We have some traditional final questions period would you like to try to answer those?
Of course :).
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
In DE, there is no separate self. The separate self is in thought only. It has never been any different.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of the separate self is a bundle of thoughts that take possession over certain aspects of the sense fields and thus create an imagined separation between "me" and "other". In that way certain colors in the field of seeing as well as the sensations become "my body", certain sounds become "my voice", all thoughts become "my thoughts", etc. With that everything else becomes something other than "me". This separation is constantly reinforced through self-referential thoughts (either in the form of "I", "me", "mine", or a mental image of "my body"). With the illusion of the separate self, the false notion of doership arises.
The illusion of the separate self starts with the rise of and the subsequent identification with a self-referential thought. In this course, seeing/hearing/smelling/feeling/tasting/thinking becomes I see/hear/smell/feel/taste/think. Such thoughts are often accompanied with the mental image of "my body", reinforcing the illusion of a separate entity.
As of now, there is a knowing of the functioning of this self-referential thought process. However, in day-to-day life (especially in situations colored by certain sensations, aka "negative emotions") this knowing is overshadowed and re-identification with the illusion of the separate self happens again. Still, deep down the knowing remains, allowing to better handle such situations and quicker de-identify.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Please recall my initial postings in this thread, where my answers still reflect my current feelings and understanding of seeing through the illusion of a separate self. My feelings did not change since starting this dialogue. With the exception of new insights regarding cause-and-effect, I cannot sense a difference from before starting this inquiry.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Probing into the correlation between certain actions ("reading exercise" and "flipping hand) brought new insights regarding cause-and-effect (uncovering that it is an entirely thought-based construct). Especially thoughts that regard to "would have" or "should have" and thus imagining an alternative reality could be uncovered as illusionary. Other than that, there wasn't anything new to the recognitions I've described in the initial two postings of this thread.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decision is a mere mental concept. There are no decisions, everything just happens on its own. Decisions require a decision maker which cannot be found upon closer investigation.
Example: When picking food from a menu, a whole thought process comparing the different dishes arises. Eventually, a thought arises which selects a certain dish ("I decide to pick the fish"). This dish may or may not be picked afterwards. In reality the thought process for selecting the dish is independent from the actual picking of the food. For picking the dish the thought process wasn't necessary. It would have been picked anyway. The theme of cause-and-effect is still somehow intact beyond the intellectual understanding. It still feels as if certain actions might lead to certain results.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention is a mere mental concept. Intention assumes an entity on whose behalf an action should be performed. In reality, everything is just happening without any intention.
Example: Having the intention to raise a hand is simply a thought. Upon this thought the hand may or may not raise. Sometimes intention is misinterpreted as certain sensations. E.g., "I will stand up from the chair" might manifest as a thought and/or certain body sensations that seem to initiate the movement.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
There is no free will. Only in thought the illusion of free will exists. Each and every change within the sense fields just happens on its own.
Example: Free will is often defined as the possibility to think or act as "I" want. However, upon investigation we see that neither thoughts nor actions can be influenced. Again, everything just happens. Thoughts arise claiming that a separate entity has had acted on its own behalf.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
There is no choice outside of thought. All is just happening on its own.
Example: Last week I went to a shopping mall for buying some new cloth. Obviously there were a lot of options for choosing a particular clothing. While the tour started by analytical thinking about which cloth to choose, this process subsided and eventually a certain piece just catched my attention and lead to its purchase. At the time, there was no reason for choosing the piece. Shortly after thoughts came in taking ownership of the choosing process and with that introducing a chooser.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control is a thought-made illusion. Again, ANYTHING happens on its own. No controller can be found in DE. Control is a way of giving an illusionary safety net. Without cause-and-effect, there can be no control, as control suggests that a a particular situation can be intentionally transformed into another
expected situation.
Example: Having to give an answer in front of a bigger audience sometimes gives rise to fear of humiliation by giving a wrong answer. To control such a situation (and thus get rid of the fear), thoughts generate all kinds of answers to create safety before having to reply. However, in reality the fear is just sensations with a story and thoughts about wrongly answering the question. While it seems that fear came from the thoughts about giving a wrong answer, there is just the rise of thoughts and the rise of sensations (labeled "fear") without having any correlation (this absence of ANY cause-and-effect is still rather new and I often fall back into believing that there is cause-and-effect; this example shows me that there is still some believe that the thoughts are produced (not necessarily by "me") as a consequence of the sensation labeled "fear"; I think I need to integrate the understanding that there are just sensations and then there are just thoughts; no correlation).
What makes things happen? How does it work?
I cannot find a reason why things are happening. They just do. I don't know how it works. Mind imposes the concept of cause-and-effect for having an explanation for these happenings. But that is only thought content.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
As there is neither an "I" nor a "doer", there is no responsibility at all. It is again only a thought-made concept.
Example: I often feel the responsibility for the well-being of my close ones. However, this responsibility is just a combination of thoughts and sensations which mind interprets as certain emotions (e.g. blame if I don't take the responsibility for their well-being). Responsibility is just a story around those thoughts/sensations.
6) Anything to add?
I'm not feeling any different from how I described in my initial two postings with the exception of a deeper understanding of cause-and-effect. Also the theme of cause-and-effect still seems to be intact subconsciously. Still not sure if the Gate was crossed and how to know for sure. The illusion of the separate self seems to be seen through. But it seems to be forgotten in day-to-day life and re-identification happens. There wasn't a honeymoon period. I did not have a phase of being at ease with everything around me. Something seems to be missing on the emotional or experiential level. The recognition was not as profound as I've expected it (thought). I'm not sure where to go from here.
Also, please let me know if my answers weren't detailed enough.
Loving,
