Awakening

[hball]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That the sense of self or identity I have is a made-up construct, consisting of conditioned thoughts that have come from my past. Those thoughts and beliefs make me believe I am a separate individual believing the path to happiness is to acquire prestige and wealth. I understand that this in fact won't lead to enduring peace and happiness.

What are you looking for at LU?
Help and guidance in focusing on the obstacles that prevent me from going deeper in realising the non-self nature of reality. While I understand this intellectually and have had some glimpses of this, I want to experience this more deeply.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I would be hoping to receive pointers from someone who has experienced the path and gone beyond the usual limitations of identity and experienced the true self. I would be very open to taking on board feedback, home work recommendations etc.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
For over 30 years I have been interested firstly in Buddhism and then came across the teachings of Ramana Maharshi. This led to a great interest in the area of non-duality which has been my path for many years. I have read many books and listened to many audios and videos and have been to a number of meditation retreats, although not for some time. Early last year I became interested in the Course in Miracles and found this very beneficial. Several months ago I discovered Angelo DiLuddo and love his presentations.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[gmalen]

My name is Gunnar - I’d be happy to guide you.

I too tuned into Angelo Dilullo in the months leading up to first shift as he calls it or crashing through the gate as we call it here at LU. Seems like you have a lot of great experience. Now let's put everything you know aside and really look together. You're in a good place.

Disclaimer: This is my first official guiding with someone on the LU site. I passed through the gate early January. A long-timer in the LU community named Vince is my mentor for guiding, lending his oversight for us. I will be off-grid in Hawaii for 1.5-2.5 months between April-June, 2023. Vince has agreed to take over during that time if we are still conversing. I'd be happy to return afterwards or Vince may be willing to continue if you wish.

Alright, so If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and confirm that you have read it. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Agreements together:

- The momentum of inquiry is important. Post at least once a day or every second day. If you need more time or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know. I will do the same :)

- Throughout this exploration, I would like you to answer all questions that I have written using the quote function. Even if a question seems redundant at times, it has a purpose. The identity structure is fickle but quite simple in how it functions. So trust the process even when it feels like you’ve ‘already looked there’. If it has a question mark, give it a response!

- I’ve done my share of honorable, silly, beautiful, and not so beautiful things. No judgment here. 100% honesty is very important. Don’t hold anything back. If there’s shame around things like fear, mistakes, or trouble seeing something, do your best to express it and we’ll work through it.

- When answering questions, don’t answer from memory - look into your immediate, direct experience - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts (not the content of thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.

- Please put aside all other teachings (videos, books, teachers, etc) during this period together. Direct all your focus into the inquiries we’re exploring. If you have a daily meditation practice, I encourage you to continue it, but it’s not necessary for this exploration.

Do these agreements work for you?

Here is a link to a video with instructions on using the Quote Function if needed.
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

By what name shall I call you? What time zone are you in? By the way, I'm open to meeting by zoom/skype down the road if we think it'd be beneficial.

If this feels like a good fit for you, I’d like to start by exploring your expectations around awakening or passing through the gate:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing right now?

Cheers,
Gunnar

[hball]

So good to hear from you Gunnar.
You can call me Harry. I’m based in Melbourne Australia. I’m not sure you will get this message. Please let me know before I reply further. Thanks


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[hball]

My name is Gunnar - I’d be happy to guide you.

I too tuned into Angelo Dilullo in the months leading up to first shift as he calls it or crashing through the gate as we call it here at LU. Seems like you have a lot of great experience. Now let's put everything you know aside and really look together. You're in a good place.

Disclaimer: This is my first official guiding with someone on the LU site. I passed through the gate early January. A long-timer in the LU community named Vince is my mentor for guiding, lending his oversight for us. I will be off-grid in Hawaii for 1.5-2.5 months between April-June, 2023. Vince has agreed to take over during that time if we are still conversing. I'd be happy to return afterwards or Vince may be willing to continue if you wish.

Alright, so If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and confirm that you have read it. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Agreements together:

- The momentum of inquiry is important. Post at least once a day or every second day. If you need more time or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know. I will do the same :)

- Throughout this exploration, I would like you to answer all questions that I have written using the quote function. Even if a question seems redundant at times, it has a purpose. The identity structure is fickle but quite simple in how it functions. So trust the process even when it feels like you’ve ‘already looked there’. If it has a question mark, give it a response!

