Fear that seeking will never end and that truth will never be seen

[truthlife333]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand this by the thoughts that there is no actual individual who owns anything. That there is no one who truly owns the thoughts, emotions, fears, worries, and "life situation" that is thought to be had. It is that when there is honest inquiry into who is there who is experiencing, that there is no "one". No person, no "me", no [MY NAME].

What are you looking for at LU?
To be honest, I dont know what I am looking for. The most obvious answer would be awakening, liberation, freedom, ease of being, and guidance to these places of reality. There is something inside me that avoids all of these descriptions though and this avoidance is this belief that "I know" that these things cant be given to me from someone or something outside of myself.

But if I were to be brutally honest and just let flow from what is coming up from what seems to be this ironed egoic sense of existence, I want to be led to disillusionment. I want someone to point out all of my blocks that I cannot seems to see or overcome myself. I want help and guidance because I have felt so alone, so unconnected, and so unguided. I want to be held in a loving way, told everything is going to be okay, that everything happens for a reason, and that I will finally and eventually actually be free from my illusions. I want to feel like I am actually moving in the right direction towards final abandonment and into truth and life.

I am not asking for those things, but when asked what I am looking for here, why I am writing in this text box right now, those seem to be the most real things for me.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I hope to be guided to actual release from my deep rooted beliefs that I cannot seem to overcome myself. To constantly point out my major errors in thinking and belief. To be given practical steps I can take to finally bring them forth into the light of truth. For me to give space for another to help me break from my beliefs that hold me in this holding pattern of feeling so close, yet not "totally there" yet.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I inquire almost constantly. Inquire is a loaded term but for me it means to just be fucking confused (can I swear here?), not understanding the nature of reality, not understanding this world or life that I am in, and question what the hell all of this is.

I am inquiring always, while driving, falling asleep, walking, sitting, really anywhere.

The worse of it all is probably when I am with others and talking with others. When I am conversations with others I feel in such a space of suspense. Some of the things I feel is that I am aware of my mind talking, thinking, worrying, being at un-ease, while another is just being themselves and expressing/communicating. I almost feel like I am "faking" it all. I really do not fake anything, I am honest and genuine, but I feel like I am no one and that they will find out at any moment. That is the sense I feel and hold. Like I am empty (still with a shit ton of thoughts freight training through my head), and that I need to act and respond in some way to the other. I feel like I am never "just being" myself with ease. Its like my mind is going 10x through the whole interaction with the other. And its not even that it is going 10x faster, its like I am hung on this huge edge of being found out or something. Its difficult to explain. But I really do and am genuine. A lot of times it feels like I would just rather be present, in pure celebration of the existence of the other, but not having to react or "be anybody" in anyway in the conversation. Yet on the flip side equally strong is the desire to just be me and express freely and in fun and in love. I really do want to connect freely with others in a true, from-my-core sort of way, yet I feel on the edge of being no one, or lost, while in these interactions. Egoically, it often feels like I am "smarter" than most. I fucking hat to admit that I do feel that way sometimes because it is probably the most narcissistic thing and I don't mean to feel like that, but I am trying to explain what it feels like to me. It feels like I am super hyper aware of it all. Like I am just super aware of the whole situation, aware of how everything is being perceived by me and the other, and that there is just an understanding about what is going on. I definitely do not mean smarter in the sense of knowledge or capabilities, I just mean hyper aware of the whole phenomena of the communication and where the other is at. Again I really do not mean smarter in the math or knowledge or etc... sense, but more in the wholly aware of this interaction and "common sense" way. "Smarter" may be the improper word to describe this. This is definitely something I want to address and let the fuck go of.

Then when I am alone, it just in this constant inquire/aware of my mind, phasing in and out of just being aware then following my thoughts then back and forth.

To answer this question in the practicality of practices, I meditate/contemplate/inquire every day. I take time to sit aside with this purpose every morning, night, and when falling to sleep.

I do Dyads and occasionally go on Enlightenment Intensives as well.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[CarefulDog88]

Hi, my name is Paul, I would be very happy to embark on this exploration with you, provided we both agree it is sensible. Please carefully consider the following points, which blend universal LU elements with specific guidance:.

