Help with Rooting out Beliefs, Habits, and Patterns

[greggieP]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this? The typical idea of a "self" is based on a fundamentally incorrect belief, namely that one is inherently separate from "others," "the universe," or anything and everything "else." This "self" is ultimately illusory, though compelling, but belief in it or identifying with it inevitably leads to mental anguish and suffering.

What are you looking for at LU? I am looking for guidance in navigating what I guess I would call the post-awakening/liberation "integration process" of rooting out old beliefs, habits, and patterns. The opportunity to converse with, ask questions of, and be guided by those who have been through this or are "farther along" is highly attractive.

I must confess that throughout this process, I've had the unshakeable sense (and seen clear examples) that this will all sort itself out without a "me" needing to do anything. So I realize that, in a sense, asking for help and asking questions about what "I need to do" can perpetuate the illusion of control and separation. However, a quote from Rupert Spira regarding this very topic strongly resonated with me. It was something like, "As long as it still appears that we need to make an effort, we should continue to do so." To that end, I sometimes still believe the thoughts that say, "You need to continue to make the effort," so I suppose you could say I'm looking for guidance in ultimately shedding this belief (and any others) that I still fall for.

Words are difficult in this context sometimes, so I hope that all made sense :)

What do you expect from a guided conversation? I'm trying to avoid creating concrete expectations, so I'll instead clarify what I'm hoping for. I hope to receive guidance, questions, and pointers that help me see through remaining beliefs, habits, and identity patterns. It is my hope that through guided conversations, these beliefs, habits, and patterns will be seen to be illusory and fall away. There are certainly still some in there! I would also love guidance on what sorts of practices might help these beliefs, habits, and patterns fall away, as well as to be reminded when a practice is at risk of becoming a crutch, distraction, or hindrance.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? I was not raised in a household with any sort of spiritual practices or religious routines. My mom occasionally made vague references to "spirit," but nothing particularly concrete. My dad was an ex- and anti-Catholic based on his experiences growing up and as a young man. Both of these likely contributed to my developing "anti-religion" tendencies, where I threw the "spiritual baby" out with the "dogmatic bathwater."

In hindsight, in my teens, I used a total lack of religious and spiritual beliefs to soothe deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurity to feel smarter and superior to a vast percentage of the population, anyone remotely religious. I totally believed thoughts like, "What's wrong with these people that they need these fairy tales? I certainly don't!" As I got into my twenties, this softened in to a sort of casual agnosticism, where if pressed, I would say that I didn't believe in any sort of higher power, but confessed that I couldn't know this for sure. I was open to being wrong.

This continued until my late 20's, when a glorious psychedelic experience in 2017 totally upended the belief that, "Drugs are bad." I was forced to admit to myself, "Maybe I don't have everything in the universe figured out at the ripe old age of 27..." A friend with whom I shared this experience found it even more transformative than I did, and (though I didn't know it at the time) this sent him on a journey of self-exploration, inquiry, and meditation, where he had an initial awakening/liberation experience sometime in the second half of 2019.

In February of 2020, he and I were both attending a friend's bachelor party when he started talking to me about "awareness," and "consciousness." I didn't really "get" what he was saying, stuck on the belief that these were properties that people or animals could "possess to varying degrees." I was intrigued by what he was saying even though I didn't really understand it. However, he pivoted to talking about death, not being afraid for it, and even being excited to experience it and "what's next." Throughout this part of the conversation, I could feel something inexplicable powerfully welling up inside of me, and feeling like I was on the verge of tears.

Then, (I guess it was like a thought) popped up, "It's almost like...none of this matters." And then, BOOM! I did burst into tears of sweet relief, feeling so light and unburdened, free and safe, peaceful and just, right. Then I thought, "Wait...this, whatever this is, has ALWAYS been here. Right in front of my face," and I burst out laughing. "How could I have missed it?" Then I asked him something like, "This is just the beginning, isn't it?" He answered yes. The rest of the night, I oscillated between just staring around at the world in dumbstruck wonder, like I was experiencing everything anew for the first time, and feeling like I was going to burst into tears again at the beauty of it all. I somehow knew that THIS is for and within everyone. I mused, "Is the phrase 'six degrees of separation' a clue to prepare us for the reality that there are actually no degrees of separation?" I don't know where that came from that evening, but it's certainly stuck with me, and there was no going back to the way things used to be. Things felt permanently different, and I started earnestly pursuing meditation about a month later. I've continued to do so near-daily ever since.

