I'm disappointed in myself for getting distracted after I finally was able to get logged back in; (thank you for your help there) I got caught up in some drama and also distracted by worldly fears, and for the past week haven't really sat and looked. I'm back, and hopefully won't get that distracted/pulled away from looking again.
I do not know what I will do. I can not tell you what I will do in the next 5 minutes with nothing having changed. And, I have started noticing thoughts that show different scenarios of me in the future after imagined Realization that don't depict such doom and gloom if i were to change as a result of Self realization. So some fear is subsiding over the weeks of looking that show even if i fight less, it's still a more peaceful life. I really do want to know the truth of what i am and what is going on here, but i'm not sure that even if i saw it, i would know that i was seeing the Truth.How do you know this?
How do you know that Nameless won’t fight for her life?
How do you know that she won’t have enough desire to fight?
How do you know that she will be passive?
I have zero proof that not fighting for my life would not happen. I am not a psychic, I can not see what will happen in the future; that is clear to me. At this point, I think it's just the idea that it could happen, but now after looking, other, not so bad, scenarios are believed to be possible, too.What is your proof that this is what is going to happen?
Sometimes it seems clear that whatever is seeing what's 'on the screen,' has no judgments about what is being seen and so it's me that doesn't like any of the possible endings. And, then at other times, it appears that I, and whatever is seeing are the same thing...and it just keeps going back and forth like that. That's why I said earlier that even if the truth was staring me right in the face, i'm not sure that i would be able to recognize it as the ultimate truth. I guess i've not seen the Ultimate truth yet, so that's why i remain confused. Perhaps if the Ultimate truth was ever realized, something would know that, i don't know.And when you say “I don’t like any of the possible ending” – who is that that doesn’t like it, you or Nameless?
Who feels frustrated right now? When looking, there are just physical sensations present. When not paying attention to thoughts, there doesn't appear to be anyone...namely, Nameless, here. But what notices all of that? Sometimes there seems to be an unaffected observer, sometimes it appears Nameless notices this, and other time it seems like noticing is/was just happening so which is it? none of these? all of these---on some level?
Nameless...i feel like i want to change my name to: Confused