Sorry, I was in a bit of a mood yesterday. All better now. I really appreciate your offer of a one-to-one but I can’t find the email that you sent. I’m up for this if you think it will be helpful. I’ve never known someone give so much of their time like this, it’s really inspiring. You’ve been a great guide anyway and I’ve enjoyed these pointers today. I don’t know how insightful I was but they’ve certainly cleared some things for me.
To be honest, I don’t know how the mind is defined. I was making an assumption that the mind was the sum of all my experiences, but perhaps not. All I can say for sure is that I experience sights, sounds, sensations, tastes, smells, thoughts and emotions. ‘Mind’ is just a word, so it’s probably better not to confuse myself with it if I don’t even know how to define it.C: I worded it badly. Experience is the mind. The beliefs aren’t created by the mind, they are part of it.
V: How do you know that experience = mind?
What makes you think that?
I’m happy to take your word for it, and this is the definition I found:Isn’t mind believed to be the place where thoughts and memories are stored, and where thoughts are coming from?
The element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think, and to feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought.
This puts emphasis on the ‘element that enables’ someone to experience, rather than the direct experience itself. So I guess I was wrong.
I believe it to be, yes. But I don’t experience a mind in a head. All I experience are thoughts, emotions etc.Isn’t the mind believed to be inside the head?
If by reality you mean direct experience then No.Is there such place in reality?
There might well be, I couldn’t possibly know.Is there a mind outside of thoughts that talk about one?
Yes, definitely. I’m more than open to be shown otherwise.C: I don’t think the mind is creating or incepting thoughts; that would make them 2 separate things. I think that thoughts are a manifestation of the mind.
V: So you wrote down what you think.
But is it clear that what we do here is to question your thoughts, beliefs and assumptions?
Yes, thinking about it, I’m not sure what I meant by this. I was maybe saying that thoughts are an articulation of awareness (what I was calling the mind), like waves in the water. The waves don’t happen to the water, they are the water moving around.How do you know that thoughts are the manifestations of a mind? What is the proof for this?
By the definition I was using (just experience), I’d say it was nowhere. It just happens, without location.Where is this mind you are talking about?
Thoughts about Chris, about ‘me’, are about a character.C: Nothing owns thoughts, they just happen. Thoughts (that are not owned) create a character (that is not owned).
V: Are thoughts actually create a character?
It seems so.Are thoughts that powerful?
Most thoughts seem to be about something; they are stories about something. The thought ‘there is a bird on the windowsill’ is a story with a character.Are you saying that thoughts have abilities and can do things, like creating the me-character?
Maybe it’s wrong to say that thoughts create a character; more correct to say that thoughts are about a character.Is there an actual creator of the me-character?
Before, I had a visceral seeing, I’m certain that I got it. It was on and off but I definitely saw it. Now, the certainty has gone. If I’m right about something, it’s more a logical conclusion about something than a genuine ‘seeing’.C: Vivien, I can't deny that I'm getting a bit impatient. I know that I shouldn't, but last last week I thought I was really starting to get it. Then I got a bit ill and poof! it's gone again. I can't see it now; not for days.
V: What is it exactly that you can’t see?
No, I see these things. But before it was like I saw it completely. Maybe I am seeing it now but am expecting something more.You wrote:
No one, emotions are simply occurring.
Again, nothing; they are just experienced.
They don’t happen to anything. Awareness of a thought and its happening are one and the same thing.
Nothing owns thoughts, they just happen.
You wrote the above, but at the same time you say that you can’t see.
So does this mean that what you wrote above is something you cannot see NOW, and you only wrote from MEMORY?
I think yesterday I was in a different frame of mind. Things are clearer today. I’ve seen a few times, clearly and without question, that there is no self, no centre; everything is just flowing. But I haven’t seen it like that in a while now and it’s demoralising at times.Or is there something else you cannot see?
Today I’m saying no one. There is was just a feeling of impatience. Yesterday thoughts were passing- that were believed to be true- about a character called Chris who was getting impatient that he couldn’t realize his own nonexistence.C: Vivien, I can't deny that I'm getting a bit impatient.
V: Who is getting impatient? Who?
No.Is there an I that is getting impatient?
Not in reality.Is there a Chris getting impatient?
No, just a coming-and-going belief that there is.Is there a person getting impatient?
No.Is there an entity getting impatient?
No, a feeling of impatience appears and gets woven into a story about a person.Is the body getting impatient?
No.Is the sensations of the chest getting impatient?
No, it’s just a thought.Is the I-thought getting impatient?
No, it’s just a story. It can’t, in itself, get impatient.Is the story about Chris getting impatient?
A negative feeling caused by wanting something to hurry up. It’s hard to investigate the feeling itself as I don’t feel it right now, and my memory of it is poor.What is the experience of being impatient?
Chris I suppose. He and his impatience were believed in more strongly yesterday. Today, he’s more like Harry Potter.What or who is it that wants to get somewhere and achieve something?