Requesting a guide

[Firen]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That everything I do and think that I am is really just a program based on past conditioning. And it is constructed and upheld by the incessant thoughts in my mind. I have had glimpses into this truth.

What are you looking for at LU?
Community—when I talk to friends and family about these experiences, I can see that they don't understand what I'm talking about, or they want to debate me. It's not up for debate. It is real; not theoretical. It makes me feel a bit crazy (although this is a thought as well).
Guidance—I have never had a personal teacher and I feel like it is time to have conversations with someone who has walked this path and who can help point me in the right direction.
Liberation—I want to see reality as it actually is. It is something I have wanted for as long as I can remember. I feel like I was born wanting this. I have never been able to shake the feeling that something crucial is being missed—that there is something else—a different way of seeing and being.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I would like my guide to be able to sense into where I am and what may help me to move forward. I expect my guide to call out places where I am hiding from the truth, point out my blind spots, so I can investigate them. I am interested in cutting the power sources for the "me" in as many places as possible. I have been able to feel into some of those and have cut them down considerably—ruminating on good and bad, past and future, in ways that I can feel that fuel the "me." I'd like my guide to be as direct as possible to help me access truth.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been doing meditation for about the past 7 years, on and off. I have attended one 5 day silent meditation retreat. I have read many books by Jan Frazier, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Deepak Chopra, Michael Singer, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron. My favorite teachings are by Jan Frazier, Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti. I prefer teachings that are not part of a spiritual or religious practice. I have found that I have very little interest in learning about ritual or spiritual tradition and find it to be a distraction to the real inquiry. I have never had a personal teacher; I have just done a lot of reading, meditation and daily mindfulness.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Firen]

If @Anastasia is available, I'd love to work with her. If not, I'm open!

[Firen]

@Anastasia42 rather!

[Anastacia42]

Good morning!

I'm available. Here is my usual introduction.

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

One thing that is helpful is to come to this forum
& post every day. Sometimes the site goes down. It will be back. Just come back later.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?


Loving,

[Firen]

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?

Hi thank you so much. It's great to meet you. You can call me Firen. I'm in the SF Bay Area—Pacific time zone. Where are you?

[Firen]

How will life change?

I have heard and read that life naturally reconfigures itself on its own after awakening. Some pursuits and people drop away and new things are born. I don't know what, or if anything, will change in my life situation once I see. I don't know how much that matters. My expectation is that I will become much more engrossed in each moment as it happens and more attuned to the aliveness and spontaneity that are continually unfolding around me; the details of the circumstances will matter less.

How will you change?

I have more expectations around this: There have been times in my life when I thought fear would consume me and I would go crazy. I have phobias and panic attacks. I can feel the fear that permeates everything—for me and for the rest of the world. That personal feeling of fear I would expect to drop away, perhaps quickly, or over time. I expect much less confusion, much less spinning in the mind. More quiet. I expect to lose the desire to search. I expect to feel gratitude, burgeoning freedom and less struggle—and more aliveness and energy. I expect that how I relate to other people will change—that the impulse to protect myself or raise myself over others will fade away.

What will be different?

"I" will disappear with the realization that "I" never was actually here. Actions and decisions will happen spontaneously. Emotions will be felt but not held onto and will pass through the body and out without creating patterns to be repeated. Life will continue. The mundane will be wondrous. Not bliss, but a quiet joy will pervade every moment.

What is missing?

Intellectually I know that nothing is really missing; I just can't see it. I have felt "off" my whole life, sometimes questioning if I belong here. I have always been confused at why the majority of people don't seem to struggle with this nagging sense of feeling like something is deeply off and an incessant itch to uncover who and what they really are. I see this process more as a taking away than an adding. I look at reality through a veil of many unquestioned assumptions. There's nothing missing. There's too much there. It must be peeled away.

[Firen]

Hello Stacy, checking if you are still available to be my guide?
Thank you,
Firen

[Firen]

Hi! How do I get started?

[Anastacia42]

Hi, I'm missing the emails. I'll check settings. Sorry!

Your expectations sound mostly reasonable.

Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.


Loving,

[Firen]

Now what comes up when reading that there is no separate self, never has been, and never will be? That the whole thing was a made up story that we believed.

Mainly excitement. I feel trapped in this life that revolves around "me." Everything is always about "me." It feels limiting and narrow. I have observed that when life feels hard I'm eager to cast off this "me." When life is good I want to hold onto the "me" and luxuriate in the warm feelings of being "someone"...I feed the someone with with thoughts.

[Anastacia42]

Okay, thank you.

This is how to LOOK for no self in the exercises - we call them "pointers' - that we will be doing here:

Colored Socks

There is a big difference between knowing that there is nothing to give up and seeing that there is nothing to give up.

Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:

• You can think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what color you think they are.

• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what color they actually are!

Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking.

For the purpose of seeing this "no self" idea, it is very important that you are clear about this difference.

Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that

We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.


Loving,

[Firen]

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

I am clear.

[Anastacia42]

Good. Then practice here:


Direct Experience - Labeling Daily Activities

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

Refer to the green list of Actual/Direct Experience in the prior post if that helps. Those are the only items any experience can be.

Loving,

[Firen]

Post several of your own observations in a list *exactly* like the one above, please.

Hearing an airplane flying above, simply = sound
Eating candy, simply = taste
Scratching my nose, simply = sensation
Hearing the click clack of typing on my keyboard, simply = sound
Seeing the tree outside my office window, simply = image/color
Hearing the roar of the cars on the highway, simply = sound
Hearing the ambulance siren, simply = sound
Feeling the heat from the space heater on my legs, simply = sensation
Thinking about how much I like this candy and that I want more, simply = thought
Thinking about how I have too many things on my to do list today, simply = thought
Touching a cold can of sparkling water, simply = sensation
Hearing the pop of the can opening, simply = sound
Drinking the sparkling water, simply = taste
Looking at the can of sparkling water, simply = image/color
Hearing my cat’s collar bell jingle, simply = sound
Looking at my cat napping across the room, simply = image/color
Smelling the food my roommate is cooking for her lunch, simply = smell

[Anastacia42]

Yes. Good.

Now this one:


Mind Labeling Experience

Here is an exercise which examines the way in which the mind labels experience - it takes about 20 minutes and you will need a pen a paper.

This exercise is broken into 10 minute lots. For each 10 minute period pay attention to any bodily sensation i.e. is there any tightening, or any relaxing?

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

For example:

I am sitting on a chair,
I am hearing a clock ticking,
I am looking at a computer screen,
I am feeling hungry.

Get right to the point, no past or future fantasy, just a plain description of your experience right here and now.

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

For example:

Sitting on a chair,
typing,
breathing,
blinking,
hearing the clock.

(Again, watch what is happening in the body.)

At the end of the twenty minutes compare the two ways in which the experience was labelled and answer the following four questions:

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

2. What is here without labels?

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

Loving,