Grace

This is a read-only part of the forum. All threads where seeing happens are stored here and come from this forum, the Facebook guiding area and various LU blogs. The complete list, sorted by guide, contains all links. The archives include threads of those that came to LU already seeing as well.
User avatar
CarterGrace
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:38 am

Re: Grace

Postby CarterGrace » Mon Oct 22, 2018 12:08 am

Is there a high above and a down below?
//// Only in the story -- and in my imagination -- and in the memory of experiences.
Is there a spacious awareness and a non spacious awareness?
//// Well, awareness feels spacious compared to feeling contracted into this little body-mind.
Are there figures acting out or does this only happen in thought?
//// Only in the thought-story.
Where do you find this in AE: “All of them doing their very best (often very unskillfully) to find happiness/love.”?
//// There is a feeling that arises of love/compassion that feels like it goes out to those that seem to be struggling-searching for happiness/love.
Is there a place to get to? Does a Gating happen?
//// No "place" to get to -- but a different sense of being?
Is there the expectation that the chatter of thought stops? Should stop to prove something?
//// Still some expectation and letting go of expectation. And when the chatter does stop there is a feeling of peace. Ahhhh,

Much love, Carter.

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Mon Oct 22, 2018 5:30 am

Only in the story -- and in my imagination -- and in the memory of experiences.
Memory is thought, isn't it?
Well, awareness feels spacious compared to feeling contracted into this little body-mind.
Yes, it seems to feel like that.
Is there any difference between awareness and the little body mind? Or is anything that appears awareness, even the idea of feeling contracted in mind?
Is there any choice where the attention goes?
Is there a place to get to? Does a Gating happen?
No "place" to get to -- but a different sense of being?
Yes, one can feel quite different once it clicked, but actually nothing changed. It was never ever different, even with thoughts telling so. That is why it is called The Gateless Gate.

Carter, do you have any questions right now?

Love,
Jadzia

User avatar
CarterGrace
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:38 am

Re: Grace

Postby CarterGrace » Tue Oct 23, 2018 4:21 pm

Is there any difference between awareness and the little body mind? Or is anything that appears awareness, even the idea of feeling contracted in mind? Is there any choice where the attention goes?
No inherent difference -- just where attention goes.
And I grinned when you asked is there a choice where attention goes. We are back to grace. There is only the illusion of choice. LOL.
Carter, do you have any questions right now?
Well -- none right now. We are off to Sedona this morning -- back on Sunday. I'm not sure I will be able to correspond -- but I will be very aware of all we have discussed.
Much love and much thanks, Carter.

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Tue Oct 23, 2018 5:49 pm

When you are back we can, if you like, start with a set of questions to check if we covered all topics.
But first simply have a good time!

Love,
Jadzia

User avatar
CarterGrace
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:38 am

Re: Grace

Postby CarterGrace » Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:41 am

Hi Jadzia. I’m back – and trying to catch up. Sedona is awesome, but unlike many of my friends I don’t seem to “feel” the vortexes. (Even by doing a all night vigil at the peak of Bell Rock Vortex 30 years ago!)

Triggers.
My first sense of a real awakening was watching a Greg Goode video. I searched and located the essence of myself as behind my forehead. Then Greg asked:
“Are you that ball of meat – or are you that which is aware of the ball of meat.”
My reaction was mind-blowing.
“This, I thought, was the experience that the Sakyong Rinpoche was pointing at and that nobody really got at our Vajrayana retreat -- our fourth month long Shambhala Buddhist retreat.”

Since then the experience/reality has continued to deepen --- that “I” am not this body-mind-character bundle of sensations and thoughts --- but am “I-awareness” – infinite-boundless-peaceful-everywhere-nowhere --- not any-Thing – but just flowing moment by moment experience.

So in driving to Sedona and when there, when a thought/emotion rose up “I don’t like this” -- the question arose - -
“Who am I -- -- a bundle of thoughts/sensations centered in a ball of meat -- or infinite awareness. And does infinite awareness give a shit about this seemingly negative event?”
The answer was obviously NO – awareness is at peace with whatever arises. And I was able to giggle a bit at the ridiculousness of really caring about what that ball-of-meat self was conditioned to react negatively to.

This process of having no “I” that cares is very different from my previous efforts as a Kiloby facilitator to dissolve the negative emotions thru inquiry – often healing/loving some inner child experience by looking at the related thoughts/emotions/sensations and finding they were not a threat or self.

I don’t know if I explained this well, but the process continues to free “me” from the grip of conditioned responses by seeing/remembering that there is no “I” that gives a shit.

Much love, Carter.

