Hi El,
Below are the answers to your latest questions but a previous statement of yours continues to intrigue.
Awareness is in this moment containing all that appears.
Excuse the pronouns, it's easier this way. I can intellectualize about the meaning of this. At times I can almost get a sense of it. But the awareness that is experienced when I unsuccessfully look for a me is internal, within. Although awareness doesn't have a specific location it still feels like it is mostly within and the world is without. Sometimes it begins to shift to contain all but it is not by any means a strong perception. Can you offer any suggestions, comments, opinions?
how this illusion of self comes and operates in life.
It seems like the illusion of self comes up due to many influences. There is the structure of language, upbringing and culture that all work to create and solidify it. Language is obvious. It is awkward to try to get around pronouns. The language is structured around duality and even if you are awakened, language, as deficient as it is to describe Truth, still is what we are left with to verbally communicate. When we are children one of the first things we are taught about creates and strengthens our individuality. Where is Johnny's nose and so on. Our parents, school and society continue to support duality. The world of marketing does its best to create an insecure, needy individual that will find individual bliss if you buy their product. Then there are the emotional responses of humanness that can glue us to a me, such as fear, greed, hate, etc.
How would you describe it to someone who never heard about it?
The self is all that resists the truth of who we are. The ego, the me, create a center within that we wrongly identify with. As we awaken to our true identity the structure and support of an individual self falls away and what is left is a very natural state.
How story of Mark is now related with the awareness?
The relationship is in a false projected identification where awareness, projected onto a false image of self, created in ways stated above, begins to identify with that individual projection. This is something that I am still exploring. The story of Mark feels like a memory, almost like a movie. Still life goes on. There is still a personality, still the job, the wife and all that goes with it. But when I search for a Mark, other that in memory, all that is found is awareness.
El, when the intention is to look, which means to be aware of awareness, there is like a mild euphoria. This can happen any time of the day, in any activity. It is very peaceful but not something that I am attached to as far as to identify that with awakening.
Thanks for all your assistance in bringing this out.
