Hi Rali
Your last post had so many interesting questions that I probably should have taken more time to answer them. I feel as if I've barely scratched the surface with some of them. (Let me know if I need to revisit any, I will gladly spend some more time with any of them.)
At the same time, exactly the combination of the different questions also knocked my stubborn sense of self off balance a bit when I first read them. Of course, that sense is always quick to recuperate, but still.
About the powerful function of labels:
How does that make you feel?
Very ambiguous
- On the one hand I am in absolute awe at the power of thoughts. Any kind of culture would not exist without it, and I love literature, philosophy, movies and music.
- On the other hand very wary: it is the number 1 source of human misery and suffering.
It's like the idea (thought) of a "country": one the one hand perhaps a useful way to organise life for a large group of people when it works well, but it can quickly turn to domination, hierarchies and war with others.
In DE is there an entity Awareness? (...) What does it look like – form/color; does it speak etc – how can you describe it using the five senses?
No, I cannot find awareness in DE (meaning I cannot catch it within the net of the 5 senses): it has no form, no colour, and it certainly does not speak - although "it" seems to be mutely witnessing whenever there's something to be witnessed.
What is awareness? Is it a container for experiences?
It is not a container.
My basis for saying so:
1 - when I hear something and my eyes are closed, the sound is not "contained" in me (there is some construction work going on in my neighbourhood and without the mental categories of location and distance, there is just the hearing of sound).
2 - with other senses, too, awareness does has no (fixed) location: when I stub my toe awareness seems to be in my toe but when I breathe in, awareness seems to be in my nose. So it seems to "move" or simply "be" wherever there's a sensation. With thought, the location seems to be more in the head (If you asked me to wait for the next thought to appear, it subjectively feels as if the waiting for it happens in the head. But if at that moment a mosquito would bite my knee, that's where awareness would be.)
So the conclusion is that awareness seems to be wherever the sense presents itself (and it seems impossible to locate anything in DE). So: no container (unless it includes absolutely everything that exists, but then there's no point in calling it a container).
Some kind of lone witness?
Awareness is not
a witness - yet, witnessing (noticing, knowing) as an activity is going on: if this body were dead, there would be no noticing no awareness of anything.
(I could say it's connected with being alive, but that would be a logical conclusion rather than a direct experience since I cannot compare with the state of being dead.)
where does awareness stop and the thoughts start, is there a visible border?
A really interesting question, but I didn't experiment with it for too long: I felt it had the potential to give me a headache.
In meditation it is sometimes easy to catch the beginning of a thought. If anything it seems as if thoughts come out of awareness. Well, I could just as well say they come out of nothing, as does awareness. I could never catch a "border" between them. Every time, even when attention is sharp, it's like they're already together before they are separated.
So: no, in my DE there is no visible border.
Are there ”solid” thoughts floating around in “awareness”- “arising, appearing and disappearing”?
No solid thoughts. They are very amorphous, like clouds (at least when I try to zoom in on them - from a distance they might look more solid, but to inspect one you have to freeze-frame it).
Are the thinker/awareness, thought, and thinking separate?
I notice that my thought wants to say yes immediately, but in DE there's only thinking and both a" thinker" and thought" seem to be either deductions or freeze frames of thinking itself.
Can there be awareness without objects? Can there be objects (thoughts , tastes…) without awareness?
Once again, my first reaction says one thing, and then that first reaction is undermined in DE.
In meditation there seems to be an experience of meditation where there is just awareness without object. But there's always a very subtle object.
As for objects without awareness (that a bit like that question whether there's actually a sound of a tree falling in a forest when nobody's around), when it's narrowed down to my 5 senses: no way.
Is awareness ever actually experienced or is it just an idea, an abstraction?
I know that I'm alive, there is an undeniable sense of being here. There is a knowing that there's hearing or tasting or sensing going on.
Yet this knowing is always formulated in thought and I cannot capture it with the 5 senses, so it must be a deduction, an abstraction. (I have a question about this which I put at the very end of this post.)
Is there awareness or “aware-ing”/knowing/being?
Yes, there is aware-ing/knowing/being, but no entity called awareness.
Focus on the feeling of am-ness/being, aliveness.
Can you tell if there is a being or just being?
Is life happening to a being or as being?
Is that “aliveness” any kind of object or subject? Is it even a human?
Just being in which everything is taken up. (If the mind does not intervene with distinctions, it even absurdly seems as if me, the books on my desk, the floorboards and my cup are all in the same boat of life happening as being.) So, yes, even a plastic object showing up in experience has the same being, it doesn't need to be human.
When staying with DE, it's very difficult (perhaps not possible) to make distinctions. I'm using "hearing" again: without thought-based distinctions, there no source and no hearer, there are no limits and hence no distinctions.