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Tue Oct 30, 2018 9:35 am

My first sense of a real awakening was watching a Greg Goode video. I searched and located the essence of myself as behind my forehead. Then Greg asked:
“Are you that ball of meat – or are you that which is aware of the ball of meat.”
My reaction was mind-blowing.
“This, I thought, was the experience that the Sakyong Rinpoche was pointing at and that nobody really got at our Vajrayana retreat -- our fourth month long Shambhala Buddhist retreat.”
When the story is told how one got there – through this Gateless Gate - one realizes that it doesn’t need much: just a willingness and a question coming together at the right time.
Before that all pointing doesn't lead to anything.
So in driving to Sedona and when there, when a thought/emotion rose up “I don’t like this” -- the question arose - - “Who am I -- -- a bundle of thoughts/sensations centered in a ball of meat -- or infinite awareness. And does infinite awareness give a shit about this seemingly negative event?”
The answer was obviously NO – awareness is at peace with whatever arises. And I was able to giggle a bit at the ridiculousness of really caring about what that ball-of-meat self was conditioned to react negatively to.
At peace or neutral, yes, no judgement at all, all equal experiences, no real difference.
The story of the ball-of-meat self will go on, engaging in what is called a personal life – now with the knowing and relaxing into the new overview.
This process of having no “I” that cares is very different from my previous efforts as a Kiloby facilitator to dissolve the negative emotions thru inquiry – often healing/loving some inner child experience by looking at the related thoughts/emotions/sensations and finding they were not a threat or self.
Yes, we all who come from a therapeutic background of some sort realize how much easier it is to deal with emotion now. Without the self they don’t stick and lovingly embracing them is most often everything needed now.

Since we go more into Further investigation, I’d suggest you answer our set of questions for checking if we covered everything. I might have a question or two, or not. Let’s see.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?

Love,
Jadzia

User avatar
CarterGrace
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:38 am

Re: Grace

Postby CarterGrace » Wed Oct 31, 2018 10:20 pm

LU Questions.
Hi Jadzia – Thank you, thank you for continually pointing me toward the truth. When I first got these questions there was some resistance -- jeez – if “I” answer them “right” I will lose our support – and if “I” answer them “wrong” “I” will show how much in the dark “I” am. Lose – lose. Somehow that has shifted to a big grin and a “who gives a fuck” sense of happiness.
So here goes.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No-no-no. Lots of things labeled Carter’s thoughts and sensations and history – but no thing called Carter to be found. At least by the mind. And even though I can bring up a memory of feeling loving compassion for the memory of the suffering of little Carter – there is no current heart-mind emotional reaction – just – just emptiness -- and a sense of curiosity and surprise at that lack of reaction to Carter’s “tragic” story.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

In the “past” it would seem that the sense of separate self started in childhood – I like the story of me playing with my little friend in the mirror and a parent saying “that’s you, Carter” -- and my taking on that identity and body and building up this illusion of a character Carter – adding all sorts of characteristics and conditioning and desires and likes and dislikes and degrees and wives and children and successes and failures and – and. [It feels so en-lightening to let all that heavy character burden go!]
In the “present” there is still triggering that can cause a sense of fearful contraction back into the illusory separate self. But when looked for (as in Sedona) there is nothing but thoughts and sensations and old conditioned reactions – that infinite I-Awareness-ing can notice with a chuckle and release into freedom.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

Joyful. Free. Laughter. Confidence. Safe. Unworried and unafraid. Peaceful. Infinite. Even timeless (sometimes LOL). An adventure. Loving.
The difference is before I came from having a sense that I was not awake but wanted to be awake --- to now “standing as awareness” -- knowing there is no separate self but sometimes the clouds of separateness are triggered – and then “I” can return to the truth.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

I’m not sure – just tired of resisting the truth. Maybe a combo of you/LU, living from awareness exercises, some Vortex Healing sessions, Sedona, ….. just tired of insisting “I” was living in the dark when there is light all around!

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Back to Grace. Which I described in my intro post. A thought just arises – type a response. More thoughts arise and fingers type. No-thing makes “things” happen. They just happen.
--- If “I” seem to exist “now” and think “I” must do/act, then the thought may arise (by grace) to shift to no-self awarenessing – or (better?) to shift to Loving Awareness which is all accepting – all loving.

6) Anything to add?
No further thoughts are arising, so I am going to send this off with great thanks. Relentlessly (but gently) insisting there is no separate self has been powerful in letting go of resistance to the truth.

With much love, Carter.

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Thu Nov 01, 2018 6:58 am

Beautiful answers, Carter.
I will show them to other guides to see if they have any questions, this might take some time.


....I will still be around even if this thread is finished. ;-)

Love,
Jadzia

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Thu Nov 01, 2018 2:38 pm

Hi Carter,

the other guides don't have any questions.
You will get a pm from admin and one from me.

It was highly enjoyable guiding you.

Love,
Jadzia

User avatar
CarterGrace
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:38 am

Re: Grace

Postby CarterGrace » Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:02 pm

Thanks Jadzia, It was great working with you also.
Right now, my body is stress testing its immune system with a cold!
Look forward to the pm.
Much love and appreciation, Carter.

User avatar
Jadzia
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2017 8:04 pm

Re: Grace

Postby Jadzia » Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:48 pm

Get well soon!

Pm is already sent - you find the private messages on the top right of the page when logged in.

Love,
Jadzia


Return to “ARCHIVES”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests