Ready!

[Jadzia]

Yes - I'm finding this and being non-judgemental makes things lighter/easier - but more practice needed!

It is establishing a new habit, this takes a while.
We are so used to judge ourselve the whole time and some of us do it quite harshly - it is just habitual bla bla which is unrelated to what is.

It's interesting that when the stories are cycling, and are tied in with emotions, there just doesn't seem to be any space to notice anything outside the story - only later does one look back and gain a bit of perspective.

This becomes easier with the time too, and it is ok when one finds oneself caught up in the story, earlier or later who cares, the important thing is to realize it.

There are so many layers of story, that having a strong sense of clarity is still rare, but I think I don't mind as much - the fact that stories run, and sometimes get believed for a while, is kind of ok. Though at other times, it's frustrating.

Clarity comes and goes, all is well.
And yes, isn't it amazing how the story is built up and how catching it is?
But with the time it gets less sticky. Just a bit friendly patience.

Try to smile whenever you find you are caught up in the story and congratulate yourself for noticing it. Noticing and relaxing out of the story again is one.

Anyway and always - there is nothing wrong with the story. It will go on running, why not? And still there is first a subtle change and later on a more poignant one.

Whenever you find something to share please do it and yes, smile more take the whole thing less serious.

Love,
Jadzia

[YGirl]

Hi Jadzia,

I hope you are having a good weekend.

It's been a busy couple of days and I was just seeing how things went. I'm not really sure where things are regarding gating happening or not. To be honest, I think I'm still expecting some sort of permanent state of clarity or oneness...

New insights continue to happen though. I've had a busy few days and my fatigue and pain levels are up, so as I was doing a practical task, the familiar refrain came up in my head 'I'm starting to struggle' (physically to do the task). But then I saw that the task was happening and sensations were happening. And the task would either continue to happen or not, as would the sensations, and that the 'I am struggling to do this' was just a story. I will continue to look out for this.

I've also been preoccupied a bit with my weight again in the last few days - put more on during the last bout of illness. What I was really thinking about was the idea 'Will I try to lose weight again' and wondering whether I had the energy/will to 'try'. But again - try is just a story. Then I was perhaps hiding in the 'there is no me, so I don't need to try', then fear that I would just 'give up' on ever losing weight. Then today some planning /intentions started to arise around diet, but I see they are just thoughts. I guess I will see what actions arise when I do the grocery shopping and prepare meals in the coming weeks.

Thanks, as always.

[Jadzia]

To be honest, I think I'm still expecting some sort of permanent state of clarity or oneness...

When you are at it - any other expectations?

Permanent state of clarity, hm, permanent, hm... :-)
Life is just life, before and after gating rather the same, thoughts too, there might be moments of clarity and moments where there is no separation but they do come and go.

But then I saw that the task was happening and sensations were happening. And the task would either continue to happen or not, as would the sensations, and that the 'I am struggling to do this' was just a story.

Beautiful. These are the moments!!!

Then I was perhaps hiding in the 'there is no me, so I don't need to try', then fear that I would just 'give up' on ever losing weight.

Very beautiful too, the recognition of hiding behind the there is no me..... Things/actions happen or they don't.
Ideas about weight are story, containing what one heard of others, what one was told, what one should look like, be like out of whatever reason.
Don't start a fight with an idea, you are right about looking what happens the next weeks, sometimes an impulse is there, sometimes it isn't. Following the flow is much easier when one drops these fights.

Go on, sounds good. :-)

Love,
Jadzia

[YGirl]

Permanent state of clarity, hm, permanent, hm...

I know! :-) No-one said that expectations and wants are logical!

Ideas about weight are story, containing what one heard of others, what one was told...

Oh yes. After I replied yesterday I had a good look at why I want to lose weight. And 99% of it is social conditioning - coming together into a feeling of shame. Only 1% is what I'd consider a 'good' reason - i.e. for health purposes. Certainly those feelings of shame aren't helpful - and shame is tied up with 'self' image, so will keep looking out for the story being woven here.

I'm certain there is no self. I think now I want to just look a little bit more at separation - I can see that thoughts create it, but want to look a bit closer, so will look out for separation thoughts/ideas and see if I can catch them as they are happening... No self and no separation still seem very much like separate areas of seeing rather than one seeing of reality as it is...

[YGirl]

Re. expectations - I probably also am being judgemental of the fact that 'I'm not nicer / kinder'... with the underlying expectation of 'I should feel joy/love towards everyone and everything all the time' LoL.