I share all of this backstory (thank you for indulging me) to communicate that I've had a possibly somewhat unorthodox journey with spirituality, in that I found what I was seeking without having ever heard of self-inquiry or even trying meditation. In hindsight, I had an important "pre-realization" before that bachelor party experience. I realized that one of the things I had identified most strongly as throughout my life, "good soccer player," had ultimately caused me much more pain than happiness. So the seeds for shedding the belief in a separate self were likely already sown.

While all of this allowed me to avoid the trap of making awakening/liberation into a "goal," the drawback of my total inexperience in this realm was that I spent much of the next two years chasing a repeat or recreation of that night, mistaking certain sensations, feelings, and states for that "unnameable this." For quite a while, my ego also certainly co-opted this experience/realization as a way to feel special and superior. Also, my training and abilities in formal, concentration-based meditation are fairly lacking, and I've never stuck rigidly to any particular inquiry question. I'm unclear to what degree it would be beneficial to focus on or explore these areas further, and I'd love some guidance here.

Anyway, at various points in the last few years, certain teachers' books and YouTube content have strongly resonated with me. They include Dr. Joe Dispenza, Alan Watts, Rupert Spira, Adyashanti, Angelo Dilullo, Nargis Alegria, and Kevin Shanilec. In addition to daily meditation practice, I've participated in two retreats. In May 2022, I spent 8 days alone in a pitch-black room during a darkness retreat, and in July of this year I participated in Angelo's 5-day at-home meditation retreat. Both were incredibly powerful.

For the past 18 months, a main focus has been attempting to identify old identity patterns, habits, beliefs, and egoic tendencies. I've reached a point where I feel excited when I find these rather than dismissive or resistant, as I initially was. My current practices mostly consist of what Angelo Dillulo of Simply Always Awake calls "natural meditation." I've also engaged in some preliminary explorations of the visual field and what information thought layers on top of it compared to what's "actually contained there." That's where things currently stand.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[poppyseed]

Hi greggieP
(is that what you want me to call you?)

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed :)! It’s great to see you here!
My name is Rali, and I’ll be glad to be your guide if you like.

Here at LU we assist in the exploration of the idea of the separate self. This is a guiding based on experience that brings a shift in perception and is not a debate. It directly points to what IS through the use of exercises, questions and dialogue. What is expected from you is to LOOK carefully to what is being pointed at. It is this simple LOOKING (not thinking) that brings a shift in perception.

Here, we are LOOKING directly into the experience of the senses, which is actually here and now, with the thinking stripped away. It is also known as Direct Experience (DE) or Actual Experience (AE). In this way, we are aiming to discover what is truly happening without the story we tell ourselves. For this process to work you have to answer with 100% honesty, and not relying on thought, imagination or memory - just reporting your direct experience. That would also mean leaving spiritual teachings, philosophies and science away during the inquiry. If you have a meditation practice, please feel free to continue with it as usual – it might come helpful.

Please read through “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU.
http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

When replying to a question, please use the quote function to highlight the question being answered. Throughout this inquiry, please answer questions individually, not in a bundle. Please watch the below video to learn how to use the Quote function. This will assist us in having a clear dialogue around the questions and answers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fAToDNh9hQ

It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. It will save you time in the long run, if a glitch in the system wipes out your answer.

For the sake of the intensity of the inquiry let’s try to stick to a daily conversation. Of course, life happens, so if you need more time, please let me know. I will do as well.
What time zone are in?
If you're okay with everything so far, we can start.
Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali, it is lovely to meet you.

Call me Greg; that'll be easier :)

For the sake of the intensity of the inquiry let’s try to stick to a daily conversation. Of course, life happens, so if you need more time, please let me know. I will do as well.
What time zone are in?
If you're okay with everything so far, we can start.

I live in Arizona, in the Southwestern United States, which does not observe daylight savings time. It remains at -7:00 hours from UTC year round. Which time zone are you in?

A daily conversation sounds wonderful, and I am excited to begin. Thank you!

With love,
Greg

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg
Please make sure that you are subscribed to your topic. In the top left corner, next to "Post Reply" there is an icon that looks like a spanner. When you click on it there is a menu where you can select “subscribe topic’. Click on it once. If you want to be sure that you are subscribed just refresh the page and if you click again should show now “ unsubscribe topic”. Don’t click on it as it will unsubscribe you :).

