Skype Conversation (typed):-
[23/07/2016, 15:58:35] Mark: ok where would you like to start? do you have any response to what I wrote earlier in LU?
[23/07/2016, 15:59:49] Jilda: have to read it again.. hold on.
[23/07/2016, 16:00:55] Jilda: I agree on both paragraphs.
[23/07/2016, 16:01:13] Mark: So where is this 'me' right now?
[23/07/2016, 16:03:49] Jilda: I can't find this "me" anywhere but there is a sense of me there. sometimes I wonder is if I am confusing this with a sense of being /awareness.
[23/07/2016, 16:03:59] Mark: aHA
[23/07/2016, 16:04:10] Mark: an aliveness? a sort of knowing (hard to express in words)?
[23/07/2016, 16:04:30] Jilda: yes!
[23/07/2016, 16:04:33] Markl: cool
[23/07/2016, 16:04:41] Mark: is that in E or in T?
[23/07/2016, 16:05:00] Jilda: definitely an "e"
[23/07/2016, 16:05:02] Mark: cool
[23/07/2016, 16:05:39] Markl: so sounds like you've been confusing what you call the 'sense of me' with a 'sense of aliveness' (for want of a better term)?
[23/07/2016, 16:07:32] Jilda: yes, everytime I feel a "me" I look and I don't find a "me" but that sense of awareness.
[23/07/2016, 16:09:18] Mark: sounds good... and the 'sense of aliveness or awareness' E has often been 'taken to be me' T or 'thought to be me' T, of if those thoughts have been taken to be true, BELIEVED to be 'me' T, is that right?
[23/07/2016, 16:11:00] Jilda: yes I'm thinking back, I think that's true. thoughts come in after and claim a me, makes perfect sense.
[23/07/2016, 16:11:15] Mark: ok how does this feel, to see this?
[23/07/2016, 16:11:43] Mark: (even though we are in a realtime dialogue, still take time to LOOK, and feel, rather than answering 'off the top of the head')
[23/07/2016, 16:11:55] Mark: (you're doing great so far)
[23/07/2016, 16:13:52] Jilda: good, did me it's been a very slow gradual transition plus a back and forth kind of thing, so no bells and whistles.
[23/07/2016, 16:14:01] Mark: hehe great
[23/07/2016, 16:14:08] Mark: kind of totally normal?
[23/07/2016, 16:15:20] Jilda: yes very normal, nothing earth shattering but a different way of looking at life, too.
[23/07/2016, 16:15:53] Mark: ok is it ok, or were you hoping to get handed a personal flying carpet so you could kind of sail through life from here on in?
[23/07/2016, 16:16:41] Jilda: yes, I had some expectations but not as grand as that.
[23/07/2016, 16:17:00] Mark: aha... hehe at the beginning I seem to remember you thought you had no expectations!
[23/07/2016, 16:17:52] Jilda: well they popped out during the process.
[23/07/2016, 16:17:55] Mark: cool
[23/07/2016, 16:18:17] Mark: so now.. have a really really good look, and tell me whether you can find ANY separate me anywhere? e.g. lurking
[23/07/2016, 16:19:07] Jilda: no just that sense of being.
[23/07/2016, 16:19:33] Mark: cool, that's a good way of putting it. 'Awareness' could tend to kind of imply that there is a 'someone in there who is aware'
[23/07/2016, 16:19:47] Mark: So now...
[23/07/2016, 16:20:02] Mark: wiggle your toes... have a good look.. is that 'me'?
[23/07/2016, 16:20:32] Mark: (try not to break anything)
[23/07/2016, 16:20:45] Jilda: just the body and thoughts.
[23/07/2016, 16:21:06] Mark: but it is 'my' body? are they 'my' thoughts?
[23/07/2016, 16:23:31] Jilda: at first I said that to myself (using personal pronouns for conversation) but then I realized that it was just the body and thoughts without a "me".
[23/07/2016, 16:24:19] Mark: ok now think of a favourite food or drink.... is that 'mine' i.e. does that reveal a real me?
[23/07/2016, 16:25:01] Jilda: no the it's no mine in that.
[23/07/2016, 16:25:27] Mark: now pick up a hand and in front of your eyes wiggle fingers around... (tell me when you've done it)
[23/07/2016, 16:26:18] Jilda: wiggled hand in front of eyes
[23/07/2016, 16:27:05] Mark: ok.. amazing.. how did you decide which fingers to wiggle, which sequence to wiggle them in, and which direction to wiggle them?
[23/07/2016, 16:27:54] Jilda: I don't know if just happened after the thought.
[23/07/2016, 16:28:19] Mark: after what thought? look closely, did it happen after a thought, or did a thought comment on it after it was already happening?
[23/07/2016, 16:29:54] Jilda: well I read what you wrote, did it, so maybe the thought came afterwards?
[23/07/2016, 16:31:06] Mark: you might like to look at thoughts as they pop up during the day.. and notice whether they actually make any decisions. They may say 'ok we now need to make a decision', but isn't that thought actually a comment? Then whether the 'decision' just happens and then thoughts claim responsibility for it
[23/07/2016, 16:32:58] Jilda: yes, I've noticed that before. action then thought.
[23/07/2016, 16:33:15] Mark: ok it's a fun ongoing challenge to consider... so now
[23/07/2016, 16:33:28] Mark: as you consider this next question, please notice any sensations which arise
[23/07/2016, 16:33:31] Mark: and let me know
[23/07/2016, 16:34:32] Mark: What comes up when you consider the possibility that Life is going on without any real Jill 'at the helm', and always has been doing..? That it's all kind of just happening... self governing....
[23/07/2016, 16:34:45] Jilda: so this normal, having to monitor your thoughts sometimes or when a "me" pops up?
[23/07/2016, 16:35:09] Mark: (just a life of looking and questioning... this is how I live, for example)
[23/07/2016, 16:37:10] Jilda: well I felt that way for a while even before this inquiry, we really don't have any control over life, it just happens.
[23/07/2016, 16:38:11] Mark: cool,... Jill, we can continue to look together at residual issues (these are perfectly normal!) if you like, but it seems fairly clear from where I am sitting that no self can be found, so what I propose to do is to put our summary questions in the LU thread for you to answer.
[23/07/2016, 16:38:38] Mark: How does that feel?
[23/07/2016, 16:39:46] Jilda: ok, sounds good, thanks again for doing this. can we continue on the thread, though?
[23/07/2016, 16:40:02] Mark: we can continue on the thread, yes. I'll put the questions there
[23/07/2016, 16:40:36] Mark: Then once you've answered, a couple of other guides take a look and see whether they have any other questions. Then when there are no more queries, we add you to the post-gate group
[23/07/2016, 16:40:49] Mark: groupS
[23/07/2016, 16:41:17] Mark: And then we can dialogue whenever you like after that... it took me about a year for things to settle down, but it's different with everyone
[23/07/2016, 16:42:21] Jilda: thanks for letting me know that it's ongoing process and that you'll be there if I need it.
[23/07/2016, 16:42:51] Mark: ok... so shall we finish there for now... then look out for my posts in LU.. one copying this dialogue, and another with the summary questions
[23/07/2016, 16:43:41] Jilda: ok, thank you, bye!
"I": a simple case of mistaken identity.