I have a hunch this should be confirmed by someone who understands

[Walitas]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That life is just happening, and it isn’t happening to anyone. I am not somewhere in my head that controls what I do. What is being sensed, is simply the raw sensory information itself. There is no one experiencing it, rather, it is a continuous stream of self-confirming information.

What are you looking for at LU?
To actually once and for all see through this illusion of a “self”. I’m tired of doubting that I’ve done it, time and time again I have come to a complete stop just to doubt if I ever saw through the illusion at all. I just don’t know, it feels obvious, but my instincts are telling me to ask someone who has already seen through it, to guide me all the way because I don’t know if I have.

I have a conviction that I’m ready to finally see, rather I have seen, but I can’t confirm it on my own. I need someone to guide me through this so my thoughts can shut up about this already!

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect to see through the illusion of a self through a guided process that will stop me from creating distractions that cause me to doubt myself. Something that will hold me accountable and not let me bullshit my way out of the one hunch I’ve had my entire life. I expect for the illusion to end and to finally stop this nonsense of being a spiritual seeker that could help others if I just knew that I’ve seen through the illusion of a separate self.

I expect my doubt about this to finally come to an end.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
When I was a child I read about Buddhism and the idea of rebirth and the afterlife absolutely captivated and terrified me, because that meant I would die. Growing up as a Christian, this fear became even stronger because I did not want to go to hell. I avoided this fear for the rest of my life and ended up blaming all of my problems on the idea that not being able to get over the fear of death caused me to be a cowardly person.

When I was about 15 years old, I had a lucid dream, where I had left my body and met “god” in an arcade. It changed my life forever, and ever since I’ve been trying my best to figure out what life is all about. I began by trying lucid dreaming techniques, then astral projection techniques, which I had done for the next 5 years along with simple sitting meditation. When I realized that none of this left me with a satisfying everlasting truth I began to really look at different practices.

I began the process of self inquiry a year ago, and it lead me to a complete stand still, and ever since I’ve felt absolutely stuck yearning for the truth and having it burn me from the inside out. It began pretty simply, noticing thoughts and then noticing thoughts about my senses, then I quickly noticed that I couldn’t be my thoughts or my senses because they come and go, something remained but I could never figure out for the life of me what this was. I don’t know if I can do this by myself anymore and I resorted to finally asking for help, because nothing is more important to me than putting an end to this seeking.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Magdalena]

Hey Walitas,


You say life is just happening, that there’s no one experiencing it—just raw sensory data. That sounds like recognition, but then you say you doubt it, and that you need someone else to confirm it for you. Who or what would that confirmation be for? Who is doubting?


Look right now. Is there actually a doubter? Is there a self that could fail to see this? Or is there just thought, arising and passing, claiming “I don’t know” and “I need help”?


You’ve already seen this over and over, but then thought comes in, claiming ownership, demanding certainty, asking for a final stamp of approval. That’s the trick. The “I” that wants certainty is just another thought. The seeking is a loop that feeds itself.


Drop all effort for a second. Don’t try to answer. Just look. Is there a “you” anywhere that is separate from what’s happening?


Report back. No analysis. No storytelling. Just direct experience.

[Walitas]

Is there a “you” anywhere that is separate from what’s happening?

Ah! There is nothing here separate from what is happening. I'm seeing that the one doubting is a thought that randomly appears and disappears, but it's also not separate from what is happening.

I can't find the separate self anywhere, in fact, all I'm experiencing right now is the 5 senses and the occasional thought.

I'm finding it difficult to describe what is happening beyond this, I'm left without words. There is what is being seen, heard, some flavor, some sensations, some smell...

That's it.

[Magdalena]

Hello Walitas,


Lovely responses.

I'm seeing that the one doubting is a thought that randomly appears and disappears, but it's also not separate from what is happening.

And is the one that’s seeing separate from the one that’s doubting? 😉


Or is it that seeing is happening, doubting is happening, experiencing is happening, being without words is happening?

That's it.

Yes, that’s it.

Is anything missing?

Is there anything that should be any different?

Is seeking still going on?

[Walitas]

And is the one that’s seeing separate from the one that’s doubting? 😉


Or is it that seeing is happening, doubting is happening, experiencing is happening, being without words is happening?

No, the one that is seeing is not separate from the one that is doubting!
Also, yes! yes! yes! and YES!

Is anything missing?

Is there anything that should be any different?

Is seeking still going on?

I wouldn't know what could possibly be missing. How anything could be different.

