So many different glimpses, so little shifts

[Ilona]

Thank you for replying. Great that you are listening to the quotes and things are getting clearer. You may need to hear the same pointer a few times, till something clicks. So keep listening and looking :)

I would guess the last part is about being an I that is witnessing these things but even that is less than ever before.

Yes, there is no I witnessing things. There is witnessing, happening too, like everything else. No I to be a witness, observer, awareness. But there is noticing, knowing, seeing, witnessing… etc. See how language creates a doer?

Write what comes up.
With love.

[luxapro]

Thank you for the reply! :)

The sticking point tends to be with something that there’s an emotional attachment with, it’s as if the mind just loves to ponder stuff about my life and when it gets personal and important, the thoughts seem more important than ”waking up”.

I’ll keep looking more deeply into the looker now.

[Ilona]

Good to notice. And the exit is through feeling that emotional energy fully, openly, welcoming it, so it can self release.
So when you feel the emotional energy rise up, observe it with curiosity and openness, see what happens.

With love.

[luxapro]

Yeah! I can see that, but most of the time will forget it and rather get excited in the thought-train or feelings.

[luxapro]

I noticed that there’s a deep belief in a self in some form, for example: when there’s the seeing of things happening by themselves, the belief in someone/something even immaterial is evident. It seems like there would have to be someone experiencing this. The duality is hard to find but it pushes itself to existence.

[luxapro]

Exploring the ”looker” and trying to find it as well as the one who’s try to find it seems to produce some insight. I’ll keep at this until it changes to something else.

[Ilona]

Hi again, sorry for such a delay with response.
What is that is looking?

Is there anyone to find there?
And how do you know that?

Explore this and write soon.
With love.

[luxapro]

Hey! No worries, I understand and don’t expect anything, and it’s more fun when I check every morning if there’s a new message.

What is that which is looking?
- As I look for that, what comes up is generally some sensation, in the eyes for example. And something I feel like I realized for the first time now was that no sensation can experience anything. Like the tension in the eyes can’t see. Etc. I’ll look more into this.

Is there anyone to find there?
- No, but the habitual thoughts carry on. I’ll check now; only sensations come up that are believed to be the looker.

How do I know that?
- it requires a looking. The assumption is that there is someone.

[Ilona]

Great looking! Yes, sensations can not see anything and can not be in charge of life.

How is it going? What are the questions that you are still having? Or is everything clear?
What changes do you notice in normal everyday life?

With love.

[luxapro]

I don’t really know, I know that the illusion isn’t completely seen through and it’s conceptual for me.

Questions have conceptual answers that are the surrogate for what the real thing would be, it’s often like a shortcut to ”skip” actually looking as the mind provides a lookalike of what should be seen as some form of an effort to actually look.

[Ilona]

I hear you.
The only answer to a question is when question falls away. Meaning, that the question no longer makes sense.
If you feel me what questions are still bugging you, I may be able to point you out of them.

Meanwhile you can write down on paper all that you think that should happen, how reality should look like, what experience you are hoping for and what should not be happening. All the shoulds. As they are in the way of seeing things clearly.
Take your time with the list, do it over a few days, there is a lot to see there by doing this,

With love.

[luxapro]

Yes, I’ll write these down.

When I’m just sitting, and looking at it, the ”shoulds” and expectations are super strong. This is another layer that hasn’t been seen clearly enough. ”This isn’t how seeing should be” or ”I shouldn’y feel like a me” but these are not exactly verbal like that, but super subtle.

Thanks for pointing that out! <3

[luxapro]

If thoughts don’t control the body, how can this be seen?

How it seems to me is that for example: I lie in bed and get an idea, the idea is to do X. Then I go do x. It seems like doing X came from the thought of doing X but then as you’ve said, I expect things to be a certain way. In this case, I expect the body to do things and the mind just narrating like you’ve said. So then there’s a difference between what I think should be the case VS what seems like the case for me. You following?

[luxapro]

One of the assumptions that there is is the one for there to be a need for duality for experience to occur.

What I mean by this is when thoughts arise and it seems like there’s no thinker / observer of thoughts, the mind will kick in and not believe there to not be duality. It’s like it can’t fathom the possibility of no one observing the thoughts and goes on tilt. 😂

[Ilona]

Hello :) hope you are enjoying Holliday season.
I’m sorry that I’m such a useless guide for you here. If you like, I can find you someone that would be more responsive.

How is the inquiry going?
Are you still trying to work it all out?
My best help here would be to invite you to a group meeting on zoom on the 8th of January and there we could talk.

With love.