- I’ve done my share of honorable, silly, beautiful, and not so beautiful things. No judgment here. 100% honesty is very important. Don’t hold anything back. If there’s shame around things like fear, mistakes, or trouble seeing something, do your best to express it and we’ll work through it.

- When answering questions, don’t answer from memory - look into your immediate, direct experience - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts (not the content of thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.

- Please put aside all other teachings (videos, books, teachers, etc) during this period together. Direct all your focus into the inquiries we’re exploring. If you have a daily meditation practice, I encourage you to continue it, but it’s not necessary for this exploration.

Do these agreements work for you?

Here is a link to a video with instructions on using the Quote Function if needed.
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

By what name shall I call you? What time zone are you in? By the way, I'm open to meeting by zoom/skype down the road if we think it'd be beneficial.

If this feels like a good fit for you, I’d like to start by exploring your expectations around awakening or passing through the gate:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing right now?

Cheers,
Gunnar

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[hball]

My life is good with regard to the circumstances. I am financially secure and enjoy my work.
I have a nice partner and good relationships generally. There is a lot of harmony in my life and no conflict, however, I’m still engaged in thinking as an identity with all the limitations and concerns that go with that.
I have a number of work related projects and have goals and expectations related to that. At times there is a sense of striving to get somewhere and achieve things. There can be frustration when things don’t go to plan.
I’m expecting that experiencing no self will lead to freedom and acceptance through not identifying with and believing thoughts.
Gunnar, thank you so much for your offer of assistance.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[gmalen]

Hey Harry,

I received your messages, and turned on notifications now so my responses may be more prompt. Glad to begin the journey with you :)

My life is good with regard to the circumstances. I am financially secure and enjoy my work.
I have a nice partner and good relationships generally. There is a lot of harmony in my life and no conflict, however, I’m still engaged in thinking as an identity with all the limitations and concerns that go with that.

Good to hear. Certainly, while all things are well, the belief and identification with a separate self can be... unpleasant.

What is it like to be engaged in thinking as an identity? Who is engaged in thinking as an identity? Do you choose to be engaged in thinking as an identity or does it just happen on its own accord?

*Quick note: for each question I ask, you can quote it like I did above with your comment and then respond below it. Helps keep out posted connected/fluid*

I’m expecting that experiencing no self will lead to freedom and acceptance through not identifying with and believing thoughts.

This is fair and glad you're not expecting to get rid of thoughts. They will be with you for some time :) Initially, it is not to reduce or get rid of any thinking or selfing patterns. ALL EXPECTATIONS, DOUBTS, FEARS, RESISTANCE are welcome! It's to see that these processes, ALL PROCESSES, are all happening on their own accord, without a self, there is no one controlling, manipulating, or experiencing anything. The "I" is slapped onto experience after the fact. And even that "I" process is completely natural and fine. Don't need to get rid of it. Just see it clearly. Here we are talking about freedom WITH, not freedom FROM.

There is no 'you', no 'harry'. 'you' have no control at all. How does it feel to read this? Any resistance, fear, hesitation?

[hball]

Thank you, Gunnar for your great feedback. The following are answers to your questions.

What is it like to be engaged in thinking as an identity? Who is engaged in thinking as an identity? Do you choose to be engaged in thinking as an identity or does it just happen on its own accord?

t is not pleasant and takes me away from being present. The thinking is mostly useless and can create tension. I'm clearly not choosing it and it happens on its own accord, and when I don't want it

There is no 'you', no 'harry'. 'you' have no control at all. How does it feel to read this? Any resistance, fear, hesitation?

Intellectually I never thought I have any fear about this and that this is something I would welcome. But seeing your words there is a little fear - a fear of the unknown. That I will no longer be able to use my various strategies to make it and get by

[gmalen]

Great looking Harry! Feel free to write even more in response to the questions/inquiries. Writing out and processing what you see helps deepen the inquiry.

Also, a reminder: please try and use the quote function as you reply to each question - helps with readability and clarity. Here is a link on how to use the quote function if needed: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

It is not pleasant and takes me away from being present.

'Who' is it taking away from being present? Look in your experience and try to find that something or someone that is being taken away. What do you find?

The thinking is mostly useless and can create tension. I'm clearly not choosing it and it happens on its own accord, and when I don't want it

'Who' doesn't want it (thinking) to happen? What is this "I don't want it" made up of - in other words, how do you experience this not wanting?

