Am I?

[Santino]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is no independent, unchanging entity, separated from the perceiving/activity that is going on.
What I understand is that it can happen that a vivid recognition of this nature of things takes place.

What are you looking for at LU?
Guidance for having a marrow-level recognition.


What do you expect from a guided conversation?
That it will help clarify things and hidden spots.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Ive done zazen for 5 years now, first with a teacher guidance and now on my own.
Ive read many zen and nonduality books.


On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

[Bananafish]

Hi Santino. :)

Let's begin our written conversation!
How is your inquiry regarding the body going?

Warm wishes,
Kento

[Santino]

Hi Kento

Throughout the day, during activities, a sudden remembrance of looking happens, then its noticed that the body is operating by itself. As I look now, how the hands move, it doesnt seem to be a controller inside the hands, nor outside them.
Its like a headless body seen from outside.
I recall your pointing to point with the finger to the place "I" seems to be located, find that a bit tricky. I can not do that. I can not look there. But that does not convinces me that there is not a "here" as oposed to "there". I cant turn the atention back, any suggestions on that?

The questions "Is this my body?" is intriguing. Been asking that throughout the day, and the following is that either sound landscape or sensations become prominent. And some release.
I can notice every sensation that is taken to be a "center" as something fleeting and being perceived. There is a noticing of the moving energy taken to be a center. So its clear its not really a center. There is a sense of spaciousness.
Still it seems as I am the one observing that. But every time I look for the vantage point I could be doing that from... I can not see a point.

Will look now and journal a bit
Is this my body?
Tingling in the face
Breathing is hapening, Im not making it.
Who is not making it?
Sounds.
--
--
Is this my body?
Thought "Of course it is"
Thought "How do I know?"
Sensation dance in "face space"
Sounds
Energy at "back of the head"
That energy is what I call aliveness
Feels personal.
Its subtle and pervading, its moving, top of the head and back.
What does it mean it feels personal?
My conviction of something being here comes from this sensation.
How do I know that?
IDK.
It feels as pure energy.

[Bananafish]

Hi Santino. :)

My conviction of something being here comes from this sensation.

What is conviction, when you have a look at its nature, not contents?

[Santino]

Hi Kento

What is conviction, when you have a look at its nature, not contents?

Something quite fleeting...
Thoughts popping saying "this is related to me" or "this means Im here"
and then passing by

[Bananafish]

Hi Santino. :)

Could you further inquire into the nature of those thoughts?

[Santino]

Hi Kento

There Is also a changing but More stable visual thought with a 'shape' of body contours, like limits

And also,

Could you further inquire into the nature of those thoughts?

Something feels hidden
As if when trying to inquire, the impression of the one inquiring hides, cant be noticed
So sometimes I notice verbal talking and this imagery, those I can perceive, see they dispear or morph, but it seems así if there Is a background wich I cannot inquire into,



This days seeing other bodies talking from Time to Time this happens that I perceive them talking but as if there Is not a someone there talking, like its just the scenery talking through that body, I dont know how to explain correctly and I dont really know the difference between that and More usual way perceiving 'others' but it seems quite different in an unexplainable way

[Bananafish]

it seems así if there Is a background wich I cannot inquire into

What makes it impossible to inquire into?

[Santino]

Hi Kento

I do not know

Every answer I could give seems thought based really.

[Santino]

Right now, something happened
I feel 'abused' or 'stolen' by someone
I can feel Energy in the head, when I look I can hear words saying 'Im angry' 'I feel abused'
Now its on the chest and on the head

I try to look what Is it that feels this

I can only find sensations

Something released,
Awareness of sounds

[Bananafish]

Hi Santino. :)

I can only find sensations

Ok, please keep observing them and write what you found out.

[Santino]

There Is no much to them really

Just sensations floating

I was aware when triggered that this labeled 'me' dancing and moving sensations that Is usually around the head, can move and be around the chest area also, same 'flavour'

[Bananafish]

Good that you noticed they are moving and not concrete in that sense.
How fast do they move?

[Santino]

Its more like the feeling of a flame than moving.
Like a fleeting shimmering,
Fast or slow doesnt apply, its nature is movement.

[Bananafish]

Fast or slow doesnt apply, its nature is movement.

Simply keep observing the sensations. Does the movement seem to be like a continuum, or
are they single sensations felt to be a continuum?