Here we go... again

[Damon Kamda]

Haha, no, in this particular case it was a technical question pertaining to your forum account.
It's been fixed now, I see.

I'll get back to you shortly ;-)

(By the way, feel free to take it as a trick question after all, who knows what it may bring?)

[Damon Kamda]

Thanks for your answers, Nicolas.

Reading them, it becomes very,very clear that you have, in fact seen through the illusion of self.

No doubt about it.

The "problem" is this:

And suffering, tension, fear, insatisfaction are still here : this is also why I expect something to happen, and I believe I miss a point somewhere... Either there is something I don't see, or there is something else than just "see".

"I" is a bad signpost. I guess that it is because I use it all the time that I am lost! :-)

You're still expecting something to happen to you that's going to magically transform everything somehow.

Here's today's breaking news, mate: ain't going to happen.

Seeing through the illusion does not mean you stop using the word I or stop having I-thoughts, or stop being nervous, impatient, angry, irritable, selfish, confused, lazy, whatever. These are just normal aspects of a human life.

What does happen, often gradually but sometimes a bit more dramatically, is that bullshit is seen through faster and faster, which helps to de-condition behavior that is based on that bullshit.

So, Nicolas.

I'm saying you're liberated.
Care to prove me wrong?

[Nicolas]

So, Nicolas.
I'm saying you're liberated.
Care to prove me wrong?

Mmm, actually... nope. You're right. And LEL was right too, although, at the time he told me, I had some hard time to believe it, for the reasons I mentioned.
Somehow I knew from the beginning that there was nothing more to see that I could see, but I guess I needed to do this in order to receive a confirmation of it. Thank you very much, Nomad, you helped me greatly to see through this!

We don't learn Awakening at school. After having read tons of books and forums, I cannot help to be surprised to see so many different versions and experiences of what is supposed to be "the same thing". It's good that some people feel continuous bliss after that and say it to everybody, because, otherwise, there wouldn't be many people interested. Personally, I would just say that "Awakening is interesting and makes life a little bit better". I guess that, with that kind of advertising, I wouldn't have many disciples! :-)

Oh well, I'm unfair! Looking back to the last few months, things have indeed subtly improved : global better mood, less angriness. Oh yes, and :
- more lightness,
- more humour,
- less concern for unimportant things,
- less afraid of death,
- etc.
Surprisingly, I hadn't been conscious of all these small improvements until this very post. Not THAT impressive, and clearly not continual bliss. But, yes, lighter. And if I have the luck to see things slowly improve, I guess that in 20 years or so, it will make a real difference...

LEL told me that the road was just beginning : now I understand what he said.

Thank you very much again for your help and insight, Nomad. I wish you also a long and fruitful road!

[Nicolas]

It is strange to see how all went so easily. You wrote me "you're liberated" and the first natural answer that went was "Oh well, OK". You know, as in "Since you guessed it all, I should as well tell you the truth."

I KNEW it, that's all. Not just intellectualy,but completely, as when the reality is in front of you : how could there be something else than what is? Even the question doesn't make sense!

But there was this bunch of thoughts that told that it wasn't quite it, that it wasn't the real thing. It has been really useful to go through the process again : although nothing more has been seen, the view has been consolidated and tonight there's peace and space.

After my first session with LEL, "I" resisted to the truth, after having seen it. But the truth is the truth, no matter how you try to hide from it : you cannot "unsee" what has been seen. And, in reality, there is no "I" that can resist. There is also no such thing as the ego "I" should get rid from to be awaken.

During years, I wondered how to "let go", because it was "what had to be done to be awaken". And tonight I saw the tension, the resistance from the truth, and the letting go happened by itself.

I went home with a talkative and slightly annoying colleague, and I just let him talk. The space was open : there was just him and no more "me". Sometimes the answers came from my side and I just let them go : they went by themselves and were adequate enough. "I" didn't have to do anything about them : in fact, I realize I never could or did something about these thoughts in the past! There was just this space, the metro, my colleague talking alone and everything was just fine and beautiful, filled with love.
There is this strange and paradoxical thought : "Well, if I don't exist, why should I try to change the world? It is just fine by itself, it can take care of itself. I surrender, I give up : let the world do its will."

Tonight, it feels great and for the first time, I really don't care if it's going to be "better" or "worse" tomorrow. Wow, I just realize that : "better" and "worse" are really only WORDS!

Good night, Nomad!

[Damon Kamda]

Thank you very much, Nomad, you helped me greatly to see through this!

You're very welcome. It's a pleasure, Nicolas, truly.

that the road was just beginning : now I understand what he said

Yes! Seeing clearly that self is an illusion is really just the beginning of life without that filter.

And tonight I saw the tension, the resistance from the truth, and the letting go happened by itself.

(...)

"Well, if I don't exist, why should I try to change the world? It is just fine by itself, it can take care of itself. I surrender, I give up : let the world do its will."

Tonight, it feels great and for the first time, I really don't care if it's going to be "better" or "worse" tomorrow. Wow, I just realize that : "better" and "worse" are really only WORDS!

So beautiful to see such clarity shining through, Nicolas! I'm thrilled and happy that the seeking dropped for you. Welcome home ;-)

Are you on facebook? Look me up there, I'm Damon Kamda and I'll invite you to a group (if you want of course) for sharing and exploring together. Perhaps you'd be interested in guiding others at some point...?