1. I Volunteer at LU and all I do is help you formulate the questions to ask, Ultimately you do the work and the level of earnestness will often determine the Truth revealed
2. Throughout this process, your focus should be solely on your direct experience (DE). We will avoid delving into theories, beliefs, or alternative methods, including those from non-duality. Relying on external beliefs is not the aim. I will pose questions, and your responses should stem directly from your personal experiences.
3. The key elements driving this process are your desire to discover the truth and your willingness to delve deeply into the questions. Wholehearted engagement in the experiments and exercises I present is crucial. Your commitment to reporting experiences here with complete honesty is essential. If you are prepared for this level of engagement, the process will naturally unfold as it should.
4. To ensure focus and productivity in this process, both of us commit to responding on this thread regularly. If this rhythm doesn't align with your lifestyle, style, or preferences, please inform me, and alternative arrangements can be made with another guide.
Please read the following documents from LU and make sure you are on board with their content:

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2
And:

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041
Learn how to use the Quote Function here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=-fAToDNh9hQ
Please answer questions individually, as this will assist us in having a clear dialogue.
Are you ready for this?
What shall I call you?
ALSO:
1. Please make sure that you are subscribed to your thread. In the bottom left corner, next to "Post Reply" there is an icon that looks like a spanner. When you click on it there is a menu where you can select “Subscribe topic’. Click on it once. (To be sure that you are subscribed just refresh the page and if you click again should show “Unsubscribe topic”.)

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Lets Start
1) "there is no separate self in any shape or form and there never was" - what reactions come up as you read that sentence?

Just rant about it without censoring. Give particular attention to thoughts coming up that are emotionally charged, even if you think they might be irrational. Also don't miss writing any strong beliefs about this that come up. Just write without censoring or limiting.

[truthlife333]

Hello Paul,

Thank you for your response.

Are you ready for this?

I am afraid. It seems I am afraid of failing more at this. I want to say I am ready but I just dont want to keep missing it, feeling lost and confused and like I am not moving forward or growing in any way.

I feel I am ready for it. Like the sunrise behind this post box I feel the urge inside to find/be my infinite being. To just have peace, freedom, love, and ease and expression of self with others.

What shall I call you?

You can call me Stone.

1) "there is no separate self in any shape or form and there never was" - what reactions come up as you read that sentence?

Bullshit, anger, confusion. A deep pit sense in my stomach/solar plexus. How do I approach that sentence? I just notice a lot of anger. Maybe it seems around "well what the fuck am I supposed to do now?".

But what about me, here typing? I cant say what I am or exactly who I am, but I still feel like Stone. So it just pisses me off. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

Yeah easy to say that. But what am I supposed to do with that? (is what keeps coming up).

Its like I don't want to look. I read the sentence, which brings up the inquiry into its truth or not, and then there is a feeling of rising anger that feels owned. So when I seem to really check that out if its true when reading it, the anger comes up out of fear or confusion, and exhaustion with the whole thing. Like I'm tired of just landing/ramming into/coming into contact with the same brick wall of confusion, trying, and no-increased depth.

Yeah final flow: So WTF then? Why am I here?

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone

What are your expectations for what will be different in life after first awakening, after seeing through the separate self? Describe all of them as thoroughly as possible.

Are you willing to proceed knowing it might be like that for you, and to let go of any expectations to experience relief and enjoyment from this in the near future? (you might well do, but you also might not). Are you willing to staying lovingly focused on what is true and real, no matter how it feels?

[truthlife333]

What are your expectations for what will be different in life after first awakening, after seeing through the separate self? Describe all of them as thoroughly as possible.

There will be confidence in my expression of myself without internal restrictive thinking and fear.

Its like I feel this tension all the time when I am with others or talking with others. It is a constant tension/restriction of unrestricted expression. Like I am always afraid to really just let out what comes, or there needs to be this analyzing of the situation and my expression, or a fear to let the mind go where ever it wants to and let it out.

When awakening, I imagine that my expression through this body and mind will just be so free that "I", or who I am in this/that present moment will just pour out of me without fear or worry. And without fear or worry that later I would reanalyze my actions/expressions in shame or criticalness.

There will be no fear about who or what I am and everything will just flow so easily through and from me.

Sometimes (most of the time) with others there is just a fear about not knowing who I am, or what I am, and that creates a sense of restriction in myself and how to act or be or what to do.

In awakening fully, I imagine that would just disappear and would no longer be the inner case/state and expression and joy would easily flow through me.

I will be seen as someone who has it all figured out full of confidence, wisdom, and joy.

I sense that people are confused by me and that I seem like someone who is relatively smart, wise, and joyous, but for some reason very restricted internally.

After full awakening, I imagine others would see me clearly as someone who is completely confident/fearless, wise, and joyous without restriction or limits.