No more seeking, I'm just at a loss for words. It's been this the WHOLE TIME. LOL!!!!
There are no right words for how simple this is. I just keep chuckling.

Wow.

[Magdalena]

Yes LOL

If there's still wanting of some sort of confirmation, we have a couple of so-called checkpoint questions.

I can send them if you want to have a go.
Not that they are necessary or anything. 😉

Let me know.

[Walitas]

As speechless as I am feeling right now, I am curious and would love to answer the questions.

I've got nothing to say LOL!!!

[Magdalena]

Here goes then.

------------------------------------------------------

Please answer all the questions from your current seeing, without going into theoretical concepts.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe
- decision,
- intention,
- free will,
- choice and control.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[Walitas]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

There has never been a separate entity anywhere at all, ever. There is none to be found, which shows it was never there.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

The illusion of the separate self is a web of references that come together so they can form a continuous story about somebody who exists. The web of references is formed through memories we develop as we go through life, where we then use them to try and explain our current experience. It starts from early life, when we are given a name and are called for by our names. We begin to associate our names as something in reality that exists separately of other named individuals. This begins to form the web, where we use strings of reference to navigate our own lives. It is separating everything we experience into concepts, then making sense of the world through these separate things. That's how it was for me in my own experience.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels so mysterious. I am in awe at everything right now. Before I started this dialogue, I felt things getting very calm as I began to settle with this more and more. Now there is something unshakable, something undoubtable. It feels wonderful, refreshing, and slightly disorienting honestly!

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

My thoughts never lead me anywhere, they never seemed to deliver upon their promises of some mystical truth that would set me free forever if I just kept looking. Realizing how fruitless this endeavor was, I just sat with what was already here, what was already happening, and it just spoke for itself.

I came to this website because I was expecting to get rid of my doubts about all of this, but once again, when I looked, it spoke for itself. I'm at awe. Everything collapses and what is left is this.

5) Describe
- decision,
- intention,
- free will,
- choice and control.

Decision happens automatically, we can think about what we decide to do, but ultimately it is something that just happens.

Intention is what influences the choices we make, which can range from things in the immediate environment, to deeply rooted narratives or beliefs. They can seemingly influence what we do. However, they are no more than intricate stories we buy into.

Free will is the belief that we have the will to do whatever we want! But I can't fly or have a million dollars, so that isn't what's actually happening.

Choice and control, are the beliefs that we have agency over what is chosen and what we do. I chose to go outside today and I controlled my behavior so that I didn't run around my neighborhood yelling at my hearts content! Yet that's just another story. What really happened, just happened.

What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.

Happening is something that occurs on its own. For instance, when I roll a ball across the floor, it's not that I caused the ball to roll on the floor, it's that it was possible for any of that to happen at all. Otherwise, it wouldn't have happened.

Similarly, I have a cat who likes staring out at windows. The cat doesn't decide to do just do that, it just does. Things simply happen, because they can. There is nobody pulling the strings or deciding what happens.

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

I am responsible for whatever is currently happening, for instance, if I was thirsty, I would go drink water. If my bed was on fire, I would put it out or else I'd have no bed! If I was tired, I would sit down and rest. If I was hungry, I would eat. If I had to go chop wood, I would go chop wood. If I needed to help my brother with his homework, I would go help him.

6) Anything to add?

This is all incredibly paradoxical and yet so simple. I can't help but just look around. This is it!

All I can say is, what now?

[Magdalena]

I am responsible for whatever is currently happening, for instance, if I was thirsty, I would go drink water. If my bed was on fire, I would put it out or else I'd have no bed! If I was tired, I would sit down and rest. If I was hungry, I would eat. If I had to go chop wood, I would go chop wood. If I needed to help my brother with his homework, I would go help him.

Are all these examples about "responsibility" really?
Or are they simply about things happening - like everything else?

Is there responsibility in drinking or eating in response to bodily signals? In chopping the wood that needs to be chopped? In putting out a fire? In helping someone with their homework?

[Walitas]

Hahahahahahahaha. It's really just about things happening.

Everything is just happening. Wow.

[Magdalena]

Yep.
Wow.
Lol.



As per your question,

what now?

Don’t answer it with a concept.
Don’t reach for another insight.
Just look.
What’s happening right now, without anyone doing it? 😉

[Walitas]

Since we've last spoken things have gotten quite calm. This is beautiful. So beautiful.

Thank you so much.

[Magdalena]

Yes, it is. 😊😊😊

I will now ask other guides to look at your answers to see if they have anything more to ask. Stay tuned. 🙂

[Walitas]

I will be gleefully waiting.