Hand on the gate

[LoveEd]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
After MUCH seeking and searching including practically everything including course in miracles, i found non-duality via Tony Parsons and have been looking for the inherent self for a few months. I feel like my hand is on the latch of the gate, with a knowing that the self is not real, and with it a deepening clarity.

What are you looking for at LU?
I have been guided by Vivien Novak for a few months now, and have been guided too by the LU book. Both these things have been extremely helpful (even transformative) and I would love to join a community in which to hang out and to support this beautiful thing!

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I dont really know what I expect. A connection on a level which supports and explores this message in a continuous flow of questions and explorations. I know this will help keep me in a place of continuous contemplation and consideration. I would also appreciate having somebody to check in with, and ask unfolding questions as they arise.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Loads! In brief summary! - tarot cards, crystals, shamanism, buddhism, trained as psychologist, psychotherapies, plant medicines, tantra, meditation, trauma release with EMDR, IFS and a course in miracles as well as a whole heap of non-dual video watching and sessions with Vivien.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[Lubo]

Hi LoveEd,

Welcome ti the forum
My name is Lubo and we can walk together for a while of you are OK?

I have been guided by Vivien Novak for a few months now, and have been guided too by the LU book. Both these things have been extremely helpful (even transformative) and I would love to join a community in which to hang out and to support this beautiful thing!

Yes, Vivian is amazing guide and the book is excellent.
Please share what is different before Vivian an LU book and now?
What is found?
Use simple words that describe what is seen, English is not my native :)

Cheers,
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Thank you Lubo. I have seen some of your videos with Lucianna and I appreciate your time very much.

Much has changed. This message when I heard it felt strongly like Truth.

I am vigilant to my thoughts, and label all concepts, images, ideas etc as such whenever I can. I understand the truth these not being personal in any way. I also forget this and can get caught up in the narrative when I am for example at work.

I appreciate that there is no doer or free will , but this is still a concept that I have to remember.

The sense of a 'me' is less concrete, although not gone. I have had a few occasions (glimmers) of totally seeing and although 'I know' there is no me, it often feels like it. The statement 'the thinker of the thoughts is not someone special, it is the thought' from the LU book helps me massively.

Vivian has helped me see (temporarily at present) that I really am not the body, and I have felt my existence in awareness.

I have also experienced one full day in what felt like absolute awareness, no thoughts, no need for language or speaking. I'm not sure what that was, but it was very beautiful.

In the day to day events, I feel more peaceful, lots of things seem to coming to natural conclusions around me. I have less need to be busy, or striving and some tasks and roles / responsibilities have disappeared.

Thank you

[Lubo]

Hi LoveEd,
Do you prefer to cal you like this or?

I have seen some of your videos with Lucianna and I appreciate your time very much.

Wow, wonderful. We make free open meetings every week if you want to join it will be nice ?

I understand the truth these not being personal in any way. I also forget this and can get caught up in the narrative when I am for example at work.

I understand. Notice when you are at work what is not free? What is locked and behind what?

Vivian has helped me see (temporarily at present) that I really am not the body, and I have felt my existence in awareness.

Ok. let's change word awareness with word reality and read this sentence -
I have felt my existence as the Reality!
Check what is coming, is this click like right or wrong for you?

Love
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Hi Lubo

My name is Charmain. Happy to use this.

"Notice when you are at work what is not free? What is locked and behind what?"
That question brought a tear to my eye - There is a sense of being in a role with others, there appear to be decisions to make and lists to get through. I am going to take it to work with me today and notice. What can be locked? I will let you know what is found.

I have felt my existence as the Reality! -
This really resonates - so much simpler to use Reality.

Check what is coming, is this click like right or wrong for you?
Im not sure what a click refers to?

Yesterday there was an opportunity to see a situation just as a story and then lost all emotional perception of it. It seemed very obvious! It was very good!

Thank you again Lubo
Love Charmain

[Lubo]

Hi dear Charmain,
nice to meet you :)

"Notice when you are at work what is not free? What is locked and behind what?"

That question brought a tear to my eye ...

So, wonderful that tears are coming, they are a sign that we have returned home.

There is a sense of being in a role with others, there appear to be decisions to make and lists to get through...

