Awareness

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Sat May 23, 2020 1:51 am

The "I" is nothing that I seem to be able to define. It is no thing, but everything. Sometimes I get glimpses and can feel the vastness and love. But then I'm sucked into "my story" and suffering arises because of past events.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Sat May 23, 2020 2:14 am

The "I" is nothing that I seem to be able to define. It is no thing, but everything.


Is this an idea? Where did you get the idea from?


You are reading this reply; that is what is happening.
How do you perceive yourself that is reading now?

As thought? Image? Or sensation?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Sat May 23, 2020 8:11 pm

"Is this an idea? Where did you get the idea from?"

"You are reading this reply; that is what is happening.
How do you perceive yourself that is reading now?"


It is more a feeling of the "I" rather than an idea. But the feeling is not specified to any location.

I don't really perceive myself reading now, it is just happening through seeing.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Sat May 23, 2020 10:28 pm

It is more a feeling of the "I" rather than an idea. But the feeling is not specified to any location.


How is that "feeling" perceived, while it is not a bodily sense nor an idea?


Also, what is feeling the feeling of "I"?



"I don't really perceive myself reading now, it is just happening through seeing."



What do you mean by "happening through seeing?"
Could you elaborate?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Sun May 24, 2020 5:45 am

"How is that "feeling" perceived, while it is not a bodily sense nor an idea?"

It is a knowing. An aliveness.

"Also, what is feeling the feeling of "I"?"

I can't feel anything there when I try to search for who or what is feeling l.

"What do you mean by "happening through seeing?"
Could you elaborate?"

The action of reading is happening through "my" seeing of the words, is what "I" meant.
But when I try to look for who is doing the reading, "I" don't find anyone there!

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Sun May 24, 2020 5:49 am

It is a knowing. An aliveness.

By knowing, or aliveness, how is it known?
Can you know something that is not sensed, thought, or imagined?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon May 25, 2020 2:01 am

"By knowing, or aliveness, how is it known?
Can you know something that is not sensed, thought, or imagined?"

It is known through "my" experience. It just is. "My" story keeps the "me" stuck in suffering. It seems like I am close to things clicking, but my story keeps bringing me back, especially my past.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Mon May 25, 2020 2:11 am

How is experience known?


Can any experience known in any way except as memory?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon May 25, 2020 2:17 am

"How is experience known?

Can any experience known in any way except as memory?"

The experience is known by what's happening right now.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Mon May 25, 2020 2:24 am

Is what is happening now anyone's experience?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon May 25, 2020 2:31 am

I want to say it is my experience, but I dont know who "my" is. It feels like a curtain is trying to be lifted here. It goes up and down. But what's behind that curtain is nothingness. It is empty. The story of me keeps resisting the ultimate unraveling. And "I" want it to just unravel, for good. I feel close to realizing...

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon May 25, 2020 2:39 am

Wow, I just started to burst out laughing when I thought about how serious I've been taking life and this so called story of me! I saw how this whole seeking was absolutely hilarious and pointless??? A little bit of a breakthrough here...

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Mon May 25, 2020 3:21 am

Nice. :)


Could you tell bit more in detail how you are feeling now?

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon May 25, 2020 3:28 am

I'm a little giddy, and I feel light. My thoughts of my past aren't as sticky, like they aren't "me." But I've had waves of this before. I think this experience is just deepening with your help. Like more layers are being pulled back. It's all really hilarious to me though.

Like, life is some beautiful, chaotic, hilarious joke and I've been taking it far too seriously, because it's not mine. I laughed so hard I cried earlier when I had this realization. It was like I was seeing "Cayli" in a movie or just as an actor. Very liberating feeling. I believe some integration is needed. Thank you for your help this far. I would love to keep going.

Much gratitude,

"Cayli"

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Mon May 25, 2020 3:43 am

Thanks for sharing that, Cayli. :)


It was like I was seeing "Cayli" in a movie or just as an actor. Very liberating feeling.


Who or what is it that is remembering all this?


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