Did you clearly see, that there is no „I“? That there is no seperation, only Life life-ing?
How is it in your daily life if you compare with the beginning of this process? Tell me a little bit about it.. :)
Yes I see it everyday. I see it in various aspects of my daily life but it is at his most obvious when an upset arises for me. The emotion comes up and does its thing but then instead of having an ‘i’ to attach to, it just is.. and then it isn’t. From time to time, I still experience a mild surprise that there is nothing for the emotion to attach to. The analogy that is coming up for me is of a coat peg and a coat: it’s as if all my life I had been going through the same routine of automatically hanging my coat on the same coat peg day-in day-out, and suddenly the coat peg is not there anymore but I keep trying to hang my coat on it as an automatic gesture, and when the coat lands on the floor, I just go ‘huh, no coat peg to hang my coat on anymore. Huh. Ok.’. And life just carries on.
I did have a moment of deep sadness yesterday when I realised that ‘I’ was never real in the first place. Memories of my childhood came up and I remembered the pain of feeling unloved growing up. Then I thought of the past 40 years I spent frantically trying to improve this self to make it loveable and... to now realise that it was never there in the first place?! Ah the cruel irony. But sadness arose and then went.
Another aspect of my daily life where I notice a significant difference is with the notions of ‘right or wrong’. I used to use ‘shame’ a lot to regulate my self and used the notion of ‘right or wrong’ to label the thoughts that I ‘should or shouldn’t’ have. But now that I see there is no separate ‘i’ to attach to, the concept of shame has gone kind of redundant, as as the concept of right or wrong. They still have meaning as concepts but nothing more - just thoughts coming up. Which obviously transfers to ‘others’: I used to spend a lot of time judging others as I did my self, and now that I see ‘others’ are not separate either, the ‘right and wrong’ concepts just don’t stick to them as entities either.
Gosh, these concepts all used used to feel so real, so concrete, so very critical to the ‘i’ functioning/survival! When all along they were just mainly perpetrating the illusion of an ‘i’...
Sorry if I am rambling on. I hope I have answered your questions.
With much gratitude for your guidance. 🙏🏼