Exactly, there is a role playing and notice what is difficult here? Who is the actor who is playing these roles?
What if acting is happening by itself and there is no centre who is acting or who is responsible for the acting?
What if there is nobody in others? No actors but just roles playing?
(there is a zoom meeting this Thursday with the topic are there others, 7 pm Sofia, Bulgaria time, it is free of charge if you want to joint write me here or email me lubo@adhoc.bg)

I am going to take it to work with me today and notice. What can be locked? I will let you know what is found.

Nice. I am waiting :)

I have felt my existence as the Reality! -
This really resonates - so much simpler to use Reality.

Yes Reality is beyond all concepts. Notice without the story, what is here - separate things, selves or Reality only that appear as different people, clouds, cars, thoughts, etc?

Yesterday there was an opportunity to see a situation just as a story and then lost all emotional perception of it. It seemed very obvious! It was very good!

Wow, wonderful. It is so nice to find what is noticed and thoughts/story about this. Notice what is happenings is personal or the story makes it personal, that this is happening to someone, to me?

Thank you again Lubo

I would love to be with you in this,
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Dear Lubo

Thank you so much for your response and questions!

"Exactly, there is a role playing and notice what is difficult here? Who is the actor who is playing these roles?
What if acting is happening by itself and there is no centre who is acting or who is responsible for the acting?
What if there is nobody in others? No actors but just roles playing?
(there is a zoom meeting this Thursday with the topic are there others, 7 pm Sofia, Bulgaria time, it is free of charge if you want to joint write me here or email me lubo@adhoc.bg)"

The playing out in work was done automatically. In hindsight it was like a flow of moving from one situation to the next. There is a real sense of its not really important, nothing taken seriously. I forgot to 'track' the experience at times in the act (again!) but the others' behaviours seemed exaggerated and very dramatic - like little plays carrying on, dramatic roles. It did seem like there was nobody really there - that there are no selves - nothing to really connect deeply in to - and then an automatic play along with the stories and the drama and the needs. Tomorrow I will focus on 'just roles playing'

The idea of not being free there seemed silly. What can not be free just because i walked in to a different building, although i had a sense of changing into 'work' mode, an expected way to be with the people there. Intellectually I guess there is nothing to not be free, and there is nothing to lock behind anything. I still don't feel it though.

"Yes Reality is beyond all concepts. Notice without the story, what is here - separate things, selves or Reality only that appear as different people, clouds, cars, thoughts, etc?"

This was raised today. I know Reality is beyond all concepts, yet I still hold on to many concepts. As I looked at this today a situation arose which felt like it was personally important - i am a therapist and have many concepts about trauma, healing, helping, certain techniques etc - and today it was like I had to look under and behind these - this makes me feel tearful and sad - like i know i cant hold on to them - but there is fear i think that there will be nothing/ that there is nothing. There is a sense of emptiness without all of that - but peace too.

"Yesterday there was an opportunity to see a situation just as a story and then lost all emotional perception of it. It seemed very obvious! It was very good!
Wow, wonderful. It is so nice to find what is noticed and thoughts/story about this. Notice what is happenings is personal or the story makes it personal, that this is happening to someone, to me?"

I will keep noticing this. It looks so obvious it's a story (words said, opinions shared) but It still feels like it is happening to someone for now.

I'm writing this with a feeling of sadness arising - seems like for no reason and nothing to figure out with it. just letting it be with no distraction.

I would love to join the zoom meeting on Thursday.
Thank you so much, I appreciate the company! :-)
Love Charmain

[Lubo]

Hi dear Charmain,
Thanks for the wonderful replay, so honest, intimate. It touched me.
Reading replay something pops-up and let's focus only on it, if you don't mind? Everything that you share is important and if you want to explore something that I've missed here please write me.
Let's look this:

I'm writing this with a feeling of sadness arising - seems like for no reason and nothing to figure out with it. just letting it be with no distraction.

and this:

It did seem like there was nobody really there - that there are no selves - nothing to really connect deeply in to -

Notice, is there an idea or understanding that without a self whole this Reality is empty and cold like a movie on a tv screen?
Notice - we are looking that I doesn't exist but not that I do not exist. What is coming with this?

"nothing to really connect deeply in to" - look around. Let's connect deeply with This.
let's find is there something that is not This.
That is not connected already? Accepted? and loved?
I'm very happy to hear that you are therapist. Noticing what's going on is your professional habit, isn't it?
So, notice right now, what is here, sounds, forms, sky, cars, trees... sink in what is.
and then notice that thoughts are commenting what is here?
Notice also that the thoughts cannot notice but just comment what is noticed?
And now notice that the body, sensations...everything that idea of a self contain is also noticed and also is commented by thoughts?
Is there a real separate entity? or there is only This that appear as this body also?
Body contains self or is made and held and moved by This?
This is the gate :) Crushed it!