[Jadzia]

LOL!

with the underlying expectation of 'I should feel joy/love towards everyone and everything all the time' LoL.

I think I already stated that Gating is the first step of getting out of the dream. Right now it is just about getting that the only I you can find is in thoughts and that this I simply can't do anything, meaning control life, decide how life is to happen and so on. One finds that life happens and that's it.
If you let this sink in you might find that this sure doesn't turn you into a nicer person, a more loving one.

Actually the joy and love is in the cards ..... after some more steps, understanding and more breaking away of other illusions.
So the expectation isn't wrong at all. :-) But please, never expect the character to change completely and don't expect to turn into a holy holy holy person.

How comes that there is a thought with a wish: I want to be nicer? Did you ever define nice? Are you sure that is a good aim? To be nice?

Love,
Jadzia

[YGirl]

But please, never expect the character to change completely and don't expect to turn into a holy holy holy person.
How comes that there is a thought with a wish: I want to be nicer? Did you ever define nice? Are you sure that is a good aim? To be nice?

Not nice as in saccharin nice and holy holy, just less judgemental, critical etc. of my 'self' and others, and not so quick to say perhaps unkind things sometimes. I've been observing how automated these thought loops are today.

Also, re. looking at separateness / oneness - a moment when I was 'feeling' separate but clearly understood that just because I felt separate didn't make it true - just that thoughts / sensations were arising and being interpreted as separation. Sure it would be nice to feel the 'oneness' all the time, but I get that that is not realistic - often one is just getting on with the ordinary things of life.

I do think I'm starting to relax more into just knowing that one isn't a separate self.

[Jadzia]

Not nice as in saccharin nice and holy holy, just less judgemental, critical etc. of my 'self' and others, and not so quick to say perhaps unkind things sometimes.

What about accepting it for the moment? Being real...
Life happens and patterns add. When the patterns dissolve over time things can change, but this needs work, it won't happen on it's own, it needs looking at.

I do think I'm starting to relax more into just knowing that one isn't a separate self.

Understanding that separation is created is good.

Whenever you are outside just go with the movement, look at all the movement happening, at all that what looks like different forms, all moving, all dancing to the same music.

Love,
Jadzia

[YGirl]

Whenever you are outside just go with the movement, look at all the movement happening, at all that what looks like different forms, all moving, all dancing to the same music.

So, this is interesting - the times when I have felt completely not separate from all around me have all been when I am inside, still and quiet. When I am outside the sense of separation feels greater - again, if things are fairly still and no-one is around the separation seems less strong, but on a normal day there are lots of birds, squirrels, people, cows and so on. The feeling of separation seems partly connected with movement - animals (including people and me) move around, relative to the more-still background of landscape, plants etc. This movement gives me the impression of separate beings 'doing' their own thing - the people in particular. The creation of separation here seems to be quite subtle - I can't quite see what's going on here yet.

[Jadzia]

I see, movement gives the idea of separation for you. Compared to what seems to be a quieter background.
Are you able to drop thinking for a moment next time you are outside? And simply feel?
Can you feel a difference between you and lets say a tree?

Love,
Jadzia

[Jadzia]

Little clue: Look, feel for aliveness.

[YGirl]

Are you able to drop thinking for a moment next time you are outside? And simply feel?
Can you feel a difference between you and lets say a tree?

So, a seagull and I spent some time watching one another for a while. I sense that there is something that is essentially the same - something that has the same quality. However, that the aliveness has the same quality doesn't make it the same aliveness / all one / not separate...

[Jadzia]

How do you expect not separate to be? What do you think you would experience it like?

Seagulls are always a good choice. :-) Adorable creatures.

Love,
Jadzia

[YGirl]

How do you expect not separate to be? What do you think you would experience it like?

Well, more like the glimpses I already had I guess - strong and certain. But, like you say, there's no such thing as a permanent experience; there are moments.

Because all of the changes have been happening over several months I think I've underestimated them a bit - reflecting back to when I started, lots has changed, but in a way it's all exactly the same ;-)

[Jadzia]

reflecting back to when I started, lots has changed, but in a way it's all exactly the same ;-)

So true.

Sometimes it is good to remember that even if one believes that earth is flat, the beauty is roundish.
Only one believes that the I in the story has substance, it doesn't and everything else is running beautiful without this entity.
So there are changes and all is the same, lol.

Sum up what did change for the records ;-).

Love
Jadzia