Yes, a wonderful clean up!Getting rid of "I" and the whole guiding process is really a miraculous medicine! The current perspective here is that the removal of the "I" concept (which seems to be basically done) laid bare other concepts - or beliefs - present in the mind. As it turned out, the most troubling and a big hurdle in life, was a concept related to rejection (rejecting/being rejected): that it is stressful, should be avoided, and - simply put - is a bad thing.
See it that way:
When any kind of strong emotion or thought comes up - it is really full of spiritual vitamins!
It is not pleasant, but you know now for sure that it happens just nowhere to no-one.
Stay with it; don’t avoid any kind of feeling or emotion that was called ‘negative’ or ‘unpleasant’.
It’s a process, a clean up, and it can be at times really unpleasant.
The old reflex is to try and stop it.
To drag you out of this mind state you may create some distraction for yourself,
phone a friend, have some chocolate or whatever.
The mind will start to create all sorts of interpretations of the feeling.
And like this the unpleasant state is trying to increase itself.
Who is doing all this?
It is the old story, or the ego, the person.
Just noticing it is enough.
There are sensations, there are thoughts, something is visiting, staying for some time
and at some point all this will change again.
Staying with the raw experience is simply enough.
Can the sufferer be identified?
Who is suffering it?
Basically what happened was that when "my" answers in this conversation were rejected repeatedly, the belief that the rejection is unbearable took a central stage.
There was a strong body reaction and turbulent thoughts - probably cortisol level was quite high for some time.
Dear Marcin, nothing and nobody was rejecting you!
There is also nothing like a big wonder-bag which opens to the ‘blessed ones’.
There is no one making judgements about ‘processes’ and all the stuff.
These are just labels.
Also the label ‘Gate’ and ‘gated’ are just nothing but labels.
Totally meaningless, as you might see by now.
The only authority to see any changes lies within You.
Never expect anything from imagined outside authorities.
So an action was taken, and this concept has been removed. Now "you" can reject "me" as many times as you want,
and there will be no hurt feelings! And then it is just extremely useful in everyday life situations :)
What kind of action was that exactly?
Yes. However, it seems like a process of recovering now: there was an illness, now the illness started to recede, but it's still impossible to function normally.
The driving force behind the illness might be gone, but it is still important to keep a strict regime of prescribed medicines.
There are probably many troubles ahead (like that rejection thing
When anything comes up, just stay in the aforesaid manner.
Use it as a pointer.
There’s - unfortunately ;) - nothing like a ever happy after.
The journey continues.
Very good.Yes, it's clear. But "I" habits are persistent and it is still important to continually question any incoming "I" states –
is there anybody there? Who is doing this or that? - otherwise they linger like ghosts.
Maybe we just start a second attempt with the final questions:
Give special attention to the fifth one.
Explain it as direct as possible without so much going into analogies.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
Please report from the past few days.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.
What makes things happen?
How does it work?
What are you responsible for?
Give examples from experience.
6) Anything to add?
All the best