I would love to join the zoom meeting on Thursday.

Nice. i'll be happy to see you :)
The meeting in Thursday starts 7 pm Sofia, Bulgaria Time it is +2 GMT, check your time.
Here it is the link:
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86803570848…
Meeting ID: 868 0357 0848
Passcode: 592898

Thank you so much, I appreciate the company! :-)

Here is a joy also to walk with you :)
Love
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Dearest Lubo

Thank you again so much for these questions!! The way you word things really opens things in a very direct way. I really wanted to join the zoom last night, but I had to go somewhere. I listened in and then watched again this morning. You really do word things so well. Today I have been loving the release coming with noticing a difference in concept about people and humanbeingness!!! There is so much natural flow of forgiveness or an acceptance of the 'other' that has come with this. I thank you so much, i have struggled with this for so long. I have 'practised forgiveness' but never really seen the reality of what you describe. There really is no other!! tears here seeing that and a heap of confusion is clearing. There can only be love for the human in its story-ness of the 'thinking reality'.

I was also pondering on how the thoughts are just commentating, they cannot notice, they do not 'know' anything about anything and that the separated life is really a process of labelling things that join up in to a narrative which is then identified with. It can seem really convincing - i was listening to my husband and daughter have a conversation whilst they planned something together and it seemed like it was just an exercise. None of it had any certainty (it couldnt have) and there was a lot of what ifs. Hard to describe .. but it didnt really seem to mean much or to really have any say in what was actually just going to happen anyway. I heard it differently.

Listening to your video and watching you and Luchana last night helped me feel the joy and unconditional love that we truly are. Seeing you both together in happiness is such a beautiful reminder of this. It really helped with your question around existence beyond separate-selfness ..... Thank you.

These feel like big clearings in my perceptions although there is still a sense of a 'me' going along with my storyline and still feels like Im making decisions or in the driving seat somehow, although with a lot less interest or even energy going in to 'doership'. Im very happy to not 'do' anything ever again!

Wow.

I heard you mention the Sofia hangout in July, I may be interested in that ... could you please let me have a little more detail.

So much love to you and Luchana <3

[Lubo]

Hi dear Charmain,
Thank you very much for your kind words and gratitude. They are highly appreciate.

Thank you again so much for these questions!! The way you word things really opens things in a very direct way. I really wanted to join the zoom last night, but I had to go somewhere. I listened in and then watched again this morning. You really do word things so well.

Wow, thank you very much for this. I am happy that this topic touched you.

Today I have been loving the release coming with noticing a difference in concept about people and humanbeingness!!! There is so much natural flow of forgiveness or an acceptance of the 'other' that has come with this. I thank you so much, i have struggled with this for so long. I have 'practised forgiveness' but never really seen the reality of what you describe. There really is no other!! tears here seeing that and a heap of confusion is clearing. There can only be love for the human in its story-ness of the 'thinking reality'.

Wonderful. Yes, everyone is completely innocence. There is no subject who is this man.

These feel like big clearings in my perceptions although there is still a sense of a 'me' going along with my storyline and still feels like Im making decisions or in the driving seat somehow, although with a lot less interest or even energy going in to 'doership'. Im very happy to not 'do' anything ever again!

I understand . OK. So, is it easy to notice that there is human being Charmain?
There are also a lot of things that are noticed also, sky, windows, flowers...
To whom belongs the colour of the wall? On the walls of course, they are one and the same
To whom belongs clouds on the sky?
To whom belongs Charmain's thoughts? What about Charmain's story?
Is there a self in all this that is noticed?
Does the sky has a self?
Does the Charmain has a self?

Is there separation between all this?
or they appears right now together?

I heard you mention the Sofia hangout in July, I may be interested in that ... could you please let me have a little more detail.

Thank you. It will be nice to meet in person.
Details are here:https://awakeningawakened.com/2022/04/0 ... t-finding/

Much love
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Dearest Lubo

These questions!! thank you .... they make perfect sense .. what else could there be! the only thing that cannot be noticed at all is a self - or something or someone that has any ownership, or anything to belong to .. there is nothing to belong to.. there has never been anything to belong to ... and where would it belong? where is charmain's story? with this comes a crack in beliefs about authority and possession. With no self, then nothing belongs to anything, anywhere. Including a self belonging to a charmain.