I live in Arizona, in the Southwestern United States, which does not observe daylight savings time. It remains at -7:00 hours from UTC year round. Which time zone are you in?

I'm GMT+2. We have a bit of a difference but we’ll manage.

A daily conversation sounds wonderful, and I am excited to begin. Thank you!

Great!

First things first, let’s get your expectations out on in the open:

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

3. What do you want not to happen?

4. What are you hoping for?

5. What is missing?

Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali,

I'm subscribed to the topic, and you're right, I'm sure we'll do our best with the time zone difference :)

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

This realization already occurred, in February 2020. It remains the most profound, freeing experience of "my entire life/story." I shared (perhaps too much!) detail about it in my response to the second to last question in my initial post. So, for the sake of clarification, I'll answer these questions from the standpoint of, "What will be different when this realization is taken 'all the way'?" As the FAQ mentioned, seeing through the illusion of the separate self is merely the beginning, after all :)

The model for this that has resonated with me most so far is the "Ten Fetters of Buddhism" approach, though I'm open to exploring all of this through other lenses, as well.

So, with that, what will be different? That which is always here will never again be temporarily veiled, forgotten, or overlooked.

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

I don't really have any expectations. I'm not sure I can predict or comprehend what might happen.

3. What do you want not to happen?

This question seems very similar to number two, in terms of potential pitfalls. That said, though I have no reason to believe this would happen, the idea of losing my wife, of us being somehow incompatible as a result of "taking this all the way" is one that leads to feelings of sadness and fear.

4. What are you hoping for?

I'm hoping for a continuous experience of being at one with and fully in the flow with life. No longer resisting it or even being able to conceive of what that resistance might look like/take the form of. I am hoping to no longer be subject to the unseen influence of old habits, patterns, and conditioning.

5. What is missing?

As I sit here and write this, right now, nothing. If pressed, I suppose I'd say that some of what I described in answer #4 is "still happening."

Thank you,
Greg

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg
Thank you for your honesty! It can be challenging to become aware of what we really believe. The questions were a means to seeing what expectations you have, as everyone has some “idea” about awakening. There is so much information out there now with so many people sharing their experiences, and “teachers” preaching how it supposed to look and feel, that to have no expectations is almost impossible.

Your expectations are somewhat reasonable, but ultimately, expectations are a hindrance. They cling to an idea of how it is supposed to go, which is not necessarily correct, and this is why I asked you to read the FAQ’s of what Liberation Unleashed is NOT. When realisation happens, it can be very subtle and if there are expectations of any kind, then it can be missed and the guiding becomes very difficult. I can promise you there will be no fireworks; it is just a subtle shift in perception! The only true expectation, that you can have, is that the seeking will end. If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

The model for this that has resonated with me most so far is the "Ten Fetters of Buddhism" approach, though I'm open to exploring all of this through other lenses, as well.

I’m familiar with the ten fetters. There is no big difference overall, it is just a bit more structured approach. The LU method gives you the tools how to question all the 10 fetters.

That said, though I have no reason to believe this would happen, the idea of losing my wife, of us being somehow incompatible as a result of "taking this all the way" is one that leads to feelings of sadness and fear.

Let’s examine this carefully. A fear usually is there to protect us from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your ”humanity”, “becoming incompatible with your wife”. But let’s be clear here… how can something that has never existed change?
You probably believed in Santa when you were little. There was magic and joy, and love, and giving, and caring. When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?
Please sit and examine this carefully. Sit with this fear and allow it to be there. See what it is really protecting and if it is necessary

Now… If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali,

The only true expectation, that you can have, is that the seeking will end. If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

That sounds excellent :)

I’m familiar with the ten fetters. There is no big difference overall, it is just a bit more structured approach. The LU method gives you the tools how to question all the 10 fetters.

All good there, as well.

Let’s examine this carefully. A fear usually is there to protect us from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your ”humanity”, “becoming incompatible with your wife”. But let’s be clear here… how can something that has never existed change? Please sit and examine this carefully. Sit with this fear and allow it to be there. See what it is really protecting and if it is necessary

It has been a while since I have believed/identified with a thought that says, "This feeling or emotion is a problem. You need to get rid of it." I know with certainty that there is not anything that needs to be done with any thoughts, feelings, perceptions, sensations, etc. They can simply be.