I will be able to sit in a total peace where there is just total fulfillment and there will be no need for anything at all. Every moment will be full of life in pure fulfillment.

When I sit for meditation, or lay in bed, or am just in a place not doing something, there is always this thinking mind trying to do something or analyze something. For example, in meditation, there is a witnessing of the mind, the body, emotions, sensations, etc.. but there is always this "deeper" more subtle mind or deeper identification that is always there, always still analyzing, judging, trying..

After awakening, I imagine that I can sit and lay in just a full and total peace and fulfillment without a moving/trying mind and I can just sit in the oneness of god/life/me forever in joy and peace.

I will feel at one with the world and everything.

Often I don't explicitly feel at one with everything, nor could I say that I ever experientially actually have felt at one with everything. I don't necessarily feel separate from everything, but I also don't feel "one" with it.

After awakening, I imagine that I will ACTUALLY feel at one with everything. With the tree outside my window, with my tea mug in my hand, with the wind etc..

I will see everything and everyone as myself and KNOW that to be absolute self-apparent truth.

Right now I do not KNOW everyone to be myself. I remember a girlfriend I had once, after she had a flash awakening, would always answer my question of "Who are you?" with "I am you". Which puzzled, intrigued, and frustrated me. So then I started thinking clearly I am not awakened if I don't know others to be myself. Or a Zen teaching about a monk who was to teach for the first time, started getting nervous with sweaty palms when he knew that a prominent official would be attending. The monk then canceled the teaching because he realized he was not enlightened to a place where he saw only himself in others.

After awakening, I imagine that I will see and KNOW all others as myself, without any ambiguity about that truth.

My purpose and direction in life will be clear and I would move towards that purpose and direction without compromise in and in truth and love.

Right now I feel I don't not have a crystal clear direction in life. For a while, about 8 years, it was to open a spiritual retreat, but now in the last year since I have witnessed many people have awakening/shifts in knowing, my sense of knowing anything was completely destroyed and my dreams and direction seemed more lost.

After awakening, I imagine that it will be clear what my purpose and direction in life is. Or, it will just be unfolding so naturally in the moment the idea of "purpose and direction" will not even be important or contemplated.

I will be able to explain the truth to others and help them see past the illusions that they carry.

I used to try to explain the "living truth" to people. Explain that the present moment is the only thing that exists, but now I feel more lost and like I have no special knowledge to give, and that I really don't truly know anything and therefore cannot help others in any way regarding truth and awakening.

After awakening, I imagine that I will be able to speak from a place of truth and knowing that will help others in their own realizations and growth as well.

I will finally feel like I am fully living and unafraid to die.

I am afraid to die. Specifically, I am afraid to die before knowing the Truth, before awakening, before knowing that I am not Stone and am the universe itself.

After awakening, I imagine that I will know the truth, I will know that I am everything, that I cannot die, that I am not Stone, that I am untouchable and have nothing to worry about.

I will just be love and love will pour out of me.

For so long I just wanted to be totally free and pouring love inside and outside myself.

After awakening, I imagine I will know what love is and I will be aware of it inside of myself and be so full of it that it pours out of me to everyone and everything.

Any sense of struggle, aging, or tough life decisions will be more like something passing over me and not ever effecting my core freedom and joyous loving self expression.

There are all sorts of everyday or "normal" life decisions that can be very stressful to decide on. I feel I am getting older and am noticing my difference in age between others more in shame and fear. I have a sense I am struggling to become what I want to become or what I need to become in order to be happy and have a fulfilled loving life.

After awakening, I imagine that I will still notice my aging, but my expression, joy, love, and freedom will be unperturbed by it. That the decisions for "normal life" things will still come, and may have the energy of a stressful choice, but it would pass over like a wave on the top of water where I would be under that water less rocked by the crest.

I will be able to help free others.

Since my initial mind deidentification about 10 years ago, I have felt that the most true calling inside of me is to help others and specifically help them wake up to the truth of life and the present moment. Well since I have now seen so many people awaken/go to states that I just do not understand or experience myself, I have lost all sense that I could ever do anything like that for others, as now I feel more lost, angry, and confused then ever.

After awakening, I imagine that I can speak from my own truth and knowing and help others free themselves.

There will be no more seeking. No more thinking that something must be found.

I'm seeking something, and it is exhausting. I have this sense that I must get to this place of being as I imagine it to be. That I must try to get there. Try to directly experience myself, try to be open, try to be aware of awareness, try this, try that, fucking try all the time.