I struggle right now to see it all appear right now together and as one ..although it makes sense! i dont 'see' that as a knowing .. i will keep noticing though .... i 'know' its true, but that is different i think to the realisation of this. I perhaps need a little more time with this.

Thanking you so much
With love
Charmain







"I understand . OK. So, is it easy to notice that there is human being Charmain?
There are also a lot of things that are noticed also, sky, windows, flowers...
To whom belongs the colour of the wall? On the walls of course, they are one and the same
To whom belongs clouds on the sky?
To whom belongs Charmain's thoughts? What about Charmain's story?
Is there a self in all this that is noticed?
Does the sky has a self?
Does the Charmain has a self?

Is there separation between all this?
or they appears right now together?"

[Lubo]

Hi dear Charmain,
I saw we are friends in Fb :) and you have Birthday today.🥳
Happy Birthday, Let it be clarity, light and Love ❤️

You are doing very well, I noticed that something is different and clarity arises.

These questions!! thank you .... they make perfect sense .. what else could there be! the only thing that cannot be noticed at all is a self - or something or someone that has any ownership, or anything to belong to .. there is nothing to belong to.. there has never been anything to belong to ... and where would it belong? where is charmain's story? with this comes a crack in beliefs about authority and possession. With no self, then nothing belongs to anything, anywhere. Including a self belonging to a charmain.

Yes, exactly. Nothing belongs to anything. This human being Charmain happens by itself how can belongs to any self ? :) Wonderful!

I struggle right now to see it all appear right now together and as one ..although it makes sense! i dont 'see' that as a knowing .. i will keep noticing though .... i 'know' its true, but that is different i think to the realisation of this. I perhaps need a little more time with this.

OK. I understand. Look in this way:
- Charmain is here, she is noticed. She is here by itself. Who or what create her right now is unknown but with sure she is not created from any me or she doesn't belongs to any self , she belong to unknown only, OK?
second step
- Charmian is not any "me" but notice what is here? Look like you see This for the first time. No expectations, no agenda.
Notice, When? This is happening.

Much LOVE,
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Hello Lubo

Thank you for the birthday wishes - it has been a wonderful time of celebration and love with many friends. Beautiful!
There has been much talk, sharing and contemplation throughout the busy-ness of the past two days. I read the questions many times and have held them in my mind. I am just back from the festivities and going to work now .... i will respond fully later on today. I just wanted to check in.

Sending you love and gratitude for this connection.

Charmain <3

[Lubo]

Hi dear Charmain,
OK. Take your time.
I am here.

Much Love
Lubo

[LoveEd]

Dearest Lubo

IHow can Charmain belong to anything - there is something that is just happening from nowhere, an anutomatic display just doing itself, not doing anything. this is really hard to put in to words as I sit here. Last night before bed i SAW this, it was a giddy shock. There are no 'people', there was a sense of some sort of energetic feedback loop - these characters dont do or mean anything, they are neutral, and there is THINKING or thoughts ABOUT them but is not them. They being neutral in terms of any 'meaning' then seeing that in relation to EVERYTHING - there is nothing happening but stuff just being with absolutely no meaning attached to it. I then SAW Charmain in this way, nothing purposeful, or considered happening, with nobody to consider or 'make' things happen.

There appeared to be just awareness of this, of this view, of these things. I went to bed in awe and Ive just woken up and now finding it hard to think about 'what happened' last night, theres a sense of reorientating or something. There is a lightness a real sense of OK-ness. Like a burden has been lifted. Im writing this tentatively - the realisation isnt blowing me away like it was last night! although im light and happy - im going to venture outside with my dog now and see what that is like. I will write again later perhaps - just wanted to write this down now. I feel like something has really let go and a relief. Im trying to think about things like the day ahead and work and its just not relevant or needed. Haha

Much much love

Charmain x x x



OK. I understand. Look in this way:
- Charmain is here, she is noticed. She is here by itself. Who or what create her right now is unknown but with sure she is not created from any me or she doesn't belongs to any self , she belong to unknown only, OK?
second step
- Charmian is not any "me" but notice what is here? Look like you see This for the first time. No expectations, no agenda.
Notice, When? This is happening.