Is it what you've taken as "you"?
Yes. This beingness/aliveness seems to be the most important component of what I've taken to be me, flavoured by or with a thick overlay of thoughts (memories, thought pattern, habits, etc.)
Look, are there separate senses without thought describing differences?
I enjoy this kind of question which upsets a habitual or self-evident way of thinking and forces me to look from a perspective I've never looked from.
Common sense distinguished different senses, but common sense is thought-based. Yet I found it very difficult to exclude thought categories. It's almost impossible to perceive without them. But if I do not allow thoughts, I am so far not able to distinguish between different senses. (Any kind of potential difference I looked at - location, incoming or not, information provided by the sense, etc. - is based on distinctions in thought.)
So LOOK! Are there really noticing_thinking and noticing_sensing, or noticing_thinking_sensing_seeing_hearing_tasting_smelling?
I haven't seen this one clearly yet, I need to spend some more time with it. So my answer is preliminary:
Although I feel the pull of the little I know of Buddhist in the direction of the first option, in my DE it appears now as the second one: all just one complex, rich experience in which everything is present and one thing is zoomed in on.
(If we had 10 different sense, they'd be just more gateways into the same reality, just like it doesn't matter how many on and off ramps a highway has.)
"taking the handle, pulling it = touch + sensation"
What is the difference between “touch” and “sensation”?
As I read this question, the mind immediately provided the answer (touch = surface of the body, sensation = inside the body, e.g. feeling the muscles) - but then came the realisation without thought or simply with my eyes closed, this distinction falls away too.
what does more accurately describe your experience –
a. Your fingers feeling cold because of touching a cold can; or
b. Coldness - sensation labelled “cold”?
B. (A involves a lot of mental distinctions that are not in DE.)
With eyes closed, where does the cold appear? Observe the order in which the details appear
The magic of touching a cold drink.
I did this one several times with different things from the fridge, because it wasn't and still isn't clear to me. (As I'm going over these questions again in the morning, I'm trying it out with a hot drink in front of me, and I get the same result.)
I found it really difficult to just look at DE; once again, immediately mental categories intervened. For example, just the knowledge that it's the hand reaching out is difficult to delete. If there's an order to it: at the moment of "impact" (touch) there is coldness appearing, but I cannot go further than this without thoughts intervening and categorising the experience.
Pay attention only to the feeling of your body. Just notice the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images. Keep your eyes closed and look:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair? At the point where your body contacts the chair, are there two things there, a body and chair, or one, sensation?
I'm aware you stipulated there should be no "bulk answers", but in this case the answer is unequivocally "no" to all of the above questions.
- tall makes no sense in DE
- weight or volume: there is just a present is-ness
- shape or form already disappears when simply closing the eyes
- it is impossible to say where the body ends and the chair begins, it is just one experience (similar to hearing sounds)
Is it "my" "body", or is it just a "body"?
Just a body.
But in DE even "body" is a composite mental category.
However, I also discern this sense of I/me/mine protesting. Its case (various experiences are "mine" and not "yours") can only be made in thought, not in DE. Yet, in thought, this seems sensible.
Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
No, especially with eyes closed, there is no inside or outside. With eyes open, because of visual perceptions of a body limit, the ideas of inside and outside (as organising thoughts) are added to experience. But even here, paying attention to hearing and sound, breaks down this distinction.
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to? What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
The actual experience of the body can only be the 5 senses. So the label "body" can only be a conglomerate, a unifying concept.
(An addition to this from this morning: as I'm sitting here and I close my eyes - the visual sense seems to support division most - there's just all kinds of impressions without even a distinction being made between body or not-body. So there is not even this bundle in experience, it is purely a thought-based concept.)
Can the 'body' do things?
Things are done and the body is involved or instrumental in them.
But I can't say it's the body that "does" them (just like the pens in front of me don't do the writing).
I'd like to end this report with two questions of my own about two things you mentioned:
(1) The habit of looking.
It is now to incorporate that looking into your everyday….make it a habit.
Does making it a habit mean being in investigation mode most of the time?
Up to now, I'm only investigating intermittently. I try to answer the questions and do some personal investigation related to that. In addition, since I started investigating, certain questions spontaneously come up more frequently (like: who is really doing this, who is really worried, etc.) So the question is if an effort should be made to increase this questioning, making a deliberate effort to return to it 24/7?
(2) “aware-ing”/knowing/being/am-ness/aliveness
This seems to be like a crucial factor, yet I cannot capture it with the five senses. But to deny this would also be impossible. It is like a big mystery, the X-factor. How to deal with this or describe it in DE?
Have a good weekend
Frank