After awakening, I imagine that the seeking will just totally stop, there will be no more trying of anything, and just being. Pure peace and fulfillment and knowing in love and joy.

The mind will be quiet most of the time.

I don't know if I have ever had a quiet mind. I don't know if I have ever had one moment where I TRULY KNEW that the mind was quiet. Instead, the sense of "I" seems to always be there, and therefore a sense of mind, even when there is stillness and space, there still seems to be a sense of a "deeper" mind that is still but still there. Maybe it is more just a sense of deep rooted identity as Stone.

After awakening, I imagine that the mind will just not be there or be quiet most of the time, even though I don't really know how this would work.

People will enjoy to be around me and see my genuine presence, fearlessness, and openness in love.

I think people do enjoy being around me, but they do not enjoy my sense of internal restriction and nor do I.

After awakening, I imagine that there will be no internal restriction to limit me and I and everyone else will see my presence, fearlessness, openness, and pure love.

Life will just be perfect.

I really cant say that life isnt perfect right now, but do I want some things? Yes. Do I want myself to be "even better" than I am right now? More open, more free, more completely fulfilled? Yes.

After awakening, I imagine that life will be KNOWN to be perfect. That I will feel like I am the best me, totally open, totally free, totally fulfilled.

Are you willing to proceed knowing it might be like that for you, and to let go of any expectations to experience relief and enjoyment from this in the near future? (you might well do, but you also might not). Are you willing to staying lovingly focused on what is true and real, no matter how it feels?

Yes I am, but also what comes up is "why am I doing this if I cant get those things?".

Like I am doing this for this freedom of expression, freedom of being, and complete fulfillment that I hope to become or find.

So when you say "you might not get those things", that's what the mind throws up. In the end though, at this point, I just want the fucking truth. Even if I don't get all those things I imagine, I'd rather just have the truth of it all rather then stay miserably seeking in hopes of becoming something other than what I am forever. But this whole point brings a slightly sick feeling. A little hopeless, unsure, and afraid of what the truth is for me and fear of failing at it.

Are you willing to staying lovingly focused on what is true and real, no matter how it feels?

Yes I am. I promise. To you, myself, the world and all that is.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone,
Thank you for sharing, there are generally to blockers that make it harder for people to have a shift in perception, these are
Fear and Expectation, they get in the way. Lets start here.

A little hopeless, unsure, and afraid of what the truth is for me and fear of failing at it.

Throughout your dialogue Fear was mentioned many times, lets have a look at this.

Who is actually in Fear? don't use you thoughts to answer, use the feelings in the body to answer.

Look for the persona in the body that Fears, what comes up?

[truthlife333]

Who is actually in Fear? don't use you thoughts to answer, use the feelings in the body to answer.

I don't know. The mind seems to be running around on this unsure. Not sure what to say or type. When I look to see who is in fear, I notice the energy/aliveness of the body and a searching mind.

When you say "use the feelings in the body to answer", I just notice the energies of the body. The energy of being alive.

I kind of want to say "no one is actually in fear" but it seems like a "right" answer, conceptually right answer, but not a known or experientially true answer.

Or I want to say "I am". "I am the one in fear". Then I look at who this "I am" is and I just notice openness and/or an opening inquiring/searching mind.

The energies of the body are in fear? When I ask myself who is actually in Fear, and use the feelings in my body to answer it, I notice the energies of my body, so is that what is in fear?

Look for the persona in the body that Fears, what comes up?

When I look for the persona in the body, I notice the feeling of my brain, or energy in my head. Yeah it really seems to take me to the actual sensation of my head when I look for the persona in the body that Fears. Like this persona is in my head or is the energy in my head. And a general awareness of body and breath.

Should I be answering these questions at my computer? and inquire and type and inquire and type etc? Or should I take these questions into meditation then come back with the results of meditation on them? Or does it matter?

Thank you.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone,
You are really getting the hang of this, It's only to look and see what's there.

I kind of want to say "no one is actually in fear" but it seems like a "right" answer, conceptually right answer, but not a known or experientially true answer.

It's only conceptual if it was derived from thought but if you actually looked and found no one, that's experiential.

I notice the energies of my body, so is that what is in fear?

Would you call these energies in the body, Sensations?

How would you describe the sensations?

Who or what is Noticing?(Soften your gaze, Relax take a couple of deep breaths and look softly)

Like this persona is in my head or is the energy in my head. And a general awareness of body and breath.

Can you point to a particular spot that is this persona called Stone?