I like to think of the mind as a hall of mirrors sometimes. You have all these thoughts occurring, reflecting one another, bouncing back and forth, analyzing one another, a never ending ripple effect. Then, all the sudden, awareness notices that it's has been rapt up in thought - a moment of mindfulness (not done by 'you' but just occurring naturally). Then, the mind says, "dang, these non-stop thoughts are annoying, I don't want them". And that too.... is just another thought.... hmmmm... Well what is "I" in that thought referring to? Really look.

It's like you can see all the thinking before the thought "I don't want it (Thinking)" as just thoughts, not 'you'. But then 'you' buy into that "I don't want it" thought and take this to indeed be originating from the identity called 'me' or 'i'. How is this "I don't want it" thought different from the thoughts preceding it?

Intellectually I never thought I have any fear about this and that this is something I would welcome. But seeing your words there is a little fear - a fear of the unknown. That I will no longer be able to use my various strategies to make it and get by

Good, Harry! The self structure tends to squirm when it begins to feel threatened, that means you're looking in the right place. Catch this: There has never been, is not now, and will never be a 'you' to use 'your' various strategies and get by. When the illusion of a separate self falls away, the character of Harry continues on! Remember, we are talking about an illusion of a separate self, not something that is real that is actually helping you function in the world. It has never been 'you' at the driver's seat. It has always just been life life-ing. Thoughts, intentions, actions, decisions, even awareness itself, all just happening based on causes and conditions. 'YOU' Have no control! Please share how this settles with you.

Gunnar

[hball]

Gunnar, I greatly appreciate the depth of your reply.
'Who' is it taking away from being present? Look in your experience and try to find that something or someone that is being taken away. What do you find?

I can't believe how easily lapsing into a separate "I" identity happens. I can see that it's just thoughts that create this story. There is no someone that is taken away form presence although I must say in the moment it does feel so much the case.

'Who' doesn't want it (thinking) to happen? What is this "I don't want it" made up of - in other words, how do you experience this not wanting?

I can see now that this is all just more thoughts and there is no reality of a separate individual. I know the theory but I'm surprised how entrenched this story is. Today I've had more time during the day in which I'm present to the sensations and just looking at thoughts and then they just go. Just brief times -so difficult to maintain. As I've written this I can still see how I'm referring to a separate "I". It seems quite ingrained.


Good, Harry! The self structure tends to squirm when it begins to feel threatened, that means you're looking in the right place. Catch this: There has never been, is not now, and will never be a 'you' to use 'your' various strategies and get by. When the illusion of a separate self falls away, the character of Harry continues on! Remember, we are talking about an illusion of a separate self, not something that is real that is actually helping you function in the world. It has never been 'you' at the driver's seat. It has always just been life life-ing. Thoughts, intentions, actions, decisions, even awareness itself, all just happening based on causes and conditions. 'YOU' Have no control! Please share how this settles with you.

I'm noticing more and more there is no control. Life happens and then I have a story that I made it happen or had some role. I really like what you said about it all happening because of "causes and conditions". Those causes and conditions are often unconscious and it feels like its old conditioning based on my belief that this is how you make it in life- display knowledge, and get people to respect and admire me. This seems like the mechanism behind much of my thoughts and the feeling that I can be in control.

I do tend to distract or entertain myself with reading, movies, work etc. I feel as if there needs to be more time spent noticing and enquiring and this will be the goal in the coming days. Thank you once again, Gunnar, for your clear pointing out.

[hball]

Doesn't look like I've quite got the quotes right. Next time!

[gmalen]

Hari ,

I can't believe how easily lapsing into a separate "I" identity happens. I can see that it's just thoughts that create this story. There is no someone that is taken away form presence although I must say in the moment it does feel so much the case.

Indeed. And you might be surprised to hear that that 'lapsing into a seperate "I"' doesn't go away after seeing through the illusion of it. It becomes less sticky, easier to drop out of, but the same thoughts and emotions that were the building blocks for a self still arise and can be 'lapsed' into; it's just they can no longer culminate in the belief that a separate self entity exists. So no fireworks here, it's more like a plane landing. As time goes on, more and more self is stripped away you could say, but what we are doing here now is just the first step in seeing that: There is no entity called "I" or "me" or "Harry" that can found in direct experience. So let the lapsing continue on in all its glory! 'You' are not the one lapsing or the one being mindful of it. Just keep seeing the illusion for what it is. No pressure. You're ripe for this, Harry. You're on the right track.

