Never too late!

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Kaarin
Posts: 73
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:09 am

Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:12 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand with 'my head' that things just happen and everything is flowing. There is still I/me who wants to control doing instead of letting go. And this I has fears which prevents to see the truth.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am lookong for that I would be able to see that there is no ME like I understand it now.
I am looking for to get free of I, which confines my life and prevents living without seeing wider. I have read spiritually books and have meditate etc. They have helped to understand some things but I have a feeling that LU could help me to see how mind works and helps me to get rid of me.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Well... I expect that the conversation helps me to open my eyes and see there is no self. I expect the guide is able to understand, can see my bonds which still keep me up firmly on my mind. Of course I understand I do the work!

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I think most of the spiritual practices wont help to see the truth. I have been seeking many, many years something which releases me from myself, the fears and beliefs which I have carried my hole life in me.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

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Andrei
Posts: 528
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:34 am

Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:07 pm

Hi Kaarin,

Welcome to LU. I would be happy to help you with your inquiry.

When you say self, what do you mean by it? And I don't mean just a generic definition, but everything and anything that feels "personal", like the "one" that wants to control things - that's a good start.

Also, tell me about those fears. What are you afraid of that might be connected to this inquiry?


Cheers!



Andrei

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Sun Sep 17, 2017 9:17 am

Hi, I am happy to start, thanks for that!

What I mean by 'self'...hmmm, I think it is all the stuff which has been accumulated into this beeing what I represent. The mind, ego.
I think that all the fears I have....hah, start to laugh when I tried to think how all the fears are built up. I dont know!
What I understand is that all kind of situations in my hole life has been caused fear. I guess if the personality which I have, has not been accepted as it is, consequently I have build the fence to protect, to cope.
But I assume and hope that if I some day realize the truth (that there is no me ) I am able to get rid of fears.

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Andrei
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Sun Sep 17, 2017 9:55 am

You need to be more specific than that - what you represent, mind, ego, personality - what are they?
Replacing a label with another won't get you anywhere. You need to actually look.

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Sun Sep 17, 2017 12:14 pm

Yes, I know I am stuck in this. I feel like going around something simple thing without seeing it.

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Andrei
Posts: 528
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:03 pm

No worries. I can help with that.
Usually people identify with their bodies,or thoughts, or sensations, or choices, or things they do, or awareness, or some or ALL of the above, or something entirely different.
What would it be in your case?
We can tend to each and every one of them, like in that saying - the 1000 miles journey begins with one step.

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Mon Sep 18, 2017 7:41 pm

Hi
I have tried to look what am I identified with. Not easy. Emotions and habits how I plan my life, future f.e.tomorrows doings comes in my mind immediately. Plaa, plaa...mind explains what to do, what to think etc. I continued, just relaxed and I felt more peace, more calm.
I have managed at times to let it go and have felt how everything goes like a stream. It is so easy and enjoying, want to live like that!

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Andrei
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:00 pm

How do you decide what to do and what to think?

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:31 pm

Hahaa, good question!
What feels right. Well, have to say that they base on emotions and beliefs.

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Andrei
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Mon Sep 18, 2017 9:02 pm

I'm curious as to how exactly you're hoping to get anywhere in this inquiry if you're not going to try to actually look. Seeing through the illusion of the self doesn't just happen. You need to put some work in it. All i got from you so far is evasive answers.
What we do here is ask questions and (try to) point you in the right direction. Afterwards it's up to you.

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Tue Sep 19, 2017 10:18 am

Thanks for pushing me, I need that!
How I decide what to do and what to think? As I said I try to do like I feel it right to do. I realize now its the thoughts which lead my doings and what are thoughts? Are they 'mine' or just coming somewhere? Could it be possible that my doings and thoughs etc. are not mine at all as they are no one elses thoughts eather?
Why am I stucked in certain thoughts and doings? Is it because the history of 'mine'/ story of my life?
And I just cannot let them go. I feel frustrated :(

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Kaarin
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Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Tue Sep 19, 2017 6:01 pm

I realize now that I have been telling here about my mind, self, which does not exist.
Still I have difficulties to see threw the illusion, how can I see there is no me, no self at all...

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Andrei
Posts: 528
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:34 am

Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Tue Sep 19, 2017 7:11 pm

How I decide what to do and what to think? As I said I try to do like I feel it right to do.
Can you pick and choose a thought right now? How do you do it?
If "you" think thoughts then there should be ways to do so.

Why am I stucked in certain thoughts and doings? Is it because the history of 'mine'/ story of my life?
If it's just a story you can drop it just like that.

Tell me about the sensations you feel. Are they "yours"? Do you create them? If you do, how?

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Kaarin
Posts: 73
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:09 am

Re: Never too late!

Postby Kaarin » Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:00 am

I concentrated to think some thoughts and noticed that just a little time there were thoughts I tried to think. After a while thoughts were quite different, I didnt choose them. They just appear somewhere.
I am amazed how soon thoughts you want to think goes on their own way and new thoughts relieve instead. After I realized this, there came peacefulness, the mess in my head cooled down.
I can see now that its imbossible for 'me' to control the stream of thoughts. They just are there.

About stories...it feels odd just drop them. Some how it feels that I have created them.....Ha, just realized that it really is I !!! OMG. Just start to cry and laugh at the same time. There is no ME. What a relief, I is just a label and I have believed in it all these decades. Huh!

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Andrei
Posts: 528
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:34 am

Re: Never too late!

Postby Andrei » Wed Sep 20, 2017 9:17 am

I can see now that its imbossible for 'me' to control the stream of thoughts. They just are there.
ALL thoughts? Or is there still doubt whether there are some you can control?

And is there "someone" who wants certain thoughts to happen or is that just another thought?

Just start to cry and laugh at the same time. There is no ME. What a relief, I is just a label and I have believed in it all these decades.
Good! That's it! :)

You missed one question there...
Tell me about the sensations you feel. Are they "yours"? Do you create them? If you do, how?


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