Glimpses of the truth

[Christina12]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
This has been seen many times now. Perhaps not fully. The self of “me” always becomes believed in again. It’s like the trick is fallen for over and over again. I would describe what is occurring right now as almost like a flickering. The, “self” is flickering in and out of existence.

What are you looking for at LU?
I’m looking to move from glimpses to a full seeing. I’m looking to end all seeking. I’m looking to permanently see that there is no suffering when things are not claimed by a me. Freedom has been experienced here before, both for extended periods and as glimpses. I’m ready to do the work and really look.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Someone to help me the dissolve the energetic contraction known as me. Sometimes trusting someone other than yourself to guide you can be helpful. I am ready to question everything and I have been. I want a guide to give me a final push.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been a seeker on and off for around 10 years now. There have been many glimpses. I would say the past 2 years I have been drawn to non-duality after a powerful multiple month long spiritual experience… non duality seemed to describe what that was and why it went away.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

[warissem]

Good morning

I would like to accompany you during the investigation of seeing through the illusion of a separate self.
There are some agreements to engage with :

Check here in the forum every day or at least once per 2 days. This is important to take the flow of looking. If you are not OK with this, I will invite another guide for you.

Put aside all what you know about advaita, spirituality, oneness or whatever around this topic.
Read the book Gateless Gate Crashers available on this forum and practice as it is given to you.

Read the disclaimer text and learn how to use the quote function (instructions are given on this forum).

Let me know when we can give a go.

best wishes
Warissem

[Christina12]

Hello,
I am thrilled you have reached out to guide me and I would love to begin!

[warissem]

Good morning

I want to know about your expectatons concerning the investigation on the illusion of a separate self. Here are the questions.

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

give an answer to each question separately. Use the quote function to select the question.

best wishes
Warissem

[Christina12]

How will life change?

I don't expect any detail of my life to change or get better at all. Only the way it is experienced.

How will you change?

I expect for my perspective to change. I really want to say the way I orient myself to life. However, I can see clearly from those glimpses or periods of time when the illusion of self has been seen through, that there is nothing to orient to. Everything is just what is happening and life flows, good or bad.

What will be different?

All of these patterns, tendencies,and conditioning, etc. that cause suffering will no longer cause suffering even if they remain present.

What is missing?

Nothing is missing. There is merely an extra layer seemingly blocking life as it is. For a long time after having experienced freedom previously, this caused me immense suffering. To feel stuck back as a separate self again felt like torture and the seeking drive was painfully desperate. However now I notice less pushing against it since there is nothing I can do.

[warissem]

Good evening

Your expectations are realistic.

There is merely an extra layer seemingly blocking life as it is.

Can something block the flow of life?
If so what is it?

For a long time after having experienced freedom previously, this caused me immense suffering. To feel stuck back as a separate self again felt like torture and the seeking drive was painfully desperate. However now I notice less pushing against it since there is nothing I can do.

Would you elaborate on this "feeling stuck as a separate self" ?
What is the experience of this feeling in direct experience : seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations and eventually thoughts?

Ponder on each question and give separate answers after having selected the question using the quote function.

Best wishes

[Christina12]

Can something block the flow of life?
If so what is it?

Looking into this in experience, it seems to be less of a something and more of a function? Perhaps I would call it resisting. Nothing can actually block life but the resisting is the suffering. That’s what it seems like at least.

Would you elaborate on this "feeling stuck as a separate self" ?
What is the experience of this feeling in direct experience : seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations and eventually thoughts?

Feeling stuck as a separate self feels like heaviness. It feels like moving through life with a filter over everything occurring. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, sensations are all obscured… they are less alive and vibrant… thoughts seem real and like they actually must be true, relevant, and meaningful. Everything holds a certain seriousness? This is very hard to put into words and I’m speaking from a place of being able to compare it to life with the absence of that apparent, “separate self.” There is a self consciousness in interactions. There is just this whole other element to life that completely complicates it as a separate self.

[warissem]

Hi Chrisitina

Looking into this in experience, it seems to be less of a something and more of a function? Perhaps I would call it resisting. Nothing can actually block life but the resisting is the suffering. That’s what it seems like at least.

What is resisting in direct experience ? Are there sensations in the body? Let me know about this.

Now, practice the discrimination between thoughts and direct experience (sights, sounds, smells, tastes and sensations). Sure thoughts are arising but don't look at their content.

Example : what is the color of the sky?
You can give an answer through memory or open the window and look at the sky. Looking at the sky and seeing its color, is an example of answering through direct experience.

As a practice, read your answers about a separate self (your last post) and do the discrimination between answers given through thinking and answers given through direct experience.

Best wishes

[Christina12]

Hello Warissem,

Thank you for guiding me.

What is resisting in direct experience ? Are there sensations in the body? Let me know about this.

