's nobody here' 'I don't exist'.

I don't feel like I'm identified with these arising thoughts, however they may be the reason for the contraction I'm feeling??

If I look past the ever-present 'fear' feeling tone in the stomach, and I bring some awareness to the arising 'I' thoughts to reduce the identification with them, then the feeling I get when I look for the 'I' and don't find it is... empty? Like it doesn't feel like a big deal at all, it just feels like what is.

[Anastacia42]

Excellent and thorough looking! Yes, repeat this until you have 0 or very little of that contraction and fear period please report back when you can

Loving,

[tdwicksy]

Hi Stacy,

I woke up this morning and did the fear meditation you sent me again, it was really helpful as a lot had risen to the surface overnight.

Then on my dog walk this morning I was thinking about what we’ve been speaking about and doing some more looking for the self. It was suddenly very clear that there was no reason to fear because nothing needed to change, there was never a self here in the first place that would be lost or die. After this deeply felt insight there was an energetic untangling of sorts, it felt like a weight had been lifted somehow. From then on today my body has felt incredibly relaxed, and it feels that some ‘charge’ has been lost from the thinking process, like some space has opened up.

I will continue to look and use the meditation you sent to help with the arising fear, but this feels very promising.

[Anastacia42]

That is excellent! Yes! Once we realize nothing changes, it is a huge relief. That open feeling I call "truth sense." We did a pointer on truth & lies on the 25th. It sounds like your response to knowing there is no self has done a 180.

Can you now say 100% that there is no separate self & never has been?

Loving,

[tdwicksy]

Can you now say 100% that there is no separate self & never has been?

Yes I can! Wow! What a relaxing discovery. It somatically feels like such a relief, like a huge weight has been lifted.

Thank you so so much Stacy, you’ve been wonderful. I’m deeply grateful for the time you’ve spent helping me.

[Anastacia42]

This is excellent. We're not finished yet. There are a couple of aspects still to be pointed to. Then we will offer you our traditional "final" questions, which will be shared with other guides who may have questions.

Let's look at this first:

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what ​ chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?


Loving