Truth and Freedom

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Sun Sep 06, 2020 6:58 am

Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like you went through an intense time, where what was hidden came up to the surface and that is very good! All that needs to come out will come out. Meeting this with knowing that this too shall pass gives a bit of relief, but during such times it’s the best to be patient and let is all play out. There is a lot to learn from such Experiences. what did you learn?
Love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Thu Sep 10, 2020 8:17 pm

Thanks Ilona,

You mention in one of your videos a quote from Rumi comparing the mind to a prison. I can definitely relate to that. I can also see that I've been living in that prison for many, many years. It's like a living hell. That may sound extreme, but the critical, negative, horrendous self-talk can be all consuming. It completely takes me away from the present moment, from what is actually happening, from reality. If anyone spoke to me the way I talk to myself they would instantly be cut out of my life. Yet not only do I listen to it, but I have believed it for so long. It causes me to feel lethargic, depressed, demotivated. Then I beat myself up even more for feeling that way! It's totally crazy actually. It creates problems and stories that are totally unnecessary.

It's become very clear just how powerful the mind can be. Despite many years of therapy, which has had an incredibly positive impact on me, despite all the learning about non-duality, despite the incredible work we've done together on here, despite the profound realisations I've experienced, my mind still has the ability to bring me to my knees.
HOWEVER I've seen it. I've seen how sneaky, subtle, clever it can be and I WILL NOT let it win.
I think I need to spend some time looking at why my mind is so intent on controlling me. Is it trying to protect something? Is there fear? At the moment it is not clear and seems more like the mind is the devil trying to create more suffering and thwart my attempt at self-realisation and freedom.
I have a huge fear that I'm going to give this all up and allow myself to just sit in prison, even when I can see the door is open.
I think I'm scared of living. I have lived this way for so long that any other way seems scary.

In the last couple of days I've started to meditate again and be much more conscious of everything we've discussed. I'm so grateful for this forum, for this conversation with you. It's like a lifeline. If I didn't need to come up with a response for you I may have continued down the black hole, but it's been a huge motivation to actually look at what is going on. So thank you again.

Much love

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Fri Sep 11, 2020 7:47 am

I hear you. Can you find out something for me. What does the mind get from creating prison? What is the payoff? Is it here to help or for other reasons?

Basically, what does the mind want the most?

Love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Tue Sep 15, 2020 9:20 pm

Hi Ilona,

When I am in the prison of the mind I withdraw from people and life. I guess in a twisted way it keeps me safe from being hurt, used, abused, embarrassed, shame etc.
I can see that the mind is built on old, untrue beliefs, such as -
"I'm not ok as I am";
"I need to adapt to please people";
"people can't be trusted";
"the world is not safe"
"I am the body"
"I mess up every relationship"
"I'm not good enough"
"I am in control"

So it seems like the mind really wants to protect me.

With love x

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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Wed Sep 16, 2020 7:47 am

That’s good to notice, mind want to protect.. now let’s find out, is it helping? What does the mind get from trying to protect? And what is there behind the protection that needs it? Can you take a look and tell me, what is there?

Would you rather be free and at ease or scared of life? Does life need to be protected from itself?

Love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Wed Sep 23, 2020 9:20 am

Hi Ilona,

Sorry for the late reply.
That’s good to notice, mind want to protect.. now let’s find out, is it helping?
No it's not helping. It actually creates more fear, unease, unhappiness, withdrawal.
What does the mind get from trying to protect?
The mind gets a lot of attention when it's trying to protect.
And what is there behind the protection that needs it?
Behind the protection there is just images of myself. Images of myself as a small child. Or the feeling of self identity or reputation. Fear of what others will think of me. It seems to be protecting my self image, which I know is not actual reality, it's just a thought of myself. It does not need protecting.
Would you rather be free and at ease or scared of life?
Obviously I would much rather be free and at ease than scared of life.
Does life need to be protected from itself?
I guess life is just happening, seemingly good things and seemingly bad things. Trying to protect against them does not stop them from happening, it just creates worry and anxiety about them.

One question - how do I know the difference between my mind creating a problem, dissatisfaction etc. and a genuine issue that needs addressing?

With gratitude x

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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Thu Sep 24, 2020 7:25 am

Good insights, yes, they it to protect from bad things happening does not stop things happening as they do.
The mind gets a lot of attention when it's trying to protect.
This is good to notice. Mind wants attention. Give it attention. Give it respect. It is working so hard, trying to protect images. Thank it for that. Sounds weird, but give that mind kind and loving attention, so it can get attention without trying to prove anything. Spend some time really appreciating your mind, it’s here working for you. And it will relax, once it gets attention.

What is a difference between a problem and a situation that needs a response?
Let look together. What is that we call a problem? How does it get created? How does it show up? Is there a problem before it is created?

Take an example of a real life situation that you are facing right now. Describe what is the situation and what is the problem.

Explore this and share with me what you find.

Love

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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:00 pm

Hi Ilona,

This week, contemplating your questions about problems, I've had a major realisation. A breakthrough. (I think, haha) I've realised that all problems are created in the mind. The more I look into a problem, the more complicated it gets. The clearer this has become over the week, the less interested I've been in working out what is a situation that needs a response and what is problem! It seems to me that life is just happening. If I need to respond to something I will, I don't need to plan it beforehand, it will just happen. I feel like I'm going to step back from trying to think through issues to arrive at a decision, and instead allow decisions to happen spontaneously. I don't know if this is possible or crazy or what?!
The particular problem that my mind has been revisiting frequently over the past several years is concerning my marriage - do I want to still be in it or not? The more I get into the details the more complicated it becomes and it is impossible to get a perfect answer to this question. However, the fact is I am still here, and at this particular moment am not feeling driven to leave. I don't know if I will come to a point where I actually do take action to leave, let's wait and see!
I experience many emotions related to this issue, and have realised that much of my time is spent distracting myself from these emotions or trying to come up with a perfect solution. However, I think I'm going to stop trying to work it all out and just see what happens. Does this sound like a cop out?

