Okay here are my responses.
First, the glimpse has happened many times, I have earnestly looked and seen through. To be honest, you are the one that rightly pointed out, there was too much "I, Me, Mine" in my responses. And I appreciated those comments and found value in writing without those words. There is an aspect of this personality that has been conditioned to please and that is seen for what it is. This pleasing is seen as it is and there is 'frustration' arising from seeing it as a thought combined with a contraction in my chest - which are no different from seeing a tree or feeling the wind of my face with the corresponding feelings that come from that experience.read the last post of yours, You deceive me David. You are just parroting what you have heard or read about consciousness, awareness, ..
This thread is about You, it is not about consciousness or awareness, why do you avoid to use “I” even you know it is a thought, a concept, it is a good tool to communicate.
You are not looking at this You. You are still disserting from what you know, from what you read in books. I am not expecting you to know about awareness, consciousness or whatever. It is not an examination. I want to make you see the TRUTH, the glimpse will last one second, two seconds, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, I don’t know. BUT YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR YOURSELF.
The issue is not seeing the truth, it is seen many times a day. Earnestness and effort is applied to rest in awareness. And yes there still appears to be someone efforting to do this... but it seems that is a natural part of all of this - to turn the attention away from believing what is seen and seeing things as they are.... It is also true that there was intense study and reading when awakening first happened. Whether this awakening was a delusion or not - who knows yet it was clearly seen there is no one here, that there is a seeing and experiencing but there is no one experiencing it per se.
Your guidance has been helpful for me to engage the simplicity of seeing moment to moment. That said, there is also constant inquiry "who is this one experiencing this?" Again, consistently no one can be located. This is clearly seen...
That said, there is trauma in this body-mind that has not been seen through. This shows up by patterns of going into my head to try to figue things out. Again, at times this is seen for what it is - and a relaxation occurs back into pure seeing, resting as awareness. At other times there is a sense of being lost in the experience of being consumed by the experience. Something gets triggered by what appears to be happening. When this happens, I do take the time to look... who is identified and how? I investigate. What are the thoughts that are appearing? I am not good enough, I don't like myself, when am I going to get it? I look at these thoughts, are they me? When I am earnest in this looking, it is seen that thoughts come and go. Yet, there is also a felt sense of that comes with these thoughts... a contraction in my chest... or gut or solar plexus or throat. Rather than push these away, I rest with them, welcome them and let them move as they do... again, it is seen that they dissolve just as they rose.
Also, I do have a formal practice of sitting each morning and looking. And as I said, there is effort throughout the day to rest or inquire.
The reason I tried this site out because I wanted to bring in other support in my looking. I am part of a community that focuses on inquiry and regularly engage in inquiry practices and one-on-one sessions where we support each other in the inquiry process. I am not saying that as a point of pride but as a clarificaiton that I have been earnest to some degree and am deeply committed to fully recognizing the truth. Thus, I am not just reading and regurgitating things here. That said, your comments are also correct in that my mind knows too much about nonduality and that has likely influenced my responses. So your comments were helpful and have been taken in.
That said, I agree there is still resistance to look at times. There is no doubt. I still allow conditioning to pull me away. I am not earnest enough in my looking or inquiry. I do get lazy at times and give into following thought streams or in a sense lie to myself that i am seeig clearly when I am not.There is resistance to look. What do I mean by looking : using the five senses, as simple as this.
Now, read again your replies in the last post and see for yourself that all of them are thoughts : that means the words used do not point to what is, direct experience, what is known through senses. We can not deny knowing of thoughts but I said don’t go there.
It is realized that there is never anything but direct experience. That all else is changing and not real. I have had glimpses... but my experience is that it is not embodied and there is oscillation away from it (even though I know that is an illusion). There is a sense, something needs to snap for it to stabilize. Yes, that is a thought and that must be challenged.. And there is no you that challenges that but at the same time - something must look at that to see through it... that is my understanding and maybe that is all BS or more resistance.
All I know is that the most important thing is stabilize but it appears to be a process that involves deep healing .. that clarity deepens over time and the cloud cover that appears to block the realization must be looked at - as it arises and seen through.
That is as honest as i can be... that is where i am at and I do appreciate this dialogue.
David