Looking at sensations by dropping the thoughts and stories...There is mostly just a tightness or contraction in the chest and throat. I guess these sensations are actually quite meaningless without the thoughts and stories that come up with them. Looking at this is makes me question: is the separate self just a thought?

It appears the thoughts come up to push away those sensations, or to keep from feeling them? It actually seems quite silly looking at this because what is wrong with or scary about those sensations?

Thank you again for your help,
Christina

[warissem]

Good evening

I hope you are well.

Looking at this is makes me question: is the separate self just a thought?

Now, you are doing discrimination between thoughts and direct experience (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching or sensations) I invite you to look at this soi disant separate self and give an answer to your question through direct experience.

It appears the thoughts come up to push away those sensations, or to keep from feeling them? It actually seems quite silly looking at this because what is wrong with or scary about those sensations?

Great to see that. There is no harm to be with a sensation, it just Is. Be curious about the sensations, do they say something? Do you see that a feeling is a sensation + a label? Always, practice the discrimination between direct experience and the thoughts (labels, concepts, stories, memories, mental images, ...).
Example : a chair. look at what is here (what is called a chair) : it is colors and shapes (what is seen) + a label "chair".
Practice this exercice all over the day and let me know on what is going on.

Thank you again for your help,

You are much welcome

[Christina12]

I invite you to look at this soi disant separate self and give an answer to your question through direct experience.

There is no direct experience of the separate self. It doesn't seem to be a thought though, more of an assumption. But, the thoughts that do come up reinforce that assumption. Wow, we never question that assumption in life because if seems like everyone around us is also reinforcing it. Hmmmm I think an assumption is just a thought.

Be curious about the sensations, do they say something?

The sensations say nothing. They are direct experience and then the thoughts are an add on to them.
I had a moment pondering this and the realization came that direct experience is so stunningly simple, and tears followed.

Always, practice the discrimination between direct experience and the thoughts (labels, concepts, stories, memories, mental images, ...).
Example : a chair. look at what is here (what is called a chair) : it is colors and shapes (what is seen) + a label "chair".
Practice this exercice all over the day and let me know on what is going on.

I will continue on with the practice and report back :)

Thank you Warissem!
-Christina

[warissem]

Hi Christina

There is no direct experience of the separate self. It doesn't seem to be a thought though, more of an assumption. But, the thoughts that do come up reinforce that assumption. Wow, we never question that assumption in life because if seems like everyone around us is also reinforcing it. Hmmmm I think an assumption is just a thought.

You are doing a good job here : asking questions and answering to them. Yes, an assumption is only a thought. Is there an assumption in direct experience?
As you can see, there are words, concepts, labels which point to an object (seen, heard, smelt, tasted, touched or felt) and words, concepts, … which point to other words, thoughts or to nothing.

The sensations say nothing. They are direct experience and then the thoughts are an add on to them.
I had a moment pondering this and the realization came that direct experience is so stunningly simple, and tears followed.

Great to see that “what is here now” is so simple and it does not need labels nor thoughts to be. Just stay in direct experience and see if there is a self, you, Christina involved in what is going on.

I will continue on with the practice and report back :)

Waiting for your commentaries. Relax. There is nothing outside of now.

Thank you Warissem!
You are much welcome.

[Christina12]

Hello Warissem,

I would just like to share that this practice of remaining in direct experience has shown me that I am nearly never in direct experience. Almost all attention is on thought content throughout the day by default. That is a bit startling to realize. Have I just been walking around basically dreaming in thought, missing actual reality?
Christina

[warissem]

Good morning

I would just like to share that this practice of remaining in direct experience has shown me that I am nearly never in direct experience. Almost all attention is on thought content throughout the day by default. That is a bit startling to realize. Have I just been walking around basically dreaming in thought, missing actual reality?

Yes, it is a default mode of functioning. Now, I invite you to go directly to the heart of the topic :

What is arising when you read this : there is no you, no separate self in any shape or form, there nerver was, it will never be.
Let this sink in then report back about the arising of sensations, feelings, emotions, thoughts.

Best for you

[Christina12]

Hi Warissem,

What is arising when you read this : there is no you, no separate self in any shape or form, there nerver was, it will never be.

As far as sensations arising, I can't identify any particular ones. Absence of contraction in the chest and throat though.
What I noticed yesterday continually pondering this is that everything was just happening and I kept checking to verify if there was a, "me" doing it and seeing that there was not. The trick is that thoughts arise after the happening (or with it, or before it, I think) and I had taken myself to be those thoughts and some how associated that with making things happen.

I think the emotion that comes up when I read that line is relief. How much pressure was being carried around thinking there was a separate self needing to hold it all together and figure it all out.

Thoughts do come up of a bit of doubt and disbelief though... thoughts like, has it really been fully seen? Is it really just as simple as that? It feels like there is some waiting for a huge shift going on. Although when I check direct experience, life is flowing and there is no suffering. So these are in fact just thoughts coming up.

Christina :)