Much gratitude x

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Sun Oct 04, 2020 7:29 am

That’s wonderful to hear that you cracked the mystery of “a problem”. It is not here unless created. It can not or need not to be solved unless it is created. Good job.

As for your marriage, you are still here. That’s the reality. How do you feel about that? What is the feeling when you contemplate your marriage? Is there acceptance, resistance, sadness, grief, comfort, something else? It’s for you to look at and heal.

What happens if you just for a bit allow this situation to be as it is. No need to decide what to do. No need to fix, evade, deny, run away. Just allowing feelings about marriage to be as they are, honest and raw.

You don’t need to make any decision right now. Just see how you feel when you do need to make any decision.

Write what comes up.

Love.

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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Mon Oct 12, 2020 10:32 am

Hi Ilona,

It's felt like a huge effort to write this response.

Since 'deciding' to stop thinking about decisions until a decision needs to be made, life has appeared to be so much easier! So called 'negative' feelings about my marriage have come up, but much less frequently, and following your advice to just allow them to be without the added layer of needing to make a decision, has led to them simply being felt and then passing. I've also noticed some 'positive' feelings about my marriage too, which previously would have been overlooked.

It feels like there has been some sort of a shift. Quite subtle, but noticed.
Letting go of control. I've still not got my head around the control thing exactly but feel like it is somehow sinking in.
There doesn't seem to be much more to say right now.

With much appreciation as always x

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Tue Oct 13, 2020 5:28 am

Thank you so much for exploring this and sharing your experience. It’s sweet to hear that you have noticed positivity that was missed before.
It’s like we have a relationship with others and our life reflects that relationship back. We don’t see the others as they are, but as what we think they are and seeing from this angle it seems that the other needs to change in order for me to be happy. But it’s the very relationship I have is in the way of meeting the other as they are. Resolving feelings and hurts around my heart frees the relationship. Letting yourself to heal is the way forward into peace and harmony. My best wishes for you.

Ok, so the question of control.
There is wanting to control. There is resisting what is. There is hope that if I do x the y will happen.
What hides behind wanting to control? What is there that needs control to make himself happy? What is controlling everything?

Explore this :)

Love.

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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Sat Oct 24, 2020 12:29 pm

Hi Ilona,

Once again I apologize for the late reply. It has seemed harder and harder to respond to your questions lately, and I've been wondering why that is... I think it's partly that the need to seek for answers has really lost its intensity. I have learnt and recognised so many things and think I am in the process of integrating them into daily life. It's wonderful actually. I'm focusing a lot on the body, on how many feelings, beliefs etc seem to be held in the body, and how becoming aware of the tensions in the body, really allowing the feelings/sensations, leads to a relaxation of those tensions.

Also your last questions have led me into deeper areas about control, free will, destiny etc which has led to some confusion.
What hides behind wanting to control? What is there that needs control to make himself happy?
This is obviously the separate self, or more specifically, fear.
What is controlling everything?
This is where I get stuck. I don't know the answer. Possibly nothing. Possibly it is simply the biological organism playing out a set of patterns that it has been conditioned to do. Like a tree growing, producing leaves, leaves falling etc. Just nature doing its thing. Decisions like 'what shall I have for breakfast' simply based on a multitude of preconditioned factors. Essentially meaningless.

However, several months ago I had a very poignant experience where it seemed like my whole life flashed before my eyes. I could see clearly how all the events in my life had led up to the present moment, and led to this path, these realisations that I'm discovering now. Events that felt wrong at the time were clearly necessary for my personal evolution. It felt like there was some sort of divine plan. This implies that there IS something in control. Just not the character of Claire as previously thought.

Feeling thoroughly confused about this issue. I seem to get lost when contemplating this.

Much appreciation x

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Sun Oct 25, 2020 7:56 am

Dear Claire,
Thank you for or reply and sharing openly.
Yes, it’s nature doing it’s thing. And yes, there is intelligence and patterns. You can call it the divine. You can call it the great mystery. Life is not random, but a play of one energy appearing as many, as plurality.
Can you see that life is happening spontaneously and effortlessly right here right now? This moment is here as it is and as it should be.

Here is a video for you to meet fear. See what you can learn from the fear. https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE It’s a short meditation. So take a good look, what is there behind it.

It’s good to hear that there is less interest in questions and more interest in living :) sweet!


Love.

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Cavebear
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Cavebear » Sun Nov 22, 2020 11:51 pm

Dear Ilona,

Thank you so, so much for all of your time and wisdom.

I really don't seem to have anything to write to you now. No questions. I'm enjoying living again and watching life as it unfolds. Your latest video 'What next?' has been enormously helpful. Making a list of my shoulds and should nots has helped to see where I'm still holding on, and also made me realise that I'm ready to let go.

I do hope that you will continue to upload regular videos.

There is some sadness at saying goodbye and my mind is screaming that I'm not ready, but I am. Would it be possible (to soothe my mind) to agree that I can contact you again if I need to?

I can't express my gratitude to have connected with you.

I wish you all the very best, with love x

P.s. what a struggle to press the submit button!

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Ilona
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Re: Truth and Freedom

Postby Ilona » Wed Nov 25, 2020 7:35 am

Dear Claire,
It’s wonderful to read your message. I’m here for you whenever you want to talk. As you see, life continues, challenges continue, stories are still here, all as it ever was.
What would you say is the biggest difference in your daily, normal life, to compare to how it was before we started this conversation? What hasn’t changed?
Love.


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