Should I be answering these questions at my computer? and inquire and type and inquire and type etc? Or should I take these questions into meditation then come back with the results of meditation on them? Or does it matter?

The beautiful thing about self inquiry is that it can be done anywhere anytime, seeing happens when there is a disruption of sorts in your life and these are perfect teachers or when you are completely relaxed, there is no right or wrong, better or worse, it happens when it happens.

[truthlife333]

Would you call these energies in the body, Sensations?

Yes, I would call them the sensations of the body. I guess just what a physical body feels like.

How would you describe the sensations?

I would describe them as something real.

I almost want to describe them as proof of my existence. I could in some way or form try to explain what they feel like, but really the only word would be sensation of being or sensations of what is being experienced.

Who or what is Noticing?(Soften your gaze, Relax take a couple of deep breaths and look softly)

I want to say "I am" noticing. I am who or what is noticing. I would also say I don't know "what" is noticing, but I am that which is the "what" that I do not understand.

But then I feel a little uncomfortable reverb like effect when I keep looking at or feeling that. That I am this what that I do not understand. Its like this huge feeling of wanting to understand what I am is, fear about it, and desire for it.

And that feels like running into a brick wall where no wanting or inquiry can bring me past.

The who seems easy, its me. This me is just this "I am" sort of sense (still with a lot of conscious or unconscious flavors and energies of the Stone persona that I feel entangled with). I don't really know where I am going with this last two sentences here I think I am losing focus on direct experience.

And the what is totally unknown.

But for this "what" I do feel like I actually am the very "what" that I am questioning. Which is confusing in and of itself since how can what I am contemplate what I am? Isn't contemplation something that has to be separate from what I am if it is to contemplate what I am? Again, I am getting lost here in writing. Like my wires of logic are crossing as I type and I feel confused.

But its interesting, its like I am what I am but I am afraid to know what I am and I am trying to know what I am. Then sometimes when I think about the question "Do I really feel like I am this "what" that I am inquiring into?" and a moment of doubt and fear come in about it but then it flashes back to being obvious that I am that "what", then doubt, then obviousness again, etc.. Moving on...

Can you point to a particular spot that is this persona called Stone?

Hmm, that is like trying to play wack a'mole. No it doesn't seem to have a location physically, but it does seem to have, what I am calling, a "blanket over reality". Its like when I try to find my persona, it evades or moves from everywhere I look (notice in awareness), then it shows itself as something that is "before" all experience. Its like a layer between raw awareness and the experience of life.

Its like I want this layer to be removed. Like you would remove a piece of paper between a battery and its contact points. Its like I want this "blanket over reality" to be removed. Like I want direct contact with everything without the persona in between.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone,

How would you describe the sensations?

I would describe them as something real.

I almost want to describe them as proof of my existence. I could in some way or form try to explain what they feel like, but really the only word would be sensation of being or sensations of what is being experienced.

This is more like labelling the sensations. Describing the sensations is what do they feel like, contraction expansion heat cold tension relaxed, these are words that may help to describe the sensations. Would you like to have another look at them and see if we can get closer to the actual direct experience of them without the overlay of thought.

Who or what is Noticing?(Soften your gaze, Relax take a couple of deep breaths and look softly)

Now that you have had a more direct look at your experiening of sensation, let’s look at this again. See if we can come at this question again using our direct experiencing of our body, the sensations in the body and look for the one which is noticing.

Its like when I try to find my persona, it evades or moves from everywhere I look (notice in awareness), then it shows itself as something that is "before" all experience.

Who or what is looking for the evasive persona that is already meant to be you the persona of Stone?

[truthlife333]

How would you describe the sensations?

Have another look at them and see if we can get closer to the actual direct experience of them without the overlay of thought.

Almost like a pumping/repeating wave of feeling my heart pump my blood. The cold almost sting of air coming into my nostrils. The expansion and contraction of my belly while breathing. More subtly is that same expansion in the whole torso. A kind of warmth or energy on my closed eye lids. There is so much that I would like to explain but I cannot because there are no words to explain the sensations. Not hot or cold, not pressure or no pressure, more like energy without a description.

Who or what is Noticing?(Soften your gaze, Relax take a couple of deep breaths and look softly)

See if we can come at this question again using our direct experiencing of our body, the sensations in the body and look for the one which is noticing.

I don't know. Its like the mind is trying to figure it out. Trying to figure out who or what is aware of what my sensations.