Now… If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

There is nothing there. "Where" to look doesn't really make sense anymore. Sensations, thoughts, and perceptions appear and come and go, but they don't indicate any deeper significance/meaning.

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg

It has been a while since I have believed/identified with a thought that says, "This feeling or emotion is a problem. You need to get rid of it." I know with certainty that there is not anything that needs to be done with any thoughts, feelings, perceptions, sensations, etc. They can simply be.

And here we go down the rabbit hole…What is it that identifies or doesn’t with the thoughts? What gives permission and let them be?

There is nothing there. "Where" to look doesn't really make sense anymore. Sensations, thoughts, and perceptions appear and come and go, but they don't indicate any deeper significance/meaning.

Good! Before we start let’s just make sure that you understand how to LOOK for no self in the exercises:
There is a BIG difference between knowing that there is nothing and seeing that there is nothing.
Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what colour socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to answer:
1. You can think about it, trying to remember, or guessing what colour they are.
2. You can have a look at your socks and see what colour they ACTUALLY are!
You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

For the purpose of this inquiry, it is crucial that you are clear about this difference in the two ways of answering and stick only to the second way. We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on. We are only interested in Direct (Actual) Experience (DE/AE)- the experience right now and right here.

Direct or Actual Experience is:

Seeing
Hearing
Sensing (not emotion - emotion is sensation plus thoughts/labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content, what the thought is ABOUT)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.
Here's an exercise for you to get super clear on what direct experience is. You can use this photo of an apple or a real apple.



Have a look at an apple. When ‘looking at an apple’, there's colour, a thought saying ‘apple,' and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple." What about the content of thoughts, what they describe? While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT cannot be found in direct or actual experience. Direct, actual experience is sound, thought, colour(sight), smell, taste and sensation.

Taste labelled ‘apple’ is known
Colour (visual information) labelled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labelled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known
However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?
Love
Rali

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg
Is everything OK? Are we still doing this?
Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali,

My apologies! It looks like my last reply did not successfully post. I think I hit preview and didn't actually post it. Oh well! I'll do my best to recreate my answers:

And here we go down the rabbit hole…What is it that identifies or doesn’t with the thoughts? What gives permission and let them be?

Very good question ;) Upon closer inspection, there's nothing there. Nothing could give permission to let or not to let thoughts be. They simply are.

You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

Agreed, for sure.

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

Crystal clear.

However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

It's just a label, which cannot be found in actual experience. Sensations, perceptions, and thoughts (not their contents) "appear in direct experience," so to speak, but they do not hold any deeper meaning or significance. This is true for any "thing" that thought might label.

Kind regards,
Greg

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg

My apologies! It looks like my last reply did not successfully post. I think I hit preview and didn't actually post it. Oh well! I'll do my best to recreate my answers:

No problem! Life happens. I’m glad we’re still doing this

It's just a label, which cannot be found in actual experience. Sensations, perceptions, and thoughts (not their contents) "appear in direct experience," so to speak, but they do not hold any deeper meaning or significance. This is true for any "thing" that thought might label.

Great!
Just to ensure that you are crystal clear about DE and labels related to it...here's an exercise that you can try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities, objects and emotions simply as colour/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought as per the apple example.
For example, when having coffee in the morning, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= image/colour (seeing)
Smelling coffee, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought (thinking)

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.
Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali,

Hope you had a nice weekend!

Here are a couple examples:

1. Playing soccer
Seeing the ball, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Striking the ball, simply = sensation (feeling)
Running, simply = sensation (feeling)
Thinking about where I should run or where I should play the ball, simply = thought (thinking)
Hearing the referee's whistle, simply = sound (hearing)
Feeling the emotion "frustration" about a "bad call", simply = sensation (feeling) and thought (thinking)

2. Driving
Seeing the road, signs, cars, landscapes, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Feeling the steering wheel, seat, gas pedal, simply = sensation (feeling)
Hearing other cars, wind blowing, simply = sound (hearing)
Thinking about the destination, fuel levels, or road safety, simply = thought (thinking)

3. Writing a blog post
Seeing the computer, screen, my hands, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Feeling the keys while typing, simply = sensation (feeling)
Hearing the keys clicking, simply = sound (hearing)
Thinking about the next word, phrase, or sentence to write, simply = thought (thinking)