What was physical and mental reaction when you saw me address you as 'Hari'? Some contraction, being offended, was it comical? Who is 'Harry' and what is this label pointing to in direct experience? You may like to sit quietly for a few moments and just bring to mind 'Harry' and really look at what this is pointing to.

I'm noticing more and more there is no control. Life happens and then I have a story that I made it happen or had some role. I really like what you said about it all happening because of "causes and conditions". Those causes and conditions are often unconscious and it feels like its old conditioning based on my belief that this is how you make it in life- display knowledge, and get people to respect and admire me. This seems like the mechanism behind much of my thoughts and the feeling that I can be in control.

Who is noticing more and more? Look and see that these practice, inquiry, deep looking thoughts are also based on causes and conditions. There's not a 'you' reaching into a box of thoughts in the mind and pulling out what 'you' like. It's more like: something is read/seen (cause), the brain starts processing (based on its conditioning (past experience)), and out comes thoughts, feelings, sensations.. It's a machine, a process, so natural, so instinctual, so ineffable. Yes, often unconscious, and COMPLETELY OUT OF OUR CONTROL. Are you controlling anything, Harry?

Here's an exercise for you: Raising Hand Exercise

1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
What is it that is controlling the hand?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
How is the decision made?

How'd this go?

I do tend to distract or entertain myself with reading, movies, work etc. I feel as if there needs to be more time spent noticing and enquiring and this will be the goal in the coming days. Thank you once again, Gunnar, for your clear pointing out.

Great to see the underlying drive to get people to respect and admire you. Yes, a mechanism of control and security. Quite normal and natural. Same with the mechanism of distraction or entertainment. It's the human being human. The human wanting to belong and survive, or find comfort and enjoyment. How do 'you' feel about being human?

Gunnar

[hball]

Gunnar, your reply is so meaningful to me and I am so grateful for the time and effort you are making.

So no fireworks here, it's more like a plane landing. As time goes on, more and more self is stripped away you could say, but what we are doing here now is just the first step in seeing that: There is no entity called "I" or "me" or "Harry" that can found in direct experience.

I really appreciate you saying this as at some level I do expect some degree of fireworks. And the problem is that subtly there is some level of frustration about it not happening. I do get that it's a process and certainly today, after our exchanges, there is time spent noticing thoughts and sensations and just being open awareness. It hasn't lasted for too long but in the past days can go by and there are no instances of recognising who I am.

What was physical and mental reaction when you saw me address you as 'Hari'? Some contraction, being offended, was it comical? Who is 'Harry' and what is this label pointing to in direct experience?

At first when you asked this i thought, no, there was no reaction. but in digging a little deeper I saw that there was a very subtle frustration that I wasn't important enough to you, for you to pay enough attention to get my name right! How ridiculous but also revealing on how I want to be regarded.

Who is noticing more and more? Look and see that these practice, inquiry, deep looking thoughts are also based on causes and conditions. There's not a 'you' reaching into a box of thoughts in the mind and pulling out what 'you' like. It's more like: something is read/seen (cause), the brain starts processing (based on its conditioning (past experience)), and out comes thoughts, feelings, sensations.. It's a machine, a process, so natural, so instinctual, so ineffable. Yes, often unconscious, and COMPLETELY OUT OF OUR CONTROL. Are you controlling anything, Harry?

Thank you so much for pointing this out. At some level, I can see that there is now a more 'enlightened" I, that can ask who am I etc. but can see it's all just a stimulus-/response mechanism and there is no I in control. It's just a matter of being present, noticing and see what shows up.

1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
What is it that is controlling the hand?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
How is the decision made?

I simply don't know how the hand rises or what makes it rise. And the fact that it's only one is an almost automatic response to your direction.
I can't find a separate individual that's doing the choosing. In fact, looking back after the exercise there did not seem a choice to not raise the hand.

The human wanting to belong and survive, or find comfort and enjoyment. How do 'you' feel about being human?

I'm not sure how to answer this question but what comes to me is that it's not that easy being human. Always striving to get the circumstances lined up right so I can be happy and satisfied. Sometimes it happens, and often things don't go the way they "should" and there's a degree of frustration. And there's certainly a lot that can go wrong with regard to health, with family etc. It would be great to get off this treadmill. Thank you so much, Gunnar for your assistance with this.

[gmalen]

Gunnar, your reply is so meaningful to me and I am so grateful for the time and effort you are making.

:) This is important work, thank you for your effort and time, too. I'll be with you till you land. You're doing great.

I really appreciate you saying this as at some level I do expect some degree of fireworks. And the problem is that subtly there is some level of frustration about it not happening.

