Hello Jon
How we think or how we thought no self should feel or look is always to do with expectation and conceptualisation. Perhaps this is it's very subtlety? That it is never what was imagined.
Yes, it is never what was imagined.
Yes, hearsay has it that it can be back and forth at the beginning (etc) and to be honest quite a few people do go through some kind of yo-yoing, where it can seem, for a while, that no self was 'nonsense' ...until that gives way again to 'seeing'.
Good to know.
Well now that you can clearly say that no self is seen I have some questions for you. There are six of these and you can answer them in one go or split them into manageable chunks as is convenient.
There are no doubts about no self.
But there are thoughts of doubt like „Is this it? Am I fooling myself?“.
At the same time there are thoughts of trust like „I was drawn to LU, there was a glimpse, there was a shift, even if it was a subtle, and things will unfold.“.
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, there is not, never was, never will be.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of a separate self is the identification with thoughts, feelings and the body.
I guess this identification starts at a very young age, as a baby or a toddler, being surrounded by people who are trapped in this identification themselves and therefore reinforcing the illusion of a seperate self within the child.
The illusion af a separate self seems to start with the thought „I“. It seems to be just a bunch of thoughts, connected with the thought „I“, and then added to any experience, thought or feeling. When these thoughts are believed, then the illusion of a separate self who experiences, observes, acts and is trying to control its own life, is built.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
When it was seen cleary during a glimpse it was like the „I“ vanishing. There was a kind of empty space. Now it is more like the constant sense of a separate self is gone. It is subtle but still different somehow.
Before there was this constant sense of a separate self, being involved or caught up in thoughts and all the stories.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Reading Gateless Gatecrashers again, not believing but looking, keep looking.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
There is no one who takes a decision. It just happens.
The decision to answer these questions right now just happened.
The decision to call someone just happens.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
There is no one who has an intention. It just happens.
The intention to travel to Amsterdam next May and to book a flight just happened.
The intention to buy new shoes just happens.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
There is no one to claim free will. Life just happens.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
There is no one who chooses. Choosing just happens.
Choosing to eat one thing or something else just happens.
Choosing to walk this way or another way just happens.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
There is no one who controls life. Life just happens.
There is no one who controls the movement of this body.
There is no one who controls what thoughts come up.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Things just happen. It is unknown how it works.
What are you responsible for?
There is no one who is responsible.
Yet there is responsible or irresponsible behavior.
Being at work in time just happens.
Being late at work just happens.
6) Anything to add?
Best wishes
Sabine