4. FaceTiming a friend
Seeing their face on the screen, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Hearing their voice, simply = sound (hearing)
Holding the phone, simply = sensation (feeling)
Thinking about what to say, simply = thought (thinking)

5. Eating dinner (chicken)
Seeing the chicken, plate, utensils, glass, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Hearing the utensils on the plate, simply = sound (hearing)
Tasting the chicken, simply = taste (tasting)
Smelling the chicken, simply = smell (smelling)
Thinking about taking another bite, simply = thought (thinking)
Feeling the utensil in hand, chicken in mouth, simply = sensation (feeling)

Kind regards,
Greg

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg

Seeing the ball, simply = image/color/shape (seeing)
Striking the ball, simply = sensation (feeling)
Running, simply = sensation (feeling)
Thinking about where I should run or where I should play the ball, simply = thought (thinking)
Hearing the referee's whistle, simply = sound (hearing)
Feeling the emotion "frustration" about a "bad call", simply = sensation (feeling) and thought (thinking)

Great! Thank you for doing such wonderful looking! :) It is now to incorporate that looking into your everyday….make it a habit.

How does it feel to see what actually is?

Let’s apply this looking… For the next exercise I want you to sit somewhere quiet and observe thoughts.
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it?
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?
Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

Are thoughts 100% true?
What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

Love
Rali

[greggieP]

Hi Rali,

Great! Thank you for doing such wonderful looking! :) It is now to incorporate that looking into your everyday….make it a habit.

How does it feel to see what actually is?

Thanks :) This has been a habit for a while now. Currently, it feels peaceful/neutral/pleasant.

Let’s apply this looking… For the next exercise I want you to sit somewhere quiet and observe thoughts.
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it?
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?
Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

The answer to all of those questions is a definitive "no." Years ago, coming to view thoughts as more like "reflexes" that arise totally unpredictably was an incredibly freeing realization. "Where" they appear from and where they go isn't something I feel capable of answering. Can that even be answered?

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

I did this exercise a few times in the past 24 hours. I could never predict the order of their appearance, or what would come next.

It wasn't possible to prevent a thought from appearing. Sometimes it felt like I could latch onto a thought or let it go, to make half-formed thoughts become "fully-formed" thoughts. But that was just more thought noise. "I" couldn't control how, when, or why this would happen. It just would.

The "logical sequence" or pattern is simply more thought.

Are thoughts 100% true?

Definitely not. A helpful reminder has been the notion that, "Every thought is potentially false." Even that one ;)

What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

I don't know. I'm unable to answer that with words in a way that makes any sort of sense.


Thanks again :)

-Greg

[poppyseed]

Hi Greg

Thanks :) This has been a habit for a while now. Currently, it feels peaceful/neutral/pleasant.

Great! Keep it going :)

The answer to all of those questions is a definitive "no." Years ago, coming to view thoughts as more like "reflexes" that arise totally unpredictably was an incredibly freeing realization. "Where" they appear from and where they go isn't something I feel capable of answering. Can that even be answered?

Are there separate/solid thoughts or just thinking without the content?

Sometimes it felt like I could latch onto a thought or let it go, to make half-formed thoughts become "fully-formed" thoughts. But that was just more thought noise. "I" couldn't control how, when, or why this would happen. It just would.

Yes. That’s the illusion :)

What are you, when you don't think about what you are?

I don't know. I'm unable to answer that with words in a way that makes any sort of sense.

Is there an entity of any kind – describable or indescribable – that is separate from whatever is happening/experiencing it? Do “you” exist outside of thoughts?
Focus on the feeling of am-ness/being, aliveness.
Can you tell if there is a being or just being?
Is life happening to a being or as being?
Is that “aliveness” any kind of object or subject? Is it even a human?
Is it what you've taken as "you"?

Let’s explore the “body”…
Exercises:
1. Take something cold from the fridge – like a can of cooldrink. When you touch the can, what does more accurately describe your experience:
a. Your fingers feeling cold because of touching a cold can; or
b. Coldness - sensation labelled “cold”? With eyes closed, where does the cold appear? Observe the order in which the details appear
2. Sit comfortably on a chair. Close your eyes and relax. Pay attention only to the feeling of your body. Just notice the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images. Keep your eyes closed and look:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair? At the point where your body contacts the chair, are there two things there, a body and chair, or one, sensation?
Is it "my" body, or is it just a body?
Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Can the 'body' do things?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, walking, lying down, etc) before replying.
Love
Rali