What is the problem with frustration? Who is frustrated about it not happening?

Good to notice this frustration (thoughts) and the tension/contraction it creates in the body (sensations). Stay attuned to the thoughts and sensations and how they interplay. You can even break them apart and inquire - Is this thought me? Is this sensation me? It's when they're velcro'd together that the sense of self is really prominent. Pull them apart and the illusory self wears thin.

I do get that it's a process and certainly today, after our exchanges, there is time spent noticing thoughts and sensations and just being open awareness. It hasn't lasted for too long but in the past days can go by and there are no instances of recognising who I am.

You might be believing in a thought that says "I must have more than just instances of recognising who I am. I need to be more vigilant if I want to get this." This is a lie. Awakening happens in a moment. There's no right way to do it, and the thought "Everything has to be just right and I have to see things perfectly for the right amount of time and then it will 'pop'" Is also a lie. It's more like: Awakening is available right here in this moment, Harry. How are thoughts convincing you that this is not already it? if awakening were to happen, it would be JUST THIS.

At first when you asked this i thought, no, there was no reaction. but in digging a little deeper I saw that there was a very subtle frustration that I wasn't important enough to you, for you to pay enough attention to get my name right! How ridiculous but also revealing on how I want to be regarded.

Great, Harry. You're seeing the subtlety of the mind, always pushing and pulling on things, trying to orient and make sense of what's happening, trying to defend an illusory self.

When you say "how ridiculous..", there may be slight judgment and resistance for you there. Let me give you a different angle. EVERY HUMAN BEING ON THIS PLANET WOULD'VE RESPONDED SIMILAR TO YOU. And nearly everyone who is seeking awakening has some frustration, doubt, resistance, and uncertainty. Respectfully, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL, HARRY. All your thoughts, feelings, sensations, reactions are totally impersonal. Millions of years of evolution, ancestors, and conditioning influences EVERY (EVERY!!!!!) single thought, feeling, and response you have in life. We are not fighting millions of years of evolution, trying to create a new and improved Harry. That's absolutely hopeless. We are simply looking at things as they are - that there is no seperate, personal entity that is controlling, thinking, or doing anything. It's all just happening on its own. Can you allow everything to be as it is? This includes your mind wandering, your lack of recognition of truth, and your moments of recognition/mindfulness - which you certainly aren't creating or doing either.

It would be great to get off this treadmill.

Fortunately, I cannot help you with this. 'You' are not on the so called treadmill of life. In other words, you are taking yourself to be an actor in the movie of life, taking things personal, getting all rapt up in the emotional world of the character. Really though, you are and always have been watching the movie of life in a theater, in a reclining chair. You just haven't recognized it, you've thought that you're really 'in the movie' or 'on the treadmill.'

When you're at the the theater, watching all the ups and downs of life for characters or your favorite character (yourself!), it can be enjoyable, even when the storyline is filled with heart-break, despair, fear. That's what this awakening process is like. It's only a thought that tells us some parts of life are good and others are bad. But life itself.. is just okay as it is.. And there's nothing for us to do about it.. But to sit back, and watch the movie of life.. we can enjoy the character's experience of being human.

Welcome :)
Gunnar

[hball]

Gunnar, thank you so much for your incisive and very relevant replies.

What is the problem with frustration? Who is frustrated about it not happening?

I can see now that frustration is just thoughts and convinces the identity of me that they know what they are saying. That there will be a better version of me at some future time.

Awakening is available right here in this moment, Harry. How are thoughts convincing you that this is not already it? if awakening were to happen, it would be JUST THIS.

I can see that these thoughts convince a me that the passage of time is real and this is what is required. I can see that the only reality is what is happening now and all is possible there, and needs to be the only focus.

Millions of years of evolution, ancestors, and conditioning influences EVERY (EVERY!!!!!) single thought, feeling, and response you have in life. We are not fighting millions of years of evolution, trying to create a new and improved Harry. That's absolutely hopeless. We are simply looking at things as they are - that there is no seperate, personal entity that is controlling, thinking, or doing anything. It's all just happening on its own. Can you allow everything to be as it is? This includes your mind wandering, your lack of recognition of truth, and your moments of recognition/mindfulness - which you certainly aren't creating or doing either.

Trying to make myself special has been a major activity and I can see that this is "built into the system" and is not personal. It's like the ridiculous notion that I've heard of a tree, or a wave in the ocean thinking they are better than the others. It's liberating to know this doesn't have to be got rid of but to be unmasked.

