Something happened. Two nights ago, I suddenly woke up around 02:30 and I just knew that there was no self anymore. There was only this very enjoyable awareness of sensation and thoughts as the arose. No more feeback loop. No observer just awareness of things. I was so sure then that the self was gone. At that time a memory came up. It was a scene from the movie Little Buddha during the enlightenment experience where Buddha says, ( as I recall), Architect, you will not build this house again. I really understood. I thought, yeah, The foundation is washed away, Impossible to rebuild, no point in returning.Do you feel any difference now you have seen this?
I kept falling back to sleep and waking up. I just wanted to enjoy this. When I finally got up I felt like the self was back but some interesting things happened later. My meditation was different. Just awareness with no getting lost in thought. Very pleasurable. Later that day, someone said something that I would normally have taken as offensive. The physical feeling caused by offensive remarks had changed. It seemed to hit something in the chest that blocked it from intering the heart. I was very aware that the physical reaction process had been stopped short of completion. It felt as though they were talking about someone else. No anger or defensiveness at all.
No. I think I could say no and pass a lie detector test. But I feel like the self still has a foot in the door.Is there a seperate self?
Yes. I feel pretty much as I always have but life is punctuated by moments of no self.Is there seperation at all?
I think it's a big part. I'm a 68 years old and I have a lot of thought stuff. I found myself picturing my body/brain as hollow with sensations and thoughts just passing through it observed without triggering a self reaction. This causes small brief joyfull feelings to arise later as perceptions arise without the usual accompanying thoughts. Perception without the perceiver is very pleasurable and comforting. It seems to cause a very pleasurable feeling to arise in the whole torso.What role does thought play in this?