Let me try just who or what is noticing, not even specifically sensations:

I don't know. There's a lot of thought happening about it. Like I am not getting the answer I want or something. Even though sometimes it feels like its right there.

It kind of feels like I am trying to open the lid of something while at the same time holding the lid down. That's the internal feeling in the mind/brain.

Who or what is looking for the evasive persona that is already meant to be you the persona of Stone?

I want to say I am. But I don't really know who or what this I am is other than the two words "I am". Which brings a little confusion and frustration.

...

After the last sentence there was a nice little time of sitting inquiry there. No answers just felt nice.

Thank you.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone,
You are inquiring with a lot of authenticity, thank you.

Like I am not getting the answer I want or something. Even though sometimes it feels like its right there.

Is there really an ‘I’ that can do, or experience, anything?

You might also notice whether there is the sense of a ‘I or me’ or an entity that holds the reins, Is in control?

[truthlife333]

Is there really an ‘I’ that can do, or experience, anything?

Yes. I want to say yes. "I" can do and experience things. Like I can type here. I am doing that. I can raise my hand. I just did it. I did it and experienced it.

However, I cant locate the "I" that is doing it. When I try to locate the I who is doing it, I get "here" kinda of like an answer/feeling.

Like the one who is doing it and experiencing it is the same one who is aware of the sensations of my breath.

Yes I want to say I can do and experience things. There is a sense that it is not the answer I am "hoping" to find, but it is what is coming up and seems the most true to me, even though there is a sense of confusion and ambiguity about it. Like its not totally solid.

I can hear. I can feel my breath. I can look around my room. When I think about if I can think, that's where things get a little confusing. I am thinking, but I don't know if I can think what I want to think or if there is just thinking. Like, I am thinking, but I don't know if I can think. Like I don't know if it is something I can do like I lift my hand or not lift my hand. If I can not do something (like not think), then am I the one thinking in the first place?

I am noticing a sense of pride in what I am writing, like I am wise and seeing things correctly. That sense of pride in thought processes and thoughts makes me feel kind of sick and narcissistic and like I will forever be lost.

Back to the inquiry on the original statement once more before moving onto the next instruction:

Yeah the "can" aspect of things is now catching me, like can I hear? Like it is something I do? Or is there just hearing without choice? Can I move my hand, or is there the thought to move it and the movement without choice? And what seems to be the ultimate, can I choose my next thought? Because if I cannot do that, then clearly there is thinking, but it is not something I can do. That seems like a true statement but it brings me confusion.

I again am feeling a very strong negative feeling, like I am battling myself between pride and hatred for such self centered thinking about potential insight. It seems silly, that I want to inquire for my freedom, yet latch to the sense of thought based realizations (whether based in truth or not), like there is an addiction there. An addiction to looking for thought realizations, taking ownership and pride in them, and keeping them as part of my I and hoping to be seen by others as smart, wise, special, or "getting" it.

Sorry if that is off inquiry topic.

Notice whether there is the sense of a ‘I or me’ or an entity that holds the reins, Is in control?

Yes, there is a strong sense of "I or me". Yes there is, what keeps coming up is it seems to be "the most in my face" thing in my experience. Its like a familiar window. I feel like it and not. I cant tell where I end and it starts. This feels conceptual. Going back to the inquiry.

It seems like both. It seems like there is a sense of "I or me" and a sort of entity. However, I cannot tell if the entity portion is in control, and this stems from the fact that this entity can not choose its next thought. So then I cannot tell if it really is an entity or a sense of an entity, because an entity could think its own thought no? I feel I am getting a little lost on this one, or it just isn't clear.

I think the best answer I can get for this one right now is that I don't really know. I am trying to see if I can get a clear one or the other.

Okay, yes there seems like there is a sense of "I or me", and I cant seems to get a clarity on the entity question. Like, I look for an entity, kind of look for it in my thoughts or something as my thoughts, but I cant choose my next thought, and that seems to break the entity idea a little bit for whatever reason.

I feel to leave it as this for now.

Thank you.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stone,
Very good looking, helps me to know where to point you, thanks.

Like, I am thinking, but I don't know if I can think. Like I don't know if it is something I can do like I lift my hand or not lift my hand. If I can not do something (like not think), then am I the one thinking in the first place?

Thought exercise
Sit quietly for about 15 minutes and notice the arising thoughts.
Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.

Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?
What is a thought made off?

What can a thought do?

Can a thought think?
Just notice that thoughts are arising and passing.

Please answer ALL the questions.
Look as many times as it is possible during the day even for a few seconds.