'

You' are not on the so called treadmill of life. In other words, you are taking yourself to be an actor in the movie of life, taking things personal, getting all rapt up in the emotional world of the character. Really though, you are and always have been watching the movie of life in a theatre, in a reclining chair. You just haven't recognized it, you've thought that you're really 'in the movie' or 'on the treadmill.'

Thank you for once again pointing out that I'm not in control and don't need to make anything happen. It does seem crazy to think I can change how the movie goes. Although I just had a thought that by being aware it's a movie and I'm an actor, that awareness will somehow change the story. I can see these are just more thoughts.

I've been on holiday this week, and it's been good today to be in the forest with periods where walking and being was just happening on its own. I'm returning to my busy life tomorrow with a commitment to continue this enquiry which I know is of the utmost value. Thank you once again, Gunnar for being there

[gmalen]

Harry,

I can see now that frustration is just thoughts and convinces the identity of me that they know what they are saying. That there will be a better version of me at some future time.

!!!

I can see that these thoughts convince a me that the passage of time is real and this is what is required. I can see that the only reality is what is happening now and all is possible there, and needs to be the only focus.

!!!

Trying to make myself special has been a major activity and I can see that this is "built into the system" and is not personal. It's like the ridiculous notion that I've heard of a tree, or a wave in the ocean thinking they are better than the others. It's liberating to know this doesn't have to be got rid of but to be unmasked.

!!! Lol, all I have for you is exclamation points today... ;) Yes, nothing has to go, unmasked even has a bit of strong tone for me. While I think you are getting this point here, I want to share one of my favorite exercises:

Suppose I extend my hands to you and, lying, say, here is a watermelon.
And I give you an imaginary watermelon.
You take the imaginary watermelon and “hold it”. Go ahead, do it. Hold the imaginary watermelon—huge—in between your hands. Now I ask you: what should you do to get rid of this watermelon in your hands?

You can’t. There’s nothing there. It doesn’t make sense to ask that question, and in exactly the same way, it doesn’t make sense to ask the question “how can I get rid of or unmask the separate self?” There actually is no self. Never was. Ever. It was always imaginary, right from the start.

It doesn’t need to fade. It’s not about identity fading.
It’s about the truth, Harry — that identity doesn’t point to anything. Fade, not fade—whatever. The point is that it is fiction. The strength of the fiction is irrelevant - you can be out in nature with lots of mental space to see the truth of the fiction. OR you can be busy at work, caught up in trying to get things done and solve problems, even frustrated with colleagues! Either way, the key is knowing that the separate self is fiction. Some days, I meditate a bit more and the mind is quieter and more attuned to truth, other days I'm busy and the mind is a flurry of thoughts. SAME underlying reality. Impermanent states/feelings/thoughts come and go. No self or 'I' to be found.
So look at the “I” thought. That’s all that is needed. Look behind the “I” thought. What’s there?

Thank you for once again pointing out that I'm not in control and don't need to make anything happen. It does seem crazy to think I can change how the movie goes. Although I just had a thought that by being aware it's a movie and I'm an actor, that awareness will somehow change the story. I can see these are just more thoughts.

Harry... You're starting to catch on... Everything that you took yourself to be... was a just a thought... that you believed in one moment... that referred to an 'I'... that is nowhere to be found...

My intuition says that awareness does somehow change the story.. Just like everything changes the story, or IS the story itself. But as with a passing thought, or the bird that flies by, or today's weather, awareness is equally out of your control, not caused by you. Thus it arises and passes on its own accord. Even the desire to maintain awareness once it has arisen does not arise from 'you'. Does it? Take a look today and try to find a 'you' in the process of becoming aware. Was there a 'you' that brought up awareness or was it more like awareness arose and then the 'I' thought came after trying to claim it, maintain it, or objectify it? And such an ironic, funny part of it is that the self tries to claim awareness and maintain it... but it usually sucks at it... showing even more that it has no control of it..

I've been on holiday this week, and it's been good today to be in the forest with periods where walking and being was just happening on its own. I'm returning to my busy life tomorrow with a commitment to continue this enquiry which I know is of the utmost value. Thank you once again, Gunnar for being there

Yes, I and many others found time/walking in nature to be extremely valuable for this deep looking. Deep looking will continue in exactly the way it needs to as you return to busy life. You're welcome Harry, I'm with you in this. Really enjoying your deep looking.

Blessings,
G